by Gail Rodgers
Dorothy had been deeply wounded. The pain was engrained in her soul and she was reminded of it almost daily. She wished she could forgive, and even tried to, but she just didn’t know how.
Sheri, on the other hand, dug in her heels in and bristled at the thought of forgiveness. She felt no one could understand the deep pain that had wounded her heart and she believed she could never forgive. Quite simply, she did not even want to.
If you struggle with a deep offence in your heart, do a quick check and see what kind of unforgiveness you are harboring. It can be toxic to your soul.
The first kind is found in the heart of one who has had a very real offence committed again her. She would forgive if she could, but the deep pain keeps her from getting there.
Imagine your heart as a home. The home looks tidy from all obvious appearances, but in one room unforgiveness is stuffed away. At times the whole house is permeated with its offensiveness.
If this is you, and you don’t want to continue harboring unforgiveness, simply tell God you want to give Him the “key” to that room in your “heart home.” As you submit this area to God you are acknowledging your trust in Him. You are agreeing to have God hold your hand and go with you into that room so that He can clean it up, in His time. He will do an amazing job of house cleaning that will make your heart rejoice! All you need is the willingness to begin the journey of forgiveness with God’s help.
Perhaps you are struggling with an unwilling heart right now. This is the second kind of unforgiveness, and the most toxic. Although it is humanly understandable that one might rebel against forgiveness, the result is simply not worth it. Your whole life can become affected as the toxins of anger and mistrust permeate through your “heart home.”
Refusing to forgive is like holding rebellion in your heart. God speaks about such things in His Word…”Rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft and stubborness as the sin of idolatry” (2 Samuel 15:23).
As Christians we would never consider getting involved in witchcraft, yet the rebellion of a heart in unforgiveness can open the same kinds of doors in our lives. Willful unforgiveness, with no openness to begin the journey of forgiveness, can allow the enemy of your soul to stake a claim. Give God the key today. He can be trusted with the journey to bring your heart to wholeness.
Today’s Chat: Join us for a 15-minute chat about this devotional at 10:30 am Eastern, 7:30 am Pacific: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat/
Questions to Ponder: How is holding on to unforgiveness like the sins of idolatry and witchcraft? When have you experienced the effects of unforgiveness? Let’s spend some time praying, submitting to God the keys to our “heart home.”
Advice: I know that forgiving someone who hurt me is part of my recovery process, but does forgiving someone mean that I need to be willing to treat that person as well as I would treat those I consider my closest friends? Click to read a professional counselor’s answer:
http://christianwomentoday.com/advice/forgiveness.html
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/authors/gail-rodgers/
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I have been able to ask GOD to do this for me. To go into that place in my hearts home and to help me forgive those that I am having troble forgiving due to the hurt that they have caused me(ie my ex-husband and all the others who have in some way abused me). Lord please help me to forgive these people for what they have done to me. I do thank you for the friends I am closes to right now who have help me so much in seeing how I can change within me and to show those changes.
Nice work, Chris! I had an abusive ex to forgive as well. It’s been years, but I have to keep forgiving each time the evidence of the way he treated me shows up in my life again. I guess it’s a process.
God, I feel like there are other, smaller things for which I am hanging on to unforgiveness. Please show them to me and help me to forgive and let them go also.
And thank you so much for forgiving me! It is wonderful to know that You are there to make me clean and right whenever I turn to You.
I wish I could be as strong as you- my ex-husand (who was also abusive, not only to me but my boys -I have 3 sons) has sided with my daughter-in-law against my oldest son in a dispute between my oldest son and my youngest son (the one that is married). My youngest son and his wife have 2 children – one I was not told about; because I tried to keep peace between my sons, I am no longer welcome in their home, nor am I allowed to see my grandsons. I would not know about my 2nd grandson had it not been for my sister-in-law who received a baby shower invitation and a Christmas card with the picture of the boys. I thought after 20 years of being divorced I had forgiven my ex-husband and his wife, but now it is all refreshed with their encouragement of keeping me out of my youngest son’s life. Plus I am now struggling to forgive my daughter-in-law and her family.
Thank you for being an encouraging light to me with this devotional.
O Lord, thank you for your forgiveness of my sins . . . I continue to ask your Holy Spirit’s guidance in forgiving others who have abused and hurt me . . . thank you for the devotional today and the counselor’s guidance in facing abuse and hurt with forgiveness. Annie
I struggled for close to 20 years to forgive my mother. She was an alcoholic and she would become physically and emotionally abusive with me when she was drinking, and when she didn’t have anything to drink and was crashing hard. She took pills too, antidepressants. Strong ones. She was in denial about her issues until the day she died. She’s been gone almost a year now and I’m left with the pain and agony of wondering why my mother didn’t love me and my daughters enough to give it all up and live a normal, healthy life. There have been times when I’ve been so angry I’ve just screamed and thrown things. I wasn’t able to forgive her until I saw her laying in that hospital bed, already gone but being kept alive by machines and drugs waiting for the organ donor people to arrive. I talked with my dad about it and I told him it was funny how it took her death for me to forgive her… just like it took Jesus’ death to bring about total forgiveness. It still brings about deep sadness when I think of the life she wasted, the life she could have had with us. She was only 57. But with prayer and God’s help I am recovering. I still have moments where I think I haven’t forgiven her because I get so angry. But we’re working through it together, God and me. I don’t know if I will ever be totally ok with things. Not sure I can ever let go totally. But I’m trying!
Sometimes that is so hard to understand other people… All our unforgiveness go from not understanding, from offenses that we could prevent being loving and understanding…- the same way it was told in Bible: love people surrounding you. Love and feel peace and happiness. Take away all negative thoughts, offenses and enjoy the precious and the greatest God’s gift – LOVE, PEACE, HAPPINESS.
Giving forgiveness is an act of faith. Often we know we need to forgive before the wounds are healed. While hurting we often think we havn’t forgiven because it is so fresh. But I have found if I pray for the person, even though I don’t “feel” like asking God to bless them, it helps. I must purpose in my heart to let go of the hurt. It doesn’t come overnight, but soon you can go a day without thinking of the offence then two and soon it is gone. What is hard for me is when someone is upset with me and i have done all I know to make it right, yet they refuse to get back into fellowship with me. It hurts me to know someone else is hurt (even though unintencianl) because of me.
I am thankful for today’s devotion. I too struggle with unforgiveness but slowly the Lord has been helping me to forgive those who have hurt me in the past. It’s been about 5 years, at first I tried to this on my own and finally begged God for help as it was eating me up. I pray daily to forgive them and help me to love them and hold no malice in my heart. Your testimonies today I have been helped by and I will continue to pray for you all. Jo
As I was going through today’s devotion…I couldn’t help crying cause the passage was speaking to my heart.I have been hurt by my first boyfriend and have never been able to forgive him.It’s so hard to trust another man in my life…….Please pray for me to forgive him completly.
I don’t a problem with forgivnwss I just want the problem to end. My husband won’t end it with this woman. He says he doesn’t love her and he isn’t seeing her but she keeps calling and although we don’t the phone, he won’t call her and tell her to stop calling. Lou Ellen
By God’s grace I have been able to begin forgiving my husband for sin in our marriage. I don’t know where I am in recovery, but I do know that God has been working in that area of our life because I let Him in there. Thanks be to God. How gracious he is.
Hi. First I would like to thank you for this devotion. I am a Christian as are both my children and my husband. However, I have been deeply hurt in our church of 13 years. I was very envolved in our church directing childrens church and bible school for adults and children for 10 years. I went on many mission trips and co-directed our youth.
When I was hurt in the church I felt hurt, betrayed and humiliated and still do to a lesser extent after two years.
I became very depressed, and felt like I was morning a death after family and I decided to leave the church.
I feel the Lord has been giving me time to heal but we have fallen out of church and we desperately need to find a home.
I have not forgiven the people who hurt me in the church completely. It is almost like I am saying, “What you did to me is OK and that is not how I feel at all.”
As much as I loved our church, I can’t ever see me going back and facing those people who hurt me. I know that I couldn’t make it through a quarter of the service without losing it. I’m sure I would run out with tears.
I am tearing up now but I used to cry a lot. I was depressed most of the time. Mourning all my activities in the church, the fellowship, my friendships, and a sense of belonging. I had a church family who loved me , one that I loved and all I have to show for that time in my life now are hurt feelings blanketed over years and years of wonderful memories.
Now I go on with my life focusing on the happy things in my life – my son (14) my daughter (10) and my husband (who has been supportive but is also ready to find a church home.
We have visited but it is hard to find a home after 13 years in one place. My son needs a youth group and my daughter needs GA’s or some other christian group to be part of. We all need to be in fellowship with other Christians.
Begging for advice,
Shelly
I am learning to “offer up to Jesus” all the hurts and pains of life. Sometimes, I take the hurts back, out of Jesus’s hands, and feel the pain all over again. (What a mistake! He alone can make something beautiful out of it.)
Immediately following the Lord’s Prayer (Mt 6:9-13) comes “For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; BUT if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Mt 6:14-15)
C.S. Lewis in Screwtape Letters tells how the enemy of our souls wants to stir up a continual smog of resentment and bitterness to keep us from finding the healing love and mercy of Christ that is readily available for us all.
I watched the “Walk for Life” marches recently. Women in tears spoke about the spiritual and emotional pain they suffered after having an abortion. They could not forgive themselves, their parents, their boyfriends or husbands. They never had a chance to grieve properly. The bottled up pain festered into huge problems in their lives. They received help from “Silent No More” and “Rachel’s vineyard” type groups. Millions of women need help healing from their abortions. Often, they pin their problems on other causes and refuse to acknowledge the real cause of all their pain. But, it is never to late to hand it all over to Jesus.
Lord, have mercy on us all. We have all fallen short of who You intended us to be. We have followed the desires of our own hearts. Heal us, dear Jesus. Help us become the women You intended us to be. Help us reach out to the hurting world, and bring Your peace and hope to others. I pray this in Your holy Name. Amen
Thank you for this poignant reminder of the importance of forgiveness today Gail. Like many of you I too struggled with unforgiveness. When I finally forgave that person(even though he never asked for it) it was like a giant load was lifted off my shoulders. Several months later my husband commented that I hadn’t been plagued by nightmares anymore! What a revelation that the unforgiveness in my heart had caused them all those years!
Hi…Shelly I love this devotional site…The comments have really helped in my walk with God.I too have struggled with forgiving others. I have been greatly hurt by church people…..when the painfull memiores come I keep thinking …if you don`t have a church hurt your really not part of the family of God. I don`t understand why it hurts more then when a non-believer hurts me, but it does…or should I say it did. I`m now going to a church were I have had great mentors ,but no friends..definately don`t feel like I belong…..sounds strange I know..maybe if I had small children…who knows.. anyway, I put” relationships” on a shelf for a while & just focused on God …strenghening my relationship with Him. Shelly, God is faithfull,I`m continueing to go to this church ,but with a different mind-set, because the Pastor`s are amazing teachers….I will pray for each of you & please just remember that we can wait for His direction with furstration or with eager anticipation….I now have a group of Christian friends outside my church & I really do feel like I belong. Hang in there, the Holy Spirit will gladly teach you & me. I know cause I`m trusting that He`ll remind me when I forget!…blessings to all of you!
The thing I can’t stand when I’m unforgiving is how bad it makes me feel. One time I prayed and asked God to forgive the other person FOR ME because I just couldn’t. It was such a miracle how all of a sudden I could feel the other person’s pain who I thought was hurting me. I’ve had the hardest time with my step Mom. I kept forgiving her then getting hurt all over again. Now that my Dad is in Heaven I pray for her & I thought after he died I wouldn’t care or try anymore. This was really a good thought provoking lesson today and I hope we all are willing and able to journey into wholeness through God’s forgiveness. In Jesus name I ask these things. Amen. Thank you and God Bless…
I know God is busy with me,every time i open my devotional messages He reminds me what He wants me to do.Forgiving people that has hurt us is not easy but it is what God requires of us as christians.Father i give you today this room of unforgiveness and i pray that You will cleanse me of all unforgiveness that i have haboured against anyone that has hurt me in the past,please fill my heart with Your love, Your peace that surpasses all understanding,create in me a clean heart and renew the rite spirit within me.This i pray in Jesus name AMEN.
Such heavy thoughts, and feelings on forgiveness today. It’s something we all suffer from spiritually at times. We must remember God’s word which says we are not forgiven unless we forgive. I once heard that we tend not to want to forgive because we feel it makes the offense seem right…but it doesn’t. However, it does make us RIGHT with God when we forgive. Shelly, why don’t you try what Gail suggested and give God the “key” to your “heart home” (see above devotion). I recently was hurt by some in my church. I have forgiven them, and stayed in the same church. I decided to change Sunday School classes and to volunteer in different departments. This has worked for me in a large church. Praying God will help you to forgive, and either stay with this church, or guide you to another one. This is one of those times (if it were me) that I would pour out my heart daily to God on my knees until I feel a strong direction. He loves you and your family sooooooooo much, and holds the key to what is best for you. Praying for you.
I have invited God into my heart but, I’m still having trouble with experiences that I had in my first marriage. After 44 years I still have such hatred for my ex-husband. He was so mean both physically as well as mentally. It left such scars that no matter how hard I try I just cannot forget. I know I should forgive and forget but how????????
This was a very encouraging message for me today. I too, have been struggling with not forgiving my husband for months due to repeated lying for no reason at all, not being serious about our household finances after talking with him numerous times, and having so called friendship with a woman who he talked to on the phone at least 10 times a day indicating that they were only friends, claiming that he is always working and comes home every night between 9 & 10PM. All of this has caused me to become just plain numb towards him. I do not even think about us as being a married couple anymore. If there is something that I want to do I do it alone or with my son’s. It is like he does not exist and we are living in the household together. I have totally removed myself from him mentally. I have been reading all types of articles about forgivness and praying to the Lord to help me with removing the thorns that I have endured due from my marriage. It has been so hard for me that I have gotten to the point that I really do not care anymore. We have recently just starting to chit chat a little because I have been praying without ceasing for me to let go & let God handle the situation and also asking God to Bless him everyday. This has been the hardest thing that I have had to do in my life. I just ask God to restore what has been take from me everyday and just ask for God’s Favor over my life & his everyday. So far I have seen some of the changes. Thank You! Thank You today for this message. Out of all the articles that I have read about this subject, by far this has been the most compelling and really touched my heart home.
The scripture reference should have been 1 Samuel and not 11 Samuel. A great topic on forgiveness.
I raised my grandson for the first eight years of his amazing, beautiful life. I supported his mother (my daughter) while she earned her college degree. When she graduated and suddenly realized that her child had not bonded/formed an attachment with her but rather with me, she was enraged and took the child away, forbidding any further contact. It has been 4 years. In the beginning, I prayed more than I slept. I prayed that God would restore my relationship with both my daughter and my grandson. I prayed for understanding. I did not “hear back” from God. My prayers changed. I told God that if it was not in His plan to bring Jonah back, take care of him, protect and strengthen his heart, mind, and soul. I asked God to please help Jonah not to forget. God turned a deaf ear to those prayers as well. My daughter has callously and maliciously hurt many people and has caused much destruction to many lives. I want, need to forgive her for my sake, not hers. The sorrow defines my life. I have sought many ways to forgive. I have failed. I believed I was on the path to peace and forgiveness to some degree. However, 3 weeks ago I was served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order, filed by my daughter. I wanted to deny the very existence of a God. Hw could this be? I have had no contact with my daughter or my grandson for 4 years. Her Petition is permeated with lies. I ask God only for some guidance, some degree of understanding. But alas! I feel lost and abandoned by the God I trusted since I was a small child.
Someone, Please help me.
Pam in Sacramento
Dear Pam,
As a fellow grandmother, my heart goes out to you. How devastating for you to be going thru this incredible trial. Let me pray for you right now:
Dear Heavenly Father,
I lift up Pam to you right now.We don’t always understand why things happen, but we know that even in this, You are still with Pam and her family. I pray for her grandson who must be wondering why he doesn’t see his Grandma anymore.
Thank You that even today, You are her Rock and her Fortress! Show her what her next steps should be Lord and comfort her as only You can. Amen
Dearest Deebee,
I celebrate your kindness and your prayers!
My many Thanks!
Pam
I was happy to be able to pray for you Pam. May I also suggest that you can also sign up for an email mentor from this website and someone will walk alongside you on this journey. You can just go to http://christianwomentoday.com/chat/askus.html and write what you wrote here on the blog, and someone will be in touch with you. I think you will find it very helpful.
DEEBEE,
I have put my life in His hands for what seems like forever. I DO believe in His Goodness and His Righteousness. However of late, I have witnessed far, far too many “Christians” who seek to destroy rather than live His Word. One of my sisters is such an extreme Christian zealot that she actually attempted to exorcise demons from a co-worker through an e-mail! When my father passed away last May, I found a beautiful Buddhist quote that would apply to any life whether it be Christian, Muslim, or Hindu. Because I quoted Buddha, my family no longer speaks to me. I was accused of being Satan, a liar. I had always been there for my family. I was there with word and action whenever any of them needed me. Although I am truly grateful to you for your suggestion of a mentor, I cannot trust my soul to possible judgement or attack.
When asked of a Baptist minister, “Why do so many Christians purport to live and love in the Word of the Lord, yet spend so much time judging others?” His reply was, “You can stand in a garage but it don’t make you a car.”
Thank you again Deebee,
Pam
Thanks for your response Pam. I can understand why you are afraid to trust again, but our mentors are very trustworthy. In the meantime, I will continue to pray for you.
Dear Deebee,
I do maintain my belief in earthly angels of which you are most assuredly one! I fear my diminishing trust and faith because it is what I have based the last 54 years upon. It is a lonely place. I welcome your prayers.
Pam
Hi there Pam,
I have been thinking of you this past week and just wanted to let you know that I haven’t forgotten about you or your difficult situation. May God be your strength and your refuge today!
Dear Deebee,
Because of your kindness, that of a stranger who has no obligation to help me, my faith has crept back into my weary soul. When I am reminded of the struggles, I repeat a simple phrase, “I am not in control, my daughter is not in control, The Lord is in control.” It helps. You helped. Yesterday, on my way home from work, I was consumed with worry. I gave it up to God and when I arrived home, there was something in the mail that showed me that God was indeed listening. It may never come to pass that I my daughter and my grandson return to my life but I will always know in my heart that I did His will. Please pray for my daughter who is caught in the clutches of Satan. Satan delights in discord and is empowered when the demons pit family against family. I will not give him that power. I give my daughter up to the Lord to heal.
Thank you again Friend!
Pam
I am so glad to hear that you have been encouraged Pam.We all need to remind ourselves that God is in control, even when it doesn’t seem like it. Thank you too for encouraging me! I needed that this week as well.
Let me pray for your daughter right now:
Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank you for the work you are doing in Pam’s life and for how you are encouraging her.I pray specifically for her daughter today Lord….would you just reveal yourself to her? Help her to see what You have for her life. I pray that You would be the one to bring healing to her soul and spirit. Amen.