He Isn’t Meeting My Needs!
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“And it is He who will supply all your needs according to his riches in glory, because of what Christ Jesus has done for us” (Philippians 4:19).
Married at last! It was so natural to be together all of the time – like we were made for each other. When we were first married, we were so poor – we didn’t even have a car. We lived in one room in a big old house and shared the bathroom with three other couples. My husband was going to college and I worked as a clerk in a drugstore. Life was good and we never even noticed that we were poor. We were happy!
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Life kept changing and so did we. We began having babies. By the time we were twenty – five, we had four children. Marvin had finished college and we were owners of a large egg farm. We worked hard and God granted us a measure of financial success.
Marvin, being athletic, played hockey, baseball, football and loved to golf. The children and I spent many evenings at the hockey arena or on the bleachers at the baseball games; although, I loved reading, gardening and crafts. We both had leadership positions in our church and denomination.
After several years, I began getting tired with going to his sports events and discontent with the busyness of life. I felt like my husband wasn’t meeting my needs. I wanted the kind of relationship where he would understand and meet all my needs. Having a new house, nice clothes, jewelry and many holidays didn’t satisfy me either. I was putting a lot of pressure on my husband to be different. I wanted him to change. Marriage didn’t seem so great any more.
One weekend, Dr. Henry Brandt, a Christian psychologist, spoke at a conference we attended. He taught us some truths that revolutionized our marriage. He said the person we married could never meet our needs because they were only human beings – only God could meet all our needs. That was a new way of thinking for me! But I knew instantly that what he said was true.?
And so, my thinking began to change. I quit expecting Marvin to meet my needs (at least most of the time) and began to go the Word and the Lord when I felt needy. And I changed. I was happier. I began to thank God for all the wonderful characteristics in my husband. In response to my changed attitude, Marvin became sensitive to my needs. Amazing how God works!
Sometimes I still slip into my old way of thinking – but not for long. Only God can meet my needs and your needs. Jesus satisfies!
How are you doing in your marriage? Are you expecting your spouse to meet your needs? If so, pray the prayer below and begin looking to God, your Creator, to meet your needs:
Father God, I acknowledge that I have put pressure on people to do for me what only You can do – satisfy all my needs. From this day forward, I will look to You and Your Word to fill me with everything I need. Thank You! Amen.
Questions: Do you sometimes feel your spouse is not meeting your needs? What would be a good step for you to take in order to begin solving this problem?
About the author Katherine Kehler
17 Responses to “He Isn’t Meeting My Needs!”
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Trisha – I was just thinking further this morning as I was praying for you, something that I found and wrote it down and put it on my bathroom wall to see every morning the first thing and every night the last thing. Here it is.
“Peace is not something I do….it is something that HE is. So, I will tap into WHO Jesus is and keep my focus on Him and Him alone”. A wonderful thought to let permeate through your heart and soul.
I pray as Jesus becomes more and more real and your very best Friend that the peace which passes ALL understanding will be your and yours alone. It is in the quietness of our spirit that we can hear His small voice. He says when you seek Me with all of your heart, you will find me. THAT is exciting. Praying for you and with you!! Come on over and talk with a Mentor some time – it is a sweet time together and lifting one another in prayer.
good one Trisha. Great life lesson you’ve learned. I agree that what HE wants is the highest and best we can seek. One of my ‘Life Verses’ He gave me some years ago is:
Ps 37:4: ‘If I delight myself in the Lord HE will give me the desires of my heart.’
So I think you’re right on when you say to keep our eyes focused upon HIM; for HE morphs our hearts, minds, soul and spirit to desire HIS ways …. and then of course our wants/needs/desires are the same as HIS.
So simple; yet so hard for us to learn eh? So often we go round and round the same mountain.
Another verse He quickened to me a few years before the other one was:
1 Sam 15:22
“Obedience is better than sacrifice.’
At first I thot ‘oh gosh’ I must really need chastising; but as time went on I realized that by being obedient to that to which He calls me means I actually have have lots of freedom and security in knowing I am in His perfect will for my life.
It meant that I simply needed to ask Him ‘Lord am I to do this or that?’ And to wait for His still quiet voice. He was teaching me intimacy w/Him in relationship along w/many other spiritual growth/life lessons.
I DO think He gave me the ‘desires of my heart’ as a life verse to be like the icing on the cake of our relationship once I’d taken the other into my being.
He used these verses to help teach me what Lordship and submitting to lordship meant; there is vast freedom in understanding this concept that few of us understand in our western culture of ‘self.’
i pray He blesses you as you seek HIS will and HIS heart for your life dear sister
Yes, Trisha. God’s Word is so sufficient in every way. He is our final Authority. And it requires a lot of faith and quietness of heart and soul, mind and spirit. Always remember that “….He ever liveth to make intercession for you” (Heb. 7:25b). That simply means you are on Jesus’ daily Prayer List to the Heavenly Father and He will never remove your name. So keep your longings, dreams, desires headed in His direction. “He will never ever leave you nor forsake you” (Heb. 13:5). And as you focus more and more on Him very subtly, you will find that He is becoming MORE and you are becoming LESS and the things important to you in your life will begin to slowly yield peace to you and God’s great Agape Love. Bless you. Trisha.
here’s the KEY and the ANSWER FOR ME when Marge says, “It is very true that when we take our eyes off of ourselves and place them on the Word, it neutralizes all of our “I wants”, and we can begin to pray what “God wants” and it changes every thing – – not over night, but little by little.”
i have been focusing too much on ME, MYSELF AND I!
i’ve come to the conclusion that when we focus so much on what WE want and don’t get it? We become angry and the anger takes us on a downward spiral path leading to more pain.
thank you
Tiffany,
I pray that Father God will begin to meet the needs that are being left un-met in your marriage. I pray you will learn ways to fill the intimacy voids and that your husband will respond back in kind. In Jesus name I ask these things for both of you. Amen
There is a movie out there called Fireproof that I hope you can rent or purchase. It is also in book form. It is wise and will speak to your heart and spirit regarding these things.
As well there is a book entitled The Five Love Languages; also a Christian book and I found that it helped me to define how I give and receive love.
Ex: gifts are nice but I don’t get really excited about them as they are not my primary ‘love language.’ Spend time w/me or do acts of some sort [even housework] and I’ll fall all over my husband KNOWING he l o v e s me!
So I hope you can get this book and begin to identify your ‘love language[s]‘
It works for our grown children as well; Acts and time spent w/our son; and time spent w/our daughter work better than words or gifts.
Hope this helps?
lol….maybe one of us should ask the program to connect us via email….lol….we seem to be chatting it up a lot here…..lol
Andi – we serve a great God and it is such a privilege, isn’t it!
Hi Marge,
I’m an OnLine Mentor too….
Thank u for this blog!!! I needed it I have often thought hints will not work & can not because he is not meeting my physical needs.intimancy is very important to me with my spouse.
To each of you who have commented on Katherine’s devotional, I simply praise our Lord for your desire to make a difference in so many ways in your marriages. Marriage is a worthy, worthy institution. So many times we feel that once we are married then we can let our guard down and be whatever the spirit moves us to be. But that is not quite so. When we give God the glory for our lives – for our mates – even for our children, then we take the focus off of ourselves and put it on Him.
Jesus Christ has each of you on His daily prayer list! How do I know? Here ’tis! “Wherefore, He is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by Him, seeing He ever liveth to make intercession for them” (Heb. 7:25) “HE EVER LIVETH TO MAKE INTERCESSION FOR THEM”. That means you and me and those we love so dearly. He is praying daily for you and yours. It is very true that when we take our eyes off of ourselves and place them on the Word, it neutralizes all of our “I wants”, and we can begin to pray what “God wants” and it changes every thing – - not over night, but little by little.
I am a mentor for Power to Change – in the upper right hand corner you can click over to the Mentor’s section and we would love to come alongside you and pray with you and encourage your walk with the Lord. He makes all things beautiful in His time. He cannot fail. He will not fail. He cannot lie!!!!!!
Neat!
I can finally say with whole hearted truth that I have
finally come to this beautiful truth and because of this I feel like ive been set free from that part of my life that was placing negativity in my marriage, dont get me wrong my husband still
Lacks in many ways but so do I but just like the author of this devotional i dont dwell on it for long and look to God for all my needs and not my husband or people in general.
The sooner Christians get to this point the sooner God can move and fulfill there lives. As long as my God is with me my life is fulfilled, Praise The Lord!
I believe Phillipians 4:19 does not say “needs” in that verse. It says GOD will supply all your “NEED”. I actually was reading this a couple years ago and wondered why he didn’t say “needs”. God let me know that the only “NEED” I have in life is HIM and HIM alone. Thank you for the article.
It was truly meant for me to read this devotional this morning. I read this on my “down time” at work, and some days I never have a chance. Shame on me! Over the weekend, I was feeling these very things and had a really rough day yesterday! These are the exact words I needed to hear, to stop depending on myself or someone else, and start trusting and loving the Lord, he will meet all my needs. Thank you so much for the devotional and the comments!
This devo is divinely appointed to me this very morning! God has been dealing with me the past month about this VERY subject! i had a complete meltdown last night and was on my knees and up till almost 3 in the morning. i’m not in a marriage yet the relationship has been going on for 6 yrs. J proposed to me twice and twice fear convinced me to give the ring back and run. i kept feeling he just wasn’t “loving me” the way i wanted to be loved. i’ve been married twice before and walked away from both for the same reason. My insides were screaming, “YOU’RE NOT LOVING ME THE WAY I WANT YOU TO!”
i really love this man J and want to commit yet fear would always point out everything about him i don’t like or how i never felt his love for me was sufficient. After talking to my pastor and his wife and listening to his preaching, i’m slowly starting to understand what you are saying in today’s devotional. i’m seeing how powerful this agape love of the LORD’s really is and i want it. HIS word says, he’s “more than enough” and i just never felt this to be true. i would read it over and over and STILL feel empty. i know He will continue to work with me as HE promises to do so. Thank you SO much for sharing with us Andie.
Thanking you for saying what I’ve been wanting to share w/our married children but have not had an opportunity to do so. I will forward your article to them along w/prayer.
We are old marrieds who have grown thru this issue of what our culture seems to think of marriage as supplying all of our needs.
It was thru living in another culture that I discovered the truth and the lie was broken over our marriage that my husband MUST be everything to me. I praise and thank God for teaching me this many years ago.
THE best thing I can share about discovering this is that it ONLY took me to begin to trust God for all my needs to make the change our marriage needed. Somewhere and somehow my husband sensed the difference and he too grew into freedom of not feeling pressured in the relationship. It’s 33 years now and folks sense our relationship is healthy thanks be to God….and we give HIM the glory for doing this.