Why do we stay?
Newspaper columnists are already speculating that, this time, Mel Gibson’s movie career is over. With five damning tapes released so far filled with profanity and racist rants, it may be too much for even this perennial film star to gloss over. The legal and publicity fallout from Gibson’s rants is ongoing, and so is media attention. That’s why we’re writing about it here: It’s what people are talking about.
What I don’t recall hearing anyone talking about amidst all of the commentary is why people so often stay in terrible circumstances. If you’ve read about the kind of verbal (and allegedly physical) abuse that Gibson’s former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva had to endure, we may wonder, why continue to stay with someone like that? We could speculate in Ms Grigorieva’s case, but without knowing the details of their relationship such speculation wouldn’t be productive or fair to her, so instead let’s hope and pray that everyone involved, Gibson, Grigorieva, and her children, all receive the help and support that they need.
Does your relationship need help?: Talk to a mentor
Do you want to start over?: Facing the future after a major loss
Another consequence of the news attention has been that people living in such circumstances may realize that they are not alone and seek help. On our own website, we have stories of people who are recovering from abusive relationships, as well as video addressing the subject “How can I persuade my husband to seek help for his anger and emotionally abusive behaviour?“.
If you feel like you are trapped in a situation (such as a relationship) and can’t seem to get out, it can help to talk to someone privately about it. Contact a mentor today to talk confidentially about it.
Last year i left my emotionally abusive husband of 15 years. I’m in my 50s and have a chronic illness that has disabled me.Due to my husbands abuse and my illness I had spent 10 years in major depression with sucidual thoughts. I hid my abuse from friends, family and myself for all those years. Last year with the help of counseling and my dear sister, I got a legal seperation and moved across the country away from my husband. I now live with my sister and am an active member of a church community. I often wonder though, if the lord will forgive me for leaving my husband, should i have stayed for the sake of my marriage?
It is important to remember that women also perpetuate abuse. Usually in the form of verbal and emotional. I have leived with it for many years. I love my wife and children and recognize that we are both broken people and in need of Christ’s continual salvation. I choose to stay despite multiple couonselor’s advising against because I took a vow for better or worse, and I have 2 wonderful children. However there are times when this reolve waivers. Ihave been completely isolated from friends and family as a result. (I can’t be honest when ansering “how’s the home life.” and don’t want to share. Only ones I ever have told is in counselling a year ago.)The tape I heard of Mel Gibson which was aired on TV sounds cool calm and collected to what I hear on a regular basis.
Going back to counselling is a very good idea! And by all means try the chats…especially the prayer times and moderated chats where a chat leader is there guiding the discussion.
Thank you Deebee for your kind words and thoughts. Love ya!! I thought i knew what love was…NOT..until Jesus showed me and shared with me His ..”love”. Now it seems i am in a battle. Jesus on one side and the Enemy on the other.it still seems I just want to end this life which now is empty and without purpose my little one is ..gone and she died so horribly..my fault..but i know it is only the enemy.. always there always telling me no one cares and anything i do is a waste of time… only he can give me what i want….but he cant ..only God can and i trust God and only God and Jesus. I pray that He will be enough to stop this torment. I am sorry i seem to be just..confused.. my hope is all but gone now. I know i said i wouldnt go back to the chats and all but ..they seem to be ..what i need now. So i will give it all one more try.. i made a promise.. i am also going to go back into counseling. Like i said i made a promise.. i will for now keep this promise.. and God help me!!!
Blue-jay thanks for giving us a glimpse into your life. I cannot even imagine all that you have gone through and my heart just goes out to you. You have walked down such a difficult path. I am so glad to hear that your little one stopped you from taking your own life and that you believed it when God told you that He has other plans for you. He really does.I hope he is showing you what true love is.
i know ..i know ..said i wouldnt do this but maybe this can help someone, I dont know. My only and last true love and i truly love him…was abusive. Mentally and emotionaly and physically. We went through hell together. Doing drugs and booze. Unfortunatly the love on the most part was on my side. He was abused when he was a kid by his over bearing mother which i didnt know until much later. He took out his hate on me ..but i love him anyway. I was stabbed twice..had second and third degree burns from boiling water he threw on me…many head traumas not to mention the emotional and mental abuse..and i have a weird hand because i stopped a blow from a fireplace poker He was very smart and though i was smart…i couldnt hold a torch ,so to speak. Yet i stayed with him. Therapist kept asking me why i stayed.. STupid i guess… he wouldnt go for that..and i couldnt explain.. i loved him..and he was better to me than anyone had been.Which now is just sad. I wish the night i found him..with his head blown off i only wanted to do the same thing. The only thing that stopped me..was my little one standing in the doorway. Now all i want is to end this life..but God has told me He has other plans. I beleive HIm ..but the things i have done ..i can never forgive myself for.. no matter what anyone says. I killed him and my little one ..and my other one. Though God says He has forgiven me..i cant forgive myself. The reason i stayed all the years with him and the abuse?? That is what i thought love was.