Be Quick to Listen
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“My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19, NIV).
When Job’s three friends heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and went to sympathize with him and comfort him. They sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him because they saw how great his suffering was. (Job 2:11-13, NIV) Then, wanting to help him out of his misery, they began to speak. And said all the wrong things!
Are you feeling hopeless?: Moving through your suffering
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“The first service that we can perform for anyone is to listen,” says Dietrich Bonhoeffer.
Most of us don’t listen well. “I know just how you feel,” we say, and then we launch into a personal story to prove it. What have we just done? We’ve moved to center stage and made the other person listen to us! When we talk too much and listen too little, we communicate to others that we think our ideas or experiences are more important than theirs.
Persons who’ve helped me the most are those who listened not only with their ears but also with their eyes. Their whole demeanor said, “I’m interested in what you have to say.” I gained courage from their support.
Dear God, I want to be a person who can listen to another’s tale of woe or triumph without topping it with one of my own. Amen
Questions: Are you a good listener? What does it mean to be a good listener?
About the Author Helen Grace Lescheid
i always thought that by giving them an example of a similar situation from my life after they told me theirs WAs the right way to listen. How else can someone feel “identified” with if you don’t? Guess i have to practice this “reflective” listening yet it sounds rather contrite to me to do it.
We just studied the conversation that Jesus had w/ both Harod and w/ Pilot, and it displayed what a perfect conversationalist Jesus was. We can definitely learn to both how to listen, and how and when to speak from this. Jesus was quiet and never quick to speak (w/ Harod, he chose not to answer at all), and when He did speak, He always spoke the truth. If only I had realized this at a much younger age. It goes to show once again, that Jesus is the way and the truth. With Him we have a significant life on earth, and eternal life as well. The “Truth” is always right in front of us.
I always thought I was a good listener; reading this article reminds me to not make myself the center of attention; not realizing that telling my own story was taking the focus off the other person & the importance of making the other person feel that I am interested in what she is going through.
amen to this. that we all be good listeners
This is a great message. I am reminded how important and supportive it is when I am just quiet and listen. Sometimes I respond and tell my own stories, not intending to make myself the focus but again today I was reminded that it does give that impression. I want to be a great listener. May the Lord help me.
This is a good message for me today. It is hard to listen without putting our own story in there. Besides listening, another good idea is to reflect back what the person said. “So what I’m hearing” or “It sounds like you ……..”. Sometimes “reflective listening” tells the other person that not only are you listening, but you get what they are saying. I know these techniques and teach them, but difficult for me always to put into practice.
Thank you Helen,
Once again you have conveyed such wisdom, with few words, that go straight to the heart ! As an RN I think I try to “fix things” and help people get beyond the moment of discomfort by talking instead of listening. By the grace of God, I finally”get it” and have done better…Your teaching is a confirmation to me today. I was especially moved with the statements regarding “listening not only with ears, but eyes too’ and also, how easy it is to move to “center stage”.
Thank you for being obedient to God’s call to share your wisdom. In Him, Ruthann
This message is so appropriate for me today as I facilitate Bereaved Moms’ Support Groups, the next one staring next week. It is a timelly reminder remnder of my role–to LISTEN and to show my caring by using my ears and my eyes much more than my mouth!
Ooh, this hits home and speaks to me LOUD today. I am very outgoing and expressive and know for sure that I an run away with conversations MEANING to do well. My husband a GREAT listener and I hope and pray that I’m learning from him.
Lord, help my heart today. I know He IS, and I know that He WILL.
Listening is what we want to do, but we inadvertently continue the other persons story with our own input thinking that we are helping. It was good to know that listening with our ears as well as with our eyes and making sure the other person knows we are interested in what they are struggling through even though we are not saying anything.