Don’t Skip Your High School Reunion
I was a little surprised to see a headline on CNN this morning that was in favor of High School reunions. I could feel my stomach curdle just thinking about it. Why would anyone subject themselves to high school again, even just for a night? Surely the only people who actually go to those things are the wildly successful with something to show off or those sad souls who really did have the best days of their life in locker lined hallways.
Isn’t half the fun of being a grown-up NOT going to events like that?
But as I read Jeff Pearlman’s piece, he raises a great point. Maybe that fear and dread is exactly why we should go. He writes:
Life is short. And boring and dry. And if we don’t occasionally force ourselves to face the most uncomfortable of situations, we shrivel up and die in front of the television, a half-eaten bag of stale Fritos in one hand, the remote control in the other.
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He writes of going back, not the to school itself, but of stepping into a room full of people who knew him when he was too young to know better. He danced with the untouchable girl, chatted with better athlete and found, to his surprise that as 30 year olds, they were on surprisingly equal footing.
He goes on to say that, “Never again will you have a better chance to cleanse yourself, to make peace with the past. . .the reunion served as my farewell to any and all longstanding bitternesss.”
It reminds me of the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, Dave Wilcox’ “Last Chance Waltz” which also speaks of the healing potential of high school reunions. (You can hear it on David’s site)
But to heal the old pain we must face it again
so I’ll walk down that hallway once more.
I have come to this 10 yr reunion for my heart is still pris’ner of war.
‘n if I find it’s alright we’re escaping tonight.
That’s what I came back here for.
Won’t you please waltz me free?
The turns of our steps are untangling me,
free from some dragged around memory
and the rusty old remnants of fear.
It is so tempting to walk away from things that might be uncomfortable. But while a safe life might be easier, it’s also small, limited. Does this mean I’m ready to face my own reunion? I don’t know yet. It might be my Nineveh, but it’s certainly something to think about. A friend of mine talks a lot about the way we tell our own stories, the language we use to describe ourselves. I know that there are parts of my own story that I still tell in the broken language of someone who got hurt in those hallways. Maybe I need to take my adult self back the scene of the crime, to see if I view the truth differently now. (You can read my story here) Did you go to your high school reunion? Should I go to mine?
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My parents moved out of state 3 days after I graduated from high school. I was only back once after that UNTIL I decided I was upset no one ever tried to find me and let me know there was a reunion. I felt very left out. Figured no one remembered me. I always felt like I didn’t fit in. I was quiet and not confident at all. I searched out people from my school on Classmates and started chatting. Found out there was going to be a SPECIAL 46 years reunion. I decided I was going. I will never be sorry I went. I saw a lot of old people there but they used to be my classmates. We laughed a lot and visited a lot and I will NEVER be sorry I went. No one was bragging about who had what or what they did. It was such a happy time. My husband even enjoyed watching us reconnect and he took lots of pictures for me. He even got a bigger kick out of meeting my old flame. GO to your reunion if you are adult enough to do it If you are still acting like the teens you remember then your not ready to go yet.
I went to a 10 year Highschool reunion and ti was great to see each other. It was 10 years since the school was built that I went too. I have not been to one since. i do not see a lot of the people that i went with at that time. At that time i mostly stayed at home with my family.
I have enjoyed reading the article & the posts. I am heading to my 30year reunion next month & it is not without great trepidation. I was not popular, smart or pretty at school. I left school & spent the next 10 or so years battling chronic drug addition. I have came through the other side, have gone on to obtain a degree & post graduate Masters degree , marry, have 2 kids & develop a great career. HOwever, as I have aged I have wondered if it really was as bad as I remember or if it was more a case of my insecurities. I have decided to attend to put to peace my past & celebrate who I have become.
It interesting that two commenters now have said “I haven’t heard from a single one of them”. I have to ask, have they heard from you?
Sometimes when you reach out to people there’s more of a response than what you get to see. I send out Christmas cards every year. I do it because I enjoy the process of making them and I like to greet old friends and frankly I’m a sucker for traditions and sending real paper things through the mail. Each year I send out about 40 cards and usually get about 10 back. In the last two weeks (keep in mind, it’s August now) I’ve heard from two friends who said how much they appreciate those cards. One still has hers pinned up all these months later.
You don’t always know who it was who was really glad to hear from you. These friends did not say a word at Christmas when I sent the cards, and it would have been easy to assume that they went unnoticed. But they did not. If you’ve tried to contact old friends, give them more than one chance. They just might surprise you.
Here’s my dilemma: I’ve received an invitation to attend my 40th High School Reunion – except it isn’t just my high school. You see my high school was closed due to falling attendance over 30 years ago and the reunion is the remnants of my class plus that of another school. I’ve also checked the roster of who’s attending and save for two names (and they were not my Best Buds but more like acquaintances from Chemistry class), I know no one who is attending. So why spend the $100 for the ticket and another couple of hundred for air?
And oh yes, ever since the day I moved away to go to college – I hadn’t heard from a single one. I think I have my answer.
i missed mine high school reunion becaue we were away but i wish i went to the high school reunion to see where is every one at even though i don’t think i had changed, maybe i’ve gotten more mature.
I had a painful time in high school. Parents were alcoholics, I didn’t make good grades, and ended up working minimum wage jobs for years. After the military, I finally achieved some level of maturity and re-started college. It’s still tough, but i’m making A’s and B’s towards a science degree. I’d probably be dead if it wasn’t for the military, it’s the only thing i can be proud of.
Not really looking to share that with a bunch of people who never called me in the last decade.
I have on our high school reunion committee a few times and from my observations an overall rule of thumb about people who attend the reunions: If one is basically happy and satisfied with their life (they do not have to be rich and famous), accepts what their life is and who they are, then they come to their high school reunions.
All the reunions I attended were just lots of laughs, smiles, hugs and “how ya’ doing-long time no see”.
And, sheesh, it is only 2-3 hours out of your life.
The only people that said they did not have fun at the reunions were the ones that sat in the back of the room or against the wall and expected everyone to come up an personally greet them. It ain’t gonna’ happen. Get up and mingle!
Hi Janine,
It takes character to speak out, to express one’s feelings, and to be honest. The first re-unions are not that much fun, as most people try to impress their classmates about rescent accomplishments. Then, after 10 to 30 years, it is just great to re-connect and laugh about by-gone days! Maybe you’re right about modern technology making communicaton so much easier than it used to be. But I’d say, that a good face-to-face visit with the closest friends is something to look forward to. For me it’s every 10 years! What can I say? —- Be glad for those that do show up.
FMy 50th is coming up in a few years, Alfred.
I can understand all the reasons why people don’t want to go to reunions. I planned my 40th anny class reunion and the turnout was like 5-8% of the class – very low. I just figured it was one last possible chance for old friends and classmates to reconnect and look back on more innocent times – when we had hopes for our futures. Thanks to Facebook and Classmates, reunions aren’t as important to people because they find out everything that’s going on (and see pictures) with the people they want to keep in touch with, anyway
It’s a year away from my 5 year reunion so I don’t have much room to talk but… I think I’ll go and check it out. If it sucks, it’s not like I have to stay. I’m not looking forward to people I STILL want to strangle or the people who had it so easy that they will be done with a college degree by that point (Still working on mine) and be bragging about it. I AM looking forward to people I didn’t know I missed or people that I had the wrong impression of. I want to see who is genuine and I didn’t see it before, the grown version of the “Popular kids” who you can still role your eyes at since they didn’t really grow up, and the ones that you just want to reconnect with. Sometimes, the best of friends can come of some time apart. And more likely than not, Karma will have taken it’s toll so I’ll want to see that (good or bad) for everyone.
I honestly don’t think I could ever bring myself to going to a high school reunion.
My 10-year reunion is coming up this summer, and here’s basically what it boils down to for me: I simply dreaded high school.
The people I knew (I wouldn’t even call them friends) never included me into any of their cliques. I never got invited to one party. I never had a single date. I get these uncontrollable twitches every time I think back to those four years that I despised. The only steps I’ve taken to try and alleviate some of those ugly feelings include throwing away all of my high school yearbooks, then eventually even my middle school and elementary school yearbooks. The memories are just too painful.
Now, I don’t mind running into some of those people from my past. But to do it in the setting of a high school reunion would be entirely different for me. What’s the point of reminiscing about good times when you had no good times to begin with?
Also, what’s the point of bragging about where you are in life when you’re far from satisfied with where you are?
Before you go to your next high school reunion….
… flip through your senior yearbook and ponder the people and places of that time in your life. Look at the faces and let your memory work its recollection magic. The good and the bad will come back to you like it was yesterday.
Bring everything forward as far as you can. If you’ve lost track of some you won’t have much to think about, but some you know of to this day.
Memories are part of a reunion, but the present and future are, too. It’s easy to talk about the good old days, but to venture into the meat of our lives is not as easy. To talk of births is fun but not deaths; success but not failure, love but not loss.
Can you talk about your kids? Were your kids good kids? Were you a good parent? One most times reflects the other. It’s fun to talk about our kids and their adventures and some misadventures, but not the real pain they may have caused us. It might be because of the pain we caused them.
Grand kids are different. Hopefully, they are all joy.
If you are brave and do go to a class reunion touchbase with all you can, find out about their parents and siblings, be open and honest and sincere so the others know at least one somebody they know has grown up.
“…Healing potential? … “Never again will you have a better chance to cleanse yourself, to make peace with the past. . .the reunion served as my farewell to any and all longstanding bitternesss.”
I had a great time in high school and am at total peace with the past. However, I had no desire to go back to the past and spend an evening and a lot of money on people I am no longer friends with. I would rather spend that time with and money on my family – even if it is just watching TV and eating Fritos.
There are a few high school friends I stay in touch with. I see them and communicate with them regularly.
It just depends. Do you plan on going and telling the truth about who you are? Or are you at a point in your life where you wish you would achieved something you havent? I personally feel that long term relationships are healthy but if it was a bad exp. for you let it go!!! We have bigge fish to fry. I am a way different person now than I was that long ago. I am an introvert so I don’t want people knowing my business. It was all fake anyways!!!