Finding new strength: Joe’s story
I thought indulging in certain sexual practices was harmless and just a “normal thing that kids do”. I started masturbating and looking at pornography when I was in my teens. Although I grew up in a home that believed in God and went to a school that taught about God, I thought that these sexual practices would give me the satisfaction that I was looking for. After awhile, looking at pornography became a higher and higher priority. The more I used porn to satisfy my de
sires, the more I needed to look at it. My “harmless habit” soon became an everyday addiction. I decided I should try to stop looking at pornography, but the more I tried, the worse my addiction became. I grew frustrated with myself for not having more self-control and that frustration grew into depression. I read someone’s description once of the bondage that takes place: "It takes you farther than you want to go, and keeps you longer than you want to stay…" There was a battle raging between pornography and I, but I was not winning. I was becoming a slave to my addictions. I tried ending the habit for several years–on my own–but found no success. After giving in to my addiction yet again and looking at porn on the internet one day, I was feeling so frustrated and helpless that I fell on my knees and cried out to God for help. I’d tried so long to end my addictions on my own so that I could feel better about myself, but I’d gotten no where. God answered my cries, but things did not change in an instant. Two days later, a friend of mine in college said he was struggling with the same things and we found a website that offered a 60-day course called “Pure Freedom”. I went through the course, which provided accountability, practical bible lessons, Scripture verses, and other resources and went all 60 days free from porn and masturbation. God was changing my heart, and my addictions controlled me less and less and my love for Jesus led me more and more. I needed to learn to rely on the strength of God to help me with my addiction, not my own strength. As I did this, over time God changed my motives from wanting to “feel good” to wanting to please Him. In putting all my dependence on God to help me conquer my addictions, I was able to get rid of things in my life that were enabling my addictions. Things that I thought I needed before – such as watching certain television shows, surfing certain websites, reading particular magazines and listening to some types of music - were not helping me defeat my addiction, they were tempting me to indulge even more. A verse in John 15:1-3 describes this as God “pruning” our lives so that we can “bear good fruit”. This verse talks about how our lives are like a plant. If we desire to open our lives to God, He will show us how to “prune” our lives so that we can live abundantly. I’d like to say that pruning ended after my 60-day “Pure Freedom” course, but it didn’t. God continues to “prune” me every day. Whose strength are you depending on? I thought that I could overcome my addictions by my own strength, but I was left feeling frustrated and ashamed. Are you trying to do the same thing?
3 Responses to “Finding new strength: Joe’s story”
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January 11th, 2008 at 6:06 pm
hey im james and i just wanted to say how readin ur story has helped me so much im a christain just like u were in a christain family sprirt filled well most of them and yet some how i still fell into porno ive been tring to fight it on my own but i just couldnt and than today god sent me to this website and i saw your story i just wanted to say thank u and i reliaze that i need god and jesus to fight my addiction for me and that i need his strength his wisdom i need him..i can already feel jesus moving back into my lif
March 20th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
I live in Calgary and embarassingly enough, I have the same problem. I’ve had it for over 20 years. I have contemplated suicide about as much as I am addicted to porn. I wis I could change it…but I don’t know how. I don’t want to bring it up to anyone, not even a therapist….and I’ve been many times. But I can never talk about it. I don’t have a religious background and I wonder if there is a way to change my habits without finding god as a replacement. This is the first time I have read anything on the subject…I can’t say if I will carry on with the research either. Seems like a lost cause…but I am envious if you have found a way.
March 26th, 2008 at 1:19 pm
Thanks for your honesty Cam. Our website actually has e-mentors that would be willing to email you and walk alongside of you. Maybe that would be an easier way for you to begin to deal with this addiction.