by Vonette Bright
**Dealing with Abuse http://marriageuncensoredtalk.com/life-issues/dealing-with-abuse/
“In prayer there is a connection between what God does and what you do. You can’t get forgiveness from God, for instance, without also forgiving others. If you refuse to do your part, you cut yourself off from God’s part” (Matthew 6:14 The Message).
Joyce had a terrible childhood filled with abuse. Emotional scars remained. The pain lingered even after she prayed to invite Christ to take over her life.
A pastor counseled her that forgiveness was the only true way to freedom. But she just couldn’t seem to do it. She would pray one day and the pain would return the next. It seemed her trouble would require a daily application of forgiveness.
Sure enough, the next time she thought about her abuser, drove by his house or saw him, she said, “I forgive you, in the name of Jesus.” Initially, the words had little meaning, but as the days went by, forgiveness and compassion became real. God honored her prayer and healed her wounds.
Friend, forgiveness is a choice. A daily choice. Begin by saying, “I forgive you, in Jesus’ name.”
About the Author
This devotional was written by Vonette Bright. Read more about Vonette: http://talk.thelife.com/authors/vonette/
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this is a good devotional today for me. with the resent problem i have been having about the person that is calling me a bum. the next time i run into him i will say to him “IN JESUS NAME I FORGIVE YOU FOR YOUR EVIL WORD.” and then move on. I will say that ever time he says a mean rude thing to me. not only to him but to anyone who is rude and mean to me.
This is a powerful devotional. More powerful than we all realize, and it should probably be preached from the pulpit more often. Forgiveness, IMHO, is the hardest thing any human being has to do. Many emotions, such as, hurt, pain, suffering, resentment, revenge, and hatred, envelopes a person’s soul when they are betrayed, lied to/on, abused, cheated on, or rejected. I think all of us on can attest to being “done wrong” at some point in our lives. NO matter the magnitude, it hurts. Therefore, to tell that person, “I forgive you in Jesus’ name” will be extremely hard. No doubt about it. But that’s what God does for us everyday! We betray Him, we turn our backs on Him and choose other “gods”, and we committ spiritual adultery. Yet, not only does He forgive, He wipes our slate clean. Alot of the pain we suffer in our lives is because we choose not to forgive those who have hurt us. Therefore, our “abuser” has hurt us twice: the original pain, plus the lingering pain of unforgiveness. There is truly freedom in forgiveness. Also, not to excuse your abuser’s behavior, but most likely they acted the way they did toward you because they are also hurting, and their action is a reaction to the lingering pain they have experienced in their lives. So, sisters, pray for them as well, because their pain is worse. Stop the vicious cycle of hurt and pain. God bless! By the way, a very beautiful story of forgiveness is found in the book of Hosea. It is a beautiful book to meditate upon, and it’s a short read. Notice the parallel between Hosea/Gomer and God/Israel!!!!!
The same happened to me. I was so bittter and angry all the time growing up and when I came to Jesus I heard him say that I had to forgive all the childhood abusers in my life. I told the Lord I will say it but I don’t mean. Well with each passing confession of saying Lord I forgive so and so, the sincere forgiveness came! One day I said it and really meant it. That was the day of total freedom, deliverance and joy in my life. And I began to pray for the salvation and deliverance of all those who abuse me as a child and their were many. I am free and they are forgiven and life is awesome because Jesus is in my life. The greatest thing I have ever done is to accept Jesus as my Lord and savior!
Praise God that he is a forgiving God. Unforgiveness holds God’s blessing back. Unforgivness is does not allow us to see or move into the next level of where God wants to take us. Unforgiveness is the devil’s tool to claim souls. Forgive and watch Jesus change your life.
Aida
Chris, Natacha, Aida, what wonderful comments you left today. They were a blessing to me and I agree with everything you said.
I have 2 close family members that refuse to forgive someone that has hurt them…and they are miserable. One of them lierally quirms in her chair when I speak of forgiveness,and how God commands us to forgive those who have wronged us. I quote them this serious scripture:
“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” (Matthew 6:15)
Father God, thank you for forgiving me of the sins I have committed. Thank you for giving me understanding of forgivness, and the strength it takes to forgive…for it is not from me, but from you. I pray for the two that I love…and you know who they are…that they will find the courage and power through Jesus to forgive those that have wronged them. Forgive me for not praying enough for these two people. I love you Lord.
Another thing I have heard about people that cannot bring themselves to forgive, is that they think it makes what the wrongful person did right. I always remind them that it doesn’t make what the wrongful person did right…but it makes them “right” with God which is essential in order for Him to forgive them of their sins…according to Math. 6:15
OOOps. Sorry. Didn’t realize I was using same scripture in devotion. I read it early this morning, and added comment early afternoon.
I lke this devotion. Why should God forgive me if I don’t forgive others? But to go even further,prayer in general should be the same way. When we pray, are we sure that we’ve held up our end of the bargain about what we are asking for? Praying is easy and God knows it. He designed it that way. But the hard part is digging into his word to find his direction for us, and then asking for guidance. One of the many reasons that being a Christian is not easy. We should be praying according to God’s will, not our own. His is pleasing and perfect. Why should we want anything less?
This message is indeed the truth. I accepted Christ at the age of 22. That same year after two years of being verbally abused by my husband, he left me and our 1 year son for another man.
I was emotionally devastated and had no self-esteem left. But God restored my self-esteem and my life. It began with those exact same words, “I forgive — in Jesus name.” I can not tell you how many times I said it without feeling anything. I did not ‘feel’ like it, but I believed Jesus would help me to forgive.
He did and that was over twenty-five years ago. Since then, I remarried a wonderful man, he was a good father to my son and we had two more children. Next year we will be married twenty years. Jesus can heal your broken heart and restore your life when you CHOOSE to forgive.
Just read this. On the day this was posted, my husband and I were supposed to go to small group but we forgot the lady’s name and apartment number, so we couldn’t get in.
We ended up attending an Al-Anon meeting (for family members and friends of aloholics) instead, and the topic was “forgiveness.”
Tonight we went to the first Celebrate Recovery (a “kick-off” event) at our church, and one of the singers gave a testimony about growing up with a drug addicted father (began with prescribed pain medications) and how she forgave him before he died.
My dad abused me. I forgave him years before he died. I was reminded of some of the ugliness of the past last year (the last year he was alive)when he became psychotic (for a month or so) due to recieving a cortisone shot (being diabetic, it shot his blood sugar way up, and then it took the rest of the month for him to stabilize), and then again when he became delirious (”drug-induced delerium”)due to pain medications he was given in the hospital during the 3 weeks before he died (from medication and treatment errors).
These episodes reminded me of how bad he could be during those years that I was growing up. I started to feel some resentment again, only this time it was about how he was treating mom.
Partly as a result of this resentment, partly because I was trying to practice healthy boundaries, partly because I was trying to help him to continue to do as much for himself as possible, and partly because I had been going through crises of my own (i.e. homelessness due to domestic violence during part of this time), I did not give dad the frequency of, and to some extent, the same kind of love and attention that I had given him over the last 10+ years.
Now, I feel like I botched up some of the progress we had made over the years, both during most of last year and also during the time he was in the hospital. I suspect that he formed some fresh resentments toward me while he was in the hospital, too (he expressed some pretty intense anger and distrust and frustration at me a few times)–ones which he might’ve even taken to the grave with him.
I wish I knew for sure, but I will never know (at least not on this earth), because he was rarely lucid enough to communicate clearly in the hospital, and even when he could, his physical problems were so bad that they overshadowed almost everything. He was physically unstable, so adding to his emotional distress (which a topic like that would have) would have been a dangerous thing to do.
I’ve been in denial about a number of things surrounding dad’s death for about 9 months, and am only now starting to look at some of them (finally got into a faith-based grief workshop).
I don’t know how all of these threads are going to tie in together in the long run, but the subjects of forgiveness and grace and grief and abuse and guilt and recovery and witnessing are all folding in around me right now, and I’m up writing about this (at 3 am) because I’m “too awake” and feeling a little sick to my stomach (I know that grief does these things to me, too).
Sometimes things seem a little “too real” at the very same time that they don’t seem real at all. I know I’ll get through this, but I just wanted to share in case reading about the timeliness of these many things might mean something to someone else, besides me.
dear dianne, God loves you. hang in there. you will be fine. i do not know what else to say as i am not in a good place myself. I am holding on as best i can, and am in tears as i write. there is so much i want to say to all, words of encouragement and comfort, but my mind is all jumbled up and tired. it’s been a terrible time and late where i am ..
be strong and hold on, as i am trying my best to do. it will all work out. HE will make sure of that. God is GOOD.
yes,you too, eve
i to have had ahard time forgiving some one who abused me but i remind myself that had it not beenfor him i would not have my children or grand children. so i tell God that i am thankful for him an d do forgivehim.
sharon
Dianne,
The awesome news is that Jesus heals, restore and allows us to remember our painful past but without the pain, shame or bitterness, when we surrender it all to him. So that he can use our past to bless others. Our suffering is not in vain. We learn and grow and are able to help others by sharing as we are right now. Sharing makes us feel like we are not alone and there are others out there going through the same thing and they are able to understand us. And that in itself brings comfort.
Suffering also makes us aware of how the devil works in God’s people lives. He wants to kill and destroy, but we are told in the word of God that God can heal and restore us. Amen
Like the song “Life is Worth the Living Just Because He lives” When I think about where I came from the trauma and abuse and who I am now, I am amazed how I have been healed and restored by Jesus. It is as if it never happened. I am at total peace. And you will to as you daily surrender it all to Jesus. He is the only one who can heal, restore and deliver!
Look what Jesus went through for us all on the cross. To make things right for us and the Father. He suffered more than the whole world’s suffering put together. That is one of the things that has helped me to surrender my pain to him. Jesus more than anyone understands pain, abuse, rejection, hurtful words and accusations and tremendous beating and finally death on the cross for us.
Yet with all that Jesus defeated death and the devil and so shall you Dianne. This is an exciting time in history to be alive and serving Jesus. He has given us so much power and authority to have victory in our lives. And Victory to me begins with forgiving others, forgiving ourselves and taking hold of God’s words and promises for our healing and deliverance and growths. This to shall pass and that is a promise if you follow Him.
We do not have to be slaves to pain and suffering or bondage of any kind. We have the word and promises of God that breaks those chains of bondage. Can you tell that I am so excited that there is power in the name of JESUS and his word. Read it and claim it. It is your to claim. God has given us all a blank check with his signature on it. All we have to do is fill it in with our need and in FAITH.
Dianne, When the devil reminds you of your hurtful past, please remind him of his future burning in hell one day. We who love Jesus will all be witnessing the devil being thrown into hell. You see I read the ending of the bible, so I know the ending and it is awesome!
His promise to us all:
In my anguish I cried to the LORD, and he answered by setting me free. Psalm 118:5
I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Psalm 119:32
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed. John 8:36
[ Freedom in Christ ] It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery. Galatians 5:1
I will be in prayer for you my sister-in-JESUS!
Aida
Wow! Thank you :-}.