Hope for Adult Kids of Divorce

Written by Claire Colvin

I knew that divorce rates were higher among those whose parents had divorced, but it wasn’t until I read an article on CNN.com this morning that I realized how much higher they are.

According to the article, “The risk of divorce is 50 percent higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home, and 200 percent higher risk when both of them do, says Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor of family and consumer studies at the University of Utah and author of “Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages.”

Life Lesson: How to have a good fight – all couples have disagreements, how you handle them makes all the difference.

The article goes on to say that there is hope. “Divorce is a risk factor, but there’s no such thing as a single sociological factor that dooms you to marital failure,” Wilcox says. “It’s important for couples to articulate their concerns to their boyfriend, girlfriend or spouse.”

I liked the advice given by Elise and Terrance Hines :

Elise and Terrance Hines of Colorado have lived through divorces within their families. Elise’s parents divorced after more than two decades of marriage around her 26th birthday. Watching her parents’ seemingly solid marriage break up caused her to question whether any marriage can last.

Terrance Hines recalled his own parents’ divorce when he was 12, an event that produced stress and uncertainty during his teenage years.

Now married for 14 years and with two children, the Hineses say they are proud that their marriage is different from their parents — at least so far.

They have learned to constantly communicate and talk through their problems. Unlike their parents, they say they support each other and demonstrate patience when one of them makes a mistake.

“Don’t carry the baggage from your parents’ divorce,” he said. “They make their own decisions.”

She added: Enjoy each other. Don’t hold grudges. Laugh.

And each day, the duo adheres tightly to one more motto, “Divorce is not an option.”

Statistics don’t predict the future, they analyze the past and make guesses about the future. Not all adult children of divorce will struggle in their own relationships. Whether your own parents are divorced or happily married, the health of your own marriage will depend largely on how well you and your partner can work together to stay together.

If you’re ready to do some restoration work on your relationship Gail Rodgers article “Tools for Building an Intimate Marriage” is a wonderful place to start. She discusses five tools – team, response, blessing, sharing and contact – that can revolutionize your home life. What do you do to make your marriage work?