Would You Say No if a Guy Asked to Marry Your Daughter?
It would turn out to be another fateful day. We were all together as a family with friends at a Mountain Lodge and I took a break from all the activity to relax and read in my room. That’s where my daughter’s boyfriend, Dan, found me and that began the fateful part of the day.
He asked if we could talk so I set my book aside to see what pearls of wisdom this young man needed, especially when it came to treating my daughter like a princess. It started well. Dan talked, asked my opinion and I responded. This was good until I realized the tone and direction were changing. He was circling around a sensitive topic and looking for a place to land. The topic? You guessed it and so did I, he wanted to ask for my blessing to marry my daughter.
Maybe it was God who gave me the discernment of this new direction and maybe He wanted to see how I would respond. Well, like any good father I took it in stride, said yes and shook his hand. NOT ON YOU LIFE! Every time Dan tried to come in for a landing I shot us off in another direction. I was loving this! Eventually he got real close, but the day was saved when one of our friends called everyone to head out for a hike. “Mr. Black”, Dan said (I liked his respect. The Right Honorable Mr. Black would have been better but I was okay with Mr.) “Can we continue this conversation later?” “Sure”, I said, thinking in my mind, ‘much later.’
Video: How can you affair-proof your marriage?
Guarding your marriage: Do a Life Lesson on love
It took some work and talking but Dan finally got me to return to ’the conversation’. Alas, I was tired, he was anxious and I could only imagine how Aubri was feeling so I let Dan ask the question. As a good father I took it in stride, said yes and shook his hand. NOT ON YOUR LIFE! He asked and I said “No”. The confused look said to me this was not the expected answer. “No?” he said. “No”, I said. Did I mention I was loving this? “You two need to think this through. Once you do, I want to see 12 indicators why now is a good time for you to marry.” Aww, that felt good and bought some time; hopefully a lot.
That was not to be for the very next day my daughter and Dan approached me together as I sat in my reading chair. Odd to have them both approach me and realizing they had little time to talk I thought they must want to ask again and I would get to say no again. Was I surprised when they handed me a typed list of 12 indicators. Wouldn’t you know it, they were good ones. I had painted myself in a corner and after thoroughly studying the list I surrendered; I mean I agreed to hand over my princess to the new man in her life. Painful? Yes, but in that moment I saw in my little girl’s eyes a look of sheer joy. She was happy, very happy and to a Dad that means the world.
I caught a glimpse of how my heavenly Father feels towards His kids, protective, loving and full of joy, when He shares those moments with us in our happiest state. WE are doing all we can to help them in their relationship including sending them to a Marriage Getaway called Weekend to Remember http://powertochange.com/familylife/events/weekend-to-remember/gift-certificates/.
And Dan? He is great. A son-in-law I am proud of, love to hang out with and so glad he joined our family. Hey and I like my new name: the right honorable Father-In-Law. Actually no it is Dad and to me that sounds really good. I’m glad I finally said yes.
Thank you Jamie! When I read your comment it was really encouraging! God spoke to me and He said ” I got this, my ways aren’t your ways and I have it all in my hands so that you can stand” I am at peace with it and PTL! And thank you for your encouraging comment be blessed!
Francine it is so hard to love somebody even while you disagree with the things they are doing. And yet that is what God does for each one of us; “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” (Romans 5:8) He is the expert in these matters. In fact He loves your daughter more than you do, even though He is hurt by this choice she has made. I think your best bet is to look to God for help on this one and follow His example. I guarantee He will direct you to respond perfectly to your daughter and her boyfriend. I expect that it will include speaking the truth in love somehow and serving them in some ways. Every time you come in contact with them ask God what He wants you to say/not say and do/not do. It will mean that you will need to fine tune your awareness of His voice through prayer, reading the Bible and being vulnerable with other Christians, but Jesus promised “My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me;” (John 10:27) So He will speak in a way that you can hear and obey, so don’t feel like He is going to leave you out in the cold with no direction. If you hear nothing be patient and wait. The more you focus your attention on Him the better able you will hear His voice and have the courage to be obedient no matter what He says.
Now one thing you have to know up front: obeying Jesus does not mean that everything will go smoothly. Sometimes the things He leads us to say and/or do upset other people and create a rift in relationship. If that happens, don’t assume that you heard wrong. Often the right thing is not readily accepted by people who are doing the wrong things and creates waves. Don’t worry, Jesus is not only leading you in the right thing but He is also leading you to the best thing. You can have confidence that as you hear and obey the leading of Jesus, our Good Shepherd, your actions and attitudes will be the best hope for those who are doing their own thing and if anything is going to bring them back to what is right is Jesus working through you and through other people in their lives as well. “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) This is such an encouragement to me because Paul wrote “ALL THINGS”, not just “some things” or even “most things”. “ALL THINGS” is perfectly inclusive and comprehensive, and refers to even these things that you are going through right now.
Lord God I do pray for Francine. Help her to hear Your voice directing her and also to obey You. You know how it breaks her heart that her daughter has made this choice. I pray that You would give her comfort knowing that You are at work in and around her daughter helping her to make good choices. I pray that Francine would continue to develop her relationship with You through this and be even better at hearing and obeying Your voice. I pray that you would convict her daughter of this poor choice and help her to have a pure relationship with her boyfriend as they investigate the possibility that You are leading them to be married. In all of this, would Your name and reputation be lifted high for all to see that everything You do is perfect. In Jesus name, amen.
My adult daughter is mad at me because I won’t be happy for her moving out to live with her boyfriend… I just cannot approve something we taught her not to do.. I beleive she is worth more than that, and I’m feeling resentful towards her boyfriend for going against what is right and respectful. My husband doesn’t like it either but accepts it. I will neither accept it or approve it. My daughter says everyone is happy for her but me.. Everyone else isn’t her mother.. I taught her about her self worth with the Lords guidance and now she acts like she’s never known…? Im disappointed in her and her decision.
I would sit down and talk to the person with love from the Father. I would let God do the talking for me as He gives me the wisdom to share with the young person. I would make him not afraid to talk to me too!
The 1st thing is to the complete information of that person and the conduct and character of that person.what is your relation with hat person.and whats your daughter wants.at the end all the information keep in mind and then you done what your hearts says.
saddsa