Love is Patient and Kind
by Katherine Kehler
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“…Love never gives up. Love cares for others more than for self…” (1 Corinthians 13:7 The Message).
Someone shared this story with me and it reminded me of how often we make judgements about situations or people without knowing all the facts. How wrong we can be:
A man was travelling home by bus, when the bus stopped, a father with several children got on. The children were very unruly. They wouldn’t sit still. They kept changing seats and were fighting. They were doing all the annoying things that children do when parents don’t control them.
The father had taken the seat beside the first man, who by now was getting more annoyed by the minute, thinking, “Why doesn’t he say something to control his children?” Finally, he could take it no longer. He turned to the father and blurted, “Your children are out of control. Why don’t you do something?”
“Yes,” the father replied, “I suppose you are right. But you see, we have just come from the hospital. Their mother died this morning. They don’t know how to handle it and neither do I.”
Wow! Talk about blowing it.
So often our judgements are based on outward appearances only. We make them on hearsay or base them on our limited knowledge and experience. But, thankfully, God looks at people’s hearts. Isaiah 11:3 has this to say about God: “He will not judge by the way things look. He will not judge by what people say.”
The more we allow Christ to take control of our lives, the less likely we will be to make quick judgements about people or believe rumours. As we ask Him to put His love in our hearts we will become more like Him.
~Lord Jesus, Your love is perfect. Thank You for being so patient and kind with us. When You judge and discipline us, it is because You have all the facts and it is truth. Love always rules everything You do. We, on the other hand, are so often harsh and self-righteous when analysing the actions of others. Today, we confess our critical and unkind attitudes to You and ask Your Spirit to enable us to be patient and kind. Amen.
Questions: How does it make you feel knowing that God knows why you do certain things and that He judges you accordingly? Why is it so important to allow Christ to control our lives?
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/experience/devotionalforwomen/authors/katherine-kehler/
Hi Dianne! :) Thanks for sharing your comments — you are so right, we must always be on guard of our hearts, for pride can sneak in and corrupt our motives! I really appreciate your sharing the verses that speak to this! May the Holy Spirit protect our hearts from Satan’s counterfeit intentions!
Hi, Marylin :-}.
I think that humility part is what the Bible means when it talks about restoring one who is caught in sin. In Galatians 6:1-5 it says:
“5 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5 for each one should carry his own load.”
It looks like this passage is saying (1) that we should speak the truth in love to someone who is stumbling or has fallen, but also watch that we don’t start taking false pride in ourselves for being able to help or by thinking we are better than the person who messed up. Then it says (2)that helping each other face and deal with their sin (which we can’t do alone) is a way of fulfilling Christ’s law, the law of love. Then it says (3) that if we lose humility and begin to take false pride in being “better than” those we help, we are lying to ourselves. Then it tells us (4) that we need to keep the focus on ourselves and honestly look at our own actions because it is only by working on ourselves that we can gain healthy self-esteem and that what we get by when we comparing ourselves to others is a bogus. Lastly, it says, (5) we should take responsibility for our own spiritual growth, too. We shouldn’t neglect to keep an eye on ourselves as well as helping each other.
Thanks for mentioning it:-}.
Hi Shirley, this is Marilyn! We have an interim pastor in our church at this time as we search for a senior pastor replacement. He recently did a sermon series titled, ‘One another.’ A 7-week series, it studied the teachings of our Lord regarding how we, as Christians, are to treat ‘one another.’ One of his sermons dealt with speaking the truth in love to one another, “letting the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom . . .” (Colossians 3:16) Our pastor coined the expression ‘care-front,’ substituting it for ‘confront.’ It suggests ‘caring’ for the individual as the motivation behind approaching a brother/sister about sin or an offense. If we love, then we care. And, people respond to caring. I agree with you, Shirley, that prayer and a spirit of love is the best way to prepare for such! And, a dose of humility!
Oh, yes, and Welcome!
Thanks, Shirley :-}.
What you say is right.
I have very recently been looking at the question of who the injured and the injurers are. They are both the same.
If you look at it this way, that fear grows out of a lack of perfect love (“perfect love casts out fear”), it makes sense. None of us are perfect.
How does a lack of perfect love show itself? In the way we treat others, when we either hurt them or don’t love them in the first place.
The cause of injuring others is the fear that comes out of not feeling loved/safe enough. We don’t have something we need or think we need (emotionally, spiritually, socially, physically, whatever), or something we already have seems threatened, so we act on that fear.
(I am reminded of the book of James, especially 4:1-2)
Fear shows itself in “fight or flight.” We fly (i.e., we “don’t talk about it,” we pout and feel sorry for ourselves, or we skip forgiveness and go straight into denial, etc.) or we fight (i.e. we argue, we gossip, we participate in church squabbles on the opposite side of the person we feel threatened by, etc.). Or we act in some combination of the two directions.
These are just “mild” examples of how fear shows itself. More dramatic, for instance, are those people who have shot others in schools, for instance. A lot of them (maybe all) were people who were bullied, rejected, and neglected for a long time–and it ultimately showed itself in the “fight” of killing other people (and in the “flight” of those who killed themselves, too).
So, if the cause of unloving behavior (injury)is a lack of perfect love in the person who committed the injury, then wouldn’t treating them with love be action in the direction of solving the original problem (treating fear with love)?
And wouldn’t involving God in giving the “enemy” (the person who injured or threatened us) more of what they really need (more love, less fear)–through prayer and through our actions (bolstered by God’s help) really the best thing that we can do(for both them and for ourselves)? Isn’t God the only source of Perfect Love that we have?
Confronting others in the way you describe, Shirley, allows the person who did the injury a chance to make amends, and it helps prevent the confronter from spreading injury around even further (i.e., in by snapping at their kids, or retaliating against the “original” enemy).
We all have been hurt, and we have all hurt others. And we have all done it because we do not have perfect love within ourselves. This is what makes what seem like “enemies,” “but they really aren’t it just seems that way.”
But God DOES have, and is, Perfect Love. And God DOES have the Power and the ability to share that Power/Strength with us if we are willing to be part of the solution more than part of the problem :-}. So, with with prayer and love, when we confront each other, we are putting God’s will into action.
As Christians, we talk about the opposite of fear being Faith, but I think that as a whole we have missed the fact that another opposite for fear is love (God Himself).
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
Thanks, Shirley, for bringing this up :-]!
Hello Yvette,
My name is Shirley and I am new to this Website. I read your response to ”Love Is Patient and kind”. Sometimes even though we are Christians it is hard to be loving and kind to those that offend and hurt us in some way. But the Lord say’s in His word to be ”good to our enimies” and they seem that at times but they really aren’t it just seems that way. you mentioned about confrontation being taboo in the church. I’m here to tell you it is ok, to go to someone that you have a problem with and get it worked out. But do it in Love and pray before you go. Because if we let things go sometimes it only gets worse and will fester. But be sure always that we do it in Love and Prayer.
Shirley
Interesting illustration :-} !
so often we judge people so quickly without even thinking. there are people we call sandpapper people.they often rub us the hard way.they are very irritant and are always on our nerves. these people can be found in every sphere of our lives
but as rouch as these people can be, we’ll appreciate that if only we can see these people through the lense of God’s eyes, then with time we’ll realise that our patient has produced a change of character in the lives of these people
just as the sandpapper would have lost its rough surface after a few rubbing on a hard surface.
not only will the sandpapper loose its rough surface with time, but also the surface on which the sandpapper would be usesd to rub would be smoother even if it was already smooth
lets develop the right attitude towards people we see as ”irritant” and with time, we’ll realise that our patience has produced a character fit for haeven
amen
Dear DonnaL….
Thank you for posting as we’ve been praying for you. Philippians 4:13 helped me so much once in a new job after a period of working at home. It strengthened me and as I whispered it to myself, difficult things became easier! Picture HIM there “showing” you! And, remember, one step at a time, the coworkers will understand and were right where you are at one time, too! Bless you, dear Sister, and your husband, too..Linda’s prayers are powerful and have been a beneficiary of them here, too! In agreement with her for you and Steve!
LindaR,
Thanks, once again, for your prayers….just an update on my first day, it went really well. I have so much to learn and am convinced that I will have to completely depend on the Lord in this. His grace is sufficient!!! Amen! Thanks also for praying for Steve..just so you will know, he is doing really well at the moment. God is so good to us.
Thinking of you all and praying for the various needs here.
“May the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit be with you all” 2Corinthians 13:14…love, Donna
I AM IN COMPLEATMENT WITH LINA R AND HER WONDERFUL PRAYERS. LOD BLESS ALL WHO COME TO THIS SITE
SHARON B
Father, thank You for Your faithfulness, thank You for showing me time and time again to focus on You to be committed to what You begin, help me not to fall prey to the deception of satan, help me to discern who really is of You, shield and protect my heart and mind, that I don’t allow false piety to penetrate me, I desire to love as You love, with sound wisdom and judgement, cover me with Your grace that no weapon of deception and false piety trips me up and I find myself trusting the wrong people, I bless You Father and thank You for revealing my heart to me and revealing the wiles of satan, in Jesus’ name, amen, amen. Thank You Father!
Dear Lord I just pray that you will be with Hy right now, You see the situation she lives in,You know what she has to deal with day in & day out. Lord I just as that You would be very near to her, help her to feel Your presence, love, joy, peace give her patience and understanding as she faces each day. Just help her to know and remember You are Always with her and will Never leave her. Just give her a Wonderful Week In Your Name I pray Amen.
Also Dear Lord I just pray for DonnaL as she will still be at work in Australia right now. Lord help her to have a great first day at her new job. Help her to remember everything that she is taught and just let this job be a joyful time for her. Let her life shine for you & be such a testimony to those around her. I also pray for her husband Steve that you will be with him while she is at work. That you will watch over him, encourage him and I continue to pray that you will use him for your glory. That his life will be a real testimony for you also & you will continue to have your healing hand on his life. I just commit them both to You in Your Holy Name I pray in faith believing Amen!
My desire is to let Christ have total control of my life each day but to be honest I do fall short and am guilty of sometimes judging people before I even get to know them. I just pray & ask God that he would forgive me of that & help me to be more Christ like in all I think, do and say. Once again I think of that old song.
‘Make Me More Like Thee Dear Jesus, Make Me More Like You,
Give Me A Heart That’s Filled With Love & Make Me More Like You!
That is all I can remember but that is my desire to be more Like Him
Hugs Linda!
Gracious and loving Father, You bind up the broken-hearted and tenderly care for their wounded spirits! You know the needs of Your children even before they come to You in prayer, and You always answer on time! Give grace to those who must wait on You, as You work to redeem broken relationships! For those who live with rejection, Lord, reassure them of Your love and faithfulness, and keep their eyes fixed on You! I lift up dear sister, Hy, who is weary of the day-by-day emotional drain of a one-sided relationship, feeling spurned at her efforts to restore emotional intimacy. Help her, I pray, to trust You for her daily supply of grace! May she see this time of waiting as a time of growing . . . growing in faith, growing in grace, growing in agape love! Bring loving, Christian women to her side, to encourage her in this lonely circumstance. Guard her heart, Lord, during these vulnerable times. And Father, in Your mercy, I would ask that You touch the heart of Hy’s loved one, taking that heart of stone and making it a heart of flesh, bringing her anguished waiting to a close! This, I pray, in the sweet Name of Jesus, Amen!
This is a very good post.We look at the outer side of a person,and not what’s going on on the inside.We are not the judge of other’s.
Hy, you are precious in his sight, but so is the person that is being a thorn in your flesh right now. God is patient with all and loves us all dearly. Reach out in love to the person that is so hard to live with and speak God’s word over them even if you have to do it silently in your heart. God never wakes up in the morning as we do and says, Gosh I didn’t know that was going to happen to them. He is all knowing, all faithful. Trust and Obey for there’s no other way. Blessings to all today. Happy Sunday
Katherine,
Good lesson this morning…..I will be thinking of it every time someone challenging crosses my path today.
Dear Sisters, I start my new job this morning. Please pray that I will be all that God has called me to be there. Thank you Dear Sisters. I pray you each have a day filled with joy. Love to you all…
Precious Hy! We ALL fail if we are in human encasements!! Romans 3:23 says that we will always fall short! But you need a big (((((((Hy))))))) across the miles! And these ladies assembled here are prayerful and will sure lift you up in that situation! The only one we can change..ourselves! Just remember this? You’ve already made a step towards HIM recognizing Him as your refuge and help!! We’ve said it over and over here at this special place..Hebrews 13:5..HE will never leave nor forsake. All of us here have gone through different things..some still going through them. But as you already know..HE is in the midst of the Believer’s life! And you are right, too! Even in your pain? You recognize the Hope in HIM..Bless you and we are lifting!! Lord, please be with Hy in amazing ways and help in Jesus’ powerful name!
It is much easier said than done when you are in stressful, emotionally draining family situation 24 hours a day, day-by-by with no hint or glimpse of hope even though you pray, you talk, you cry, you do everything you can think to do humanly…and…the other person is silent, uninterested, cold and emotionally unavailable. In a perfect world, it is easy to know that love is kind, patient and all that wonderful stuff but actually living that out daily even as a Christian serving God is a daily, moment by moment giving it over to God decision. Sometimes as a human, I fail. Actually most time, I fail. I managed to stay sane by remembering that God is Sovereign, Holy and no matter what He is in my drama and will bring me through it..in the Name of Jesus. That is my hope, my only refuge..Christ and Him alone.
WOW!!!!! I really needed to read, hear and absorb this message today! Sometimes…..when people don’t act or say something that I want to hear from them…..I believe I do judge….more than I ever realized until reading this message today. This is POWERFUL…I will be practicing how ” Love is Patient and Kind” now for the rest of my days. I know it won’t be an easy task…but just be aware of the smallest judgement towards another…is a great start.
Have a Blessed Sunday!
We start “growing up in HIM”..when we become “other” involved and less “self” involved…And? As HE heals us and makes us realize our individual self worth..When we realize how much we mean to HIM..How unconditionally HE loves us? We begin to do that towards others HE places in our lives, as well. He changes our hearts and our old ways recede more and more…
As we go through, survive, and overcome different earthen challenges He lovingingly allows, we “do” look through different sets of “eyes” and understand …and “judgments” aren’t so easy to pronounce towards others! Thank you, Lord, for the ways you teach and heal us…and grow us more and more each day…Your loving discipline sent only for our good….It’s hard to recognize that on some human days..But Thank YOU, Lord…
Wonderful comments, ladies!
vey good devotional
I am so grateful that God is working in my life for nearly 35 years of my life i did not know how to love anyone, including myself. For years on end, I tried to take my life for I did not understand how anyone could ever love someone like me whom was so terribly disfigured INSIDE. I did a wonderful job in trying to perfect the outward stuff in my life for no one truly knew that inner battle/jail sentance that I was locked up in for so many dreadful years. Thus is why i am so glad that JESUS is setting me free more and more each day of my old ways of living and is establishing within me a new HEART filled with LOVE.
I know that I have been in the wrong for so many years in terms of judging other people and I am maturing more and more by not doing it as much anymore. Hopefully someday I will fully be set free from such a wrongful way of thinking. Less of me and more of Christ in me is what I pray for this blessed of a new day.
Barbara C.
Our human nature is to make judgements based on our perceptions, but perceptions can be faulty. Our eyes can be deceived and our hearts biased, distorting the truth. God, alone, knows our hearts and He not only sees our actions, but also the motivations behind them. Actions that are fueled by His love flowing through us must be what truly please Him.
Beautiful message, Katherine! Thank you!
After suffering deep wounds from preconceived judgments from others, I found myself deeply confused? These are my fellow brethren, how could they betray me so? Then I was prompted by the Holy Spirit with this: “Jesus was misjudged, reviled, shunned, rejected, attacked, abused, betrayed unto death, for the very ones He came for”. I began to seek God for greater mercy and pity, especially for those whom brought the offences. Love…the love of God is the key to truly discerning the heart and actions of others. Most would say if a person is saved they wouldn’t be crying. Yes, I’ve been told that. Or if you really wanted to be healed you would be by now. And, you don’t “look” like you are suffering”? So, as I heal I ask God to restore His love in me, for others and myself. I confess I judged others by thinking they don’t love me? Or they don’t care when in fact they may just be so shocked they don’t know what to say. Or this is just how they are and they don’t mean anything by it. Confrontation is taboo in the church. No one wants to go to someone and question a concern we have with them, that wouldn’t be Christ like, so we suffer in silence. Therefore, I seek His perception of people and situations that’t beyond me so I don’t error needlessly or cause anyone to stumble in sin. Again, “His Love” conquers all manner of feat, ignorance, doubt even the self serving mindset we have at times.
Be blessed now, today and forever!
Because of the work I do I on a daily basis see unruly children. Having three children of my own I sometimes gripe about things that I have no business fussing about because God will use my own kids to show me I am wrong in judging others. I tell the story of a pastor friend of ours, Our first son was compliant from the minute he hit the world, still is but our friends son was always into something, never still and boy did I compare and complain. Well a few years later God decided to bless us with another son (Just like our friends, you could hear him scream from the delivery room and he has been loud ever since, ha ha) but God has used that to show me that my judgement is wrong and that every child is different. Today let’s show that compassion to someone maybe not so “together” because who knows what we will be like when we grow up. Love to you all.
I HAVE FOND THAT ON A BUS WHEN I AM NOT FEELING GOOD I HAVE GOTTEN VERY MOODY AND HAVE WANTED TO TELL A PARENT TO SHUT THEIR KID UP AND TO CONTROLL THEM. I HAVEN’T BECAUSE I HAVE KNOWN THAT I WAS IN A BAD MOOD AND IT WASTN’T THEIR FELT THAT THE KID WAS MISBEHAVING. I HAVE JUST BEEN GLAD TO GET OFF THE BUS.