Thank you so much for the stand that you took in your marriage and for your courage to help others going through similar things. Your website is a great encouragement. I would encourage everyone to click on Rollercoasterider’s name in her comment to visit her site.

Mary Frances: “I wanted to fight for my marriage. My ex refused to seek professional help. He was already divorced in his mind. He already had himself joined up on all of the internet dating sites and despite his statements that he broke off his affair, he still wanted to try divorce to see if it would help him. Me and our marriage was not important enough for him to even try to work on it with me. I had no choice but to give him what he wanted – a divorce”
Fighting yields fighting. I Stood for my marriage, by kneeling down to pray. And my husband refused counseling—he went once to help me accept that it was over. He was already divorce din his mind—at least on some days, he kept changing his mind in confusion which made it more confusing and frightening. He had someone waiting and he filed for divorce within a few weeks of sleeping with her—which was also when he moved out of his apartment and in with her.
When he filed for divorce, I did not give him what he wanted; I supported what I wanted and contested. I was lucky, he eventually stopped the divorce. Does that mean I would have given in? No, my lawyer agreed to sign on my behalf because I did not want my signature on documents saying I was in agreement to such an immoral action.

Claire Colvin: “I agree that you cannot stayed married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you anymore…”
Actually people do it all the time. Working with abandoned spouses, I watch them Stand and stay married, but during their Stand it is without a functional marriage—it is legal. The thing so many people do not know and are surprised to learn is that the spouse who wants out often won’t file for divorce or they want out of the relationship for now, but divorce has not crossed their minds. What we can’t do in the world of no-fault divorce is prevent a divorce from being finalized if our spouse does not agree with us to stop it.

Tiona: “When a spouse has been unfaithful and wants to leave there is no working that out.”
There is Standing. That is not about working it out now, it’s about setting aside the issues for later when the doomed affair has blown-up and the spouse is willing to rebuild. My husband and I worked through it and he had a 3.5 year affair—he continued to break-up with her and came home multiple times throughout that period.

God should not be the last piece of “Hope” in a falling apart marriage. God needs to be in the center of all marriages whether they are striving or going through rough times! We need to include God in our finances, spending habits, how to raise children wisely, how to serve Him, etc… Have you and your husband included God in these types of things or have you both been trying to figure things out in your own understanding and might? There is power when both husband and wife come together and talk about daily things and future goals while seeking God for direction in all things.

Communication, commitment, agreeing in most things, caring for, and nurturing one another are all important elements that form a strong marriage. The Bible says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:2-3)

Here is a suggested prayer that you can pray to God in restoring your marriage.

Lord, I humbly ask that we would be united and strong as a couple. May Your cords of peace, honor, respect, and love hold us together during both good times and the challenges of our married life. As we become more connected to You, Lord, help us to be closer to each other. Help us to be patient, bearing with one another in love. And help us to live in joyful harmony. In Jesus name I pray, Amen

Sharlet, is it mainly “money issues” that you are dealing with or are there other issues as well that are causing such friction within your household?