The Best Advice I Received on Marriage
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If you had asked me my plan for my life, it would not have included being a newlywed at the age of 40! I was marrying for the first time. I had been in ministry with women for years and I had heard a lot of teaching on marriage and relationships. However, the best advice I received was just before I married Allan in 2001.
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The advice came through a friend of a friend. Here is what I was told. My friend’s friend, used to stand at her kitchen sink every night doing dishes. She would think over the day and begin to make a list of all the things her husband did or didn’t do that drove her crazy. Then, he would enter the kitchen and she would turn around with daggers in her eyes. He would be completely taken off guard and wonder what he had done that had upset her so much. It wasn’t just one thing – it was everything!!
Then the Lord spoke to this woman’s heart and challenged her to stop keeping a record or being like a prosecutor and building a “defense” against her husband. She began to thank God for the great qualities she saw in him and her life and relationship changed.
That was the advice I was given and I have put it into practice. There is ample opportunity in any marriage to “build a case” against your spouse in your mind.
Whenever you begin down that road, stop yourself. Begin to think in the opposite direction. It will save needless arguments. Instead, appreciate the qualities you see and look for the good and not the bad.
That is the best advice I have ever received for marriage. It is biblical. In 1 Corinthians 13:5b it says “it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” The “it” is love. You will never be able to love your spouse if you are constantly keeping a record of wrongs.
Father, thank you for my spouse. Thank you for the gift he is to me and for all of the good qualities I see in him (be specific). Lord, I ask You to bless him. I ask that You will grant him favor, courage, strength, Your peace, the fruit of Your Spirit flowing from within him. Lord, help me to be the best wife I can be to him. Father, please help me not to even go down the road of “building a case” or “making a list”. Help me to be grateful, thankful, and a cheerleader in his life. In Jesus’ holy and precious name I pray, Amen.
Questions: What happens to your attitude when you start to think negative thoughts about your spouse? What can you do to stop thinking negative thoughts about your spouse?
About the Author Donna Mitchell
Tags: advice, donna mitchell, husband, marriage, marrying, newlywed, prosecutor, spouse, teaching
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Thanx for this advice. I really needed this. This came directly from God working in my heart to love and cherish this man He gave me as a gift.
When we married our pastor said that marriage should be 75/25. Meaning that EACH person should give 75 % and only expect 25%! Must have been good advice because we have been married for 56 years.
I hope to teach my daughter all of these things, as I’ve learned them the hard way. There are no “do overs”… but I see that I have grown, and I married much too young the first time. My marriage now is so much different, and I’m grateful that even tho I was very hurt in my divorce, I can see what I did wrong and correct those things. In my marriage now, we are very open w/ one another, and we respect each other to the maximum (somehting that didn’t exist in my first marriage of 16 yrs). However, we didn’t give that marriage a try to exist (he left for another woman, married, and has since left also). I do believe being on the same page w/ religeous points of view, and mutual respect for one another will make a marriage last and last….(and prayer).
Good idea. When I start making my “list” I do pray that I should focus on the positive. Sometimes it works, but other times the negatives win out. I do realize that I have been blessed with an awesome man.
Thanks Donna for reminding us to make a concerted effort to be thankful for our husbands! Adrienne sums this up very nicely at the end of her comment as well.
If we were to put the shoe on the other foot, so to speak, I, for one, know there were would many things my husband could find negative about ME! What makes me think that I have no faults? It is easy to slip into a “poor me” attitude and compare ourselves and our husbands to other marriages.
I am SO blessed to have a husband who, even when I am not easy to live with, will always be kind and caring towards me. Not an easy task some days. This devotional has renewed my intent to have a much more grateful attitude towards my husband. Thank you.
This is some of the best advice anyone can give to newlyweds. I am very guilty of doing this to my poor husband who had no idea I was sitting there thinking very negative thoughts. You must be aware of this, and when you find yourself doing it, and we all do, because we are all human with human traits, you must make a determinded effort to start listing the good things.
My husband would actually change dirty diapers and bathe babies! And when you start listing the good, you realize the bad isn’t all that bad after all. And remember, husbands really cannot read your mind. They do want you to tell them what you would like them to do/buy/say. Everything they do is told to them…even football players are told how to run a play.
Just remember to tell them in a loving voice. Don’t tell them, “If you really loved me, you would know what I want.” That will make him unhappy with both you and himself.
While doing the dishes, pray and praise God for the day that is now over and for all the good that happened that day.
A grateful and thankful heart doesn’t find much time to be negative.