Resolving Conflict
By Helen Lescheid
Scripture: “For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility…” (Ephesians 2:13,14).
“The hostility between my son and me is palpable. When I’m with him, I have to tread on egg shells. People say, ‘talk it out,’ but every time I try, I get an explosion. Talking it out is like beating egg whites: it only makes it bigger. So what can I do?”
To this mother I suggested a strategy that has worked for me: unconditional love coupled with persistent prayer. When my daughter and I had a falling out, I visualized Jesus in the middle putting one hand on my head and one hand on my daughter’s head. Then I prayed the following prayer based on the verses found in Ephesians 3:19, 20:
“Dear Jesus, strengthen my daughter (I’d name her) in her inner person. Give her the grace and the strength and the will to let go of hurts of the past. To let go of resentment and bitterness and preconceived ideas.
“Help her to open herself to Your love. May she grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love more fully so that she may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
“Lord Jesus, do the same for me. I want to love her unconditionally. Help us to forgive one another. Heal our relationship. You’re the Reconciler. You’re the Mediator. You’re the Healer of damaged emotions. I pray that my daughter and I will be friends again.”
After several years of praying this prayer and keeping the door of friendship open, the inevitable happened. The ice melted. Friendship was restored. We can now talk freely and openly again.
What much talking couldn’t do, Jesus did in answer to prayer.
Prayer: Dear God, I commit my children (name them) into Your hands. Bless them indeed. Keep evil far from them. May Your abiding love fill our hearts to overflowing.
Consider these questions: In your experience with conflict, have your attempts at “talking it out” ever made the problem bigger? Why is important to combine prayer with unconditional love? How can you show this kind of love to someone with whom your relationship is strained?
Chat: Join us for a 15-minute chat at 10:30 am Eastern, 7:30 am Pacific: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat/
Further reading: “Helping parents survive teenage rebellion” http://christianwomentoday.com/parenting/rebellion.html
About the author: http://www.talk.thelife.com/authors/helen-lescheid/
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God really spoke to me through this devo. I recently had an unexpected falling out with a dear friend, which hurt me deeply. It came out of no where and made me selfishly defensive and upset. His Spirit has been moving to show me that i need to depend on His love and grace more..I want to start by praying for both she and I for healing and restoration. I think that the hardest part is waiting on the Lord instead of taking action on my own, but God is constantly encouraging me to walk in His light
My son does not know his father, yet I still love his father very much. There is much conflict and pain in between my sons father and I. I feel that it is almost impossible to break through such walls and barriers. The devotional today gives me hope that Gods love and forgiveness can touch us both, even if I don’t know understand. I pray that what needs healing will be healed, and my son will be protected and loved through it all.
Teresa – I just had to tell you that I know exactly how you feel. I have a daughter who I had not seen for 2 years and a grandson who is 1 1/2. We went to see her and try to make some sort of amends and she threw us out of her apartment. I did get to hold my grandson for a minute or two. It was a special couple of minutes but makes me want even more. I am going to pray this prayer every day – not that I don’t pray every day to have reconcilliation. I will pray for you, too. It has already been years – she has been a struggle since age 15 and she is 33 now. Sometimes I grow weary of waiting – but my women’s Bible study was on this very thing this week, too. So, I am reassured by God that the message is to press on toward the mark! Beverly
This devotional is so good, even though I am not having any conflicts, I can refur back to this devotional. Conflicks are so hard to right. I thank GOD for being there to show me the way in where I am going wrong and to know what I can do to correct this wrong.
This devotional was good. I prayed the prayer given for a neighbor of mine and his wife, who have drifted from their faith. He is holding on to resentments from the past. So thanks for the help.
I also have a daughter that was resentful. We kept in touch and saw each other once a year or so. Separated by many miles, this was a blessing to me. I keptloving her and praying for her, never critizing, until one day out of the blue, the dam broke in her, and she tearfully asked my forgiveness. So my only advice, it to keep loving, but do not be a doormat, Jesus was never that. But he was loving and forgiving. Use opportunities to express your views, but not to force them on your child, and those around her.
Patti
Whenever I have conflict with my husband, I try not to talk it out, because the more I talk, the worse the situation will get. So I stop talking and start to pray. Even though the conflict may not be finished once I finish my prayer, but issue will be settled soon after the conflict ends. God hears and answer our prayers. Praise be to Him.
Teresa, don’t give up. God will hear your prayer and be the Mediator between you and your daughter even with your grand-daughter’s father.
I’ve tried to as God for help with unconditional love. I’ve prayed they were safe,
no matter what they were up to each day. It’s proven to be quit a testimonial over the years. My children are now on their own and I have a grandson to pray for and one on the way.
As a daughter, I can see where I have acted in my part against my mother. As a mother this is a beautiful prayer I would love to pray for my whole family. I also see where I may need to include my name in there at times. I have copied the verse & the prayer & will be carrying it in my purse as a reminder.
Thank you Helen for a wonderful devotion, and one most of us can relate to. Without prayer and unconditional love many conflicts go unresolved. Many do take years of prayer before we see results, but in the meantime the time we spend with our Lord draws us closer to Him, and more like Him. Praise Him!!
I will pray for you, Teresa. I just can’t imagine not talking with my children daily. Keep praying and God will bless. In HIS time.
I want to thank you for the prayer. I will be using it starting today. Me and my daughter are not talking right now. Her boyfriend does not want her to talk to any family and/or old friends of hers. I have not seen her or her 2 yr daughter since Aug. 2006. In Dec 2006 she had another baby girl, she was 6 wks early. i have been told by the father of this baby that I am NO relation to her at all. My daughter gave birth to her. This is the mentality of the man she is with. Please pray for her. Thank you all. God Bless
I was so blessed and encouraged by this devotional. My children are grown but once a Mom… always a Mom. I thnak God for the healing He has done in my own life that through His grace has been spread to my children. God is GOOD… He is GOOD all the time!
Thank you Lord Jesus for being our middle man! Praise You for everything you do in our life’s. My father and I have had a strained relationship since I was a young child. I grew up in a home where God was a subject not mentioned. Now as an adult I have found Jesus! He has helped me “deal” with my father’s attitude and made me stronger. Constantly praying helps more than “talking it out” ever will. Thank you for this devotional Lord and may it strike a spark in all who read it!
God Bless~
Again, the devotional is inspired . . . God, help me to keep hanging in there with my child, being there if she wants to talk, praying for her and for me so that we can grow through our disagreement and come out on the other side stronger in our faith and love for you and for each other. Thank you for this devotional to help guide me through this harrowing time. Annie
This devotional is so timely for me today. I’m sure that’s a God Thing. My conflict wasn’t with a family member, but, with a co-worker and sister in Christ (so I suppose actually she IS a family member). As hurtful and annoying as the conflicts may be I’m sure God allows them to strengthen us and draw us closer to him. Yesterday during the conflict I kept asking God to give me wisdom about how to handle it. God has been faithful … this is the third thing that has come to me (the others were an email story from a friend and the daily lesson in a Bible Study that I do). One thing I noticed in the devotional story today is that it took several years for the relationship between the mother and daughter to be healed. Sisters, hang in there when the situation seemingly doesn’t improve. Even when we can’t see it yet, when we pray God works.