H.E.D.G.E.S.
by Vonette Bright
** Affair-Proofing Your Marriage: http://marriageuncensoredtalk.com/marriage-issues/affair-proofing-your-marriage/
Nancy Anderson never cheated on a tax return or a final exam. But she did cheat on her husband. It’s the “greener grass syndrome”… trying to find true fulfillment on the other side of the marital fence. Don’t you believe that lie!
Today, Nancy’s marriage is far different. What worked? Erecting hedges around her marriage – God’s HEDGES…H-E-D-G-E-S.
- H is for hearing, really listening to each other.
- E stands for encouraging, realizing the power of a compliment and sincere praise.
- D is for dating. Keep the fun in your marriage!
- G is guarding. Set clearly defined boundaries for your relationship. – E is for educating. Study your mate as if he were a textbook.
- Finally S is satisfying the other person’s needs, not our own.
H-E-D-G-E-S… God will reward the HEDGES you set around your marriage.
[Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome by Nancy Anderson www.nancycanderson.com]
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/authors/vonette/
33 Responses to “H.E.D.G.E.S.”
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thank you for the wonderful words i know what it is like to have some one you love cheat,my first husband left me for someone who was my friend? but God got me through and gave me a good husband and a wonderful father for my children He is great. blessings to all sharon
Awesome devotional – I’m playing catch-up too, a little behind on my reading.
I probably will buy this book by Nancy Anderson. I too have had the Greener Grass Syndrome, and have found there to be many resources for women whose husbands have cheated, but much fewer resources for the specific pain and healing process for a woman who was the one to stray in the marriage.
Praise God for forgiving husbands!!!
(Married 18 years and counting….)
Lisa
Just read this and it was absolutely “on time” for our thoughts today..forgive so many posts..but it blessed me and know it will you ladies!:
“Therefore everyone who hears these words of Mine and acts on them, may be compared to a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and slammed against that house; and yet it did not fall, for it had been founded on the rock.
Matthew 7:24,25 NASB “
Dear precious Eve, I love your heart and am so glad you share it with us at this devotion site. Seems most of us started out timidedly, and thought we had nothing to offer, but God had other plans. As Fran often says: He is loving you through us, and vice versa. He is so good! Praise him!
We are all growing and learning more about Him as we minister to each other.
I loved your last comment and would like to make that my motto. About 8 years ago while ministering to our exyouth minister from church, whose wife was dying of cancer, he said his family had adopted a new motto which is: “Love people.” I loved it but love yours even better:
“… let us love people and not things, use things and not people.”
Loving and caring for Jesus. (((Hug for eve)))
Jackie
Lifting you and so glad you are getting better physically. Thank you so much for updating us as we care very much!..Agree with everything June said above, too..and thanking His Angels for protecting you in that fall..You are spiritually discerning and the Lord will help in these challenges and we are all lifting you, too! And so glad June updated you on sweet Sharon, too, and know you’ll lift her today, especially..
Eve, we are lifting you and Tracy, too…and all the other dear ladies who’ve commented..This is an anointed spot for prayer here and we are all holding one another up..Amen!!!
Rest well all you dear Sisters! (((hugs and prayers)))
Jackie, “Praising the Lord” with you. So glad you didn’t get hurt too bad when you hit the floor, and glad you are home.
We know you are a “strong spiritual lady” that can stand up to anything. You are a “wise woman” too to realize the enemy is out to get you, but you being spiritually strong know how to defend yourself. We all get caught by surprise, and this is when the spirit gives us “prayer warriors” out here a nudge to pray.You have done the same for us.
When you get caught up on your devotions you will see precious Sharon’s sweet comments. She needs our prayers as she is facing some death anniversary’s in the family this week.
Hold to His word. We are all learning, and He never leaves us…we leave Him sometimes, but He doesn’t leave us. Praise Him!
(((Hug for Jackie)))
Hello Ladies; YaY!! I got my stitches out today. I’m still swollen and sore, but I know I’m getting better.I haven’t been able to eat anything solid, so last night my blood suger dropped and I smacked the floor, But I’m home and I’m getting better, and if my enemy thinks that he can take me out that easy he has another thing coming.I may be weak but I’ve tied a knot in my rope. Thank you ladies for your prayers I can feel them. I am getting stronger everyday.Things have happened so fast that I didn’t have time to prepare. I was sick one night then having surgery the next morning , it’s showed me to be spiritually prepared ALL the TIME. ready to go , always. I know there’s a lesson in everything and I’m sure I’m not through learning from this yet. Praise the Lord , I know as long as he’s teaching me, He’s with me.
((Fran, JuneL and Eve Love you dearly)) Have you all heard from Sharon she’s been on my mind also.
dear ladies (especially Fran, June, Jackie, Dianne and Tracy, sorry if i missed anyone out)…
I thank God for the day He led me to this site. For quite a while, i was only a silent reader. I didn’t feel that i was capable of contributing but for some strange reason some months back, i felt that i had to share my story, that i needed a ‘Godly’ space to ‘let it all out’. I’m glad i did. I have been so blessed by all your prayers, words of encouragement and personal experiences. Although we do not really know each other and may never meet, i feel loved and cared for by all of you. Thank you all so much. You have truly been God’s virtual angels to me.
I pray that as we continue our journey on earth, may we never forget that all we have comes from God. We were born with nothing, and will die with nothing. We cannot bring our earthly possessions with us when we return to Abba Father. We will have no need for them. Earthly possessions pale in comparison to what Daddy God has in our heavenly home. So let us always praise and thank Him at all times, especially through our trials, for He is refining and perfecting us in His love. And while we are here on earth, let us love people and not things, use things and not people.
Jackie,
Just took you before the Throneroom! Asking the Lord to help you this week as you “mend” and give you Joy, hope, and reassurence. Soon, you’ll feel “better than new” and able to be back at your computer. We believe in and for you! Just wanted you to know! Praying for all the special requests mentioned here. And know you do that, too! God Bless you! Keep those “Hedges” we read about and were blessed by up this week! Praying He will send something special today to uplift your heart…(((Jackie)))
Eve,
Thank you so much for being a caring, loving person even in the midst of your own situation. Have copied and pasted the Daily Bread site in my Browser to be blessed daily..and will think of your sharing it! The Lord is using you and others on here so mightily and want you to know we appreciate you! Thank you so much and prayers going UP daily!! (((Eve)))
This place is amazing God has put us all here together to share paray and talk togeher. God would say to each of us you are my beloved child, Trust me I know tthe plans I have for you . have a God Blessed week knowing that God has gone before you.
Hugs to all and remember HEDGES
sorry, too excited.. the site is Our Daily Bread. Here’s the site:
http://www.rbc.org/odb/odb.shtml
dear beautiful beautiful ladies,
Was reading on another devotional website, Daily Daily Bread, and this is the Bible passage for the day:
Content Whatever the Circumstances
(Philippians 4:10-19 The Message)
10-14I’m glad in God, far happier than you would ever guess—happy that you’re again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I don’t have a sense of needing anything personally. I’ve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I’m just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I’ve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I don’t mean that your help didn’t mean a lot to me—it did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.
15-17You Philippians well know, and you can be sure I’ll never forget it, that when I first left Macedonia province, venturing out with the Message, not one church helped out in the give-and-take of this work except you. You were the only one. Even while I was in Thessalonica, you helped out—and not only once, but twice. Not that I’m looking for handouts, but I do want you to experience the blessing that issues from generosity.
18-20And now I have it all—and keep getting more! The gifts you sent with Epaphroditus were more than enough, like a sweet-smelling sacrifice roasting on the altar, filling the air with fragrance, pleasing God no end. You can be sure that God will take care of everything you need, his generosity exceeding even yours in the glory that pours from Jesus. Our God and Father abounds in glory that just pours out into eternity. Yes.
We must all learn to be content with what we have!!! And i thank God for all of you, June L, Fran D, Tracy, Jackie, Dianne, Maia, Chris, etc. All your encouragement and prayers. You are all daughters of a KING. Thank you all for being here for me.
Jackie,
Proud of you!! So glad you are feeling better, too! (((Jackie))).We all missed you…and the prayers will continue! Keep building those Hedges and use that agape love! HE’s going to reward you for that…Loved what Eve wrote about have a “God Week”!..We’re all going to do that..and what an amazing Sisterhood in our Lord here! Love All of you!!! Very Late here and shutting machine down and praying for good night’s rest for us all!
June L. & Fran.
THank you for your prayers. I could truly feel them.I am feeling better slowly, taking antibiotics ( which make me tired) but thank God I am getting better. I thought about you ladies and prayed for you even when I didn’t have the strength to type. I thank God that I’ve been fortunate to be blessed with awesome christain sisters like you. I truly love you all.
Linda thank you for your encouragements, I won’t give up on my marriage. I married him for life. I may not like him at times but I’ll not give up on him. Besides God’s to strong in the lives of these prayer warriors on this site, I know if I get to far down my sisters here will lift me up as always. you are truly a blessing to me.
Thank you everyone for all the words of encouragement and prayers. It has been a tough week and weekend, and while i may not always feel His presence, i have to trust that He is there and holding me in the palm of His almighty hand.
Dear ladies, i do not understand all the trials that we face: straying partners, medical conditions, difficult children, financial burdens, etc, but let’s hold on tight to the believe that God is like a parent who patiently teaches and molds us to be better people. That He uses our experiences to reach out to others and that no matter how bad things may seem right now, God means it for good and will use it for good. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts not our thoughts, His time not our time. Let us ‘trust in His power and hold on. He will give you the strength to keep from falling’. (Isaiah 40:31)
Have a GOD week! :)
Dear ladies,
Thank you so much for your feedback and encouragement, I admire and respect those ladies that have chosen to stay and work it out. Believe me, I too would like nothing more than to save my marriage but it is difficult to do so alone. The man I married is someone else now and has stepped out of the light. My husband has not repented for his actions to me or to god, that I know of, or asked to reconcile. Marriage is a big responsibility and a true partnership. My sense is it was just more work than he was willing to handle. Trust is key and once it is violated or broken it is very hard to rebuild, especially without god’s involvement. I will forgive him because I know it is the right thing for me to do and allow me to grow from this experience.
I am so pleased to know I have sisters that I can share with and am all the stronger for it. God bless all of you.
Renae thank you for your compliament on hanging in there for the right Christian guy to come along, I have to admit it wasn’t easy. A widow with a 4 year old (Lee-Anna) who used to say to me mommy can’t we order a daddy from the catalogue and me who so badly wanted to get married again but I just knew in my Heart that I couldn’t take the chance of going out with an unsaved person. Like you I have prayed through the years for my two sons that the Lord would give them lovely Christian wives & I must admit I sort of had a bargain with God because he for whatever reason saw fit to take Lee-Anna home to Heaven when she was 15 1/2 yrs old so I asked God if He could please give me extra special daughter -in-laws. Well God is Wonderful when my eldest son got married he married a lovely Christian girl who is an Identical Twin anyone would fall in love with the both of them so I truly felt when Jamin & Jenny got married I also got an extra daughter-in-law & son-in-law and they call us mom and dad too. God is so good. I am still praying for my other sons wife to be who ever she my be, but I know that The Lord has someone Special for Aaron too. I am so thankful that my sons never dated nonchristian girls either. I would never accept the excuse for me or them that well we could lead them to the Lord if we dated them. I feel that you don’t have to date them to lead them to the Lord. As someone once said you can be a Christian standing on top of a pile of books and the unsaved are on the floor and it is much easier for the unsaved to pull you down to their level than it is for you to pull them up to your level, not to say that it is impossible as of course we all know it isn’t but it take work & prayer, lots of prayer.
To Tracy & Jackie I just want to encourage you to hang in there. My sister-in-law has gone through what you & Diana have gone through but twice & this means it was my own brother. But my sister-in-law Bless her Pressious Soul choose to hang in there and Never Give Up and The Lord has been So Gracious To Bring Her Through This Twice. She Loved him and wasn’t going to give up on Him regardless of what had happened and what he said & Praise The Lord God Is Working Things Out. Please Diana by any means I am not saying what you choose to do was wrong. Each and every situation is different and I truly Believe The Lord Will Lead & Guide You and Have That Special Man For You In Your Life Too we just all have to remember IN HIS TIME!!! & while we are waiting lets keep praying for one another and “KEEP SMILING FOR JESUS”
Dear Jackie!
Like June L..am so happy to see you back and Praising the Lord for you and praying a quick recovery…Will pray about the other situation you mentioned and we have faith in you and in the Great Heavenly Father you serve, too! Loved June L’s beautiful prayer for you, too..That gave me real peace just now and feel it has already “pierced the ceiling”! She is a precious lady and powerful Prayer Warrior, too! Hang in there, dear Jackie..The Lord is listening! (((Jackie)))
Correction: such good sound advice “from” Linda. Sorry!!
Jackie, I am so glad you are back. Was so worried, and have been praying along with Fran that you were okay. You were missed. Everytime I think of our “awesome” God, I would think of you. You are such a blessing. Praying for a speedy recovery. (((Hug for Jackie)))
Ladies, I have gone through the cheating, lies, you name it. I can honestly say I am thankful I have stayed in my marriage for 38 years. Remember, only God can change him…and only God through prayer (like Alescha said) can give you the strength and courage to accept your husband as he is, until the day he changes. My husband still is not a Christian after 35 years of my being a Christian, and praying for him. Have I felt like giving up? Yes, many times, but I took it to the Lord in prayer, and he said “Don’t give up.”
Such good sound advice for Linda. Only wish I knew what I know now when I was looking for a husband.
This devotion has hit home for me too. There is always room for improvement, and I plan on making my marriage better, and to love and respect my husband…warts and all, like Fran says…and like the good Lord commands us to do. Praise Him!!
Father God, I pray for each precious lady that has commented here today, and for those that only read, and are seeking answers to their marriage problems. Like Fran said the devil is trying to break up every marriage. Those that have put you in the center of their marriage, and are happy, continue to “bless” them. Those that are struggling to do this, pour your spirit upon them and give them the love and respect for their husbands to continue. Thank you for hearing, and for delivering us from our troubles. Amen and Amen.
Hello ladies, your comments are truly a blessing to me. Thank you Vonette for this devotional. I have a hard time trusting because of the greener grass syndrome, so I worry alot about it happening again.I think I listen for lies and look for unusual behaviour. I know I have to stop that but it’s very hard to trust someone you know can lie really well. I point blank asked God to please show me that I could trust my husband, I’m getting to the place because I don’t trust him much that I don’t want to spend time with him anymore.I had emergency surgery this week, I haven’t been able to eat or do much. My husband took this next week off to help me,I know I should have been greatful to him but I really dreaded it. So I ‘ve prayed all day God please help me not be this way , show me I can trust him. Then I finally feel good enough to sit here for a few minutes and read this devotional. Thank you Lord for giving me answers and using this site .
Love all you Ladies, hope you are doing well. your in my prayers. I’m behind on here but plan to catch up soon.
First of all, I wish to say thank you to those of you who take your time, emotion, and love to write the daily devotions I have come to love over the last 3-4 years. What an encouragement it is to me at times; other times it is often the reminder I need from God’s word on that day.
With that being said, I would like to add to today’s devotion. First you should know that I have been married three times. This does not qualify me to be an expert by any means; however, I now have a very wonderful and God centered marriage. Marriage today can be so fulfilling, rewarding, and challenging all at the same time. I like your H-E-D-G-E-S plan and totally agree with all of your points; however, we must not forget that only through prayer
and the love of our precious heavenly father are these acts possible. The most important lesson/s I have learned from my experience with marriage is to put the Lord at the center of my life, my marriage, and my family. Only with the guidance from the Spirit and God’s word will we truly be satisfied in our marriages or otherwise.
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33
“…train the younger women to love their husbands and children……, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”
Titus 2:4-5
Wives, we are called to a much higher calling than being just a wife; by loving our husbands as we should we bring honor and glory to God!
Tracy!! YOU are a wonderful encouragement, and so is your special friend Eve!! Anyone can be a hero in this life when things are perfect? You two are showing what the LORD can do and are even helping others while you do! Believing for you!! ((((Tracy))) and (((Eve, too, when she reads))) and (((Diana)))) and (((ALL in this kind of challenge)))! Amen!
This IS the place to recieve encouragement. Thank you so much ladies for your prayers and words of wisdom. As the seasons change from summer to fall I pray that God will help us all to stand strong at thi stime and not fall at the hurdles set by others.
Thank you, dear ladies, for these sharings. Good, valid, Godly advice! And? H.E.D.G.E.S good advice from the devotional writer for ALL relationships we have in this life.
Am so blessed to have 43 good years with my husband.. He’s still very attractive and many “tried” to interrupt our relationship..He’s been in the entertainment field all those years and worldly temptations and examples all around..But he resisted and has been an “example” of loyalty. We are very fortunate and realize it, too! It wasn’t easy and took a lot of work..and LOT of help from the Lord..We married young in our early 20′s..The Lord’s entry into our lives in our 30′s helped so much and His HOly Spirit now “guides”.. We had to work hard at keeping our “boundaries” and preserving!!..and the advice to “guard” and nurture our marriages so important..To “date” that husband or wife and treat them as you would when you were officially dating..the same respect! If only we’d all treat our families as we treat others!
Am grateful for HIS LOVE which helps our earthen love mature..and teaches us respect for one another..and realize am very blessed that we both received Him here at same time and are fortified and blessed that He is our Rock. the devil on the roar against marriages, of course..But the LORD invited in.. smoothes over the challenges that will and do come in this earthen walk!
I admire Tracy, Eve, Diana and Chris..you precious ones deserve this same relationship very much..And am praying and believing for miracles, too. And HIS LOVE and protection around you as HE works these situations out.
Loved Linda’s sound advice and Chris’ words of wisdom..and Tracy’s and Renae’s good encouragement for Diana. Proud of you Chris!! You’ve raised the bar up and God will meet it, too, with one worthy of you! Remember, always, we ARE Princesses in His Royal Family..You deserve a Prince!..And so do His other daughters who’ve shared about this. He did that for Linda and will for others! Wish I had a printer to print this one..It’s a winner! Have Blessed, beautiful weekend, dear Sisters!
It’s Saturday and my brain isn’t working too well yet, it’s relaxing. I just wanted to tell Chris I’ve also shared your words with my daughter, I like the points you came up with in looking for the right man. And Tracy, as I shared with Diana, I pray God will make you stronger and give you the discernment you need in caring for your family. Don’t be afraid to talk to people about it, ones that will give your godly advice. You’re not alone, we’re right here with you and we’re all here for each other. God bless.
Linda, what a great story of “sticking to your guns” and waiting for the right man several years later. Your story inspires me to share with my daughter that’s 18. She knows the right man is out there but I think she gets discouraged sometimes in the waiting. She has had one somewhat serious relationship for a bit but hasn’t really dated much.
Diana, hang in there and let God lead as you have said. When I was younger my parents went through a time like this but my dad stayed strong and wouldn’t give up. This too passed after a short time and my parents were closer than ever. To this day, they date each other, take good care of each other, and have been godly examples to me and my brother in our marriages. I thank God that my dad held on because He has used and continues to use our family in a mighty way. As a kid I remember having all of those crazy feelings about everything during that time but it taught me as well about what marriage is and true love is.
Don’t forget all you moms and future moms, pray for your children’s future spouses now, regardless of how old they are, believing God is training them to walk in His ways as as you are training yours. I believe this prayer also helps to keep the wrong ones out as well. We have my prayer power in our kids lives than they know–it’s our job! My kids ask sometimes, “how did you know about this or that?” and I remind them God let’s momas know these things—He loves me and He loves them and is looking out for them. God is good!
Wow I have not been reading the email study every day and following an email from Eve I decided I needed toget back to it. what a way to start. I like Diana have discovered that my husband has been having an affair. I chose the stand by your man route, I am not saying I have done the right thing or thatits easy. I just know that I made promises before God in church and am doing all I can to keep the flame burning. The hardest part is trust. I just wish I had build HEDGES around our marriage 23 years ago.
I know that part of my reason for not leaving/ divorcing is financial and stability for family. I believe God is guiding me and I am trying really hard to fully rely on him. hence I must get back to basics ad reading his word daily is the best starting point.
I am off to a precept bible study conference next weekend with my husband and can’t wait. still a long way to go .
As a daily reader and someone who recently found out that my husband was having an affair with one of his co-workers, I wish he could have been strong enough to just stop and think about what he was doing. Instead he lied about what and where he was going/doing, refused to go to counseling, see our pastor and basically kept telling me he did not know why he felt the way he did, but just did. His HEDGES were defoliated. When we think we have met that soulmate or ‘the one’ we want to grow old with, we give them our complete trust. At least that is what I did and never imagined him breaking my trust in such a morally bankrupt way. My husband told me early on, ‘if we don’t have trust we don’t have anything’. He basically abandoned his marriage and I am slowly recovering.
I know in my heart as do my pastor, family and friends that I did everything I could to try and reach him and save our marriage. He is the one who has lost his grace and I ask god everyday to help me keep mine. I know the only one I can trust is the lord. As the last few months of our marriage was unraveling, I believe god revealed to me things he wanted me to see that showed me the truth about what my husband was doing. He got caught in a massive web of lies and proceeded to deny the illicit affair. The truth does set you free. It did for me and I am grateful for discovering the truth and I believe it came with god’s direction.
I have committed to pursue and discover a greater relationship with god. In retrospect, my husband was not willing to allow god into our marriage, he could always think of other things to fill his time with other than a few hours of worship on the weekend.
My trust is in god; to guide me in every aspect of my life.
Linda you have read my mind over the miles. after the last boyfriend left me 12 years ago, I decided several things:1)GOD was going to take over in that department of my life(relationships)if HE wasn’t involved in our lives then I didn’t need or want it. 2) I was going to start listening to that little voice that was telling me whether or not what I was doing was GODS WILL. 3)I was going to make sure that when I did find that special someone, we BOTH were going to get tested(no ifs, ands, or buts about it) 4)HE has to be a CHRISTIAN.
I just turned everything over to GOD since HE knows me Better then I know myself. Sometimes I will say to someone who tell me I will get the RIGHT MAN: When on my death bed. I am joking when I say this. I know GOD will bring the man I am meant to be with to me when the time is right for that to happen.In the mean time I stay alone and have many wonderful friends both male and female.
GOD WILLING, I hope to find the man for me, and this devotional will be there for me. I will use this devotional at that time so I plan on keeping it around.