Filling the void: Christina’s story
Early in January 2004 I came to a crossroad in my life. I was living away from my family and going to college. I began to isolate myself from my friends. I remember lying in bed one night and coming to the realization that if I didn’t do something about my life now, I would lose it. I decided to pack up my bags and move home to my family. I wanted to begin a search for some meaning in my life.
Choosing to move back home proved to be a smart decision. Living with my family, I stopped using drugs, but I still felt worthless. My mind was filled with regret and guilt. After moving home I heard about an upcoming movie that was called The Passion of the Christ. It was surrounded by controversy and I quickly became very interested in seeing it. Growing up in a non-religious home, Christmas was about Santa Claus and Easter was about the Easter Bunny. I knew very little about the Christian faith and Jesus. I knew that Jesus was crucified but I didn’t know why. In early March I went to see the movie with my parents. I have never experienced emotions like the ones I felt as I watched that movie. I was clenching the arm rest of my chair, sobbing, and shaking. What I was seeing was true and I couldn’t deny the compassion that touched my heart. I saw Jesus for the first time on that screen. I left the theater stunned, feeling numb, overwhelmed and anxious. My parents wanted to discuss the film but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. That night, before I went to sleep, I talked to Jesus for the first time. I didn’t know how to pray. I didn’t know anything about God or religion but I knew when I spoke to Jesus that night I felt this overwhelming sense of peace. I cried and prayed and then fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. The next day I wanted to know everything about Jesus so I went to buy a Bible. I knew that I could find all the answers to my questions in that book. I started reading. Initially, I had so many questions. As I read I found that the questions began answering themselves. I was browsing http://www.thelife.com, a web site designed around ‘The Passion’ movie and I read an article called “Are you looking for forgiveness?” I certainly was looking for forgiveness! Before I read this article, I didn’t believe that I could ever be forgiven. I prayed this prayer for the first time: "God, thank you for what You have done for me. I believe You sent Jesus to die for my sins. I believe Jesus rose again to give me everlasting life. Please forgive me for the wrong things I have done. Please give me a new and clean heart. I invite you into my life. Teach me to do everything You want me to do and to follow You all the days of my life. I pray this believing in what Jesus did for me. Amen." After I prayed these words I felt a quiet, calming sense of peace. Before, I had always been on a search for something to fill this empty void in my life. I tried filling it with drugs, alcohol, sex, with whatever I could to get a feeling of pleasure and self-worth. Now Jesus filled that void. After I read the New Testament, and Jesus became the reason and focus of my life, I began to see the world differently. It was as if someone had lifted the veil covering my eyes and I finally understood the truth about what my existence in this life really means. For so long I had thought that Christianity was a means of control, with lots of rules of what you can and can’t do. Yet, it turns out that by giving my life to Jesus the opposite happened and I am finally FREE! Now I have the power to make the right choices for the right reasons, to honor God. My Dad told me that he had known about my drug use and was watching my life unravel. He had felt so helpless, and at that time he begged for God’s help. He told me that he prayed to God, saying that he would give up anything and everything he owned to have me back to how I used to be. His prayers were answered! Here I was strong and full of joy, speaking about how God had changed my life, full of confidence and love. I was completely transformed. God had answered his prayer tenfold. Soon after my parents and my brother also became followers of Jesus.
7 Responses to “Filling the void: Christina’s story”
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July 17th, 2007 at 6:53 am
You have a wonderful testimony. I am happy that you found the peace and happiness you were looking for through Jesus Christ. I hope that your testimony will bring many others to Him as well.
August 8th, 2007 at 10:42 pm
God bless you, Christina.
September 10th, 2007 at 9:41 am
Christina~ I love the song you are singing in the video clip. You have a beautiful voice. Let God use you for His glory! If you make a cd I would like to get one. Let me know where to find it. My e-mail will be at the bottom of my story.
This story touched me as I too was changed after I saw “The Passion of the Christ”. I went with a group of ladies from my church to see the movie on a Saturday night. The movie touched me in such a way that I cried through the whole movie and into the early morning hours. When I awoke for church I looked like I had been in a fight, my eyes were red and swollen. I fought my flesh to go to church but I knew that was where I needed to be. I had planned to leave after praise & worship but God had other plans. The pastor announced that everyone needed to pray for our family after the service. God knew it was for more than just my husbands sleeping troubles, or financial stuggles, or our daughter’s health.
That Thursday, March 4, 2004, I suffered a massive subarachnoid hemorrhage (bleeding between the middle membrane covering of the brain & the brain itself). It was a mess to say the least.
- Marc (husband,who is a Firefighter/Medical First Responder) found me unconscious on the bed not breathing (without any warning signs that there was something wrong)
- Because I had been so near death my heart started to shut down
- Fluid was filling up in my lungs
- I stopped breathing twice on Marc and he had to help me breath
- My jaws locked down and the paramedics couldn’t get a breathing tube in
- Was life-flighted to St. Mary’s Hospital where one of the Best neurosurgeons (Dr. Kimberly Walpert) was waiting
- Dr. Walpert put a tube in my head to release the blood and relieve the pressure, soon after she inserted the tube; I began to respond. I couldn’t talk because I had the respiratory tube in but the next day I was writing notes and asking all kinds of questions
- Dr. Walpert said- 5 more seconds of bleeding and I wouldn’t have made it (she said that I was as close to dead as she’s seen without being dead)
- They said that it was the fastest bleeding kind of brain hemorrhage and it is extremely rare for someone to survive something like this
- It was a miracle that it stopped bleeding and clotted itself off when it did
- I experienced painful muscle spasms after the drainage tube in my head was removed and as the spinal fluid began to regulate itself, the pressure inside my body became so intense
- I experienced tremendous back pain that the Dr.’s said would subside as the blood dissipated from the spinal fluid
- I was supposed to be in the hospital for at least a month if not longer
-through the whole experience all the Dr.’s and nurses were amazed at my recovery
-My main ICU nurse said that he had never seen anything like it, that “I was one in thousands of thousands.� They said I would be in ICU for 2-3 weeks and then in a step-down room about that long. They moved me out of ICU in less than a week and I was at home in less than 2 weeks.
-Although I still had the intense back pain and spasms I knew that God was faithful to complete the GOOD work that he had started.
After 7 months of intense back aches and painful spasms that started to affect my daily activities, Dr. Walpert ordered a MRI and that’s when they found an AVM in my spine
AVM- (arteriovenous malformation) is an abnormal tangle of blood vessels in the brain or spine. An AVM can be thought of as a “short circuit� where the blood doesn’t go to the tissues but is pumped through the short connection, artery-vein and back to the heart without ever giving nutrients to the tissues, this arrangement is a problem because it does not give the spinal cord a chance to absorb oxygen form the blood. Spinal tissues are starved of normal amounts of oxygen, and the cells that make up these tissues begin to deteriorate or die off. It also puts the thin walled veins under a lot of pressure. Over time, the veins or the abnormal group of blood (the AVM) may rupture and cause a spinal or brain hemorrhage. (That was the cause of the subarachnoid hemorrhage)
Spinal AVM’s occur anywhere along the spinal cord and develop inside the protective dura and close to, on or within the spinal cord. They are believed to be congenital (present at birth), caused by mistakes that occur during embryonic or fetal development. (3 out of 10,000 people have one)(Just think God protected me through my childhood, playing sports, being pregnant and two C-sections; it could have ruptured at any time)
Death from the first hemorrhage is between 10-30 percent. Once a hemorrhage has occurred, the AVM is 9 times more likely to bleed again during the first year.
I was referred to Dr. Barrow; (one of only three) Dr.’s in the country that could do an operation if I needed one. On November 16, 2004, I had an 8 hour operation to remove the mass of tangled blood vessels that were wrapped in my spinal cord. It was a long and painful 3 & ½ months recovery but we are CELEBRATING because I am ALIVE AND RESTORED! Through the recovery process we learned a lot. We have seen and felt God’s love for us, and we have seen God work in our lives. We realized why we were brought to GCF(church), because they are our family and they treated us like family. Both of our parents could see how you took care of us and they were able to see God working in our lives through you by loving, caring, serving & praying for us. That was a BIG testimony to our families. We couldn’t have done it with out you! I hope you know how much you mean to us, we love you guys!
It has brought me, Marc & the kids closer. We were able to show our kids that God really does have a plan and a purpose for us. Although we had some very difficult times and it was not easy, all the pain and trauma I went through, I wouldn’t change a thing because of what we have learned. I am doing well now and that is a testament to the power of prayer and what a POWERFUL and FAITHFUL God we serve!! The Lord worked mightily on my behalf and I am TRULY THANKFUL that He saved me and RESTORED me back to health. THE LORD HAS DONE GREAT THINGS!!!
Keep Believing in Miracles!!!!
Autumn While ~ aka “Miracle Girl”
miracle04girl@yahoo.com
November 17th, 2007 at 7:44 am
HI christina your testimony is truly inspiring,thank you for responding to Gods Grace for that itself is truly wonderful,you are admitting the very truth of thr existence of the Lord Jesus by your testimony may God be praised.
November 26th, 2007 at 2:11 am
Christina,
your story was the first one that i saw after i saw the Passion of the Christ, now owning it, and i, myself am finding it hard to see the ways i have been living and now i am trying my hardest to become a better fuller christian. I too love the song you sang in your video and was hoping i could have it on my itunes to play from time to time, its so moving and got me loving your video and i come back to it all of the time.
i finding i can t seem to keep my faith up and it helps. iam a born catholic and have my ideas, but my faith is like waves they come and go, but now i just want it to stay. if you can write me back it would be awesome to hear from you, my name is gene. any help would be so awesome. thanks keeping praying…
Gene
November 26th, 2007 at 2:12 am
Christina,
here is my email.
crook_2000@hotmail.com
would like to hear from you.
Gene
December 17th, 2007 at 5:28 am
ho letto quello che ha fatto il nostro Signore Gesu Cristo per Te, Egli e morto per garantirci la vita eterna, solo chi crede puo accedervi, spero che questo che hai provato poosa essere sempre presente nella tua vita, il mio augurio e che tu possa essere sempre un punto di riferimento per chiunque vede in te un amico e un aiuto anche spirituale.
ti auguro che tu possa essere parte ai nuovi cieli e alla nuova terra che il Signore sta preparando per noi tutti .
un abbrccio fraterno silvia