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All relationships that are close will develop tension at one time or another. It’s simply part of life. Struggles, stresses and worries all take their toll and we can find a relationship has sandpaper edges. Unless short accounts are kept the cycle will go on. If not intentionally stopped it will wreak havoc in any home.
God’s Word gives us advice when we find ourselves in a relationship with prickly and even downright mean people.
God tells us to pray for them. He goes even further and says to bless them. The words are strong…
“But I tell you who hear me: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you??? (Luke 6:27).
God is not advocating we tolerate abuse. Rather He is telling us that our only true resource is prayer.
Life Lesson: Biblical perspective on the end times
Experience It: Living in the power of the Holy Spirit
* Prayer will guard our own hearts from bitterness and hatred.
* Prayer will call in the power of the Holy Spirit to work in the relationship.
* Prayer will bring blessing to the life of the other.
If you find yourself in a tension filled relationship today, begin to pray for the other person. Even if you don’t feel like it, begin to ask God to bless them. If you need outside help in order to be safe, then ask God to help you find that help.
In the course of life you will encounter tension in relationships with those you love. Choosing to pray about the relationship is the first step. Speaking words of blessing into the relationship is the next step. Even a merry-go-round of tension can be broken as prayers of blessing are prayed for one another.
Don’t settle for sandpaper relationships in your home as the norm.
* Pray blessing on the other person.
* Act kindly toward them.
* Ask God to put love in your heart.
* Treat them as you would want to be treated.
Act with your will and not just with your emotions. God desires our relationships and our homes to reflect His love to a love-starved world. Bless those in your home with whom there is tension and watch God’s Spirit at work.
~ Father God,
Teach me to pray in the way You have instructed with blessing on my lips and willingness in my heart. May the oil of Your Spirit flow in the sandpaper places of my relationships today. In Jesus’ powerful name I pray, amen.
About the Author: This devotional was written by Gail Rodgers. Learn more about Gail: http://www.talk.thelife.com/authors/gail-rodgers/
Going Deeper
1. Consider these questions: When you pray for someone, how does that affect your heart towards them? What would happen if we started praying a blessing for people when irritation swells in our hearts (e.g. the person who cuts you off on the freeway, the co-worker whose habits grate on you)?
2. Comment on this devotional. Visit the blog and click on “comment” http://talk.thelife.com/
3. Chat: Join us for a 15-minute chat at 10:30 am Eastern, 7:30 am Pacific: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat
4. Reach out: If you are being abused, seek help immediately. This article can help you take the next step: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/advice/domesticabuse.html
Copyright
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This is so true, i know because it has happened in my life. The tension between someone i care for and myself was terrible at one time and all i could do was pray, God worked it out and now we have a wonderful relationship, I m not saying it is smooth sailing all the time but God can do so many wonderful things for you if you just let him.
I know it was God and the prayers from my self and other s that helped make the relationship to blossem into the one we have today.It is still hard at times to accept that it is not going to be the way i thought it should be, but sometimes you have to comprimise to be able to heal a relationship with a loved one.
At the beginning of this month I ended a relationship that I felt was verbally abusive. For the past 4 months he stated we were just friends but what we were doing made me think it was more than just friends. But, one day I told him I was going to visit a male friend that has been part of my life for 14 years and he went crazy. Asked if I had found a “c**k replacement?” This wasn’t the first time he had said it and I knew if I continued it wasn’t going to be the last.
At this point I have a great deal of hatred for him because I felt I was being used all along. Used for 14 months. Brought my children in to this relationship and have yet to tell them it’s over.
He kept telling me that he could never give me the long term happiness I was looking for. I never knew what that meant until this last incident.
Signed,
Gullable
I have been struggling with my husband’s infedelity. I have forgiven him and my neighbor, the woman he had a year long relationship with. I am now struggling through the anniversaries of his infedelity. I pray for my husband and lift him up daily.
My struggle is with lifting up my neighbor. I do pray for her and her family to be blessed , but I get so angry at her lack of repentance. I see her daily and she is smiling and waving at me as if nothing has happened. There seems to be no shame coming from this person. This is what makes me angry.
I question my faith since I find it so hard to continually pray for her. I know waht we are instructed to do so I pray for her, but I feel that my prayers are forced and not from the heart. Am I being unfaithful to my Lord by having these feelings. How can I put aside what she does daily to reignite my anger. I need to pray for this person since I know how lost she is. Why is this so difficult?
In need of some prayerful guidance
Vaso
Dear Vaso,
After reading your post I feel that perhaps you have not truley forgiven your neighbor? And her lack of repentance should be up to God’s judgement, not yours. Instead of feeling angry when she waives and smiles ,showing a total lack of respect ( which resulted in the original offence in the first place )You should pray to God to forgive her. A prayer directive that came into my heart is one of pity for her. “Lord show her mercy”, ect…Take the focus off of your anger and focus on Gods anger that she is totally ignorant of. She does not know the wrath that should befall her, if she did she would be asking for mercy herself. Be afraid for her every time she waives like that, Take pity on her and let God be the Judge.
Blessing,
Belle
This devotional really touched my heart. I really felt as if God was speaking directly to me. For the last seven months we have had a difficult relationship with my parents. It is affecting my marriage there is a lot of hatred and bitterness between my husband and mother and I am caught in the middle. I’ve been asking my husband to please pray for her instead of calling her names and refusing to let my children and I see my mother and father. I know that God comes first then my husband and children. I know I have to obey my husbands wishes to preserve my marriage but I wish he would understand that I will always love my mother and I don’t want to hear her called bad names and to see her hated so much by him. This devotional let me know that I am doing whats right by loving my mother and trying to show her the love of God.
It is amazing how many people think that they don’t have to forgive if they are the ones that someone did a hurtful act too. I been ask by many people , do I have to forgive they are the one’s that done the wrong to me? This devotional says it so well. We can never be a victum if we follow these simple truths.It may not be easy , but threw his holy spirit we are able to overcome! PTL
I needed to read this today, I wasn’t going to open it now but I did and am really glad I did. My husband and I have been going through a hard time with our 22 yr old, college student son, he still lives at home and takes us and everything for granted, his selfishness and disrespect just baffles me sometimes. I mean he doesn’t have to worry about anything here at home, he doesn’t pay rent, bills and we are paying for his college, yet his selfishness has no end. I have been praying for the Lord to touch his mind, heart, soul, and spirit. I’ve asked the Lord to bless my son and give him favor. He is having a hard time finding a job also. He is very assertive, and confident, in his demeanor and his mannerisms, he isn’t a follower, but a very strong leader, and he has been told he is intimidating. I don’t know what else to do but pray, maybe I need to pray and ask the Lord on what to do about possibly having him move out, I’m not sure, what does it mean when you pray to the Lord about this and do not hear anything? Does this mean wait, let the Lord move? I’m pregnant and was taken off of work early because my pregnancy is a risky pregnancy, I am suppose to avoid stress, and frustration, and my son is causing me stress and frustration? What a pickle huh?
dear vaso,
I am horrified about the behaviour of your neighbour!!! what a terrible woman. in my opinion, you are a strong woman because you try to forgive her.
if I were in your situation I would hate this neighbour. yes, I know, that’s not right in the eyes of God, but it is human!!!!
we are all human beings and we can’t be stronger than God. I understand you vaso, you are very brave.
I wish you all the best and the blessing of God.
leonie
This devotion really touched my heart as I know that God intended it for me. I’m not saying for me only, but He knew I was going to read it and I now know that He meant for this message to be understood and read by me. The communication in my relationship has been difficult at best. I know that I have a lot to do with it, but lately so many people have been telling me that I should bless him rather than speak ill of him. I now understand. I’ve been telling him that I love him more and have been doing my best to change those aspects of me that I know need changing. Please note I have been wanting to changes these aspects of myself for years and finally have made it a point to do so. I pray for God’s direction daily. And I pray for God to change me daily and to breathe new life into my relationship. I’m so grateful that God is so good. I see him changing me each and every day. And, I know that the sweeter the talk that comes out of mouth, the sweeter the relationship will be and the more at peace I will be. I praise the Lord for his love and for his blessings upon me and I ask that the Lord will not only continue to bless this relationship and the man I am with, knowing that He will do just that. PRAISE GOD!!!
In the fourth paragraph, the second to last line- Is that what the writer wants to convey? – ” that, we should aak God to guide us In speaking words that will destroy or to ask God to guide us NOT speak words that will destroy.I seem to be a little bit confused here.
There is always this question which I had been asking myself very often. It is regarding my relationship with my brother which has turned sour for quite a number of years. As long as I do not see him, I am ok. I am able to pray and always remember him in prayer. Deep in my heart I am concern over his welfare and his family salvation. However , I cannot bring myself to talk or greed him each time if I would to see him during some family gathering.I always ask myself this question: Is my anger still remain in me. Do remember me in prayer.
Thank you.
Great devotion, it seems as if it has everyone digging deeper! Which is just what God intended!
There will always be tension in all kinds of relationships we have, but I think if we work hardest on ourselves, God will take care of the other person. Because all we can control is ourselves! By speaking out in love and letting God guide us in our relationships, even the worst of relationships can become that much brighter! God is so gracious and prayer is so powerful!
LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!
Some of the best advise that I ever received on this issue was from an associate pastor at my church. He said “fake it till you make it”. Forgiving is a verb, just like run or jump. We make a choice to forgive, the feelings will come later. We may have to “fake it” for awhile. When we “bless” the person who offended or hurt us (ie- say nice things to them, pray for them, treat them with respect) those feelings will eventually follow. I have been doing this for almost 2 years in a situation I am in and I am just now finally seeing a little progress in my own attitude. Read Psalms! David raged a lot and God still loved him. I KNOW that God loves all of us just as much. Don’t give up! Keep on, keeping on!
Kim…You just made a confirmation for me. Like your pastor, my therapist told me to “Fake it to I make it!” Your confirmation of that from your pastor has just made me realize that it’s exactly what I need to do. I find that even though I may not want to say something nice to someone, if I fake it, in the end I feel great about making someone else feel better. Thanks Kim and don’t forget to “Fake it till you make it!” Be Blessed!
My husband recently got drunk and treated me just horribly in front of friends. He has never hit me but can be very mean and verbally abusive and controlling. I’m frightened of him when he’s this way. He used to have a big problem with this, but hasn’t for years and is a good husband & father & christian man.
I do forgive him and he feels badly about it. The thing I need advice on is that I want to protect myself from it never happening again. I felt very trapped when it happened. It went on for hours and he wouldn’t let me out of the room. I feel I’m not being true to myself if I don’t come up with some way out. Does anyone have some advice for me?
We did pray together the next day and talk with the friends, so we’re trying to do the right thing.
Hi Cheryl…Oh my do I sympathize with you over this situation. I’m not sure what advice I can give you on this, but it seems to me you have done exactly what God would have wanted you to do on this (Pray and forgive). Like you, I had a similar situation happen to me this past weekend (on my birthday and by a man who is not even related to me). My boyfriend’s father cornered me and began yelling at me at the top of his lungs because I left a door open. I had no idea what to do, I just froze in my place and couldn’t even answer him as he was screaming at me. When I tried to get past him, he not only wouldn’t allow me through the door, but he screamed at me “Hello, I asked you a question…answer me!” This man is not only psychotic, but consistently disrespects and degrades everyone in and outside his family regardless if company is over or if they are in private. In fact, just moments before his cornering me, he poured water on and threw water in the face of his 2 year old grandson for filling a water bottle that he asked him not to. Then he tried justifying his actions when approached by his wife. His family tried to tell me that’s just the way he is, but i don’t find this behavior excusable regardless if this is the way he is or not. And, I will no longer tolerate it. He is a horrible human being and unlike you having the loving Christ like heart to forgive your husband, I CANNOT FORGIVE this man (mind you my own father doesn’t even treat me this way). I truly admire you for forgiving and praying with your husband. As for protecting yourself from this happening again, I’m not sure how you can do this other than gently reminding him of what happened the last time he drank. (it seems as though he has remorse and regret for what he’s done, so gently reminding him may help him realize to stop drinking). If gently reminding him doesn’t work then, I would suggest leaving the room or better yet the house (regardless if you have friends there or not). The only other protection I could see would be legal protection, but that’s only if it gets physical and from your note that’s not the case, so it wouldn’t apply). Whatever happens, I would also pray and commit your husband and his actions to the Lord and let the Lord deal with him. I pray all works out for you. As for me, my decision has been to avoid going to my boyfriend’s parents house. This will give me time to heal. Being respected is far too important for me and I refuse to be around someone who doesn’t have the capacity to do so.
Dear Cheryl,
I have been in the same situation as you with my husband. As a teenager and young man my husband drank and had rowdy friends. Two years before we married he got saved and made a commitment to live for Christ. During dating and our engagement we went to church together etc. After we married however he returned to his old habits. After every episode we would pray together and he’d ask me to help him stay on the right track. This went on off and on for several years. He’d get stressed out about something and he’d go get drunk. Then he took to buying liquor at liquor stores and keeping it in the house. Then he started drinking on a daily basis. When he drinks he gets so mean and hateful. He literally becomes a different person. When it first started he was also only verbally abusive but then it gradually turned to hitting. When I begged him not to he said I’m going to drink wether you like it or not the question is do you want me to be here doing it or at a bar. This broke my heart and I backed down and said nothing more to him and let the behavior continue. Then one day I confided in a christian friend and she told me, That is your home to and you have a right to put your foot down and not allow liquor in the house. She prayed with me and afterwards I went through the house got all the liquor and poured it out and destroyed the bottles. When he got home from work that night. I met him at the door and told him, I can’t control what you do outside this house but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord and you won’t bring anymore liquor in here. He hasn’t touched a drop in two years. You can have the victory. I have prayed for my husband. I know the agony and humiliation your going through. He has humiliated me in front of people even in front of his family and my family. I can just feel how your heart is broken. I have been there. I decided the most important thing was keeping my marriage together for myself and our children. I just prayed through and I contacted three friends and had them praying to. God made the difference. When you pray it changes things. Hang in there you are doing the right thing. That is a good thing for you and he to pray together. It will get better. I will be praying for you to.
In the meantime, if you need to get away to protect yourself, what I did was hide some cash in my car and when I knew he had started drinking and would become abusive, I’d get in my car with the kids and drive to a friend or relatives house(or a hotel if need be) and the whole time I’d pray for God to help him. Later my husband told me what got him through was he knew I was praying for him, and God spoke to his heart. My husband was hurting and that is what drove him to drink. He had a terrible family life and childhood. You know your husband better than anyone and the power of a praying wife will make a difference. Stand in the gap for him. You can with God’s help break that stronghold. It may take a long time, it took six years for my husband to commit it all to the Lord and we’ve had the best two years of our marriage thus far. I am thankful everyday that I didn’t give up on him. He has become the husband and father that God has wanted him to be. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Hang in there and remember I’ll be praying for you. I hope this helps you in some way.
Brenda L Sears
Brenda, Your letter touched my heart so much!! I’ve never done this type of thing on the internet before, but I was feeling kind of desparate. It means so much that you would write such a long, thoughtful letter to me, without even knowing me. Also, thank you so much for praying for me!
You gave me a lot of good advice! Thank you so much! My husband & I had a good talk yesterday. He feels really badly about what happened. He’s been going through a lot of disappointments with his job & his health & I think that makes him angry.
I’ll pray for him and also have a plan so I won’t feel so trapped if it does happen again.
God bless you! Cheryl