Thoughtlessly Cruel
**Are you sometimes annoyed with your spouse’s habits? Check this out. http://thelife.com/study/lovebusters.html?section=annoying_habits&ft=BSG-OS
by Gary Thomas
“Remind the people to be…peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men” (Titus 3:1, 2).
A couple of years ago, my wife planted blueberries beside our house, about seventy feet away from the nearest faucet. We had a cheap hose at the time that kept splitting as I hauled it across the lawn to water the blueberries. I had to cut the hose and reset a new nozzle every time it split, so I finally got fed up and went to the hardware store and got a “heavy-duty, industrial strength” hose, guaranteed not to split.
I felt so happy with my purchase – finally a decent hose! It made me smile, just looking at it. I’d pick it up, feel its weight, and say to myself, “No way this baby is ever gonna split.”
Imagine my chagrin when Lisa barged into the house one evening and exclaimed, “I hate that stupid hose!”
My superindustrial-strength beauty proved far too heavy for my poor wife. When she tried to lug it across the front yard and the driveway to reach the side of our house, it felt like she was trying to pull a stubborn mule. I bought that hose thinking of me; I never even considered whether Lisa would be able to lift it.
Although some might consider this a simple inconsiderate act, at a deeper level it revealed my prideful self-centeredness. I didn’t mean to act intentionally cruel, but I did act thoughtlessly cruel. I simply didn’t pay attention to what was best for Lisa. Worse, I hadn’t even thought about Lisa when I made the purchase. I had grown tired of repairing the hose, so I determined to make my own life better – as it turned out, at her expense. (We ultimately found a coiled hose that weighed much less but still stretched the necessary distance.)
Spiritual humility – what the ancients called “the queen of the virtues” invites us to become more thoughtful, more aware, and more sensitive to others. In our arrogance, we can get so wrapped up in our own world that we can’t see anyone else.
Humility is often built on the little things in life, and marriage is 90 percent small stuff. These small occurrences are, as writer Andrew Murray puts it, “the tests of eternity” because they reveal what’s in our hearts. We don’t build humility on giant gestures as much as forge it with consistent, thoughtful actions, day after day.
This “queen of the virtues” so often gets misunderstood. We don’t find humility by demeaning ourselves or criticizing ourselves or denying that God has given us obvious gifts and talents. Vertically, we find biblical humility by pointing others to the one true hero of Scripture, namely, God himself: “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). Horizontally, we find it by thinking less about ourselves and more about others (Philippians 2:4). We embrace humility when we refuse to get so wrapped up in our own worlds that we can examine what we are doing and saying in light of how our actions affect those around us. We find it when we stop pretending we are at the center of the universe, and instead adopt Jesus’ attitude of becoming a servant of all (Mark 9:35) – which requires us to start actively thinking about others.
What better arena to learn this than in marriage? What relationship seems designed to confront our self-preoccupation more than living with a spouse?
Learn the joy of consideration. Free yourself from the constraints of being focused on yourself. Allow God to use your marriage to teach you to think of others.
Questions to ponder: In what areas of your marriage are you being thoughtlessly cruel? Where are you not even considering how your actions (or inactions) are making life difficult for your spouse?
About the Author
This devotional was written by Gary Thomas. Read more about him here: http://talk.thelife.com/authors/gary-thomas/
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Devotions for a Sacred Marriage: Thoughtlessly Cruel
** Singles: Does God promise you a spouse? http://christianwomentoday.com/womenmen/promise.html
by Gary Thomas
“Remind the people to be…peaceable and considerate, and to show true humility toward all men” (Titus 3:1, 2).
A couple of years ago, my wife planted blueberries beside our house, about seventy feet away from the nearest faucet. We had a cheap hose at the time that kept splitting as I hauled it across the lawn to water the blueberries. I had to cut the hose and reset a new nozzle every time it split, so I finally got fed up and went to the hardware store and got a “heavy-duty, industrial strength” hose, guaranteed not to split.
I felt so happy with my purchase – finally a decent hose! It made me smile, just looking at it. I’d pick it up, feel its weight, and say to myself, “No way this baby is ever gonna split.”
Imagine my chagrin when Lisa barged into the house one evening and exclaimed, “I hate that stupid hose!”
My superindustrial-strength beauty proved far too heavy for my poor wife. When she tried to lug it across the front yard and the driveway to reach the side of our house, it felt like she was trying to pull a stubborn mule. I bought that hose thinking of me; I never even considered whether Lisa would be able to lift it.
Although some might consider this a simple inconsiderate act, at a deeper level it revealed my prideful self-centeredness. I didn’t mean to act intentionally cruel, but I did act thoughtlessly cruel. I simply didn’t pay attention to what was best for Lisa. Worse, I hadn’t even thought about Lisa when I made the purchase. I had grown tired of repairing the hose, so I determined to make my own life better – as it turned out, at her expense. (We ultimately found a coiled hose that weighed much less but still stretched the necessary distance.)
Spiritual humility – what the ancients called “the queen of the virtues” invites us to become more thoughtful, more aware, and more sensitive to others. In our arrogance, we can get so wrapped up in our own world that we can’t see anyone else.
Humility is often built on the little things in life, and marriage is 90 percent small stuff. These small occurrences are, as writer Andrew Murray puts it, “the tests of eternity” because they reveal what’s in our hearts. We don’t build humility on giant gestures as much as forge it with consistent, thoughtful actions, day after day.
This “queen of the virtues” so often gets misunderstood. We don’t find humility by demeaning ourselves or criticizing ourselves or denying that God has given us obvious gifts and talents. Vertically, we find biblical humility by pointing others to the one true hero of Scripture, namely, God himself: “He must become greater; I must become less” (John 3:30). Horizontally, we find it by thinking less about ourselves and more about others (Philippians 2:4). We embrace humility when we refuse to get so wrapped up in our own worlds that we can examine what we are doing and saying in light of how our actions affect those around us. We find it when we stop pretending we are at the center of the universe, and instead adopt Jesus’ attitude of becoming a servant of all (Mark 9:35) – which requires us to start actively thinking about others.
What better arena to learn this than in marriage? What relationship seems designed to confront our self-preoccupation more than living with a spouse?
Learn the joy of consideration. Free yourself from the constraints of being focused on yourself. Allow God to use your marriage to teach you to think of others.
Questions to ponder: In what areas of your relationships are you being thoughtlessly cruel? If you are married, where are you not even considering how your actions (or inactions) are making life difficult for your spouse?
Are you sometimes annoyed with your spouse’s habits? Check out this video: http://thelife.com/study/lovebusters.html?section=annoying_habits&ft=BSG-OS
About the Author
This devotional was written by Gary Thomas. Read more about him here: http://tmdevotionals.com/men/authors/gary-thomas/
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Gary’s devotion made me think about about the ways I should and could but don’t always treat my husband and meet his needs better on a daily basis. We have 4 children so life is pretty busy and sometimes overly hectic, so we just don’t get much “quality” time together like we really need. Once a month we do something just the two of us to have that needed time to “regroup” with each other, enjoying each other’s company. These times we have together mean so much to us and have not always been a priority over the years. whenever we don’t take that much needed time even to stay in a watch a movie together while the kids are at their grandparents’. I struggle with ongoing health issues so I do lean heavily on my husband’s encouragement, strength and insight. He in turn, as he should, depends upon my support both in prayer and encouragement and taking care of our children while he is at work as a full time pastor. The little things in daily life is what successful marriages are made of – a gentle hug, a small word of encouragement or and action that speaks volumes of love to our spouses. Sometimes when the stresses of daily life become too much, I will tend to become agitated about it then find myself withdrawing from him when I should be going to him for prayer and encouragement. After 16 years of marriage, I ask God to teach me something new each day in how to better love and understand each other’s needs. What I should have been doing more of in our earlier years together. For me the most important building block in marriage to make it a success is deep abiding trust in each other while placing Christ the center and foundation your relationship.
Am Praising My Lord this day for a 43rd Anniversary on July 17th and for the way HE has grown us up in this journey! The sensitive devotional writer today said it all in a nutshell..And, recently, a wonderful little sentence from Mother Teresa was re-introduced to my heart..”.. a small thing done with GREAT love”…So very, very important! We need to treat our spouses the way we do others! Complacecy and being taken for granted so easy to do… And small words bring so much…”I’m sorry” (and saying that sometimes, maybe it needs to come from the other spouse can chase away strife, too! We’ve both done it here!…And “I love you”, “I apprecite you”…This very morning..before even reading the devotional? The Lord showed me a kind thing my beloved did..a small thing..but how often I forget to say “thank you, I appreciate that”..and upon hearing those words? His face lit up! Then, to read these deep thoughts just now..and realize how much more often they should be said! And? We are never too old to learn!
Thank you devotional staff for this and other timely topics. It seems to me you are “sensitive” to the needs of all! You have a “cross section” of many life walks in your reading audience..and we are all learning from one another in the comments. God Bless you!
Wow! This morning’s devotional hit me right between the eyes (or should I say right in my heart). I have been married for 32 years and this devotional made me think about how my husband and I treat one another. I know, for me, I take him so for granted! yikes! I have MS (multiple sclerosis) so I depend on him to do a lot of things around the house that I am simply unable to do. He does them cheerfully and never complains. I thank him, but how often do I do little things for him instead of being so wrapped up in my own needs? I love what you stated, Monica, “we do need devotions like the one today as simple reminders that the Marriage is honorable before God and should reflect the love that Christ has for us”. Thank you so much for the reminder. I pray also that God will help me to be more considerate in the small things in my marriage.
I think this is a very good idea…. because often times we as married people can ge desensitized to our spouse…. we are pre-occupied by the affairs of our daily living…. (bills, children, work, church activity) and not even consider the other persons needs, thoughts etc….. I speak from experience, because I think most times, my husband is ok… he doesn’t need me to go the extra mile in the small things, like fixing him so ice cold water when he is out cutting the grass… but when I do he is so very appreciative.
I pray that God will help me to be more considerate in the small things in my marriage. So the answer is YES!!! we do need devotions like the one today as simple reminders that the Marriage is honorable before God and should reflect the love that Christ has for us.
Thanks and God Bless
Monica Jones
A question for you: How do you feel about reading a devotional that focuses on a specific life season, like today’s on marriage?
We realize that not everyone in our audience is married and we want to be sensitive to that; still, we desire to minister to this dimension of life for those who are.
Please tell us what you think. Your feedback will be very helpful.
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