The Best Relationship
** Question of the day: Why do we hurt most the people we love most, and how can we change that? Post your response on the blog: http://talk.thelife.com/2006/05/29/the-best-relationship/
The relationships that mean the most to us are often the ones we are hardest on.
While we maintain a polite and pleasant demeanor away from home, the frustrations often come out at home where we feel safe to let off the day’s steam.
Life’s pressures can drive a wedge into the relationships we treasure most. It’s important to be intentional about building into the people we love and care about. In order to keep the relationships you treasure at their BEST, remember these four steps.
Bless those you care about by speaking life words into their character. Pay attention and point out the character qualities that bless others. Use them to speak back blessing. By focusing on building words you will find the “warmth??? factor in your relationship will grow as well. When there are things that need addressing, ask God to guide you in speaking words that will build up instead of destroy.
Encourage those you care about in their daily circumstances. Listen well to the things they have to say. Communication dries up when we don’t really pay attention to what the other person is saying. We each get lost in our own cares. Listen for the feelings behind the words and seek to bring hope. Let your support be known even when the solutions are not.
Share thoughts, ideas, time and experiences. When we become too busy to share ourselves with those we love, erosion and indifference can slip in. Be intentional about sharing life together. Take time to talk and share ideas or concerns. Time to pray together and dream together won’t be there unless you make it. Let those you care about know this is important to you and prioritize it.
Touch those you love in appropriate and loving ways. Touch is one of our most basic needs. Taking a hand, giving a hug, putting your hand on the arm or back can do much to convey care and warmth. In a marriage include lots of non-sexual touching as well. Often a simple touch can melt away a barrier and re-connect two people.
Strong relationships don’t just happen… they are intentionally built into.
“Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others??? (Philippians 2:4).
~ Father God,
Open my eyes today to see ways I can build into my relationships with those who are dear to me. In Jesus name, amen.
About the Author: This devotional was written by Gail Rodgers. Learn more about Gail: http://www.talk.thelife.com/authors/gail-rodgers/
Going Deeper
1. Consider these questions: Why do we most often wound the people we’re closest to? What tangible things can we do today to strengthen our most precious relationships?
2. Comment on this devotional. Visit the blog and click on “comment” http://talk.thelife.com/
3. Chat: Join us for a 15-minute chat at 10:30 am Eastern, 7:30 am Pacific: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat
4. Check out the related article, “God Picked up the Pieces of My Marriage” http://www.christianwomentoday.com/womenmen/jeoutofpit.html
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I do know that we do hurt those we love. But HURT is a secondary emotion usually it is fules by (ANGER) For me I have done it to my whole family as they have done it back to me. God also lays on my heart to get this out of my mind. Emotion abuse is not good for anyone reciving it or giving it. Take time to rest, eat healthy and stay in the word of God. I recently reacted wrongly to my sister out of beeing tired and upset over family generational curses like favortism. After having Breast Cancer and the meds (a shot that is given to me once a month called foseldex) to take out all my hormones is a big thing at the age of 40. I am a 2 1/2 year survior and with 6 kids one married, it is very stressfull. The shot takes the one thing I should have till at least I am 50 yrs old. I Love my family!! I have asked for Forgivness and stillhave not talked to her face to face. So please pray for that. As we live in a stress filled world we do not need to be like the world. We are Gods children, and so we need to act more like it even if it does make us do the hard things at times. Thanks you and God Bless everyone! This is a great site and under God it will contine to do so. Kelly T
June,
Thanks for reading the devotionals! You point out an editing issue, which we revised in the online version:
“ask God to guide you in speaking words that will build up instead of destroy.”
http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/29/the-best-relationship/
My comment posted on “Relationship Tension was really meant for “The best Relationships”
Thank you Gail and ladies for the tips provided on how we can keep the relationships we treasure at their BEST. I hurt the ones I am close to because I take them for granted. Today I was brought to the attention of 3 golden rules that impact my relationship with God and with others and they are: a) Live each day as if it was your last, b)Focus on the things that really matter, and c) Develop a relationship with God. I have found that these 3 rules guide the way I interact with others.
Thank you ladies, I’ve enjoyed all your blogs. I’ll add that I hurt the ones to whom I’m closest, especially my husband, because I feel that with him, I have “rights”. “That’s not fair!” is a fravorite refrain in the mind, a tune sung by Satan. I don’t have rights, I should have nailed them to the cross long ago. But now and then–more often than I should–I take them back. And then the trouble begins…
This is as always, an excellent devotional. Thank you for writing it, Gail Rodgers.
Just as everyone else has said, we hurt those closest to us, because we feel “safe” with them. But yet when we are hurting each other, we are creating an UNSAFE environment for that person and ourselves! Not to mention that in our marriages especially, if one of us is “losing” be are both “losing”.Cause we are on the same team!
I have found that I need to watch how I respond. Because women tend to be alot more sensitive than men, we often over react to things. Therefore I have been working on creating a calm spirit in me and then I will not react harshly and then we will actually have “safety.”
This was a great dveotional today. Thanks alot!
Hi Julie,
I can relate to your frustration! It’s so hard to communicate with one who won’t talk, grunt or even smile.
Try and find common ground with your son. For instance, my son enjoys history and long distance biking so we spend a lot of time talking about that. What does your son enjoy?
I also spend a lot of time in God’s Word – not necessarily praying but just searching for and consuming words of truth. Silence can speak volumes.
I’ll be praying for you!
Charlene
I believe that we hurt the people we are the closest to BECAUSE they are the people we are the closest too. We feel safe with them. We feel free to let down and vent about our day or even worse take out our frustrations on them because we feel they should understand. I try (don’t always succeed) to think about how I would treat a stranger or a coworker or a friend. I would be more careful with my words. I tell my kids “would it hurt you if someone said this to you?” and if they say yes then I let them know they hurt others when they talk like this. Lofty ideas, but they don’t always work. It is then that we have talks about God’s grace. There favorite thing to say now is “Show us some grace Mom.” :)
I’ve learned that putting Christ at the center of ny relationship with my sister, whom I live with, has been the key to harmony in our home. We’ve always gotten along well, but now there is a supernatural peace, the peace of the Lord that permeates the small apartment we live in. God is truly faithful, for this wouldn’t be possible without Him!
I think we hurt the ones we love the most cause the relationship is deeper than with friends. So therefore the hurt deeper. Than again we sometimes take it for granit that they will be there no matter what. Sometimes it is good to know that the relationship can survive the ups and downs and still know they will see us threw with a unconditional love like our heavely farther has for us. Love covers all it is not vain or seek its own.A beautiful example is when someone says you really dont have to be sorry I love you. I learn this from a beautiful mate.
I have learned too that we are the hardest on the ones closest to us. God has been faithful over the last couple of years to guide me with my thoughts and actions.
We have a 21-year-old living at home finishing college and it can be really stressful at times. If I feel ‘resentment’ come on, I stop and pray and I relax (most of the time :smile).
The realtionship with my husband has grown in leaps and bounds since I really ‘listen’, not just with one ear and go about my business.
Thank you for sharing this great devotional on relationships today.
My most stressed relationship is with my 18 year old son. I TRY to find words of encouragement. It seems I only can find harsh, critical ones instead. I keep hoping he will throw me a “crumb”, something positive. It’s difficult to communicate with someone who just doesn’t want to. I get discouraged when praying about it too, seems even God doesn’t listen.
Thanks, Jennifer. We fixed that. :)
I think that you must have meant to say “When there are things that need addressing, ask God to guide you, ‘instead’ of speaking words that destroy”, not
“When there are things that need addressing, ask God to guide you ‘in’ speaking words that will destroy.”
:)
In love,
Jennifer
I think we do this because of how comfortable we are with our home and the people in our homes. We feel that they will just understand and it should be okay to speak to them in a manner that will most definetly harm them. I think we can change it by realizing the hurt that the small things we say causes. Also by praying to God for help in speaking only in ways that are pleasant.
In my own marriage, I’ve noticed that it is so often true that we hurt the most the ones we love the most. For me personally, when I realized this, I began paying more attention to my attitude so I could figure out why this is. I realized it was because, a lot like the devotional said, I’ve had my guard up and smile on all day at work, and when I get home, I feel safe and comfortable, so I let this guard down. Then, before I know it, I’m saying hurtful things w/o wanting to. Now, every day on my way home, I pray “God, give me the grace and wisdom to be the godly wife/helpmeet to my husband, and the mother to my children that you have called me to be.” I have found, by praying that, He really answers, and my whole family’s evenings go a lot better.
We hurt the ones closest to us because we feel safe. We know that they will forgive us. It starts when we are children, and we behave better for the caregiver than we do for our parents. We also feel the most hurt from those closest to us. We expect better from our family and close friends. When they hurt us we are deeply hurt. Why don’t we remember that when we are hurting them?