Through My Looking Glasses
By Melissa Yue
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In junior high, I wore glasses that were as thick as windowpanes.
Well, perhaps that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but they did prompt a boy on my school bus to proclaim that I should avoid the sun. Why? For fear that if the light hit my glasses, it could start a forest fire.
Comments like that just stay with you!
I’ve had glasses since kindergarten but never had an issue with it as a child. My mother always told me I was beautiful as good mothers do. But as I grew up, her assurance wasn’t enough for me.
In grade seven, I had left my comfortable Christian school to start a new life at a public school where kids smoked, swore, and openly ridiculed teachers in their classrooms.
Even though it was a public school, we had to wear uniforms and follow strict guidelines on how to wear them. Girls’ kilts couldn’t be higher than one inch from the knee, our shirts always had to be tucked in, our pants a specific shade of grey, and our socks navy blue – not black. I remember the vice-principal used to walk around the corridors peering into classrooms and checking those socks.
Most of my fellow grade seven frosh had no idea how to make the uniforms look cool. My sister was four grades higher than me and whenever she would pass me in the halls, she would hoarsely whisper to me to fix my skirt because “it was embarrassing.” I think I wore my kilt to my knees and my shirt was always tucked in, making my legs look significantly longer than my upper half.
I definitely wasn’t part of the cool crowd, but three of the girls from the group would always come over to me and tell me they wanted to give me a makeover. I would always shy away and shake my head no, wanting to believe they weren’t serious.
One night I had a dream that the three of them tackled me to the ground, laughing wickedly. Annalisa, the tallest of the three, said she wanted to pierce my nose. She pulled out a hole puncher and advanced toward me as I cried aloud in fear.
I decided that my glasses were hindering me from being beautiful. I went out, got contacts and suddenly had a newfound confidence. It was almost as though when I put the contacts on, I was a completely different-looking person — like Superman. I smiled bigger, my walk was more bouncy, and I talked to more people. But because of my high prescription, I could only wear my contacts for a limited number of hours. So when they came off, I would also remove myself from the public eye.
I was too afraid people would see the hideous me. I remember all the times my family would sit patiently in the car while I ran to my room to put on my contacts, even if we were just going for a quick dinner around the corner.
I wished I had been born perfect, with perfect eyes and a perfect sense of “cool.” Instead, I felt cheated somehow, as if I had just been born unlucky.
Then God pointed me to Psalm 139:13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
After reading those verses, I felt ashamed. I wondered how God must feel every time I criticized myself or complained about my appearance when He had taken such loving care to create me just as I am. Why was I trying to look good to other people when God is only concerned about my heart (1 Samuel 16:7)?
I wouldn’t say that things magically transformed from that point on because it wouldn’t be true. But through years of personal relationships, friendships, and continuous support from my family, I built up my confidence from the inside out – knowing that I am valued, wonderfully made, and loved in Christ.
That knowledge is why I carry my head high every day, walking ungracefully in the sunny streets of downtown Toronto… wearing my high prescription glasses and being careful not to set off those forest fires.
Questions to Ponder and Discuss: When in your life have you struggled to fit in? What does God’s Word say about you, your body and your heart? How can you internalize these truths?
Today’s Chat: Join us for a 15-minute chat about this devotional at 10:30 am Eastern, 7:30 am Pacific: http://www.christianwomentoday.com/chat/
About the Author: Melissa Yue has a double major in journalism and sociology from Carleton University. She is a part-time freelance writer and full-time communications coordinator at The Scott Mission http://www.scottmission.com, a Christian organization that provides services for needy and homeless men, women, and children in downtown Toronto. Melissa’s passion for writing stems from a love of observing untold stories and a desire to make a difference.
9 Responses to “Through My Looking Glasses”
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What a blessing to read the devotional today and be reminded that God not only made us but loves us just as we are! Prescription Glasses and all! I too have struggled with self esteem most of my life and am always glad for the reminder to see myself thru the eyes of my Heavenly Father! Thanks Melissa and all you wonderful ladies who took time to post today!
I am so glad God made us all the same yet different!He says we are wonderfully made!!!…how encouraging to read Psalm 139 pertaining to that,,,we all have some (or think we have) flaw that we are not satisfied with,,,what if we were all the same??Inside and out? It takes all kind and however we are is how He made us,,,each one has something the other need,,,isn’t that wonderful?? Let’s keep the faith and thank God for our “flaws”, our differences,,,for it keeps us strong and depending on Him.God bless you all,,,these devotionals really minister to me,,,I am blessed by these and so many of the responses,,,it really helps in my daily walk,,,,Stay faithful,
dee
I read this message today with great awareness that I myself need to stop and think before I criticize myself before God. As a child, I always felt far removed from others, never really fitting in..I didn’t know then that I was never alone, that God had plans for me..I became an alcoholic at an early age and after many years of drinking, I conquered that demon, only to become addicted to food. I struggled with it for years and finally made headway ..but then I was still never satisfied and when the pounds would creep back on I was tell my husband that I hated my body and I would constantly tell myself that I was not acceptable because I carried extra weight.. I see though through todays passage from Psalm 139 that my Heavenly Father loves me and that I am hurting Him when I think less of myself than I should..I was made by Him and the package I come in is First Class mail, not junk so when I have thoughts of complaining about some particular part of my appearance I will be reminded that if my heart is pure and trusting in Him, there is not greater love than the love He gives me..it is all I need…
I can identify with this writing..although I didn’t wear glasses as a child, I always felt far removed from everyone else..it was as if I were invisible…as I became an adult I still struggled with these feelings of not existing..and then I developed an addiction to alcohol and after conquering that, I started a new addiction to food and have battled it ever since..and when I tell my husband I hate my body, I feel a twinge of quilt creep over me because I know that God made me special and although weight problems can be dealt with, it seems like I have never been satisfied with my body..but after reading todays message and Psalm 139, I finally realize that the package that I come in, is first class mail …not junk mail…I have to accept who I am and be delighted that our Heavenly Father was gracious and kind enough to give me the body I have, free from sickness and disabilities…so when I start to criticize myself for the few extra pounds I carry, I will remember the weight of the cross that Jesus carried and the comparison is so ridiculous that I will laugh to myself and put my whole trust in the Lord..for I am his child and He loves me just the way I am…Blessings to you all..Karen
What a wonderful reminder for us to love ourselves as we are because God doesn’t make mistakes! This message must be directed to me as we had a sharing time in our ladies Bible study yesterday morning and the last message was about this exact same thing. Thank you for reminding me again how I need to love myself just as I am and not be so critical because of what others might think.
I had lazy eye surgery when I was 2 years old and then again when I was 15. I was fortunate though that I could switch focus from one eye to the other so I grew up thinking that was how everyone’s eyes worked. Around age ten I began to understand that my eyes were “different” and my Mom told me about my operation. I confided this in some friends and was horrified when a rather nasty boy retold the story as, “you had to have an operation because one eye was down by your nose”. Melissa is so right – those comments stay with you forever. It hurt but I tried not to let it get to me. I had an older brother who picked on me and so his friends always did too. I already had pretty thick skin. When I got to high school the “lazy eye” … how I hate that term! … was bothering me so I went to the surgeon who had done my first operation. There I learned a whole new experience – being spoken about like an animal or medical specimen. I remember clearly how this medical professional turned to my mother and spoke about me as if I wasn’t there saying, “it’s a good thing she had the surgery when she was 2 or she’d be the most walleyed kid you ever saw”. A new word to add to my list of labels – charming. This went along with all the labels for being left handed, clumsy, short, etc. I had the second operation and was blessed to have a doctor in the hospital who spoke kindly and explained the details of the procedure to me. For a brief time as the swelling subsided I really had binocular vision (my new term to describe my eye condition is that I don’t have binocular vision) but moving the optic nerves wasn’t exact science and so when the swelling was gone completely it was better but again not perfect. A few years ago before I turned 40 I got glasses to make the vision in each eye equal. The years of using my left eye more had caught up with me. I remember clearly the day I got my first glasses. I was at the table with my children and looked at them marvelling at how beautiful they were. How clearly I saw them! Every detail! I thank God for that day for letting me see with “new eyes” how I had been blessed. It is so hard growing up to see ourselves as God sees us and to have self confidence – I know I struggled with that with much more than my eyesight or the look of my eyes. As adults we need to encourage kids – ours – everyones – to love themselves as God has made them. Join me in prayer for all the young people who are struggling with self image: Lord, I ask for your blessing today on all of the young people who strive for acceptance based on appearance. Give them the wisdom and confidence to focus on the internal and the eternal. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Please tell Melissa that i read her piece rapt — not because of the eyeglass issue, simply because it was interesting and well-told — and then I got this part
Then God pointed me to Psalm 139:13-14: “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
and I cried, knowing I had considered myself unmade and deficient. After reading this I realize I am jsut as God made me and that is sufficient!
Thank you for a lovely, simple yet powerful article.
This was a blessing to read this, I am struggling at this very moment with self esteem. I have high prescription glasses and feel very self conscious when someone stands close to me. I too have been afraid to go out sometimes. I occasionally read psalm 139, but prayerfully I can read it everyday to get it deep in my heart. God created me, I should love myself as he loves me. It is easier to say than to do, but hopefully with God’s grace I can.
I am going to print the devotional out so I can continue to go back to it. Thanks, God Bless
I have had to wear glasses since I was 4 years old due to a lazy right eye. It wasn’t caught intime to have corrocetive surgery done on it. As a kid, I hated waring glasses because I was always called 4-eyes.
Not 46 years later, I have had catoract surgery done on both eyrs, and lazer trratments to get rid of the hazing( not everyone gets this as an after math of the surgery. On top of this I have been using bifocals for 12 years as well.
I am so use to putting on my glasses anymore that nothing anyone says anything I walk away . Whenever anyone ses anything now, I THANK GOD, i CAN SEE, THE BUEATU OF GODS WORLD