I don’t know what possessed me to do it. The thought of leaving my comfort zone gave me nightmares, yet in November of 2004 I signed up to go on a study abroad summer trip to the British Isles. I didn’t know anyone going on the trip. Plus, six-and-a-half weeks away from my home in Arizona sounded frightening. Maybe I had a random courageous streak gliding through me at the moment I paid my deposit. Or maybe my heart knew something my head didn’t. I needed to go.
As the time for the trip drew near, I grew more excited. I looked forward to the trip because I dreaded the thought of staying home all summer. I had spent the last few summers taking care of my mom, who had been sick with cancer and had recently passed away. I don’t think I could have stayed home with those memories.
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In the months after her death, my soul grew weary—I was literally walking in the valley of the shadow of death. But God says that when we’re in that valley, He’s with us and we need not fear. I trudged forth and climbed out somehow, but I thirsted for rest. Rest from the pain. Rest from responsibilities. Rest from school. I needed something different, something healing.
The thought of seeing somewhere green instead the dirty brown of Phoenix thrilled my senses. I also looked forward to my two classes about the history and literature of the British world but I expected in this great adventure to also include quite a bit of loneliness. Being a Christian, I knew I’d probably be different than the 40 other college students tagging along on my adventure. But God knew I wouldn’t be lonely. He had something else in mind.
Making friends and memories
I made friends instantly. Three other girls and I roomed together for almost the entire trip. We did everything as a group – completing homework, and visiting parks in London. We even found our way to the Irish Sea.
But these girls were quite different from me. One of them was a Taoist, the other two were agnostics. You might think we never broached the subject of religion, but it seems that every day there was a new conversation involving our beliefs. The girls actually told me that they were amazed by me because they’d never met a Christian who would talk to them about beliefs without condemning them cruelly to hell.
Never alone
In spite of these differences in beliefs, I never felt lonely, but not because the girls were with me everywhere I went. God was there, too. Constantly. He permeated every conversation I had. I felt a calm reassurance whenever I had to negate the others’ claims or argue my own point.
Not only was He there when I was debating points with my friends, but He guided me in every experience I had. I’ve always been a person who wanted everything planned out, and as I’ve realized, the world doesn’t work that way. God stretched me that summer. I had to discover things on the fly and make decisions without knowing every consequence possible.
But the beauty of discovery was in knowing that God’s hand was pressed firmly against my back the entire time. It was just Jesus said a long time ago, “I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
God’s presence resonated in all of nature as well. As a favorite song of mine says, “Mountains bow down and the sea will roar at the sound of Your name.” Every tree, every mountain, every valley whispered to me the secrets of the glory of God. In response, my heart longed to climb to the top of one of those mountains and spin around like Maria in The Sound of Music.
Something I had feared before I went on the trip was being left in my room while my roommates went out drinking. It did happen a few times, but those times became some of my favorite evenings. I read my Bible, wrote in my journal, and spent genuine quality time with my Savior. He showed Himself to me in so many ways that summer. Verses I had never remembered reading before popped off the page.
An unexpected rejoicing
Rather than feeling sorry that I was left alone in my room, I felt so blessed to have that time with God. It was time I might not have discovered otherwise if it had not been “forced” upon me. I look back now and remember one of my favorite passages: “Rejoice in the Lord, always. I will say it again: Rejoice! … The Lord is near.” (Philippians 4:4, 5b)
My faith matured a lot in the summer of 2005. That experience deepened my knowledge of God. I knew Him better than I ever had before and I realized more than ever that He had always known me.
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Thank you Lord that You are always with us! You are the one that places people in our lives to encourage us, and to pray for us. Today we pray for Brenda as she walks through the valley of the shadow of death with her own mother. Thank you that You are right there with them, and that Your rod and staff will comfort them. amen.
Oh Brenda, my heart breaks for you. I know so well the ache you are feeling. You are most definitely not alone. I’m praying that He holds you in His arms, that you feel the comfort He gives, and that you can hear Him tell you how much He loves you.
Please feel free to connect further with me [it is our policy not to publish personal contact information] if you need a friend or someone to talk to or just someone to pray for you as you walk this extremely difficult path.
You are so welcome, Lindsay, and I agree that God places people in our path to encourage us and show us His presence. Your article was an inspiration to me, as I am facing the impending loss of my mother due to kidney failure. Knowing that God so beautifully provided for you after your Mom went to be with Him has provided me with great strength and confidence in His provision for me, as well. God bless you for sharing your journey.
Brenda, thank you for your comment. That was so sweet of you to pray for Sharen like that. I love the body of believers. Even if we think we are alone, God puts people in our path to encourage us and show us we are never alone. It’s awesome!
Thank you for your wonderful article, Lindsay! I definitely relate to your concerns, Sharen, as the Lord has been “placing His hand on the small of my back” to give me a gentle urging out of my comfort zone lately, too. However, I know that He will always be with me, and that He will never leave me nor forsake me. Each step I take with my eyes firmly fixed on Him while moving forward I know is a step of growth in my faith, and it is an exciting journey that we are travelling together as children of God in His Kingdom. Sharen, I pray that you will be richly blessed in the Lord as you travel with your husband to Moldova, and that those times without him while he teaches will be rich hours spent growing in intimacy with the Lord Jesus. May He hold You tenderly close to His heart and assure You of His constant, immovable Presence that You are always assured and confident of His steadfast Love for you. I pray these things in Jesus’ holy and precious Name. Amen.
Thank you so much, Sharen! It can definitely be a scary thing to step out in faith, but God is with us always.
Your article was very good and insightful. I am facing a couple of similar situations. Our church has asked me to accompany my husband to Moldova where we will spend two weeks while he teaches a seminary class. I don’t know what God has in store for me for the hours I am alone in a foreign country. Together we have lost both sets of parents in five years. I’m still healing but ready to face new opportunities that God puts before me.