Comments on: Help! I Love my Husband but I Don’t like Sex

By: Alfred

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 06:14:21 +0000

Hi Jamie and Dan, I can relate to that, sad-to-say. I found that what helped me to stay away from masturbation, is to say that I am not my own, but I have been bought with a price and am the Lord’s. HE tells me that He did not give me sex for self-gratificatioon, but to enhance my marriage. Then, when I controled myself, saved my energy for something constructive, and I felt good about that. Then God would give me the joy of being able to show love to my wife in many ways. That is not always an easy thing to do; it takes will-power and prayer. Sometimes when the devil comes knocking at my privat door, I say “Jesus, will you get that for me please?”

By: Jamie

Fri, 26 Apr 2013 23:36:14 +0000

Hi Dan, that can certainly be a problem in some situations but I don’t know that it explains all the problems that face husbands and wives. What do you see are some ways of dealing with the problem of self-sex?

By: Dan

Dan — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:30:45 +0000

The biggest problem is men bond with themselves through masturbation. Self-sex = Selfishness. And women just KNOW this. They know a selfish man when they see one. No wonder they don’t want to “bond” with that man!

By: Andrew

Wed, 23 Jan 2013 02:34:18 +0000

@noodles when you ask Christ to heal you and ask the Holy Spirit to remove the bond with someone you have has sex with you will become free from the bond of the person you have slept with. God designed physical intimacy for a man and woman to express their love towards one another. When we stray from this plan guilt happens and we are unable to move on so to speak which is why it is important to break the bond through Christ. God Bless.

By: noodles123

noodles123 — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 19:18:45 +0000

@Andrew…Most likely that story is false as wolves are actually VERY smart…People assume animals are dumb but everything they do usually has a purpose…But I get at what you’re saying.

Your second paragraph did get me though in part…I had dated around but rarely found what I wanted/needed when I did I would try as hard as I could to bond with that person and the last 2-3 times…I bonded they didn’t…Which meant I ended up remembering their voice, their touch, their scent which made it almost impossible to move on…Usually I’d date and see there was no future, excuse myself and move on…Now I was stuck.

Time and tears were the only things that cured it…I can pretend I never want to bond with anyone for fear of the future but the thing is I feel the need to.

By: Andrew

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 04:03:24 +0000

@Noodles glad to hear that you are reformed… I heard a story once whether or not is true I don’t know. If your discussing primal instincts as in the wild someone once told me that when are hunting wolves they took a roast beef and put a sharp hunting knife into the roast beef and tied the roast beef to a stake in the ground. The wolf finds the roast beef and begins to devour the meat and it gets further excited as it smells the blood that it works itself into a frenzy eating the roast beef only problem is it is his own blood that it is smelling. Soon the wolf dies as he has killed themselves with animal instinct and the hunter gets his wolf!

You may have very well bean a player in your former life and made a game out of bedding woman however I think you would agree with me that each woman you slept with a part of you was left with her until you don’t have the ability to love. Only way to break the bonds with woman is through asking the Holy Spirit to break each bond otherwise you will always be tied to the woman you had sex with.

By: noodles123

noodles123 — Sat, 12 Jan 2013 11:13:01 +0000

Hmmmm the problem I see here is no one here mentions the difference between love making and sex…It really is two different things…When I was younger I was a @@@@@@ and tried to sleep with any woman that caught my eye…Married or not.

I found many of these women loved their man but were bored…It’s not just a matter of technique but of letting go and releasing to just sex to “Get off” as opposed to trying to be gentle and sweet which actually bores the @@@@ out of me…Hence why all these “50 Shades of Gray” books are hitting so hard…Sometimes we want to release and just have primal, heart pumping, sweaty sex not ponder love, bible passages and Jesus while in the bedroom.

The primal part of us needs freshness and hunger for our mate otherwise both men and women end up cheating because nio-chemically they click with a co-worker better.

Husbands better wake up because even though I’m reformed there is an army of men out there who will try to tempt your woman if they get the scent that there is lack of satisfaction.

By: Jamie

Mon, 07 Jan 2013 20:41:20 +0000

Hi Claire, thanks for having the courage to post an opposing opinion and being honest about how you feel at intimacy with your husband. Can I just say though that while your husband may want you to be honest with him, I really hope you haven’t posed your feelings like this to him? That would really be a man-killer. I am not suggesting that you lie just to make your husband happy–obviously there are issues in your relationship that need to be dealt with and they will not be fixed by lying about them–but I would recommend that you consider carefully how you state your feelings so that it does not really hurt him.

Let me also caution you about saying that he could have a sexual relationship with someone else. Sexual intimacy is more than just a physical release. It is an ultimate connection of two people’s body and soul. If you allow your husband to make that kind of connection with another person I guarantee it will destroy you, him and a host of other people as well (i.e. your children, your friends, your families, not to mention the other person that he connects and all of their friends and family).

So what do you love about your husband? How is your love for him expressed?

By: Claire

Claire — Tue, 01 Jan 2013 14:08:24 +0000

Well, it seems to me that after a while sex is just plain boring. I have had sex probably thousands of times with my husband and I am done with desire for him. I am fed up with hearing about how women have to change something to keep their men. Sure I can have an orgasm with my husband but there are so many more interesting things to do. Men don’t lose the desire because their testosterone just keeps going. My desire is much more situational. I know that if I sought out someone new I could rekindle my desire but I’m not going to do that. I think my husband may eventually leave but I can’t and won’t fake desire for him. Why can’t we be a bit more honest about expectations in relationships – it is unrealistic to expect desire to keep physical desire going year after year. I don’t even mind if he has a sexual relationship with someone else, but I don’t want to lose the father of our children and our joint life.

By: Vanessa

Vanessa — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 09:55:49 +0000

I feel totally identified by this article. I would die for my husband and for him I initiate sex even when I don’t enjoy it hoping I will this time…
For those who didn’t like this article let me just say u don’t have to… It took me like forever to find this, the article that described my story best, so it’s just not your story girls…. So keep looking ;) don’t loose hope.
And why some of u attack Christianity? I’m Christian by choice, nobody forced me into Christianity and bringing God into my marital issues helps me.
I was forced into breaking my promise to Jesus the first time ( I didn’t have a choice but my ex did) and the second time i chose to break my promise to Him ( I did have a choice but I choose well ), which only made me understand how free i am to choose and Jesus has given me that.
We all choose our paths…we might not see the bumps without help sometimes… SO THANK YOU!!!!!