Comments on: When You Feel Very Alone in your Marriage

By: Ron

Ron — Tue, 18 Jun 2013 06:32:05 +0000

I am sorry but it seems that only women think there alone in their marriages. Well men can feel this way too. I work 40 hrs plus a week and attend full time college working on my masters so I can get a better job to support her better. She comes Ho,e and watches movies 5-6 days a week. There’s little done. I pay all the bills both with the $$$ and make payments, I am the cook and I do the shopping for food. Some men are getting tired of being alone too.

By: mpinckney

Tue, 11 Jun 2013 14:12:14 +0000

Good morning Ladies,
I want to encourage your hearts this morning. It breaks my heart to see the condition of your relationships. I understand that this has taken a toll on you all emotionally. I want to assure you that the Lord is aware and He is concerned about you. He hears your cries and He is working on your behalf. Every relationship is different. I encourage you to continue to seek Godly counsel concerning your relationship. You are welcome to contact a mentor through Power to Change’s website. They will be able to walk with you through prayer and support for your own individual situations. Here is a some information for Counseling also- Counsel Care Connection: (708) 524-3333 Email: help@counselcareconnection.org.

I want to also encourage you to continue praying for your husbands and your relationships. Relationships have to be nurtured. We must make the most of every opportunity we receive to encourage, support, and edify and trust that the Lord will take care of our needs through our mates. I have found that our expectations can lead to disappointment. We need to be clear in our communication as to what we need from our mates. When you have done that, prayer is a great tool to help facilitate change. After all, God designed marriage. I encourage you to allow the Lord Jesus to come along side you in your relationships to help bring about change. He will indeed strengthen you and give you grace for the journey.

Father I lift my sisters up to you now. I pray that you will begin to surround them with your loving-kindness. Draw them closer to you by your Holy Spirit. Minister to their hearts and reveal yourself to them in a greater way. I pray that you will protect their homes and their family from every work of evil. I pray that you will grant them the grace to communicate with each other. I pray that you will grant them the grace to forgive each other. Father, heal their broken places. I pray for your peace to surround them like never before. Allow them to see you at work in their relationships. Father, teach them to be the wives that you have called them to be and minister to the hearts of their husbands as well. I pray that they will all come to know you in a greater way. Father, many are not sure what to do even at this very moment. I pray that you will guide them with your eyes upon them and lead them to a place of truth. Lead them according to your will and purpose for their lives. Help them to realize that their identity and worth is not based upon the situations that they are in but in You. Help them to know that they are fearfully and wonderfully and wonderfully made and they deserve your best. Thank you for showing yourself strong and faithful on their behalf. IN Jesus name. Amen

Blessings to you all!

Psalm 147:3 He is the healer of the brokenhearted. He is the one who bandages their wounds.

1 Peter 5:7 Give all your worries to him, because he cares for you.

Jeremiah 29:11 I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.

Psalm 139:14 I will give thanks to You, for [a]I am fearfully and wonderfully made;Wonderful are Your works,And my soul knows it very well.

By: arshad

arshad — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 13:34:18 +0000

i m fix marriage

By: Edith

Edith — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 23:41:33 +0000

Sisters,
There is not one scripture saying we as women must take on all the burden. Being a Christian isnot about being a doormat. Remeber what you are teaching your son or daughter by enabling your husband. Many women write in and say you should encourage your husband to takr interest in the family he helped create or make family events fun for him. This is ridiculous…are you telling me we must trick them into being the men God created them to be? Admit that signs were there before now. If you are working or educated…get working or going to school and he will begin to treat you fairly and you will not have time to feel bad or lonely. Yes, pray for strength, wisdom and guidance as you may be the only adult in the relationship. I often wonder what they thought they said when theu asked is to marry them.

By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Wed, 05 Jun 2013 23:22:17 +0000

My husband holds down three jobs, he is on contract which does not give him sick leave, bereavement leave or holiday pay, it is incorporated into the wages. Anytime that there is a public holiday he does not get a day off as he works from a remote location, so he continues to work. He is constantly evaluating n New projects which absorb all of his time. He came home for 20mins today and talked to me, I had asked if we can work on having at least one meal a day together as a family. Because we live in Argentina South America, they eat late at night around 9.30-10.30pm which I find too late when the children need to be at school the following day at 8.30am. He makes breakfast in the morning but wont change the children or drop them at school except on rare occasions. When I am sick I feel like he doesn’t believe me and he still expects me to carry out all activities relating to the children. I drop them to and from school 4 times per day as they are in a bilingual school. They also play soccer 2 times a week. I have asked for one night off a week, but he does nothing but complain when I decide to take some me time. I have no interests outside of the home and children, partly because I do not have my family close by here to help out. Friends mostly expect me to help them if I want help and I find that I end up getting more tired as I have to take care of their children as well as mine or they wont help at all. We have lived here for four years now. Before we were married I expressed to my husband that I had no desire to live in Argentina. All though in a funny way I kind of believe that God has used it to work on serious character flaws in my own life, lately I have just felt like walking out and leaving him and going home to NZ the country where I am from. We were supposed to go home to NZ over summer, but my husband decided to go on holiday with his brother and wife and their young family, I ended up taking care of their children as they had a young baby to consider. I did not feel like I had an adequate rest as my own children and I were sick for most of our holiday. I am a Christian and I have regular morning quiet times with God, but lately I just feel broken and torn apart. My parents are great but they have been in Thailand for the last 6 weeks on holiday and I have difficult in connecting because of the distance. My friends all have 3 or more children to cope with and have their own responsibilities. I feel so alone. I have sat down with my husband and talked to him on a number of occasions about his work timetable, for example he left around 8.15 this morning and he is still not home at 8.20pm even though I said to him that I had a meeting at 8pm this evening which I have not been able to attend. I give up. I welcome any insight anyone might have.

By: Alvina

Alvina — Sun, 02 Jun 2013 09:39:16 +0000

Dear fellow ladies. Last night God showed me my own life and what ive been going through in the past. The Holy Spirit said its time for me to share my whole testimony with you. God wants to heal and safe someones life out there today. Be blessed.Going through an abusive marriage, sitting with a husband who had an affair, drinking heavily, etc. I was abuse phisically, financially, sexually, and more. While he was having this affair he would come home drunk and now he want to be with me. Most of the time he raped me. I also looked a few times in a guns face pointed to me. My child( a boy) that time 4 years saw all these things happening to me. Imagine the trauma that boy went through on this young age. One day he(ex husband) wanted to hit me again, but all of a sudden a fighting spirit in me came forth, and i started to hit him back. He was quiet shocked seeing me fighting back for the first time. No more mrs nice girl. By the way, that time i was also a christian. Every weekend the police have to come and see if i was okay. There was no peace in that house of mine any more. I found out later, when im working nightshift at a security company, she(the lover) came to sleep for the night in my house, then left before i would be coming home. Now you would asked, where was our loving God that time when i needed him. He was there all the time. While i was praying, crying, being unhappy, God was there. Yes my God carry me through that heavy storm and turbulant times. I did not one time curse God about my problems or circumstances. My ex husband would also locked me out of the house, while i was at Prayer meetings at church. I also did not want to make a choice to leave him at that time. Like you i was thinking about my nice house, the money, etc. I was not thinking about what damage it was doing to my child, my health, etc. It went on for a year, thinking that he would change, come to his senses. At the other hand that other lady(his lover) was doing everthing in her power to get him for herself. I then decided to divorce him. I was messed up, full of stress and so on. I decided to put an end to my unhappy marriage. I made a Choice. I did not let anybody else tell me what to do, i did what was right for me and my child. After 3 years i met this lovely man, now my husband. We are married now for 18 years, praise the Lord. At first i could not even tell him i love him. I was so afraid to be hurt again. It took me almost 2 years before i could say ‘I love you my husband’. My eldest boy turned out a good boy, whos now a father himself. Prayer i tell you can do what God alone can do. I learned why Things happened to me for a reason. My mother always said to us, ‘ your babies father is not always your husband and that the mother of your children is not always your wife. God will never take you through a test without a Testimony. Get out of your abusive relationships and marriages. Dont hold unto stuff or someone that can cause a lot of damage and even your death. Is it worth it, or fair to your children.Stop moaning or groaning about your problems, serve God, trust him, and let Him use you to the Glory of God. If you decide to stay in what ever kind of problematic marriage, you must be prepared to wait on God to change your circumstances. If you are not a strong christian to withstand all the enemies attacks? Are you prepared to hold unto your one and only helper namely Jesus Christ ? The question to you is, ‘Are you prepared to wait, doesnt matter how long it may takes? If your answer is yes to all the above questions, then God will come through for you. God bless you my friends.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 10:55:52 +0000

I just want to say that some of us have marriages where there are deficits beyond anyone’s control. In our marriage, my husband has Aspergers. It runs in his family and that’s what he was blessed with. I have ADHD. It runs in my family. It’s my blessing for life. An Aspergers man more than anything needs routine and order. As a person who struggles with ADHD more than anything in life is the struggle to create order and routine. So as you can see, some things are not as easy as just doing our part. Then we have 4 kids each with a special need of their own. So we pray and we plod on.

By: Sheila

Sheila — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 06:40:03 +0000

The problem is, life generally speaking is not fair. Many women are not married to men who view them as equals. Many women have not had an equal rights upbringing and many women will not leave their husbands. That is why any christian woman will tell you to pray. That christian woman is not putting her head in the sand by praying, she actually has a belief in Christ and his power to not only part the sea but create change in a hopeless marriage. Many of these women are also isolated and are perhaps just looking to vent rather than to actively participat in the prayer needed to change their marriage. These are frustrating and difficult topics. If you want change in your marriage and are not a christian but do not want to leave your husband, I see only two choices. The first choice is continue to vent to whom ever wil lister or learn to pray. If you don’t know what to pray, ask The Lord for the words of prayer that are needed daily to change your marriage. Sheila

By: Tracie

Tracie — Sat, 01 Jun 2013 03:22:47 +0000

Why should we advocate for husbands that refuse to help with kids that they obviously took part in creating?? Does anyone really believe that God would want that? This person is doing her best to provide for her children and take them to appointments and tend to them as they need and even when she is sick he feels put out??!!! I believe that the marriage vows alone state “in sickness and in health” hello??? Why should a women be so cautious and careful what NOT to say to anger her husband more gene he is just continually adding to her frustrations?? I believe that marriage is a two way street! If one partner is giving 100percent then shouldn’t the other be ATLEAST trying to do so? How is this fair to her and her life? I am a nurse and work full time, my husband works full time as well and I can tell you without mutual agreements and cooperation it would never work for me personally! I feel that life is short and everyone deserves to be happy! I also believe that God want us to be happy….therefore no matter what others may say about separation or divorce, it is ultimately up to the one going through all if this [expletive removed] to make that decision for themselves. I will never tell a women to just “stick it out” especially if nothing ever changes!!! Of course anything in life that is worth something takes an amount of work….yet when someone is emotionally drained and nothing positive ever comes from conversations related to issue, then I would say trust your instincts!! Do not allow someone to make you feel that you are always the cause of everything….good Lord people….the difference between a man and a women should not be so involved that it allows a man to treat his wife like [expletive removed]!

By: Lisa

Lisa — Wed, 29 May 2013 00:32:36 +0000

Gloria and Jamie,

Thank you for your responses.

To Gloria, I would say my relationship with the Lord is getting better. I have been keeping a tiny journal where I write down the beautiful bits of life… even in the horrid. I am an ER social worker, so even after a horrific case I write down some tiny bit that I might see the richness in the human experience, the texture of life that makes me know I’m alive, etc… I have started listening to praise music especially when things look hopeless, especially the days it looks like I need to move out and take the kids with… I just listen to praise music and lift up and hands and sing to Jesus. On those days Ted’s heart sometimes comes around and he’s sorry and starts acting human … like a glimpse of being a human for the first time in months – type – change.

Jamie,

I think God has been telling me small things that I have been tucking away in my heart. I was at work a few days ago and was asked to go to the CATH Lab to be with a beautiful elderly English lady whose husband of 51 years was terribly ill, had arrested, and was not expected to make it. As hours passed in close confines with this woman, and she talked away about her life, her pain, she being very open about the big picture of what she had endured over the years. She told me that they had met about the same as Ted and I met, married, had three children, lost their youngest at age 17 to suicide, two years later her husband had an affair with a friend of theirs… and here 51 years later “He’s my best friend” She said “I was too coward to leave”. But she said after time he was sorry and now ‘he wakes me up at three in the morning to ask me trivia questions’ her eyes brimmed with tears twinkle as she tells me their fun secret. As she spoke, it hurt to know Ted would never be sorry for what he had done, and continues to tell me when we have a good day he’s just the same as he’s always been. But maybe someday he will be, I don’t know.

The other day I told Ted that when we first fell in love, he was a kid (19) insecure, not sure of his future, and somewhat awkward. Then I told him that in some ways I feel like because of our love and my encouragement to him, and God’s blessing, and wisdom he achieved through having to do a year of undesirable work, that he had decided to rough it out through his bachelors and masters – even though he struggled terribly through school, many hours with me sitting beside him having him read out loud to me so he could focus on what he was doing, re-doing classes when he failed them, etc.. and had fought through to become what he is amazing at… a research and development engineer – where day after day he is told how amazing he is, and where narcissistic traits have developed because of the constant pedestal he is put on, and because of the feeling of inadequacy he had to start with, and how it’s affected him. And explained that those circumstances are the perfect petre dish for becoming entitled and abusive at home. He listened and told me there was a king in Israel that that very thing had happened to – he said he thinks it was the son of the boy king Joash, anyway… That king was humble and good, and then he was blessed and became thought of as brilliant as he built up the army and military equipment and had no one invade his country for years.. but ended up a mess and dying early because of his arrogance. Ted brought up that this king was not even defying God during this… but just so full of himself that he did damage to himself and his family and country. As Ted said “A form of Godliness”.

Yesterday I got a once in maybe a 5 year opportunity. After hiking way out in the country with my family, was encouraged to take on a ridge and meet the family at the car as I’ve been dying to get to the top of an open mountain forever and hike the ridge and down again. I was about an hour and a half alone – maybe two.

Two things God taught me up there. That the flowers are much brighter at the top of a mountain… as is life… that things that are just a fight to get to, they offer a color and texture that can’t be seen where life is all paved out and easy. Also up top there are very few distractions… just the flowers, only the sounds of maybe a bird or two… can hear nothing else – not even the cars… can’t even see the roads below.

The other thing God taught me up there, as I was trying to make my way down a very difficult decent is that there are a lot of opinions on how to descend a mountain… however the ones to take advise from are the survivors of mountain descent… the mountain goats and deer. I eventually found one of their trails and found my way down without having to crawl across slides while hanging on to sage, and refusing to look below and refusing to give into my fear.

So many books have been written about marriage. However very few like the beautiful elderly English Lady have survived really hard things and found deep friendship after all.

So I’m pushing myself up this mountain called a lonely marriage, I’m fighting my fearful thoughts and focusing on the next step in front of me. I’m noticing the bright colored flowers around me. I’m listening to actual survivors of the mountain. And I’m finding pockets of solitude in which to gain strength from the Lord.

Thank you for asking.

Sincerely,
Lisa