Comments on: Unforgiveness

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 15:24:03 +0000

Dear Dorothy, I echo Linda R and Andi in encouraging you to continue praying, unceasingly, for your husband’s ex-wife, until your anger has given way to understanding and compassion for her. Though we do not know all the issues and circumstances surrounding your relationships, there is something vitally important for the emotional/spiritual well-being of the children — that is helping them to learn the essential art of forgiving! They will learn it best from you and your husband, as they are in your presence more. Unforgiveness will hold them hostage, and stagnate their spiritual growth! I tell you this, dear sister, from my own experience! When my daughter was 16-years-old, after having become a Christian at 9-years-old, she struggled with bitterness and unforgiveness towards her father. He was a very difficult man to live with, harsh in discipline and critical in spirit. As a new believer, God blessed her with spiritual understanding that betrayed her age. But, she continued in anger towards her father, for having cost her a ‘happy childhood.’ We would talk about her feelings, and I understood completely. But, seeing her at a spiritual impasse because of her unforgiveness, I realized the necessity of helping her move towards this goal, regardless of whether or not her father, my husband, changed his ways. I encouraged her to start praying for her father every day for 30 days, whether she felt like it or not. I knew that as she ‘thought’ it, she would eventually ‘feel’ it. And, I prayed feverishly as well! As God was behind this effort, He was faithful to deliver! My daughter experienced spiritual victory, and was finally able to forgive her father and actually feel compassion for him! She has been so richly blessed by this, and God has rewarded her commitment with an improved relationship with her father! Praise Him! And so, dear Dorothy, I would encourage you to join your husband in praying daily for his ex-wife, and if you find that the children harbor ill feelings towards their mother, to invite them to pray for her, as well. Encourage them to talk about their feelings, as needed, but in the spirit of seeking understanding, compassion, and reconciliation of relationships. God bless you, Dorothy!

By: Dorothy

Dorothy — Sat, 06 Sep 2008 10:42:20 +0000

Thank you ladies. My life is intertwined in scripture and I know what is the right thing to do – it’s the actual “doing” it that seems to elude me. These two children are not mine biologically, they are ones that God entrusted to me at a very young age. We have four altogether and have struggled and prayed and worked hard to form a strong family bond in our home. The kids have never wanted to go for visitation – she is not a very nice person – even though she does claim to be a Christian (is the choir leader in her church) however, my husband has always insisted that they go anyway – he didn’t want them to grow up and say that it was his fault they never got to know her or bond with her. She herself is the one who has impeded that from ever happening with her own actions. So, I’ve reluctantly submitted to his line of thought and am the ones the kids come to when they’ve been hurt – which as we all know as mothers, kills us inside as well. It had gotten so bad awhile ago that I actually called my mother and asked her to pray for her because I was physically incapable of asking God to do anything for her. I do now pray for her during my quiet time, but must admit it is only done out of what I know I should be doing – so, based on your encouragement ladies, I’m committing to whole-heartedly “mean it” when I do pray – thank you all for your words of wisdom. And my heart skipped a beat for a moment Linda, when I realized that I am the age your daughter would’ve been today. :)

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:31:11 +0000

Hi Dorothy! I have spent time pondering over, and in prayer about, your circumstances, but was unclear about whether it was your son or your husband’s son from his first marriage, who had the unfortunate experience with your husband’s ex-wife. Divorce, custody issues, and step-parent relationships impose different family dynamics to consider. May the Lord shed His light on this situation for better understanding, and may His Spirit guide those in whom He dwells, and show mercy and grace towards the hearts that have yet to receive Him! God bless, dear sister!

By: Andi

Andi — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 14:21:22 +0000

Linda you gave Dorothy the truth when you told her to pray for this woman. I would suggest the entire family pray for her and surround her w/other believers. Prayer does change situations, and often it is us that are first changed. Right now I pray that your son will never give in to her yelling at him; but that Father God will help him to see and understand her and that he’ll be able to walk away or give a soft reply.
Dorothy I think it goes a further than forgiveness for what this gal has done seems to have broken your sense of ‘trust’ in her having your kids visit; is this correct? Then pray into that as well. A break in trust is something that can take longer to heal.
Linda hit it right on the head so pray, pray, pray; and I suggest you may want to read one of the books on Forgiveness I mentioned further up in my first comment.
Bless you all Dorothy as you seek HIM first in this situation and in your lives as a whole! Amen

By: Linda R

Linda R — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 07:27:35 +0000

Dorothy my heart just aches for you and I want you to know I am going to put you and your family on my prayer list. You might not like what I am going to say but it was once told to me when I was so very, very badly hurt by someone and it really did help me to forgive them and that was to pray for them. If your husbands ex is not a Christian pray for her salvation, Pray for The Love of Jesus to Flow Through her and out to everyone she comes in contact with. Dorothy you might be saying to yourself but Linda you don’t know this lady no, I don’t but I do know the Power of God and He is In The Life Changing Business, there is Nothing He Can’t Do, Nothing. 22yrs ago on August 24th a young man from our church was driving our 15 1/2 yr old daughter home from a bunch of teens going out for lunch, this young man leaned over to put a cassette in to listen to music and drove right across the center line into a oncoming truck. Lee-Anna was killed instantly, the young man walked away with a scratch, just a scratch on his arm. But you know Dorothy I HAD to forgive him, I didn’t even have an option. And what you have gone through is also so horrible but you have to forgive your husbands ex and pray for her and her salvation as that is more important than anything is for her to find the Lord.
Dear Heavenly Father I just bring Dorothy before you right now, Jesus you see her heart, her anger over the situation of what happened with her children and how she can’t get that image out of her head and she truly turns it over to you each morning, well Lord I just Pray In Your Name that You would release her of those images, memories and any anger she is still holding and Dear God Replace it all with Your Love, Joy, Peace and encouragement for what You are going to do in Dorothy’s life and also her husbands ex’s life and through it all We Will Give All The Glory To Jesus! I just pray all these things in Your Holy Name in Faith Believing Amen! Hugs, Linda!!!

By: Dorothy

Dorothy — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 06:31:13 +0000

This devotion must have been written for me. I am a mother of 4. My two oldest kids are my husbands from a previous marriage – he’s had custody since they were in diapers and they were only 4 and 5 when we started dating (soon after married). That was 10 years ago. We have always had our difficulties with his ex – but recently, (around 4 months ago) she goaded my son into an argument (he is a good-natured boy and strives to grow in Christ – part of what we try to instill in him) when he decided to yell back, she threw him against a mirrored wall and began to beat him with the palm of her hand. Our daughter called us in tears and we immediately drove out there and called the police. The image of my son having to speak with a police officer is still burned in my mind. When my husband spoke to her three weeks later (childrens services did get involved – eventually nothing came of it – as usual) he told her that her behavior was unacceptable. Not only did she not apologize, she said she’d do it again if need be.
I am in prayer every day over my anger about the situation and the safety of my children. I truly turn it over to God every morning because I cannot get the image of her hurting my children out of my head.
Will it ever go away????

By: Marilyn

Marilyn — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 22:39:49 +0000

Dear Penny, we are commanded in His Word to forgive, and by the power of the Holy Spirit in us, we can! God would never command something of us, that He did not supply the means for. As it only takes one to forgive, we are not accountable for the other person’s response. Though reconciliation is a biblical resolution that would be most pleasing to God, it is not commanded of us, as it requires two cooperating people. Please know, dear Penny, that you can forgive someone who hurt you in the past and is no longer with us. While reconciliation may be impossible, forgiveness is not only possible, it is necessary, particularly for you to experience joy and peace in your salvation! The Holy Spirit indwelling you empowers you to do that which you cannot in your own power. Linda R is right in encouraging those who struggle with unforgiveness to regularly pray for their transgressor, as the Holy Spirit uses our prayers to transform our hearts! Her idea of writing a letter, burying it, and then planting something over it is a beautiful suggestion for those situations in which the transgressors have passed! As unforgiveness can stall our spiritual growth, and rob us of His power and victory, this is a heart condition that is toxic to the Christian. Trust God, Penny, to help you overcome this obstacle, as you surrender your heart and hurt to Him! God bless, dear sister!

By: sharon

sharon — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 22:28:52 +0000

yes we should all be forgiving but sometimes it is very hard so we must turn to Him for help
sharon

By: Andi

Andi — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 18:41:35 +0000

wow, this devotional touches us all one way or another as we’ve all been in similar situations.
Years ago we met the author of a Christian book “Forgive and Forget.’
He taught us that ‘forgiveness’ is a process rather than a one-time deal. He also reminded us that ‘feelings’ are not to be trusted in this process. I do hope you’ll pick up his book or his second on entitled,
‘The Art of Forgiving.’
His name is Lewis B. Smedes
May everyone find their way to HIS peace, mercy and grace in the situations you are working thru.
We too have disfunctional family relationships that we have grown to have HIS peace, mercy and grace in and so I pray this for everyone who is still having to walk thru these issues.
Be blessed.

Penny, at one time in my life I was afraid to ‘trust’ anyone. God took me thru a 10 year period of healing by leading me to one person at a time in which to re-learn how to trust and whom to trust. Interestingly enuf we are to be wise as HIS word states, for not everyone is worthy of our trust…..So my prayer for you dear sister, is that our great God will bring one person at a time into your life to nurture and help rebuild your trust in HIS children. In Jesus name. Amen

By: Penny

Penny — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 17:24:27 +0000

Thanks for the suggestions! God Bless. :)