Why are Christians jerks?
Ever run into a self-righteous loudmouthed Christian online? Sadly, you’re probably not alone.
Jonathan Acuff is the author of Stuff Christians Like, a blog that pokes gentle fun at Christian culture using humor and perceptive critiques. His post today for CNN is provocatively titled: “My Take: Why Christians are jerks online.” He identifies two reasons he sees as being major contributors.
The first is the separation of online and offline personalities. Online, people can become effectively anonymous. This anonymity removes most of the consequences from our actions. It’s a lot easier to make a caustic comment when you don’t have to witness the hurt it caused.
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The second is that sometimes arguing about trivial things (like popular music or having a sip of wine with dinner) is easier than discussing real, heartfelt topics and loving one another. Acuff points out how paradoxical the idea of a “Jerk Christian” really is:
Much like “Christian hate mail,” being a “Jerk Christian” defies logic. … In Matthew 22 someone asks Jesus, “What is the most important commandment?” The answer is simple: “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”
Before I became Christian, I grew up in a secular home, and I generally had the mindset that Christians were all just hypocrites. Later I realized that the “being a jerk” problem is not a unique Christian problem, it’s a human problem. Despite good intentions, everyone fails sometimes, and acknowledging this should cause us (whether Christian or not) to be gracious to those around us.
I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize for the problems Christians cause, and my own lack of grace when I’ve posted online, which doesn’t accurately reflect the type of people Christians should be. I wish I, and we, could better love our neighbors.
Yet, despite the failures of God’s followers, there is hope. I’m strengthened by the fact that just because people cause problems, that doesn’t that mean that God is not great. I hope that my sometimes less than stellar behavior, and those of other followers of Christ, does not push people away from God, but somehow can be a reminder that we all face the same problem: The hypocrisy of our own hearts. Acuff ends his post by saying:
Jesus came for the mess-ups like us. Jesus came for the failures. Jesus came for the jerks. (That’s not in the King James version of the Bible, I remixed it like Timbaland.) And the truth is, grace is the antidote to being a jerk online.
I wholeheartedly agree, and hope that I will take this message to heart.
Have you ever had a bad experience with someone and their religious views online? Or have you realized that you were the one being less than gracious? Let us know below.
You are right Y, there are messed up people in churches just as much as anywhere. I guess one difference is that people in the church have an example in Jesus Christ of what leadership should look like. Jesus said, “Anyone who wants to be the first must take last place and be the servant of everyone else.” (Mark 9:35) So the way that leaders should lead in the church is not by loud voices and big fists but with love and service to other people. Unfortunately, I know that is not always the case. What can happen is people lose sight of following Christ and they start following other models of leadership. That’s when church can be a dangerous place to be. Fortunately Jesus is the one who is the head of the church and when someone has taken over with a personal ego agenda, He is the one who can help reprimand or remove that individual. For those of us who find ourselves in such churches we can have confidence that the Holy Spirit will show us the things that He wants us to do and say. As always our focus is on Jesus and waiting for His direction.
Y, I hope that your bad experiences in the church will not lead you to turn your back on Jesus. Just because some people who claim to be His followers get off track does not mean that He has abandoned His church. He will prevail in His perfect time. Don’t give up hope!
i think church is like any other places on the planet, in some ways it is the survival of the fittest. people with the loudest voice biggest fists always win in the end of the day. to make the whole thing worse, we are often denied a voice at our churches, told we need to learn to accept other’s imperfection / or is it acting like a complete doormat and say nothing? my exp is that those people who say churches are great are often bully themselve, of course it is great them, why wound it not be, they are never on the receiving of the things they dish out. as for friends, i still do not have answer to that, i think i am still trying to see whether God will be faithful to me on this matter or not in my life. i mean He has already allows 1 or two really amazing people into my life , so? but in someways He is all i have got, and He knows that, so i hope He would not let me down.
Ciao, I see your point, but I also see a distinction between being persecuted for being a Christian and giving an authentic Christian witness … and being persecuted for being acting in an off-putting an uncaring way. The world may see the two as being the same (labeling both as “being a jerk”) but Christians should know the difference.
Just the other day I came across a quote from Charles Spurgeon that speaks to this distinction: “The cross of Christ is in itself an offence to the world; let us take heed that we add no offence of our own.” (Charles Spurgeon, “Mornings & Evenings”, Sep 11 PM) It’s in this sense that I think we need to make an effort to be “Christ’s ambassadors” as Paul said. We need to be careful as you’ve said to not compromise the truth and be bold in preaching it, but at the same time being careful to not make our conduct a barrier to people actually hearing that truth. I think this is part of what Jesus was talking about when he told the disciples (and us) that “I am sending you out like sheep among wolves. Therefore be as shrewd as snakes and as innocent as doves.” (Matthew 10:16)
Christian Jerks! Sounds like a perfect combination to me. Remember the word Beelzebub. The world a large accepts every thing but the Jesus of the Bible. Just look around you. Couples sleeping with each other without being married call it fun, the Bible and any caring Christian call this fornication a.k.a. sin. The couple looked quite happy until the word fornication was used. Now they are mad and blame the Christian for being so judgmental. The couple then shows the press pictures of themselves with beautiful smiles moments before this so-called judgmental Christian came along. Now the world blames Christians for every unhappy face in the world. We need to be very careful about this condescent into the judgmental noose we wrap around Christians.
Very very careful as this is how Hitler started. Pastors have become so fearful of this noose, they do not want to preach about sin in their churches. Of what use is the church if the preacher cannot preach against not just about sin? I hae found myself becoming more understanding as I continue to grow in Christ but I have also observed that the word judgmental is used most frequently by those with loose morals who expect problems to go away without taking responsibility.
If I play the fool, I want to be told so I can be wiser. Thise hypocrites are the ones who see you do foolish things and offer a plastic smile rather than calculated warning. In this world full of hypocrites and double standards, I don’t see how you can be a real Christian without being a jerk. It’s impossible.
Hi Debra,
If you’re still there, I too really recommend you check out the regular chats they have on this site. If nothing else, it’s often a great time to connect with other people who have similar questions and ideas as yourself. They do hold scheduled chat times for specific topics but I think the rooms are usually open for general discussion all day. The scheduled chats are the times you’ll find the most people in chat though. I think you can take your pick of which room you want to go in here:
http://powertochange.com/discover/chat/
They do have a women’s only chat room if that would interest you more than the general community chat.
Hoping you find what you’re looking for,
James.
“The basic beliefs are that Humans fell into sin through one man, and that Christ died in order to save all people, and that all people in due time will recieve salvation. We also believe that everyone will endure some type of Hell, some more than others based on how big their sins were.”
If this is the case, why is it so important for Christians to engage in evangelism, ie why was it so important for the earliest Christians (that we read in Acts) to engage in such practices? Where in the Bible we find the idea that everyone will spend time in Hell? It sounds as though according to this view that someone like Christopher Hitchens will be (so to speak) punished into heaven in a purgatory type system; purgatory being (in my current understanding anyways) a product of later development, not biblical study. It doesn’t seem to me, considering the Bible narrative as a whole, that this would be something God would engage in, and if we asked Mr Hitchens, who is likely no fan of the idea of hell, I think he would be even more opposed to this notion. (I’m not sure if the universalist school of thought would call this “purgatory” so I apologize if I am mischaracterizing the view, but it sounds similar to me.)
I can understand why a person would be drawn towards universalism, but at the same time I wholeheartedly disagree with the assertion that “historians have proved that the majority of the Early Christians before the medieval era all believed in Universal salvation.” I encourage anyone who is interested in the idea to explore the totality of what the Bible has to say (not ignoring passages for or against the idea, but learning how they coexist) and come to their own conclusions.
JMTightlips,
Interesting post. Does your belief that “no one will suffer forever” and “It is very humbling, to know that there is no elitist group going to heaven while all the rest go to hell” apply to non-Christians as well? Genuinely curious.
The problem I see is that Christians today are still stuck in the Medieval Christianity of the Roman Church. I found Christian Universalism after dealing with so much frustrations with Christianity, that I almost gave up. Every single theological ideal just left me questioning everything. But Universalism is an absolutely reasonable approach to religion, and harmonizes best with the original hebrew and greek, before the Church mistranslated it to fit their ideas of eternal punishment. But Universalism opens one to new understandings of the bible, without all that traditional pharisaic hogwash that has plagued our understanding of the bible. It is very humbling, to know that there is no elitist group going to heaven while all the rest go to hell. The basic beliefs are that Humans fell into sin through one man, and that Christ died in order to save all people, and that all people in due time will recieve salvation. We also believe that everyone will endure some type of Hell, some more than others based on how big their sins were. But in the end, no one will suffer forever. Universalists are likewise the most Christlike Christian group I have come across. They are vehemently opposed to the behavior of our churches today. In fact, historians have proved that the majority of the Early Christians before the medieval era all believed in Universal salvation, when the bible was read in Greek, and not Latin.
I suggest you do some searches for
Gary Amirault(Tentmaker)
L. Ray Smith(Bible truths)
Eric Stetson(CUAA)
Preston Eby(Kingdom Studies)
Gerry Beauchemin(Hope Beyond Hell)
All excellent resources. I must warn you, there are many people out trying to persecute Universalists.
My huband and I have seen what you are talking about and the church in not what God ment it to be. Man has come in and made a buisness and a social club of the churches. we raised 5 children in christ and had not church to call our own. The “church” was not warm and welcoming, they always lived selfish lifestyles. 36 year as I have traveled and worked and lived in many places. the church was rude and uncaring no hospitality at all.
Hard to imagin where it came from and what it has become today. I just keep living for Jesus and shine my light around me when I can.
I have been saved for 50 years this november and sometimes we choose right words and do right and other times were in the way. I know I have done both. So I pick myself up and choose Christs likeness to become more real in my life to live for him not against him.
And also sometimes we feel people are rejecting us when we ourselves are in alot of pain. After I was separated I went to a church for a long time where I felt very ‘outside’, and I realized one day that I was keeping them outside too-because when I’m in pain I pull away from people, I build walls and they don’t know how to communicate with me around those walls…because I don’t want them to see me crying, or to know that inside I am screaming. And because I’m good at hiding it, no one knew what I was feeling. So I felt ignored, because I wasn’t able to be authentic with them about what was really going on.
Many Christians are unwelcoming and judgemental; and others of us may appear to be, because the church is filled with shy and/or disfunctional people…we came to God because we needed him, and that’s why we’re not so great yet at reaching out to others. So we try because we know we should, but often we come across as “pushing our church” when we’re really just trying to reach out. When I speak with people I always ask God to fill me with His Spirit, and to live through me socially, because I am horribly shy, and socially very awkward. So when I get out of God’s way and let Him work through me, I am welcoming and socially free. When I don’t, I say hello awkwardly, and while trying to make someone feel welcome, there are nothing but awkward silences because I don’t know how to politely ask the right ‘get to know you’ questions without seeming nosey, and I escape as quickly as possible. They probably think I’m just trying to “do my duty” and then get rid of them, but I often will pray for them, and feel horrible that I could not do a better job socially. So please don’t judge us! We don’t intend to do such a bad job, many of us just don’t know how to do better :)
blue-jay, you are the christian I would want to be around. You make me smile because now and then, I do find a christian who is trying their best to be Christlike, without judging the rest of people as unfit to be in your “club”. Never lose that.
I am new to all this…and yet im not.. Seems my life has been a battle. The sites i go to ..sometimes are tough on me , and yet i think I need this sometimes. Have i met alot of christian jerks?? I guess it takes one to know one. Though i havent been a christian for long. I will admit i am the worlds biggest jerk and sinner. From what i am learning, though, Jesus expects us to mess up..good thing!!! Its the one thing i am really good at. I understand the comment about “being someone else” when you are on site. I am not different..except in the way i am trying hold tight to what Jesus said to me. I am and can only be …me… online. sometimes i know its not the right time or ..whatever.. i am not trying to start a battle ..God knows we have enough of them already. I am just trying to connect with..you all and God. God has something planned for me!! All i can hope and pray for is that…. I can live up to what he wants.
John Holmes, that is how I feel. I believe in God. It is the “christians” that want to sell their church, but then kick the person away, as if they did their duty. I find every day that as a non christian, I actually live the life they spout but do not do. I believe in God, but organized religion and the way church people treat me, I reject. I cannot understand how these folks who preach Jesus’ love, act like a restricted club and outsiders are not really wanted.
The problem with christians is simple. They love to tell you about their religion even when the rest of the world dosent care or dosent want to know. They are very smug and have this amazing ability to always look down their noses at others who choose to have a more open and free lifestyle. They hold people in contempt for not adhering to their religion. Frackin christians cant even get along with other christians, just look at Ireland.
Im glad you have religion, good for you, but I dont want your religion. I dont want to have the ghosts of millions killed during inquisitions, or have my faith questioned because the church fails to hold child molestors responsible for acts of deprivity.
The problem isnt with the individual so much as it is with the institution.
Much like its said “I love my country but I hate my government”, Most of us non christians love religion but hate your church. How can any support a nazi child molester and his preatorian cult?
No it isn’t Christlike at all. I wish I could tell you that your experience is uncommon, but my own experience with the church is that this happens a LOT more than it should. I wrote an article for our sister site called “I Only Feel Alone at Church“. If you take a look at it, you’ll see a bunch of comments from people with similar experiences. What surprised me was to see that people in all sorts of different family situations had had that same feeling being “other” of not being welcome.
I know exactly how hard it is to walk into a church alone. Looking for a different community sounds like a great solution but it is a lot easier said than done. I think Darren’s comment above has some good ideas.
The biggest issue seems to be that I am divorced. I had nothing to do with that, as my husband took a job in another state and i stayed here to sell the house. He sent me a letter telling me he didn’t want me there, and he divorced me. Yet every church looks at me as if I am the bride of satan. They see divorce as a horrid sin which they automatically blame the woman, and call her an adulteress, which I have never done and still won’t even though I am divorced and free legally to do so. They won’t sit beside me, talk to me, and I just don’t need this. I was most judged by a man sitting and holding hands with his wife, and he is divorced, on his second wife, and is putting it all on his first wife to justify himself. This is Christlike?
Debra, I’ve been frustrated by the uncaring attitudes of Christians as well. I vividly recall searching for a new church to attend after moving back home from university (I was saved while I was at school). I visited a church and got the cold shoulder when I walked in. No one welcomed me or acknowledged that I was there. I suspect it was because I was wearing jeans but I’m not sure. I visited many other churches on and off over the years, but didn’t actually find a church that I could call home until I’d almost graduated from seminary … now I can’t imagine not being a part of it. Your negative experiences sound pretty intense … so, maybe trying to find a church isn’t the right approach for you right now. At the same time, it’s dangerous to be a “lone ranger” Christian, attacks from outside and inside can affect us, so it helps to have a support group. There are daily online chats on this site, with one room specifically for women and one coed room, maybe that could be one place to start? Or see if there is a small group (or women’s group) that meets in your area, from a nearby church or other organization?
Is it so much to ask of the members to even just smile at a new person walking in alone? They somehow expect a new person to just know “that seat is mine”. I was asked to move at one church because apparently I had taken a seat a regular sits, and I moved, straight out the door. I sit alone down front where regulars seem not to want, and is it so much to ask for even one person to approach me and say hello? This was not uncommon. I asked for an appointment with a minister only to be told “he is too busy”. this happened every time. I gave up.
Debra, I’m sorry for the experience you have had as you have searched for God’s love. I have had a relationship with Jesus for many years. I have also had times where I experienced what you described. I probably have unintentionally not shown love to those around me as well. When I read your words it makes me realize the impact of our actions…and that great hurts can come from them. Jesus would not desire for us to make others feel that way, but Christians are not saints. We do wrong even while we strive to do right. We confess our sins and then ask God to direct our steps. Walking into a church does not make us any more godly than standing in a parking lot makes us a car. One thing I ask you is to look to Jesus for true love not to people. He loves you deeply. You can respond to my comment on this site or talk to one of our mentors. They care and are eager to share Gods love with you. I prayed for you today.
I started searching for God, attended several churches, and also christian websites. It did chase me away. I have never come across a more self righteous judgmental people than christians. They love people sure – themselves and their “inside christian friends” and “church family” who never make a single new person welcome or let them inside. I went searching for the love of Jesus I heard about, and after a year of searching, decided it was not real and gave up. Christians make it quite clear they love each other. God help a new person because they are going to be judged and never allowed inside.
I wonder how many people (myself included) have pondered the same question. Why are we jerks? Sometimes I think when God sheds light on us, and we see, I mean really see, we understand just how stupid the common things of the culture really is and we defend truth, when the reality is may be that God has shown us that truth so we will avoid ….fil in the blank….it. Bottom line is when we don’t love, we blow it and blow it big. Its human nature, it’s passion, and too often we become humble which is good place to be reminds us we haven’t arrived yet and the journey is long my friend! – good blog, thanks!