Trying to talk about abortion
It’s hard to have calm discussion about abortion. It’s a touchstone topic — one that quickly ignites a debate over the things we hold dearest. Even the names of the two main sides of the issue – pro-life and pro-choice – can be inflammatory.
For all the publicity and politicking, abortion is still an intensely personal issue. In this country, it is a legal medical procedure though the debate rages on about whether or not it should be. Legalizing abortion hasn’t taken the edge off of it.
US Senator John Kerry had this to say on the issue:
“Too many people in America believe that if you are pro-choice that means pro-abortion. It doesn’t. I don’t want abortion. Abortion should be the rarest thing in the world. I am actually personally opposed to abortion. But I don’t believe that I have a right to take what is an article of faith to me and legislate it to other people. That’s not how it works in America.”
I think he raises a good point. I am entitled to my stand on the issue, and you are entitled to yours, however fervently we hold on to them. But I think it is all too easy to tell another person what he or she should do, when we’re not facing the choice ourselves. It is too easy to say “a fetus is not a baby” and it is too easy to say “there’s always adoption”. I have not been in a position where I needed to make this decision but I can imagine that there’s nothing easy about it.
Growing up my Mom always reminded us that very few decisions are final. Choosing to end or to continue a pregnancy is one of those decisions you can’t take back. It’s a big decision. As we try to honestly talk about abortion — not yell about it or debate it, but really talk — I think it’s important to remember that. For each woman who faces this choice, each man who is affected by it, it is a big decision. It involves “the rest of your life” type questions and I think we can all agree that no one is taking this lightly.
As you read through the articles we’re featuring this month, it will be pretty obvious which side of the issue we come down on. These articles are not intended to open a debate or to change anyone’s mind. If you’re looking for resources for that, a Google search on abortion will give you over 32 million options. These articles are specifically for those who have experience with abortion and are looking for help. If you need someone to talk to, we’d love to hear from you.
Tags: abortion, Culture, health, help, Men, pro-choice, pro-life, Women
9 Responses to “Trying to talk about abortion”
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theres countless stories of lifes wrecked by there decision to have a abortion…the reasons are varied but the results seem the same…yet surprisingly women suffer silently…if 60 mins and the various talk shows did more programs on the effects emotionally….having debated the issue with women few seem aware of the dangers and just have that my body attitude…..christian women and pro lifers seem to have dropped the ball…this to me is in one of the top 5 women issues if not the top one..yet churches are full of women studies and activities……if men could actually make a difference we would….. but were shut out of the whole process like its not our kid at all…now thats doubly sad for both sexes
Something I will always regret. I just turned 60 this year. Prior to getting married we did have an abortion. Even today it still haunts me that we made the decision to follow through. The only ones that new were my wife’s parents. We now have three wonderful young adults. My oldest daughter is now 30. About 5 years ago I drove her home to her apartmen; just beore I let her out of the car; she was in tears: [dad, I am pregnant and want an abortion] She could barely hold back the tears when I broke down. I told her how much we loved her, her sister and brother. Then finally I broke down and told her I am going to tell you something that will “shock you”; My eldest grand daughter was only 5 at the time. I asked her how much she loved her daughter; with tears running down both of us, I finally told her that we had an abortion. She looked at me in shock and tears still coming down. [Dad I don't want this baby]. I responded; do you realized that when we had the abortion it could have been you, your sister and/or brother. She continued in tears and left the car. God is good, she did follow through with the baby. His name is Josh [5 years old]. Just after his birth his lungs collapsed and had to be tube fed for several weeks. [God worked a miracle].
When we had our first daughter the Doctor’s didn’t think either would survive the pregnancy and ask if we would call our minister in. God spared both of their life’s. [God worked a miracle].
Even in my own life, I was not supposed to survive. I was hospitalized for about 4 months at Toronto Sick Kid’s hospital. [God worked a miracle].
Even to this day if a documentary is on TV, neither my wife or myself will turn the program.
I still regret our having the abortion. Some day there will be a little one at the gates of Heaven standing beside Him, waiting to see his parents.
Erica — it’s a powerful thing to be able to have that conversation with your kids, to make sure they know that they can come to you. I remember a time early in my teens when a girl our family knew got pregnant and her parents kicked her out of the house. I can still remember my Mom sitting me down and saying, “If this ever happens, come home and tell me. I’ll might yell and I’ll probably cry but then we’ll figure it out together, just come home.”
I know that people who choose abortion choose it for so many reasons, but I wonder how often it is because they feel they are totally alone in this situation and that there’s nowhere to go? There’s an article on our site written from a Mom’s perspective about her journey with her daughter’s pregnancy. She came to the same conclusion you have, that there is good to come out of what seems like a bad situation. You can read the article here — I wasn’t ready to be a Grandma
I had one at the stupid age of 19. Thought my then boyfriend would be a lousy father and wouldn’t help me raise the child and I had too much of a future for me to be “strapped with a kid”. I will be 40 this year and I even still remember the sounds of the termination. It haunts me to this day … and the sad part? That then-boyfriend is my husband of 16 years and is a great dad to all three of our girls. Because I went through that awful experience, I found freedom when I shared my experience with my teenage daughters. I let them know that Mommy did an awful thing and although I do believe God forgave me I want them to know that that curse doesn’t have to continue. They can come to mommy and daddy and we’ll raise the child together, as a family, and get through that small obstacle which is actually a small blessing.
Talking about abortion is one great challenge to anyone who had done it before.The memories would ever stay on your mind. The pictures living in your imagination. I remember what happened to a friend who arranged for an abortion in a far away village for the girl friend without the knowledge of any of the family members. The girl slumped and died immediately after the abortion.
He has been struggling to erase that scene from his mind but it has been a tough battle.
Recently I was taking classes at the University in Conflict Resolution. We were challenged to make a statement that would provoke conversation. I was hesitant, but I stated that I do not believe in abortion. The rest of the class had to ask questions as to why I felt that way. When I was pregant with my first child I would have had an abortion if I would have known where to get one despite the fact that I was married. I was expecting a huge backlash and some very heated conversation. Surprisingly, the questions were deeply respectful. Our conversation spiked the interest of other groups who all decided to continue the conversation through the lunch hour. I was amazed at the results of the conversation. People were open and honest about their own situations. It was a very diversified group of men and women from every profession, yet we had a common ground. It was a conversation everyone should be able to have without threat.
That’s interesting Candy, that the decision to have that abortion still impacts you today. I think that is true of many things, that our past determines who we become long into the future. I guess that is why we get ‘wiser’ as we get older. What do you think? When we are young we think we can make decisions that won’t affect us or others down the road, but I have found that is rarely true.
I had an abortion at the age of 19. That decision still affects my life today at 52. I managed to live in denial with it shoved down to my deepest innermost dark place for 24 years but it made its way out into the light as everything does. It took me 5 years to work through the issue in my own life and be to able to talk about it to others. But God is good and today I am whole again. And yet, I wonder what she would be like today if I’d chosen to let her live. That will never go away. I also wonder what I would be like if I had made that choice. Completely different. I do know that.
You are so right in saying that it is hard to talk about abortion without illiciting personal feelings. But women who have gone thru abortions do deal with some very real, very deep issues. Thanks for offering a place where they can connect with someone here.