Is there someone in your life that is making life miserable for you? We would love the opportunity to pray for you.
When my husband was pasturing a small country church, I took a part-time job in a bank to help make ends meet. I liked my work and my co-workers. But one young woman frequently made remarks or did things to hurt me.
I found myself resenting Paula (not her real name), and feeling sorry for myself because I had to put up with her cutting remarks. Such things are known as abuse, and can quite ruin one’s day!
“Lord, how can I handle this?” I asked. “I want to live peacefully with everyone but it’s hard not to answer back. And when I don’t, it sort of lays on me like a rock!” It was hard also not to harbor resentment and anger toward Paula. But I knew if I did that, it would rob me of peace and perhaps cause me to respond in kind.
Light From God’s Word
As I talked to the Lord, Proverbs 15:1 came to my mind: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (NIV).
Then I remembered Jesus’ teaching in the Sermon on the Mount about how to deal with those who hurt us. I decided to pray for Paula and seek God’s help in being especially friendly and thoughtful toward her.
It worked! Before long she and I became good friends, and what a difference it made in my work day! When my husband took another church and I left my job at the bank, Paula threw a wonderful going-away party for me!
Thus I found that love is God’s answer to hostility. What? Me love that unpleasant person who hurts me? Yes. The Lord Jesus gave this recipe in Matthew 5:44.
First, he told us to love our enemies and bless them. This sure runs against our earthly grain, doesn’t it? But the Lord can help us do that. And here’s how: Jesus also tells us to pray for our enemies.
As I have prayed for Paula and others who have hurt me, the Lord has helped me realize that something in their background has probably contributed to the way they speak and act. Often they are miserable people. This gives me a feeling of compassion for them and makes it easier to forgive and pray for them.
The Lord also told us to return good for evil. As we do this we will see God at work.
Heavenly Father,
You know the places where I find it hard to respond with Your love and kindness. Please fill me with Your Spirit today so that I might have gentle words on my lips and prayers for those who are a challenge to love. Amen.
Questions: Is there someone in your life that is hurting you but who needs your love and your blessing? How will you begin returning good for evil?
About the Author Muriel Larson
Daily audio podcast: A second daily devotional, Hopefully in Love, today on the Men’s Devotional Blog
Tags: anger, church, co-workers, cutting remarks, enemies, gentle answer, hostility, hurt, miserable, peacefully, resenting, resentment, Sermon on the Mount, sorry
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Indeed, Muriel, praying for those who hurt us is God’s way of keeping our hearts clean, and using us as His models of grace and mercy! By definition, ‘grace’ is unmerited favor. Undeserved. And, generally, those who have ‘hurt’ us, don’t deserve our understanding and forgiveness, by our accounts. But, when we realize just how undeserving WE are of God’s mercy, and He holds nothing back, even sacrificing His beloved Son for our redemption, how can we be so prideful to withhold mercy to others? (Read Matthew 18 for Jesus’ parable on the ‘unmerciful servant.’) As you stated, Muriel, often it is those who do not know the Savior, who hurt others with their words, and their behaviors. (although, we all know believers who have disappointed us, as well) I believe it is wise to lovingly approach an offender privately, share one’s hurt in a humble, non-confrontive manner, then respectfully accept the response. If it is not reconciliatory, then offering it up to God for His divine purposes, and forgiving the offender is the only way to heal. Pondering over transgressions only fuels the fire of resentment and can result in bitterness of heart, which leads to spiritual upheaval and defeat. Choosing God’s excellent way in offering grace and mercy when faced with hurtful remarks or actions is always rewarded by Him, Who calls us to reflect His character in our sufferings.
I am dealing with this issue right now and really feel God led me to read this devotional today. Currently I have distanced myself from the person I have issues with b/c of her rude remarks and constant bragging. I still struggle with taking such verbal abuse and not responding. Are you saying instead of responding you just pray for that person instead?
Hi Holly! While it is humanly difficult to not respond to someone who makes rude remarks and brags, we are called as Christians to a higher response, as those empowered by the Holy Spirit. If a loving response is not possible, it is wiser to remain silent, excusing oneself if necessary. Praying for the offending person is more for our own hearts, although the Lord knows when we are insincere. When we pray for our transgressors, Holly, the Holy Spirit tenderizes our hearts, often illuminating the circumstances that we might better understand. There is a saying . . . ‘hurt people hurt people.’ Most people who foster negativity are broken on the inside, and the shards of their brokenness often inflict some measure of pain on all those with whom they have contact. Is it possible that this colleague/friend/family member of yours who brags is desperately trying to find her worth in material gain or accomplishment? If so, it will never be enough, and her heart will continue to hunger for significance. Your loving, compassionate prayers for her will keep your heart soft, Holly, and the Holy Spirit will empower you to ‘love your enemies’, and be a blessing to them. God bless you, dear sister!
Precious Lord, we thank You for the power of Your Spirit in us to withstand suffering in Your Name! Fortify us, Lord, that we would be conduits of your love to a hurting world, filling us afresh each day! We lift up dear Holly, Lord, and ask that You bless her with the fruit of compassion for this person who has offended her. Grant Holly the grace to withstand the temptation to repay evil for evil, and fill her heart with agape love, Lord, that Your light would shine brightly through her! We pray this in the powerful name of Jesus, Amen!
I think we need to remember where a person maybe coming from. We don’t know their back ground and it could possibly be it doesn’t have a thing to do with us! I try to keep this in mind when I have had a difficult person in my life! Than I can pray for that particular person! Sometimes we have to walk in their shoes! It is easier to deal with after we do!
Holly, I prayed to the Lord to show me ways in which I could show kindness and consideration to “Paula.” And He did. Nothing is too hard for God! And may the good Lord help you return good for evil too.
How do you deal with a partner who is constantly mentally abusive who you can not talk to, who gets angry in any conversation that you do not agree with him on. I have prayed for years to the Lord to show me how to deal with him. I have prayed for him and still continue to do so, I have been kind, he’s been hurtful in return. He will not speak for Months at a time so I do not try anymore it is easier to stay away from him because the least thing said the less chance of an agruement. I am at the end and just want to give up I can not afford to leave and it is very hard living this way any suggestion even thou it seems i have tried very hard I do not like confrontation most times i just let him rant on and go thru periods of not speaking but i am getting tired as I am not used to living in this manner
My heart goes out to you Joy. I grew up in a home like that and it so hard. What the ladies have already said here is so true…that we need to pray for that person, and sometimes leave the room. I would also add that you need a safe person that can pray with you in this situation, someone who will pray for you specifically, that you would not harbor bitterness in your heart but instead be the sweet aroma of Christ.
Lord, I pray for Joy right now. She is in such a hard place but she is not alone because You are there with her. Protect her heart Lord, that she would truly continue to be Jesus with skin on, and be the sweet aroma of Christ in her home. Help her to daily choose to rejoice and to take time to sit at Your feet because apart from spending time with You home is a hard place to be. Be her safe place Lord, a shelter and strong tower. Amen.
Dear Joy, I join Deebee in praying for you and your marriage! This surely is not pleasing to the Lord, and I’m certain that it grieves Him deeply to have His sacred institution of marriage so misrepresented! I understand your pain, Joy, as I grew up in a very nurturing, loving home, treated with respect and shown unconditional love. This was how life was supposed to be. I married, at 22-years-old, a man who harbored bitterness in his heart, which he carefully camouflaged until after our nuptials, then unveiled his wrath upon me. Not one to abuse me physically which would expose him, he left far deeper wounds emotionally through his belittling, critical, mean-spiritedness. I learned over the next few years why he did not have any close relationships with any of his family members, including extended family. Being ‘right’ was more important than being ‘in relationship’ with others. He alienated his parents, his sister, his aunts/uncles/cousins, myself and our children. I struggled with wanting to leave him, but was fearful to be on my own. My self esteem had plummeted from his abuse, and I felt incapable of living independently. Then I met Jesus. He walked with me through the heart-healing process, rendering me a ‘new creation’ in Him! Now restored emotionally, with new ‘lenses,’ I could see my husband as a fallen man being used by Satan to destroy our marriage! God diverted my eyes from my abusive husband, and focused them on myself and the areas of my life that He wanted to prune and re-construct. No longer did I absorb my husband’s evil remarks, and spit them back with equal hostility, but God enabled me to choose silence, allowing my husband’s inflamed temper to subside. As you have stated that you “cannot afford to leave,” my encouragement to you, Joy, would be to find fellowship with other Christian women, and serve in some capacity in the body of Christ. As you wait upon the Lord to impact your husband’s heart, use this time to minister to others, which will bless you and nurture your broken spirit. I found that when I let my husband go, so-to-speak, and gave him to God for His divine purposes, I found peace and joy in the midst of my broken marriage! As my unbelieving husband chooses to live with me, albeit without emotional or physical intimacy, I have chosen to put my trust in God for His provision, and for my unmet needs. I praise Him that He has given me hope, and I cling to that hope until He chooses to deliver our marriage or He takes me home! God bless, dear sister!
Thank you very much for your Prayers and Guidance it means a lot to me knowing that I am not alone it is truly hard at times to share the unpleasant part of your life when it is difficult to explain why you are staying in the relationship Thank you all I appreciate the support
He also has no close family or friends he has alienated them all just like you said he has to be right and opposed everyone it also gets worse as I reach out to help others being from a loving caring nurturing home myself i find his behaviour very disturbing and have a hard time understanding how this is possible I struggle with the Question of how did I get to be in such a position when it is totally opposite of what I am and believe. How did I get to this place and wil one day be truly happy and of course I do know and trust the Lord but the questions are still there in my mind.
Dear Joy, I have found that many who have chosen to leave their marriages which were characterized by emotional/verbal abuse often encourage others to follow that path, without necessarily having biblical support. The world would convince us that “God doesn’t want you to be abused.” While it is true that God does not want us to be abused, He does not tell us in the Bible to flee it. Instead, there are countless verses which encourage us to lean on Him in the midst of our suffering. Each of us must choose how we will respond to adversity and suffering, and as Christians, we have a ‘Helper’ Who stands in the fire with us, and sees us through! I would encourage you, Joy, to not be ashamed that you choose to honor your marriage vows, in spite of your husband’s rebellion and rejection, suffering for Christ! 1 Peter 2:20-22 tells us, “But how is it to your credit if you receive a beating for doing wrong and endure it? But if you suffer for doing good and you endure it, this is commendable before God. To this you were called, because Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps. He committed no sin, no deceit was found in His mouth.” Love your husband with His love, in His power, and in His Name, and wait upon God for His blessing!
Such wise words Marilyn! Thanks so much for sharing. Christ is more concerned with us being made more like Jesus than our happiness but too often that is lost in christian circles today. But He is the real joy-giver and you are Jesus with skin on to your husband Joy! Whether or not he appreciates it!
Amen to that, Deebee!
Gracious heavenly Father, we thank You for Your Word, which is truth, and is unchanging, and life-giving! We praise You that You have sent us Your Spirit to guide us through this life, leading us in the way everlasting, to encourage us in our tribulations, and comfort us in our sorrows! Thank You, Holy Spirit, for giving us joy in our salvation, and cultivating in us the fruits of Your Spirit! Forgive us, Lord, when we choose the world’s wisdom over Yours, for Your Word tells us that “the wisdom of this world is foolishness in God’s sight.” (1 Corinthians 3:19) Teach us Your ways, Lord, and empower us to live according to Your precepts! We lift up dear sister, Joy, to You today, asking for Your loving reassurance to comfort her! Grant her Your grace to reflect Jesus in her home, to her unloving, rejecting husband, and protect her spirit, Lord, from his critical words! Break his heart, Lord, that You might empty it, clean it, then fill it! May Joy’s hope be restored, as she puts her trust in You! Surround her, Lord, with loving sisters who will pray with and for her. Guard her heart from temptation during these difficult days, and celebrate with her each day of victory! We pray this in the precious name of Jesus, Amen!
and, thank you, Deebee, for your kind words! Your loving encouragement to Joy is a testimony to your faith and trust in the Lord! :)
Thank You all for your prayers it has surely made a difference in my thoughts and life right now I do apprecite all the kind and encoraging words.
i have many people who have hurt me in the past and try very hard to forgive them. but i still don’t think The Lord wants us to be abused in any way
Hi Sharon! I am certain that the Lord does not want us to be abused, but I cannot find a single scripture where we are told to not tolerate abuse and/or flee it. Instead, there are innumerable verses throughout the Bible, both Old and New Testaments, where God’s people are allowed to experience suffering, even told to expect it, and assured of God’s comfort and steadfast care in the midst of it. We can suppose all we want about God, even create our own version of Him, but we can know what is true ONLY from His revelation of Himself in Scripture. Abuse is universal and has been in existence since Cain killed Abel. If God did not want His people abused, He has the providential power to stop it. I believe He chooses, instead, to give them His grace to withstand the abuse, even ‘turning the other cheek’. Though God may not want abuse to occur, He offers His grace and strength in facing it, not running from it.
the suffering we are to bear is for His name and way not from someone we love or who is to love us a huaband (wife) are to love one each other not hurt each other God give many reasons for devorice
marylin i did not create my own version of God either
Sharon, I did not say that you specifically created your own version of God, but that any image of God or characterization of Him that is not fully supported by the Scriptures is our own image of Him, not the Bible’s. Please forgive me if I’ve offended you, but the reality is it doesn’t really matter what we “think” or “don’t think” about God if it is not substantiated by His Word. We have not been left to wonder what God feels or thinks about things — He has given us His Word, which is truth, and unchanging. Since Jesus told us that marital infidelity was the only valid reason for divorce, and divorcing for any other reason translates into adultery (Matt 5:31; Matt 19:19; Mark 10:11; Luke 16:18), why wouldn’t the spouse who honors her/his wedding vows despite rejection, even emotional abuse, be considered as “suffering for His Name?”
marilyn
you have your beliefs and i have mine but as one who has had a gun pulled on me and had the life of my children threatened and a husband who then left me for a “friend” i think i made a chose that God would have wanted me to by siging those devorice papers. i protecteced my children andHe saved my life so i could care for them. now i have a Godly man He led me to and we love and honor oneanouther.
Sharon, I would NEVER encourage a wife (or husband) to stay in a physically abusive or threatening environment — one’s physical safety, and that of her/his children, is of utmost importance! It was wise of you to seek safety for yourself and your children. Furthermore, Sharon, as your abusive spouse was unfaithful to you with your friend, I’m not quite sure why you feel defensive about your decision to divorce. How wonderful that God provided a loving, faithful husband/father for you and your children! The only other reason that I can find in God’s Word that qualifies divorce is abandonment. Paul instructs us in 1 Corinthians 7:15 that if an unbelieving spouse leaves his/her mate, we are to let him/her go. We are not bound in these circumstances to remain umarried.
marilyn
not defencive at all just don’t want others to stay in an abusive relanship thinking it is what God would want