Comments on: Relationship Tension http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/ Sun, 12 Feb 2012 09:37:14 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Cheryl http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2941 Cheryl Tue, 13 Jun 2006 22:52:38 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2941 Brenda, Your letter touched my heart so much!! I've never done this type of thing on the internet before, but I was feeling kind of desparate. It means so much that you would write such a long, thoughtful letter to me, without even knowing me. Also, thank you so much for praying for me! You gave me a lot of good advice! Thank you so much! My husband & I had a good talk yesterday. He feels really badly about what happened. He's been going through a lot of disappointments with his job & his health & I think that makes him angry. I'll pray for him and also have a plan so I won't feel so trapped if it does happen again. God bless you! Cheryl Brenda, Your letter touched my heart so much!! I’ve never done this type of thing on the internet before, but I was feeling kind of desparate. It means so much that you would write such a long, thoughtful letter to me, without even knowing me. Also, thank you so much for praying for me!

You gave me a lot of good advice! Thank you so much! My husband & I had a good talk yesterday. He feels really badly about what happened. He’s been going through a lot of disappointments with his job & his health & I think that makes him angry.

I’ll pray for him and also have a plan so I won’t feel so trapped if it does happen again.

God bless you! Cheryl

]]> By: Brenda http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2938 Brenda Tue, 13 Jun 2006 15:50:39 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2938 Dear Cheryl, I have been in the same situation as you with my husband. As a teenager and young man my husband drank and had rowdy friends. Two years before we married he got saved and made a commitment to live for Christ. During dating and our engagement we went to church together etc. After we married however he returned to his old habits. After every episode we would pray together and he'd ask me to help him stay on the right track. This went on off and on for several years. He'd get stressed out about something and he'd go get drunk. Then he took to buying liquor at liquor stores and keeping it in the house. Then he started drinking on a daily basis. When he drinks he gets so mean and hateful. He literally becomes a different person. When it first started he was also only verbally abusive but then it gradually turned to hitting. When I begged him not to he said I'm going to drink wether you like it or not the question is do you want me to be here doing it or at a bar. This broke my heart and I backed down and said nothing more to him and let the behavior continue. Then one day I confided in a christian friend and she told me, That is your home to and you have a right to put your foot down and not allow liquor in the house. She prayed with me and afterwards I went through the house got all the liquor and poured it out and destroyed the bottles. When he got home from work that night. I met him at the door and told him, I can't control what you do outside this house but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord and you won't bring anymore liquor in here. He hasn't touched a drop in two years. You can have the victory. I have prayed for my husband. I know the agony and humiliation your going through. He has humiliated me in front of people even in front of his family and my family. I can just feel how your heart is broken. I have been there. I decided the most important thing was keeping my marriage together for myself and our children. I just prayed through and I contacted three friends and had them praying to. God made the difference. When you pray it changes things. Hang in there you are doing the right thing. That is a good thing for you and he to pray together. It will get better. I will be praying for you to. In the meantime, if you need to get away to protect yourself, what I did was hide some cash in my car and when I knew he had started drinking and would become abusive, I'd get in my car with the kids and drive to a friend or relatives house(or a hotel if need be) and the whole time I'd pray for God to help him. Later my husband told me what got him through was he knew I was praying for him, and God spoke to his heart. My husband was hurting and that is what drove him to drink. He had a terrible family life and childhood. You know your husband better than anyone and the power of a praying wife will make a difference. Stand in the gap for him. You can with God's help break that stronghold. It may take a long time, it took six years for my husband to commit it all to the Lord and we've had the best two years of our marriage thus far. I am thankful everyday that I didn't give up on him. He has become the husband and father that God has wanted him to be. I couldn't ask for anything better. Hang in there and remember I'll be praying for you. I hope this helps you in some way. Brenda L Sears Dear Cheryl,

I have been in the same situation as you with my husband. As a teenager and young man my husband drank and had rowdy friends. Two years before we married he got saved and made a commitment to live for Christ. During dating and our engagement we went to church together etc. After we married however he returned to his old habits. After every episode we would pray together and he’d ask me to help him stay on the right track. This went on off and on for several years. He’d get stressed out about something and he’d go get drunk. Then he took to buying liquor at liquor stores and keeping it in the house. Then he started drinking on a daily basis. When he drinks he gets so mean and hateful. He literally becomes a different person. When it first started he was also only verbally abusive but then it gradually turned to hitting. When I begged him not to he said I’m going to drink wether you like it or not the question is do you want me to be here doing it or at a bar. This broke my heart and I backed down and said nothing more to him and let the behavior continue. Then one day I confided in a christian friend and she told me, That is your home to and you have a right to put your foot down and not allow liquor in the house. She prayed with me and afterwards I went through the house got all the liquor and poured it out and destroyed the bottles. When he got home from work that night. I met him at the door and told him, I can’t control what you do outside this house but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord and you won’t bring anymore liquor in here. He hasn’t touched a drop in two years. You can have the victory. I have prayed for my husband. I know the agony and humiliation your going through. He has humiliated me in front of people even in front of his family and my family. I can just feel how your heart is broken. I have been there. I decided the most important thing was keeping my marriage together for myself and our children. I just prayed through and I contacted three friends and had them praying to. God made the difference. When you pray it changes things. Hang in there you are doing the right thing. That is a good thing for you and he to pray together. It will get better. I will be praying for you to.

In the meantime, if you need to get away to protect yourself, what I did was hide some cash in my car and when I knew he had started drinking and would become abusive, I’d get in my car with the kids and drive to a friend or relatives house(or a hotel if need be) and the whole time I’d pray for God to help him. Later my husband told me what got him through was he knew I was praying for him, and God spoke to his heart. My husband was hurting and that is what drove him to drink. He had a terrible family life and childhood. You know your husband better than anyone and the power of a praying wife will make a difference. Stand in the gap for him. You can with God’s help break that stronghold. It may take a long time, it took six years for my husband to commit it all to the Lord and we’ve had the best two years of our marriage thus far. I am thankful everyday that I didn’t give up on him. He has become the husband and father that God has wanted him to be. I couldn’t ask for anything better. Hang in there and remember I’ll be praying for you. I hope this helps you in some way.

Brenda L Sears

]]> By: Claudine http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2936 Claudine Tue, 13 Jun 2006 15:18:51 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2936 Hi Cheryl...Oh my do I sympathize with you over this situation. I'm not sure what advice I can give you on this, but it seems to me you have done exactly what God would have wanted you to do on this (Pray and forgive). Like you, I had a similar situation happen to me this past weekend (on my birthday and by a man who is not even related to me). My boyfriend's father cornered me and began yelling at me at the top of his lungs because I left a door open. I had no idea what to do, I just froze in my place and couldn't even answer him as he was screaming at me. When I tried to get past him, he not only wouldn't allow me through the door, but he screamed at me "Hello, I asked you a question...answer me!" This man is not only psychotic, but consistently disrespects and degrades everyone in and outside his family regardless if company is over or if they are in private. In fact, just moments before his cornering me, he poured water on and threw water in the face of his 2 year old grandson for filling a water bottle that he asked him not to. Then he tried justifying his actions when approached by his wife. His family tried to tell me that's just the way he is, but i don't find this behavior excusable regardless if this is the way he is or not. And, I will no longer tolerate it. He is a horrible human being and unlike you having the loving Christ like heart to forgive your husband, I CANNOT FORGIVE this man (mind you my own father doesn't even treat me this way). I truly admire you for forgiving and praying with your husband. As for protecting yourself from this happening again, I'm not sure how you can do this other than gently reminding him of what happened the last time he drank. (it seems as though he has remorse and regret for what he's done, so gently reminding him may help him realize to stop drinking). If gently reminding him doesn't work then, I would suggest leaving the room or better yet the house (regardless if you have friends there or not). The only other protection I could see would be legal protection, but that's only if it gets physical and from your note that's not the case, so it wouldn't apply). Whatever happens, I would also pray and commit your husband and his actions to the Lord and let the Lord deal with him. I pray all works out for you. As for me, my decision has been to avoid going to my boyfriend's parents house. This will give me time to heal. Being respected is far too important for me and I refuse to be around someone who doesn't have the capacity to do so. Hi Cheryl…Oh my do I sympathize with you over this situation. I’m not sure what advice I can give you on this, but it seems to me you have done exactly what God would have wanted you to do on this (Pray and forgive). Like you, I had a similar situation happen to me this past weekend (on my birthday and by a man who is not even related to me). My boyfriend’s father cornered me and began yelling at me at the top of his lungs because I left a door open. I had no idea what to do, I just froze in my place and couldn’t even answer him as he was screaming at me. When I tried to get past him, he not only wouldn’t allow me through the door, but he screamed at me “Hello, I asked you a question…answer me!” This man is not only psychotic, but consistently disrespects and degrades everyone in and outside his family regardless if company is over or if they are in private. In fact, just moments before his cornering me, he poured water on and threw water in the face of his 2 year old grandson for filling a water bottle that he asked him not to. Then he tried justifying his actions when approached by his wife. His family tried to tell me that’s just the way he is, but i don’t find this behavior excusable regardless if this is the way he is or not. And, I will no longer tolerate it. He is a horrible human being and unlike you having the loving Christ like heart to forgive your husband, I CANNOT FORGIVE this man (mind you my own father doesn’t even treat me this way). I truly admire you for forgiving and praying with your husband. As for protecting yourself from this happening again, I’m not sure how you can do this other than gently reminding him of what happened the last time he drank. (it seems as though he has remorse and regret for what he’s done, so gently reminding him may help him realize to stop drinking). If gently reminding him doesn’t work then, I would suggest leaving the room or better yet the house (regardless if you have friends there or not). The only other protection I could see would be legal protection, but that’s only if it gets physical and from your note that’s not the case, so it wouldn’t apply). Whatever happens, I would also pray and commit your husband and his actions to the Lord and let the Lord deal with him. I pray all works out for you. As for me, my decision has been to avoid going to my boyfriend’s parents house. This will give me time to heal. Being respected is far too important for me and I refuse to be around someone who doesn’t have the capacity to do so.

]]> By: Cheryl http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2931 Cheryl Mon, 12 Jun 2006 16:50:02 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2931 My husband recently got drunk and treated me just horribly in front of friends. He has never hit me but can be very mean and verbally abusive and controlling. I'm frightened of him when he's this way. He used to have a big problem with this, but hasn't for years and is a good husband & father & christian man. I do forgive him and he feels badly about it. The thing I need advice on is that I want to protect myself from it never happening again. I felt very trapped when it happened. It went on for hours and he wouldn't let me out of the room. I feel I'm not being true to myself if I don't come up with some way out. Does anyone have some advice for me? We did pray together the next day and talk with the friends, so we're trying to do the right thing. My husband recently got drunk and treated me just horribly in front of friends. He has never hit me but can be very mean and verbally abusive and controlling. I’m frightened of him when he’s this way. He used to have a big problem with this, but hasn’t for years and is a good husband & father & christian man.

I do forgive him and he feels badly about it. The thing I need advice on is that I want to protect myself from it never happening again. I felt very trapped when it happened. It went on for hours and he wouldn’t let me out of the room. I feel I’m not being true to myself if I don’t come up with some way out. Does anyone have some advice for me?

We did pray together the next day and talk with the friends, so we’re trying to do the right thing.

]]> By: Claudine http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2825 Claudine Wed, 31 May 2006 18:36:03 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2825 Kim...You just made a confirmation for me. Like your pastor, my therapist told me to "Fake it to I make it!" Your confirmation of that from your pastor has just made me realize that it's exactly what I need to do. I find that even though I may not want to say something nice to someone, if I fake it, in the end I feel great about making someone else feel better. Thanks Kim and don't forget to "Fake it till you make it!" Be Blessed! Kim…You just made a confirmation for me. Like your pastor, my therapist told me to “Fake it to I make it!” Your confirmation of that from your pastor has just made me realize that it’s exactly what I need to do. I find that even though I may not want to say something nice to someone, if I fake it, in the end I feel great about making someone else feel better. Thanks Kim and don’t forget to “Fake it till you make it!” Be Blessed!

]]> By: Kim http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2823 Kim Wed, 31 May 2006 06:27:42 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2823 Some of the best advise that I ever received on this issue was from an associate pastor at my church. He said "fake it till you make it". Forgiving is a verb, just like run or jump. We make a choice to forgive, the feelings will come later. We may have to "fake it" for awhile. When we "bless" the person who offended or hurt us (ie- say nice things to them, pray for them, treat them with respect) those feelings will eventually follow. I have been doing this for almost 2 years in a situation I am in and I am just now finally seeing a little progress in my own attitude. Read Psalms! David raged a lot and God still loved him. I KNOW that God loves all of us just as much. Don't give up! Keep on, keeping on! Some of the best advise that I ever received on this issue was from an associate pastor at my church. He said “fake it till you make it”. Forgiving is a verb, just like run or jump. We make a choice to forgive, the feelings will come later. We may have to “fake it” for awhile. When we “bless” the person who offended or hurt us (ie- say nice things to them, pray for them, treat them with respect) those feelings will eventually follow. I have been doing this for almost 2 years in a situation I am in and I am just now finally seeing a little progress in my own attitude. Read Psalms! David raged a lot and God still loved him. I KNOW that God loves all of us just as much. Don’t give up! Keep on, keeping on!

]]> By: Tracy http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2822 Tracy Wed, 31 May 2006 05:37:26 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2822 Great devotion, it seems as if it has everyone digging deeper! Which is just what God intended! There will always be tension in all kinds of relationships we have, but I think if we work hardest on ourselves, God will take care of the other person. Because all we can control is ourselves! By speaking out in love and letting God guide us in our relationships, even the worst of relationships can become that much brighter! God is so gracious and prayer is so powerful! LET GO AND LET GOD!!!! Great devotion, it seems as if it has everyone digging deeper! Which is just what God intended!

There will always be tension in all kinds of relationships we have, but I think if we work hardest on ourselves, God will take care of the other person. Because all we can control is ourselves! By speaking out in love and letting God guide us in our relationships, even the worst of relationships can become that much brighter! God is so gracious and prayer is so powerful!

LET GO AND LET GOD!!!!

]]> By: sandy choy http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2820 sandy choy Wed, 31 May 2006 01:29:27 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2820 There is always this question which I had been asking myself very often. It is regarding my relationship with my brother which has turned sour for quite a number of years. As long as I do not see him, I am ok. I am able to pray and always remember him in prayer. Deep in my heart I am concern over his welfare and his family salvation. However , I cannot bring myself to talk or greed him each time if I would to see him during some family gathering.I always ask myself this question: Is my anger still remain in me. Do remember me in prayer. Thank you. There is always this question which I had been asking myself very often. It is regarding my relationship with my brother which has turned sour for quite a number of years. As long as I do not see him, I am ok. I am able to pray and always remember him in prayer. Deep in my heart I am concern over his welfare and his family salvation. However , I cannot bring myself to talk or greed him each time if I would to see him during some family gathering.I always ask myself this question: Is my anger still remain in me. Do remember me in prayer.
Thank you.

]]> By: June Hills http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2817 June Hills Tue, 30 May 2006 22:26:15 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2817 In the fourth paragraph, the second to last line- Is that what the writer wants to convey? - " that, we should aak God to guide us In speaking words that will destroy or to ask God to guide us NOT speak words that will destroy.I seem to be a little bit confused here. In the fourth paragraph, the second to last line- Is that what the writer wants to convey? – ” that, we should aak God to guide us In speaking words that will destroy or to ask God to guide us NOT speak words that will destroy.I seem to be a little bit confused here.

]]> By: Claudine http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/comment-page-1/#comment-2816 Claudine Tue, 30 May 2006 19:12:16 +0000 http://tmdevotionals.com/women/2006/05/30/relationship-tension/#comment-2816 This devotion really touched my heart as I know that God intended it for me. I'm not saying for me only, but He knew I was going to read it and I now know that He meant for this message to be understood and read by me. The communication in my relationship has been difficult at best. I know that I have a lot to do with it, but lately so many people have been telling me that I should bless him rather than speak ill of him. I now understand. I've been telling him that I love him more and have been doing my best to change those aspects of me that I know need changing. Please note I have been wanting to changes these aspects of myself for years and finally have made it a point to do so. I pray for God's direction daily. And I pray for God to change me daily and to breathe new life into my relationship. I'm so grateful that God is so good. I see him changing me each and every day. And, I know that the sweeter the talk that comes out of mouth, the sweeter the relationship will be and the more at peace I will be. I praise the Lord for his love and for his blessings upon me and I ask that the Lord will not only continue to bless this relationship and the man I am with, knowing that He will do just that. PRAISE GOD!!! This devotion really touched my heart as I know that God intended it for me. I’m not saying for me only, but He knew I was going to read it and I now know that He meant for this message to be understood and read by me. The communication in my relationship has been difficult at best. I know that I have a lot to do with it, but lately so many people have been telling me that I should bless him rather than speak ill of him. I now understand. I’ve been telling him that I love him more and have been doing my best to change those aspects of me that I know need changing. Please note I have been wanting to changes these aspects of myself for years and finally have made it a point to do so. I pray for God’s direction daily. And I pray for God to change me daily and to breathe new life into my relationship. I’m so grateful that God is so good. I see him changing me each and every day. And, I know that the sweeter the talk that comes out of mouth, the sweeter the relationship will be and the more at peace I will be. I praise the Lord for his love and for his blessings upon me and I ask that the Lord will not only continue to bless this relationship and the man I am with, knowing that He will do just that. PRAISE GOD!!!

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