Rimes: We drifted Apart
I was reading CNN.com this morning when I a link caught my eye. It read, “LeAnn Rimes: Why I cheated” It sounded like perhaps Ms. Rimes had done some soul searching and had uncovered the reasons why she walked away from her marriage. Curious, I clicked the link and discovered her answer.
The article quotes her saying, “It wasn’t a fulfilling marriage for either of us,” she tells Shape. “As we got older, we grew apart.” In other words, she got bored. Seven years in to a marriage that was supposed to be forever she started looking for what she needed in someone other than her husband.
I know that no marriage falls apart for a single reason and it is a rare relationship indeed where only one partner is at fault, but I was sad to read that she basically gave up. I’ve seen couples split when there has been violence, or when a tragedy was more than they could bear. But that’s not what happened here. They drifted apart – it sounds so innocuous, so passive, so easily avoided.
I remember my sociology Prof telling us that a marriage is always in motion. If you’re not actively moving toward each other, you’re drifting apart. All Rimes had to do was turn around, her husband hadn’t gone anywhere.
Boredom is a child’s excuse, it’s not an adult reason. That’s not to say that every moment of every marriage is going to feel like Disneyland, but they could have been happy. There was no health crisis weighing on them, no financial hardship stalking their thoughts at night. If what they were doing wasn’t working, they had every opportunity to try something different, together.
It saddens me to see another couple deciding that marriage is not worth the effort. It does take effort, it takes work, but ask any pair of grandparents if 50 years together was worth it. I doubt you’ll find a pair who are bored.
If you feel ennui setting in, turn back toward your partner. Get to know them better, get to know them in a new way. Marriage counselors Dave and Claudia Arp have a great article “Get To Know Your Mate” that has some wonderful advice for turning the heat up in your own relationship.
If the every day is taking a toll on your romance, try our free Life Lesson: Rekindle the Romance to get the fire started again.