Releasing Your Regrets
Are you hanging on to your regrets? Talk to a mentor about that.
“People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy” (Proverbs 28:13 (NLT).
How often do you play the “if only” game?
• If only I had it to do over.
• If only I had listened sooner.
• If only I could erase the past.
• If only I could forgive myself.
Because no one is perfect, we all have regrets. We’ve all made bad choices, said foolish things, wasted time, and hurt ourselves and others.
How do you release those regrets?
Here are some strategies that don’t work:
1. We bury them. Burying the past doesn’t work. Like creatures from a horror movie, unresolved regrets come back to haunt us over and over. Minimizing (“It wasn’t a big deal”), rationalizing (“Everyone does it”), and compromising (lowering your standards) are ways we try to bury our regrets.
2. We blame others. This tactic is as old as Adam and Eve. When Adam sinned, he took it like a man – he blamed his wife! We use blame to balance out our guilt.
3. We beat ourselves. We try to pay for our guilt unconsciously through illness, depression, setting ourselves up for failure, and other forms of self-punishment. The problem with beating up on yourself is this: your conscience never knows when to stop! Many spend their entire lives in self-condemnation.
What does God want me to do with my regrets?
• Admit my guilt. Own up to it. Don’t make excuses. The Bible says, “People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy” (Proverbs 28:13 NLT).
• Accept Christ’s forgiveness. He’s waiting to clean your slate. Ask him to clear your conscience, and then remember “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 NLT).
• Forgive yourself and focus on the future. “Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:18-19 HCSB).
Questions: Are there things from your past that you need to let go of? That you need to hand over to God? Try the steps given above for getting over your regrets.
About this Author Rick Warren
amen, you are right. transparency is so important! Thank you for setting an example. God bless you!
Dear anonymous, if I weren’t honest about my struggles, and share how the Lord has forgiven my sins and redeemed the errors of my past, I would be held hostage to an image of perfection that deceives others, as well as myself! If I can’t be truthful about my sin, then I negate the need of Christ’s redeeming work on the cross for me! I couldn’t experience His forgiveness, until I acknowledged my sin. And, dear sister, I am so blessed if He chooses to use my testimony to encourage and minister to my sisters, who face similar circumstances. His love flowing through us produces a longing for others to know the peace and joy that comes from being forgiven!
Marilyn, thanks for being so honest, it blesses others to know that we all have weaknesses, yet God can still meet us despite them (and look, He’s using you to help others). God bless. Please continue to keep me in prayer, sisters. Thank you & God bless!
Admit my guilt. Boy, was THAT an obstacle for me! During my 31 years of marriage, I spent half of it blaming my husband, either by my complaining to others about his behaviors towards me (slander), or by my attitude towards my role as his wife (returning evil for evil.) I was surely a *victim* of abuse. But, when the Lord saved me, and gave me a new heart and ‘renewed my mind’, He opened my eyes to the things that I was doing in our marriage that prompted relational conflict between my husband and me. How saddened and ashamed I felt, but God was quick to comfort and assure me of His forgiveness! As the Scriptures tell us, Satan prowls like a hungry lion, waiting to pounce on us whenever we have been lovingly convicted by the Holy Spirit. He takes that opportunity to shame us and to discourage us in our walk with Jesus. Often we need to experience those spiritual ‘growing pains’ that the Lord ordains for our benefit and to expose obstacles in our faithwalk. While it isn’t wrong to regret grieving God, we must not allow Satan to use it to hold us hostage!
Patti,
let me say thank you. this is one of the many reasons(this site) strength comes in numbers, through compassion, love and sharing. there is one heart out there that, by seeing your prose, has a new reflection on life.
Please let me add to the writing I just posted. In no way, am I suggesting these words to “Chlild of Mine” would be His words to us….for I believe His compassion and love for us, cannot be expressed in a way that we can even begin to understand. For me, whoever wrote this, helped me begin to understand as much as is possible, His understanding of our wounds, His unconditional and deep love for His children.
Thank you Dear Kanj……yes, we must let go and Let God. It took me years to do that. I found this several years ago….it tells such a truth ….. these words ministered to me deeply when I felt so alone. I have shared them on this site before, but want to share this again and pray it ministers to someone.
Dear Child of Mine
I look back on the years of your growing up, and my eyes can see all the times and situations in which you were hurt, whether intentionally or unintentionally. I can hear the wounding words and see the harmful deeds, and I know the scars you carry in your personality because of them. Sometimes the very people you looked to for love and affection were the ones who wounded you most. Sometimes they were members of your own family!
But hear me now, my child. Though they have wounded you, I will never wound you. Though they have let you down, I will never let you down. Though their words and deeds have harmed you, I speak to you words of hope and healing. I reach out to you with justice and kindness and love. I am constantly thinking of you, my child. You are always with me. I cannot forget you for one moment. See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands. Come now and let me heal the wounds of your childhood.
Your loving Abba,
God
Pastor Warren, thank you for the devotional. I’m quite familiar with what you call the ”if only” game although for me I knew it as the ‘what if(s)’ game. it was a game that I (sadly) became a perfectionist at. I second-guessed 2 decades of my life. let’s say the impact of early choices(early 20′s) produced those 2 decades. my choices moved me farther and farther away from God’s will. it took a trial of such magnitude to bring me to my knees. I believe now that God allowed me to make wrong choices because He knew that I was determined not to do His will. as to your points of 1, 2, and 3, i’ll answer: 1- I did, 2-of course I did and 3-towards the end I was almost unrecognizable to those who knew and (still) loved me.
today my life overflows with God’s abundance of love. one of the first things I had to do when I felt Jesus in my heart was to forgive myself for all the hurt and pain i put loved ones through. that’s a lot of forgiving, and it didn’t evolve overnight. God listens to all, whether that person is a mother, a politician, a convicted murder on death row, He listens when we cry out. the degree of our sin is inconsequential to God as He is a forgiving God. I am the most humble of humble and my gratitude is bigger than any mountain I know of because God saw that I was His child, a lost lamb. He called to me when I cried out and His mercy and grace shine through me today. i am truly blessed, and choices are still mine but my heart, my soul belong to Him.
wrapped around my heart is Isaiah 43:v. 1 which says;”Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.”
Patti. I so agree with you–Let go and Let God. from experience comes wisdom.
ToniG, so good to see you back here again! :)Have missed your worshipful spirit, and am trusting that the Lord is at work in your life, guiding your steps according to His plans!
Patti, I praise God for His loving-kindness to you this past year in releasing you from your stronghold of unforgiveness, setting your spirit free to fulfill His purpose for you! What a rich blessing it has been to share in your joy of God’s grace in your life, to hear you testify to His mercy and faithfulness, and to know that His Spirit grants us the power to overcome the obstacles that Satan would scatter along our paths! Just as in the story of Joseph, where God used the evil that was perpetrated on him to set the stage for His redemptive purposes, He allowed the painful experiences of your past to shape your testimony, and bring Him glory! I join you, my friend, in praying for our sisters here who have been spiritually imprisoned by unforgiveness, for others as well as for themselves, that our Lord would grant them His grace to surrender their hurts to Him, and receive His healing! There is freedom in forgiveness, and our spiritual health depends on it!
Precious Lord, thank You for loving us so, and for giving us Your Spirit to be and to do what pleases You! In Jesus’ name, Amen!
Good Afternnoon,
IF, is where it began. The Lord gave all of us freedom of choice. Based, on the word (bible) and Jesus, from the beginning the word was with triune God od Israel, opened my eye’s. I wish I could go back and change things ….big time. My God of Israel wisdom works and his infinite love is eternal.
I wish not to pass judgement on people and their beliefs, as the Lord was mercifull when he told Hagar to go back. She was the mother of Ishmael, whom some believe, is the first son. This has lead to a worldwide division and war as we write. I ask the Lorrd to be merciful to all and to open their eyes to truth.
I try to witness but sometimes…water it down to the lukewarm, out of being ashamed that I am an Evangelical Christian. My job takes me around the world into cities born from Ishmael and the roots of His mother Hagar. Remaining, neutral to not argue God’s word instead of revealing truth or plant the seed of truth shames me. That does not please God.
Regrets, as Frank Sinatra sang in his infamous song, “MY WAY!” is what we all do.
This is such a great devotional for the upcoming year of the unknown. He is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Lord have mercy on all of us and may we rejoice with no regrets. In Jesus Name we pray…ToniG
There are things in my past that only in recent months have I been able to forgive. For years, I allowed things done to me in the past… to keep me in shackles. I even got to a point where I couldn’t function, work, be a wife, friend or mother. I sought help and that was good, but even after four years of counseling, I couldn’t forgive what had been done to me as that child.
This past year, after becoming involved with the ladies here at this blog site, I began to see things differently. Many of you shared different things about your life that made me think and search my soul as well as the Word. I was miserable and had little hope of ever being free.
Slowly, I became aware that I was holding these people in bondage in a sense……holding them bondage in my heart, which kept me there too. I began to realize that I was committing sin, by not forgiving them. I had never seen things that way….I had only been able to see what was done to me, as an innocent defenseless child.
God began to teach me, through others, that it was a sin for me to hold on to the unforgiveness. I had prayed for years that these people would be brought to their knees and one day ask me to forgive them. That was not what God wanted me to do tho….and only when I became convicted of my sin of unforgiveness, was I able to step out of those shackles that had held me captive for so many years. I was not only able to forgive those people in my life, but I began to truly love them.
I would encourage others to think about the things that keep you in the bondage of the past. There is so much freedom in letting these things go…..and if there is any sin…even the sin of harboring these things in your heart…..let God have it and be obedient in whatever He has you do….or wherever He might lead you.
Lord Jesus, you know our broken hearts and lives that many of us have in our pasts. Help us to turn from the past, never looking back…..Light our paths that we may follow You rather that the world. Help us to learn Your ways, rather than surrender to the ways of the world. Lord Jesus, may we seek Your Face…may we seek to know You intimately….so intimately that this world becomes dim as we keep our eyes on You.
Bless and minister to every woman here as we seek to know You.
In Jesus Name…..
Amen
wow, this nearly brings tears to my eyes. Thank you all for being so honest, and thank you Pastor Warren, for the reminder. God bless.
yes there are somethings from my past i need to let go of
I’ve been struggling with this for a while. I feel like I let my kids down because the relationship with their father didn’t work out and as if I should’ve done more. I know that I’ve done everything possible but I can’t make him love me and I need to let go of it. He’s moved on now for a while in a new relationship and from what I hear plans to marry her and I do want him to be happy and I just need to understand
God will work everything out for me in his time…and stop beating myself up because he chose her and not me, there wasn’t anything that I can do and I’m sorry that I tried to do things like keep my kids away from her etc but I’m ready to move on and to see what the future holds for me and I just ask God to forgive me and and to help me forget it all. Sorry, I just had to vent and get it off my chest. God Bless You all and have a Blessed New Year!
This could not have come at a more appropriate time. This week I just finished telling my mother how much I wish I could just forgive myself for all the hurt I have caused. That too often I don’t feel I should be forgiven as easily as I have been just because I asked for forgiveness from those I have hurt. It doesn’t seem fair that their pain lasts longer than mine as I am the one that hurt them and just opened my eyes and heart enough to realize yet once I have they forgive and want to move onto a better relationship with me. WOW!!!!!!!!
Thanks Rick for today’s devotional. I am especially moved by Isaiah43:18-19. Each day is a new day for us and for the Lord to work in our lives. If we made mistakes in the past or said things or did things that hurt our relationships, each day is a day to start a new. God can show us the way. That is a good verse to start this day. I am looking forward to hearing you give the opening prayer at President Obama’s inauguration. God Bless!!!