Depression: Illness or Spiritual failure?
Angry, frustrated and confused, I boarded a plane for Southern California. My dear friend and mother-in-law lay in a hospital bed with the shadow of death hovering. As I sat on the plane numb and expressionless. I cried, “Lord, where are you? Can’t you see my wounded heart?” I wanted to scream instead of cry, “LORD, I CAN’T DO THIS ANYMORE!” I felt as though his face was shrouded from me.
This was one of the few times in my journey with God where I truly felt that I had been abandoned by Him. So many traumatic events had happened. Just two weeks earlier we had buried my grandfather–the spiritual rock of our family. I had had the privilege of caring for him and walking with him through his last days and now, just weeks after his death, I was possibly facing another. I felt as though the foundation of my childhood was being bulldozed.
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It started with a diagnosis
My journey began early in the spring of 1997 when I was diagnosed with clinical depression. The long days and weeks of care giving for my grandfather had taken their toll. Blackness and despair sought to submerge me. The diagnosis of depression was difficult for me to digest. I could handle a diagnosis of arthritis or diabetes, but depression?
In my mind depression was for weak people and weak Christians who didn’t seem to have enough faith. I argued about the diagnosis with God, my counselor, my pastor and my doctor – all people who were trying to help me. “I am a visible leader, a Pastor’s wife. What will people whisper about me behind closed doors if they know,” I worried. The lies flooded my mind.
However, as my journey through depression continued over the next few years, I discovered that the depression wasn’t just from the losses I had experienced. Nor was it from my physical exhaustion. Rather, in part, it was from deeper issues that had been tucked away for years; issues that God was beginning to bring to the surface.
Depression is complicated
Some of those issues included false expectations and a warped perspective of needing to perform in order to be lovable. Those lies were actually destroying me and had plunged my spiritual and emotional being into the dark hole of depression. I started to learn that performance had a stronghold in my heart, life and ministry that God in his faithfulness desired to root out of me. Through my counselor I realized that the depression I was experiencing was a symptom of something deeper, something that I needed to face in order to be a whole person again.
My good friend and counselor helped me when she used this illustration: If I had a broken leg, would I lie on the sofa, not tell anyone and just hope it would heal? No! I would go to the doctor immediately to get treatment. The same must be true for depression. A person often needs professional, spiritual and medical help to overcome their extreme feelings of despair and hopelessness. Through professional help, they will be able to explore the root of what is causing the depression so they can once again lead a life of joy and fulfillment!
Depression and the church
Depression is on the rise in our culture and the church is no exception. As God has given me the privilege to minister to women across the country, I have found it to be alarming just how many women inside the church are battling chronic depression. Unfortunately, the church in previous years hasn’t done a very good job at encouraging and supporting those who suffer from depression. There are probably as many reasons for this as there are complications and symptoms of depression.
As Christians we so often struggle alone because of the fear of rejection, failure or being told, “If your faith was stronger, you wouldn’t be depressed.” (Believe it or not, similar statements were said to me!) I however, was blessed mostly to have a body of believers who came around and supported me. I thank God that the church is beginning to acknowledge that depression is an actual illness, rather then seeing it as a sign of weakness or spiritual failure.
The road to wholeness was a rigorous journey for me, but God gently reminded me over and over again that “this too shall pass.” In all, I suffered five dark years of clinical depression. Today, I look back on that season of my life and thank God for the healing and His faithfulness even in the midst of the darkness.
If you are dealing with depression, there is help available. Talk to your pastor about finding a counselor in your area. See you doctor. Ask for prayer. If you would like to talk to someone privately, use this form to request a mentor and someone will contact you.
Are you depressed? Do you feel broken by life? Take our free life lesson called “Built By Brokenness” and start on the path to healing.
How do you gain victory over depression?
This does not replace speaking to your doctor about any medical concerns you might have about depression but some people have found the following steps helpful in dealing with depression.
- Recognize that God is with you and has always been with you.
- Realize that He has a plan for your life.
- Relinquish control of your life to God.
- Replace negative thoughts with positive and truthful thoughts.
- Rely on God because He is at work in your life.
In order to take these steps, you will need the power that only the Holy Spirit can give. God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to feel better about ourselves, more excited about our future, more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.
If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:
Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.
To Francine, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. i’m not here to be in any contest of who had the most horrific life. i understand there are many who are worse off then me. i have read and watched the book and movies about Corrie and the Schindler’s List. All i have to do is turn on the tv and watch the latest episode of Criminal Minds to see how some have suffered at the hands of demented minds.. This is not my point. i KNOW i have everlasting life. The “streets of gold” don’t interest me right now. i know it’s all ahead. Forgive what appears as self pity to you yet PERHAPS you are right. i DO keep my eyes on the LORD and where the cynicism is coming from must be the pain in my mind and body. Of course i KNOW Jesus is “there” and the Holy Spirit is working within me yet…it doesn’t STOP the pain. It’s having to live with it. Like i said, Jesus endured for 32 years and was returned to His Glory. Do you think i WANT to die in order to get relief? No! i would just like Him to move in a way for CHANGE for the GOOD! it’s b/c i’m weary Francine that i talk like this not necessarily “self pity”. i admire your “hudzpah” in trying your best to encourage others who suffer from depression. Bless you.
To Trisha,
I pray that Mercy and Grace be upon you, you says things I would never say, you speak of Jesus like He was just a man and that your suffering is greater than His. I have suffered all my life, lost my little brother who was murdered, a mother who gave up on life due to the abuse she suffered at my fathers hands, the abuse and after effects of being raised in an abusive alcoholic home, I saw things and had things happen to me that no child should endure, and I struggle everyday to keep my eyes on Christ because the enemy will use our own self pity to take us spiraling into depression and keep us in that place.
With compassion I suggest reading the story of Corrie Ten Boom, holocaust survivor, or try watching schindlers list to see people who went through horrible sufferings and persecution. I read a story about a women who has had every single one of her children born with a disability, or a mother who’s baby is born fighting for it’s life, the pain of seeing your child suffer… there are no words to describe it… People overcome, God gave us that spirit and will to overcome our circumstances, and even if our breath leaves us, as long as we keep Christ first we have the victory because we will have every lasting life, walking streets of gold in heaven. I’m sorry you see my encouragement as a threat, but you might also ask yourself, do I react this way all the time to people, maybe this is why I am alone… I will pray for you.
Be blessed
To Francine…it may be the depression talking yet do you know how many times i’ve thought about and watched movies about Jesus dying on the cross and how horrific it must have been? Here’s my thought on your comment…Jesus died ONE death ONE time. YES it was a horrendous way to die as awful as it must be for one who gets kidnapped, raped, tortured and murdered. i’m talking about having suffered with unbearable pain in body, mind and emotions, not ONCE but all my life. Every decade of my life since 10 yrs old i have been in a hospital,being cut open and stitched back tog like Frankenstein. i have endured mental hospitals where they overdosed me with thier drugs and never did anything to help me. Jesus CAME from the Glory of Heaven and is there RIGHT NOW enjoying all His rewards of that suffering on the cross. He only had to endure the filth of the world for 32 years…i’m here doing it 20 MORE years then He did! it almost feels like you are mad at me for expressing myself by telling me to simply, “Be blessed Trisha try to see the beauty and splendor in the everyday aspects of your life.” i HAVE done this yet it sure doesn’t last long. Life is a struggle, a challenge and do you think i want to draw back to a place where God finds no pleasure with me? When so much is put on a person, more than another, it is a struggle to even get out of bed in the morning b/c one asks…”what for?” another day of fighting off the depression and body aches and having enough money to pay the bills and on and on ad infitum. You sound like you’ve experienced some of what i’m talking about so thanks for trying to encourage me.
I also struggle with depression. Somedays are harder than others. But one thing stays the same, God will never leave us nor forsake us. In those dark deep hours when all seems lost and not being on earth makes sense, we have to hold onto this. I remember the line from ‘footprints’ “In those times when you see only one set of (foot) prints, it is then that I am carrying you”. Jesus is carrying us like the special children that we are In Him. The other verse that I love is when He says that our tears are collected in a bottle. I laugh because I think that I would be the only one with a 10 gallon bucket!
Joy, you are not alone. People have said to me that I shouldn’t be depressed, and like you, your faith isn’t strong, or you are not where God wants you to be, but people dont understand or know what to say. God needs us. We are just as special to Him as anyone else, and sometimes we can help other people who are hurting, because we have been there.
God Bless all who are struggling with this horrible illness.
Keep on looking up!
To Trisha,
My promises from the Lord were over 20 years ago just like you and I have had to overcome so much pain, rejection, and suffering, and what keeps me going is the thought of my Lord suffering and shedding his blood for a wretched sinner as myself. Once I learned that it isn’t all about me but about what Jesus wants me to be say and do then and only then was I able to move on and be thankful for just being alive and in my right mind, and able to find joy in the everyday events of my life. I am married and have a family but loneliness can still find me and when If I would allow the enemy to attempt to make me question the power of Christ he would keep coming until I spiraled into self pity and focusing only on my negative circumstances, our blessings are not gauranteed but the promises are and as long as I know my treasures are being built in heaven and my place is ready in heaven and for my family I will lift the Lord up and shout from the roof tops Halleluyah my God is a mighty God! Be blessed Trisha try to see the beauty and splendor in the everyday aspects of your life Pray for the Lord to give you joy and peace with your life, He will do it as long as we seek Christ in all things from the mundane to the extra ordinary! His timing may not be what we would want but God is always on time all the time.
Be blessed!
Thank you for having this! I have fought with depression for most of my life. It is hard to discribe to church members, no matter which church you are in. So many try to convince you that it is of the devil only to make you feel that your faith is too weak. How I appreciated seeing this in writing. Again, thank you.
Joy Gilmore
i get depressed when everything stays the same. It’s like being inside one of those hamster wheels. Day after day, month after month and year after year only getting older and more tired. i love the LORD with all my heart, mind and soul yet even so, there are so many times i feel He’s off taking care of more important issues with someone else. i speak outloud as well as journal my gratitude for everything i have even though it is not much it’s more then one more unfortunate then me. i heard He had a “plan for my life” 20 yrs ago. As i look back from then and see where i am today….not much of a prosperous plan for me! It may sound like i’m complaining yet i’m not…just stating the truth. i’ve accepted everything He’s dished out to me and continue to look to Him for answers as i continue to crucify myself on my cross. i do a great deal of thinking about Heaven b/c it seems this will be the only place i’m ever going to actually have no more pain and struggles. i’ve been in them for my entire life. Even if this IS depression i’m talking through, ultimately… it doesn’t really matter. i still have to work 7 days a week to survive and live alone. It’s really OK since this is the way the LORD seems to want it. Blessings to you~