Live in Peace
by Muriel Larson
**Is your marriage a peaceful one or are you ready to give up on your relationship? We have mentors who will listen to you and can pray with you. http://thelife.com/interactive/share.html
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God”—Jesus (Matthew 5:9).
Paula and her family were off on their vacation trip. Before they had gone far, Paula’s husband reached down and brought up an unopened box of lemon cookies.
“Where’d you get that?” Paula asked.
“Bought it, of course,” her husband said. “You know I love lemon cookies!”
“What are you going to do with it?” she third -degreed. “I have an open box here. We ought to use these first so they don’t get stale!”
Her husband glowered at her and ripped open the top of his box. Paula’s first inclination was to rip open her husband with her tongue. Then she caught herself. She had become aware of her nagging recently. All it had ever brought had been dissension between herself and her husband. She remembered the last time they had gone on vacation. When she had started to nag then, he had turned around and headed for home.
But she wanted so badly to say something! Then she realized the temptation was from Satan. The verse came to her, “Greater is he that is in you than he that is in the world.” She kept her mouth shut.
Her husband sat happily munching on his cookies as they drove along. Soon he was making jovial remarks again. An incident that could have ruined their vacation passed over, because Paula was trying to live for the Lord. Since her husband wasn’t a Christian, she also wanted him to see Christ in her. What was a half-finished box of lemon cookies compared to peace?
It seems funny when you think about it that such an insignificant thing could cause a big quarrel, ill feelings, and ruin a vacation. But actually, aren’t many such things inconsequential?
The Bible says those who have proud hearts stir up strife” (Proverbs 28:25). Humility and self – control are fruit of the Spirit, and they can help us to keep our mouths shut when we feel the urge to nag. The love that also comes from the Spirit will lead us to pray about something in another individual that bothers us.
What can we do about faults or misdeeds we see in others?
We can pray. It only takes a moment to seek God’s guidance. His Spirit indwells His people and the Spirit and the Word can lead us to say the right thing, and not the wrong. A pause to pray could make the difference between a day of turmoil or a day of peace.
Questions: What if we live with an angry person, a controller, or troublemaker? How can we make peace with someone who is “always right”?
About the Author: http://talk.thelife.com/experience/devotionalforwomen/authors/muriel-larson/
My fellow believers thank you for sharing your experiences with difficult
individual in your life. I have one too. Its my mother -in-law. She has to always be right and wants all the attention when she is with my husband
and I. Because she critizise me and always think that my husband and her
can talk to each other while in our vehicle I bring my mp3 and listen to
Christian music with earphone on and if not that text mesengeng my friends. I know I soppose to pray for her she treats me abrasibly and sarcasticaly. She is a Christian. How can a Christian have a nice personality with other people who does not know her closely and act rude to those she knows quite well. Pray for me about if we should get
a cell phone it was a problem in the past. I had a broken trust and healing from it. Pray that I will commit my mother in law and my husband to the Lord my husband helps his mother go to the doctors. She has four
especialist doctors. My husband tells me to keep my distance from my
in law when she is upset even if it isn’t my fault . I feel that this is the land of the Land of the Free and we have free speech but I will keep quiet for now. I work and can get health benefits from my work . I can be self sufficient but God knows best. We have track phone now.
Dear Robbie, I said that ‘verbal/emotional abuse’ is subjective, not physical abuse. As there is no means by which to measure verbal/emotional abuse, and it is subject to personal interpretation and perception, that makes it a subjective complaint. What one might consider verbal abuse may not necessarily be considered such by someone else, and vice versa. Verbal abuse can develop into emotional abuse when we listen to and believe what man says over what God says. Robbie, I have listened to, and believe, many women tell their stories of difficult marriages, of unloving husbands, and broken trust and verbal/emotional abuse. Believe me when I say that I understand their plight. But, I am here to tell you that God is not intimidated by such challenges, and He even delights in ressurecting them! But, being the quintessential Gentleman that He is, He does not force Himself or His ways upon anyone! And, if we choose to reject His ways, He allows us to experience the consequences of our choices, even when we are ‘born again.’ Being ‘born-again’ does not exempt us from sinful rebellion or disregard of God’s precepts! While we do not risk losing our salvation, we risk losing earthly blessing and heavenly reward.
I am a ‘born again’ Christain and am well versed in western theology as well as the bible. Raised my children in the ‘church’ -even homeschooled a couple for 2 years through their difficult adolesent years. I know all about of what you speak. My hope and prayer for you is that you will come to a place where you will be able to listen to AND believe the women when they tell you their stories. Your statement that abuse is subjective causes me some concern.
May God bless you too.
And, Robbie, I intended to address your comment about perpetual, generational sin behaviors — this is generally the sign of unregenerate hearts, not Christians following God’s Word. As we submit our hearts and lives to His teaching, He is faithful to bless us! It is because man has rejected God’s Word, and rebels against God’s authority, that the behaviors you have outlined exist, and will continue to exist. I hope this is helpful to you! God bless!
Dear Robbie, what did Jesus say about divorce? Yes, Jesus did warn those who would intentionally harm children, but it is for the perpetrator. It is incumbent on wives to seek their children’s physical safety, as well as their own, when necessary. However, verbal/emotional abuse is subjective, and therefore more at risk of exaggeration/embellishment for the benefit of a fed-up spouse! In God’s Word, there is no allowance for ‘irreconciliable differences.’ That justification for divorce has been created by man, an escape clause for those whose divorce plans don’t meet biblical criteria. When physical safety is at risk, a separation is wise, but this is generally designed for the purposes of reflection and self-examination, and Christian marriage counseling is highly recommended. As for verbal/emotional abuse, spiritual and/or Christian marriage/family counseling can be beneficial. 1 Peter 3 is written for husbands and wives. If one’s spouse is not a believer, that does not absolve the believing spouse from following God’s Word and seeking the Holy Spirit’s help in changing the marriage. Though one cannot change her/his spouse, through prayer and faithful obedience to God’s ways of living our lives, the Holy Spirit changes the believer’s heart, giving her/him joy and peace as she/he waits upon Him to change her/his spouse, and transform their marriage! As God is faithful, and clearly loves children, He is trustworthy in protecting our children as we commit to following His commands! He is fully capable of restoring broken relationships, and empowering us to forgive those who have hurt us!
To advise women to stay with an abuser is an injustice to them as well as to their children. We are responsible in keeping ourselves and our children safe. What was it Jesus said about a millstone tied to the neck of anyone who hurt one of his little ones? well…it’s been proven that childern witnessing abuse can suffer great and life long injury and many end up repeating the same destructive patterns of behavior.
Hi Robbie! I think in the story, Paula isn’t necessarily thinking that offering her husband the opened box of cookies is actually nagging, but as her husband chose to rebuff her suggestion, continuing to argue with him about it would have been. And, as she realized that she had been ‘nagging’ him recently, she decided to withhold her remarks, choosing peace over ‘being right.’ This is wise. It does not mean that wives do not have a voice, or that what they think or how they feel doesn’t matter. What it means is, if a wife finds that her husband is argumentative or contrary, she is wise to limit or avoid confrontation. Pride makes us want/need to be right. You asked what Jesus would have done? The Scriptures show us that Jesus never demanded His rights, in fact, He sacrificed them. He accepted mistreatment without reprisal. My guess is that He would have responded just as Paula did — offering an opened box, then resisting the temptation to argue when spurned. I hope this is helpful to you, Robbie! God bless!
Thank you, my dear friend, Sharon, for your prayers for my former student. God bless you!
How are you doing? I have you on my prayer list (chronic pain you deal with).
I appreciate all the good and often helpful comments you sisters make!
Les, you ask “What is the difference between ‘peace maker’ and ‘peace keeper?’” My article deals with how we can be peace keepers. Peace makers are those who try to make peace between other people, and that is often far harder for anyone can do. You mentioned one reason that is so–many people who get into arguments are belligerent. And such people often believe they are the only ones right, and anyone who disputes them is wrong.
The Bible tells us to live in peace insofar as it is possible. With some people it is veritably impossible. To stand up for what is right is good.
But if it causes anger and argument among people, that’s not so good.
With the Lord’s guidance, we may be able to bring about peace between two people who might be willing to make peace, but we’d have to be very diplomatic about it! We can often help the less belligerent person by encouraging that person to back off a bit and forgive the belligerent person.
Pray about it and for those persons at odds? Yes. But I prayed for years for my husband that he would stop abusing me verbally and physically–and he was a minister. No answer to prayer there. Why? Because God doesn’t force anyone to do right! Look at how often the prophets prayed for their wayward people who wouldn’t repent. Jeremiah broke his heart over his people.
But let us make peace insofar as possible.
i still am not getting comments from the blog i have checked the box
judy d i am praying for your former student right now
sharon
oops again! I meant OPENED box! I hate typing! I’m lousy at it!
oops…I meant to say “an unopened box” in the suggested response.
Good grief, if the wife simply said to her husband as soon as he picked up the unopened box, “Here’s an unopened box,” and handed it to him as a helpful gesture, she could not have been rightly accused of nagging. Everyone has a right to a voice in every relationship. What would Jesus have to say to her husband do you think? Maybe it would have been,”Here’s an unopened box”? Sounds peacfully helpful to me.
Dear Lori, do not think that God is incapable of redeeming a seemingly unsalvagable family — miracles are His specialty! However, it takes desire and commitment on our parts! If your children are believers themselves, forgiveness is closer than you realize! I tell you this, Lori, as my husband has acted in anger just as yours over the years, and our children truly “hated” him! This was heartbreaking to me, as I completely understood their feelings, sometimes pondering over the wisdom of staying in such a miserable marriage. But, each time I considered divorce, or was encouraged by someone else to consider it, God promptly spoke to me (either through a book, a person, a message on the Christian radio, or a sermon) and called me to stay and to trust Him. I have shared on the blog for ‘Unforgiveness’ just recently about our daughter’s journey of forgiveness towards her father and her spiritual victory over it! Perhaps, you might read it, dear Lori, as I shared some steps that I took to assist her. But, I can tell you, it was God, Himself, Who worked in her heart, and brought her to the place where she could see her father from His eyes, sad for him that he doesn’t know the Lord. She not only has forgiven her father, God has blessed her with a warming relationship with him! She prays regularly for him, and it keeps her heart soft. Our son is away at college now, which has helped improve his relationship with his father. I’m not certain whether he has truly forgiven his father yet, but some distance has eased his frustration. As he hears me speak of his father in forgiving ways, I trust God to use those words to gently penetrate his heart. If your children are not believers yet, forgiveness will be much more difficult, particularly while they are still living in your house. It is always more challenging to forgive someone, when he/she is indifferent and unrepentant. Let me encourage you, Lori, that staying in prayer for your children (and husband) and encouraging them to pray for their father is the most powerful means for inviting God’s divine intervention in your home! He loves your family, Lori, even though it seems in ruins! Trust Him with the broken pieces, dear sister, for He can, and will as you allow Him, create a beautiful mosiac that will testify to His mercy and grace! God bless you!
I live with a husband who is always right (Or thinks he is) about everything and really gets angry when I tell him he is wrong. He thinks he is the only person in the world that works hard, everyone else is just goofing off. I try to make him understand that everyone does not do physical labor like he does, but he thinks if you are not working all day , you are just lazy and not worth anything. The more I try to explain to him the worse he gets, so I just give up. I think some people you just can’t convince they are wrong. So I just let the Lord handle it. maybe some day he will understand.
My story parellels devotions but a little different. My marriage is 24 years long. My husband and I both grew up in the Church of God.(different congregations) My dad was a Church of God pastor. I always destined to only be with a christian, that we could say,”As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”.
We met at campmeeting. He played the piano. Seem to know the Bible, taught S.S. He had gone to our church’s college.
Long story short: I am known for being a “peacemaker”.
So on our vacation, with our 2 children, he was ready to head home from D.C. I said that I was worried about the timing for traffic. He has no patience. I said no more. On our way. In big time, bumper to bumper, 5 lane highway. He starts swearing at everyone and everything. I tried to settle him down. “SHut UP”- his response. I didn’t want to be in an accident. So I shut up. He said, “I am going to put the pedal down and I don’t care who I hit.” My daughter said that she was scared. He told her to shut up. (Hours later) We did make it home, but as always, he ruined another family vacation.
I don’t think that the answer is the same for every situation. I believe in being truly submissive, to show God’s love and to be an example of His light. This has not worked. Now my children have been so inundated with the actions of their father. I feel like I have lost them. I talk about God’s love and yet they what have they gotten?
Marilyn, thank you for your prayers for my former student leaving Iraq and for healing for her marriage. God bless you.
Dear C, my husband has used anger to control his family, and sarcasm as a weapon. While it used to crush my spirit, it no longer does. God helped me to see my husband as He sees him, someone in need of the Savior! Instead, I feel sad for him, sad that he doesn’t seem to recognize his sin! We wives, who are unequally yoked, do not have to wait until our husbands change, or Jesus returns, to experience joy and peace in our lives! While having a meaningful, loving marriage relationship is our longing, Jesus is our need-meeter! :D
Thanks Dr. Muriel for the great devotional.
Some people, even Christians have never put into practice of doing the control on self only and not on others. For me, control others is really bad and if the person is a Christian then not a very good witness. Why is it that when we tell others what to do is a nag but when it is our husbands or MIL, SIL, or other relatives tell us what to do, its a verbal abuse?
For me, verbal abuse is not only abrasive comments but taking the rights from other to exercise their desires and decision of what they want to do. If they are children we can suggest, and explain the reason why. if its bad behavior then we can express our chosen boundaries but never to nag a husband or grown up children. I like the training of the Jewish children. They are rigidly taught until 12 years old, then they are released after that a grown up responsible persons.
I wonder if I’m the only one who thought like this. Anyone?
RomelH
Thank you very much for yesterday’s reading. I too appreciate hearing from other women in similar situations. I have been married for 42yrs I suffer from bouts of depression because of a situation whereby my husband,who is a good and kind man) is manipulative and gets angry if things don’t go his way, and can really put me down with sarcastic remarks. He is not a well man and is never at one with himself. This undermines my christian walk. He is not committed (yet) but I need a lot of prayer and assurance along the way.
Gracious heavenly Father, we thank You for our servicemen and women in the United States military, who have voluntarily accepted the call to stand for freedom, who have made great sacrifices to fight for the weak and oppressed! We ask that You would protect them, keep them from harm’s way, as they work towards rebuilding Iraq. Thank You for all the wonderful advancements that have occurred, the freedoms being experienced for the first time! Comfort those families, Lord, who have lost loved ones in this war. Be their strength as they mourn the loss of promising lives! May we always remember them with deep gratitude for their great sacrifices, as well! Lord, we would ask for Your divine intervention in the marriage of this young woman returning from Iraq! As she has experienced great stress overseas, Lord, we would ask that You would touch her husband’s heart, that he would be convicted of his commitment to their marriage, resurrecting the love of their wedding day! Give him a spirit of compassion and gratitude for his wife, and may their reunion be one of thanksgiving and joy! If there be any peripheral distractions, Lord, we would ask that You remove them. Help both of them, Lord, to submit their hearts to You, and trust You for the restoration of their marriage! In the precious name of Jesus, Amen!
Dear Sandra and M, please do not give up on your marriages, as I can assure you that God hasn’t! I have been married for 31 years (next month), but I didn’t come to the Lord until our 16th year. Much contention and rebellion had occurred up to this point, the memories of which my husband still harbors in his heart! As my self-esteem was rooted in my husband’s attitude towards me, when God saved me, He opened my eyes to His Truth — that my self-worth wasn’t determined by people, or acquisitions, or accomplishments, but by His image stamped on my heart and His Holy Spirit ‘seal of approval!’ This is where you, dear sisters, will find your true self-esteem! Our husbands are incapable of meeting all our needs, and some aren’t even interested in meeting any! But, God defines you, and has purpose for you, as you wait on Him to redeem your crumbled marriages! Dedicate this waiting period to God, asking that He use it to further shape you in His Son’s image. I have learned alot from Him during this time, and He isn’t done yet! One thing He taught me was to stop envying other Christian marriages! In doing so, Satan used my comparisons to discourage me and undermined my husband. God also showed me that my husband’s spiritual growth and development was His responsibility, not mine. This set me free to allow the Holy Spirit to do His work of pruning and refining in my life. No longer letting my husband’s behaviors towards me dictate my attitude, I have faith in God that, in His time, and according to His will, my marriage will be redeemed! Stay the course, dear sisters, trusting in Him, Who is faithful and true!
I wish to thank all who have responded. It is always good to view the comments and opinions of other spirit filled women of God. (Ya’ll are beautiful!) I would like to know, however, the difference between a “peace maker” and a “peace Keeper”. If simply keeping my mouth shut is the answer to obtaining peace, then I wonder why it leaves me feeling so “unpeacful” inside. My marriage of 28 years is wonderful and my hubby and I are involved in many community outreaches through out the year. It is our life’s joy! My concern lies in friend and community relationships. If simply keeping my mouth shut and ignoring the issue in outright wrongdoing or downright malicous behavior is the answer to peace, then am I doing a grace dis-service in “making peace” where there is contention between friends and/or co-workers? There has to be more to the issue of “making peace” than simply just “keeping peace”. Oh! Don’t get me wrong! I am a firm believer that our God can handle anything life throws out at us. But at the same time I am quite curious how we can resolve conflict and head off ill feelings caused by misunderstanding and sometimes, just plain ol’ beligerant people. If “blessed are the peace-makers”, then why is it so gut wrenching to choose between ignoring the issue knowing the wrong doing will continue or confronting the issue in hopes of resolvement and possible reconciliation for everyone?
Thank you, Dr. Muriel, for another timely and straight to the heart devotional.
Janie, what you wrote: ” !! Number one killer of peace in homes is nagging!!! ” Reminds me of Proverbs . . . Better to live on the roof top than with a nagging wife.
Please pray for a former student of mine. I had an email from her this morning. SHe has been deployed in Iraq for about 9 months and will be coming home in a few weeks. She shared the deployment has cause problems with their marriage. I ask for prayers, dear sisters.
Thank you.
I appreciate the comments shared by the other women and find them encouraging.
I have been struggling with self esteem and depression a little as I am weary of the contention in my marriage.
I pray about it all the time and sometimes am tempted to give up emotionally and just crumble, making me unable to function well.
My husband is a good man who is well liked by all who meet him, but it seems we never see eye to eye on anything and that is just exhausting to me.
Today I was reminded that handling things God way is actually a sign of strength in HIM instead of viewing always giving in (to keep from the contention lingering) as a sign of weekness on my part.
At first I did not feel like reading today’s devotional. But as I opened it, and read the first few lines, I had to give thanks and praise to our heavely Father. Oh how He knows the things we need at the right time. It was only last night, I sat in a car with my friend telling her how terrible my husband was, how disgusting and insensitive men are and that my response was to try to live a holy life. I felt as silly/weak saying it as I am sure she felt hearing it. But, I was/ am convinced that the trials of living with my husband in a godly fashion will make me a better worker/child of God.
After 20 years together, things have started to fall apart. Seems we can no longer speak to each other without anger and annimosity. There are so many unresolved and painful issues. I want to discuss them and come to some common understanding and it seems to me, he wants to forget about them and move on. The more I try to do this the more belittled and ingored I feel. I can feel being in this marrigae affecting how I am unsed to defining myself.
My husband has not committed his life to Christ. Although he will call us to prayer, pray with the children and attend church regularly.
My prayer is that the Lord will teach me how to be a humble wife, how to demonstrate the love of Christ and the life-changing power of His blood. To accomplish this would demonstrate God’s victory in my life.
Please pray for me and my family
A powerful devotional!! Number one killer of peace in homes is nagging!!! May God give us the grace to shun a nagging spirit and embrace a quiet and gentle spirit, which the bible declares is great gain. We can do it if try and depend solely on the holy spirit and also we must allow self to die. God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble, each time I am almost tempted to be ensnared in the devil’s web, all I do is to walk away, people may term this as a sign of weakness, but therein lies my strength!!
This devotion is so up my alley! I do live with someone who ‘is always right,’ is controlling, and a perpetual confronter. Before I came to the Lord, I found myself struggling to sustain my self-worth, and seeking the compensatory comforts of food and spending money. This, of course, was counter-productive, both for my marriage and for my health! After coming to Jesus, I wanted to start all over, to be a good Christian wife . . . but with another husband!! I thought, “I can do this,” I even wanted to be a loving, submissive, ‘help-meet’ wife! But, my husband was a “jerk,” and I didn’t really think he deserved this ‘new person’, plus I figured that he would abuse the situation, and continue being a ‘trouble-maker’ husband! I had many people in my court, so to speak, encouraging me to leave my husband. But, God, in His time, and in His perfect wisdom, called me to honor my vows, and to trust Him for my marriage! He took care of my ‘self-worth’ issue by offering me eternity with the Creator of the Universe, and sharing His Holy Spirit with me! This Holy Spirit not only enabled me to respond differently to my husband’s harshness, but He helped me to see my own sinful nature that put Jesus on the cross! This was such a humbling experience, and no longer did I see my husband as not deserving me, but I saw how much I didn’t deserve Jesus! So, as the Lord has convicted me to stay in my marriage, and serve my husband, I do so as unto the Lord. And, I have found that He is faithful to comfort me, encourage me, and sustain me, as I wait on Him! The joy and peace of trusting Him surpass any earthly riches!
Thank you so much for your many contributions to this ministry. Many times they have been the answer to prayer which I needed. For years now my sister has been living with my husband and me because she is handicapped and has only a meager social security to live on. She had been living by herself for 24 years and so has many habits of independent living. That life style is miles away from ours since we are used to living with seven or more in the Lord’s home he has made us stewards of. Many conflicts have arisen and keeping my mouth shut is the only answer for peace in a home with two controlling women! Praise God for my dear husband who puts up with all this! He is a prime example of a person that can control his tongue!
Good devotion today, live in peace and not controlling others
I don’t know about you, but I think we need to take prayer and blessing more seriously. I need it and others need it from me. Is it magical or mystical? No. I believe it is simply calling on God on behalf of others and asking him to bring them what they need, love those around you with Gods love.
This is a fantastic example of how my Christian growth affects my actions. It is often so hard to let go of the idea that one way is right and there should be no discussion, but everybody’s different and they all have their own way of doing things, and “giving up” as Paula does in this story, with help from her spiritual introspection, is actually a victory for God. Congratulations, Paula, if you are real or not, it doesn’t matter — this same sort of situation has happened to me and I’m so grateful for my ability to apply the spirit of Christ’s word to such practical everyday occurrences.
One of the hardest things to do is to follow this advice but it is so important. Have a daughter living with a very controlling person. A person who is always right. She tries to walk away from it but it really takes away alot of her selfworth.