How to Comfort a Friend

Comforting friends who have gone through significant hurt or loss is not easy. We want to support and encourage our friends during their time of trial, but often what we say can only make things worse.

One of my professors, while teaching a graduate course I took called “Evil & Suffering” (not the most uplifting course name ever devised) talked about how he had presided over dozens, if not hundreds, of funerals in his role as a pastor. In all of these instances only once, he said, had anyone ever asked him philosophical questions about suffering. Most times, people need a patient, caring, and generally silent listener, not intellectual answers and advice. Heart care instead of head answers.

But that’s easier said than done. I remember clearly how when my friend’s dad passed away, I found it difficult to know how to respond appropriately in a way that would be most helpful to him.

To help us respond in this kind of situation, Heather Isaak’s article How to Talk to the Broken Hearted provides helpful advice. She explains her own story of loss, what kinds of advice she found unhelpful, and suggestions of better ways to respond.

Further resources:
Confronting our Giants – An online interactive study about finding strength to face life’s challenges
Talk to a mentor – Have a private email discussion with someone familiar with your concerns

TweetEmailPrint