Healing From Your Sexual Past
I’ve heard every possible story. In addition to hearing the stories of the women who come into our bible study for sexual healing, people email me from all over the world. Just when I think I couldn’t possibly hear anything worse, someone shares the unimaginable with me. The evil that people do to one another must break and grieve God’s heart, the One who made us in His image, and created us precious in His sight. I know, because it desperately breaks my heart to hear the pain, humiliation and evil people have caused these precious women who share their hearts with me.
I’ve discovered after working with hundreds of women that regardless of the cause of their sexual wounding—whether from abuse, trauma as in rape, sex-trafficking or from their own choices, they all experience shame. They all believe that somehow they were to blame. They feel that they caused it, they allowed it, they wanted it, they deserved it, they were stupid for falling for it—on and on the lies go.
It’s often the shame that keeps us from taking the first step towards healing. First, because we don’t want to share our story with anyone—for we’re sure others will confirm how we feel about ourselves. And second because the shame tells us that we’re not worthy of healing—not after all we’ve done, or allowed others to do to us. We believe that that is all we’re good for and that we’ll never deserve any better.
Doesn’t that sound hopeless? So sad? This is one of the biggest lies I hear, and it’s a lie from the pit of hell.
Regardless of what has happened to us, whether our sexuality was robbed from us, whether we were abused, used, or we willingly gave our virginity away, we are worth everything to God. We were worth our Savior’s sacrifice of His life, and regardless of how we’re treated, or what others say, God is the One who determines our worth.
It’s His opinion alone that matters. And He finds us loveable, worthy, precious and best of all, He wants us. He wants to know us, love us, be with us, and share His life with us. Sometimes that’s hard to believe if everyone in our life has wanted us for their own selfish motives. But you can trust God. He will never hurt you, abuse you or betray you.
Alexa
One young woman, Alexa, had been gang raped by some boys she thought were friends. The one friend had invited her over to his place between classes, and there waiting were for her were the other guys. She was alone, vulnerable, without a chance of escape. I was horrified by her story. But it was the next words out of her mouth that I’ll never forget.
“It was all my fault,” she asserted, as if I must surely agree.
Taken aback, I replied, “How could gang-rape possibly be your fault?”
“Because,” she assumed, “I shouldn’t have been so stupid to trust him.”
Can you hear it? The shame, guilt, responsibility? She was angrier at herself than those who’d violated her. And because she believed she was to blame, she never told anyone for the next three years.
Healing from Trauma
For those of us who haven’t experienced sexual abuse, we find it hard to imagine that anyone who’s experienced sexual abuse as a child could believe that the abuse was their fault. But I hear it over and over. In fact the first step of healing for the sexual abuse victim is to recognize and acknowledge that the abuse was against their will, and not their fault regardless of how their bodies responded. They did not want it, no matter what their perpetrator said. They did not deserve it, they were not to blame. Often the beginning and hardest step of healing is transferring the blame they’ve carried, from themselves to the where it belongs—on him or her who exposed them to sex, and used them for their pleasure.
With current rates of sexual abuse by age 18 at one in three to four girls and one in six boys, I know that many of you have experienced this trauma. And my guess is that most of you have resisted God’s call to pursue healing—maybe because of the very lies I’ve mentioned here. It’s time to say yes to God. It’s time to let Him heal your wounds and set you free from the lies surrounding your abuse.
You’ve suffered long enough. The shame and pain is keeping you stuck–spiritually, emotionally and physically from becoming all that God created you to be. There’s a world waiting to meet you…the real you. Not the one shrouded with lies and shame. But the you that only God knows. The you He died for so you could be free to love, live and serve with total abandon. I believe that although your heart’s desire is to help set others free, maybe God’s heart is to first set you free. Isn’t it time?
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HI Unknown, that is exciting to know that God is leading you right now. You can know that when He leads you don’t have to be uncertain of what He wants you to do. He will be clear in what He wants you to do when He wants you to do it. That doesn’t mean it will be easy or that you will wholeheartedly want to do what He is asking from you but He will be clear and He will provide all the resources you need in order to follow His leading.
So the key is keep your attention directed to Him so that when He directs you, you will be ready. Have you ever seen sheep dog competitions? I think they are great pictures of our relationship with God. The dogs that do well in those competitions are always paying attention to the shepherd. There are all kinds of distractions that could rob that focus but the more they are focusing on the shepherd the quicker they can respond to his commands. So they listen for a word or whistle, they look for the hand signal and then dart off to obey. But even while they are off chasing down the sheep the shepherd directed them to they still have an ear cocked toward the shepherd so that if he gives a new command they will be ready to dash off in another direction. Their skill is not so much in their ability to control sheep but in listening and obeying their shepherd.
That is the same with us: we do not have to skilled at the things our Good Shepherd asks of us but just being able to listen and obeying His directions. He knows what we can do better than we do and He will put us in the perfect place to carry out his commands. And He is right there with us to empower the efforts we make to accomplish things we never could have on our own.
Unknown, you can have confidence that God is not going to ask something of you that He is not also able to empower you for and planning on accompanying you through. You can trust Him no matter how hard things might get or out of control you might feel. He has an infinite supply of resources to carry you through the most difficult paths.
The things you can do that will help focus your attention on your Shepherd is prayer, reading the Bible and interacting with other followers of Jesus. As you engage in these activities you will be tuning your heart, mind, ears and eyes on the Shepherd and be better prepared to hear His directions and follow where He leads.
Lord God I pray for Unknown as she tries to discern what You want her to do. Lord I pray that she would be able to hear what it is You are directing her to do and that You would give her the courage to follow through. I pray for her husband: prepare him for the day when she shares with him about these painful childhood experiences. May that conversation draw them closer together in love with each other. In Jesus’ name amen.
Jamie,
I’m beyond thankful that I am able to come here to vent and I am even more grateful that you are taking the time to respond to me. Everything that has happened to me these past months have been overwhelming but I truly believe it is God opening up the doors for me. from the sudden flashbacks, running into my abuser, finding this site, to meeting with his daughter. It is all Gods doing, and to be honest I am SCARED.
At times I can clear my mind and look at this as an outsider and things seem sooo clear, I can see the pattern of events and I can plan what should happen next. But when I zoom in, it hits me in the heart, I shut down, and things get very blurry. The pain of the situation is heartbreaking.
I know I was not the only one. I know for a fact there was at least one other girl. She confessed to me what happened. I think we were 9 years old. She told me that Mr.X touched her, I acted dumb, I asked her what did she mean, She explained to me in detail what he did to her and asked me if he ever did it to me. I said no :( .. see what a coward I was.
I don’t know if he is still hurting children, I do know in his previous job their were not children and no young children in his family. I was somewhat reassured that there wasn’t anyone within easy reach to him, but I could be wrong.
I spent this week distracting myself with life. I spent a lot of time with my kids. I spent time with my husband. The days pass by so quickly, I don’t loss focus. But the nights are just so long. This week I was not able to have sex with my husband. Evertime he touched me I remembered my abuser and I hated myself for it.
I don’t know what I will do now. I don’t know if I can go report this and what bases do I have now since the statute of limitations ended. Whatever I say may mean nothing. I am still very worried about my husband and family finding out. But I am also heartbroken for any girls that may have been his victims or that will be.
I don’t know what god wants me to do know. Maybe God is looking after another little girl and wants me to speak up to prevent her from getting hurt.
I did look into the books you recommended and I will be buying one soon. It is just taking me a while to decide what I need to do.
Hi Unknown, I am so glad you have a safe place to share what is going on right now. It is so much harder keeping it all inside.
Something you will probably find if you do share what this man has done to you is that you are not the only one he has taken advantage of and hurt like this. There will be others who have also been going through the same kind of torment as you have and hearing one person standing up to say what he did was wrong will give courage to many others to also take a step forward in their own healing.
Probably going to the hospital and telling them what he did is not the best starting place. They will be better able to act to keep him from vulnerable people if you went to the police and told them your story. They will then be able to start an investigation and deal with informing the hospital. I am sure that is a very intimidating process for you but remember the Jerry Sandusky case; the investigators were able to keep hidden the identity of those Mr. Sandusky had hurt. You could ask for that kind of anonymity.
Lord God, I pray for Unknown and ask that You would give her comfort right now. The contact with the daughter of the man who had hurt her has magnified the turmoil in her life even more. You are the God of all comfort who comforts us in all of our distress. I ask that You would help Unknown know what next steps to take and give her the strength she needs to take those steps. I pray for this man that he would not be able to hold in the guilt and shame he feels for the things he has done. Help him to come clean about the way that he took advantage of children and to make restitution for those wrongs. Keep him from hurting anyone else. Amen.
Unknown have you had a chance to look at any of the books I had recommended?
I’m so tired. I’m so so tired. I feel like im going to explode. I have the worst tension headache and I can barely keep my eyes open from the pain, but I need to get this off my chest. I don’t know why I allowed her to come to my house. His daughter called me out of the blue and asked to come over. I should have said no. She doesnt know, i didnt know what she wanted but her visit out of the blue was suspicious.
Whats bothering me is i found out he is now working in the chaplain at a hospital. He has access to so many sick young children. I think im going to be sick. omg what if hes hurting them, im so sick to my stomach right now. I dont know what to do. should i contact the hospital and tell them my story.
oooh god please help me … please im just so tired .. please
Unknown, he was in a position of authority over you and in a position of respect, teaching right from wrong. And yet he took advantage of that position and told you lies rather than truth. That is an extremely confusing position for a child to be in and why so many predators are able to convince their victims to participate and also keep it all a secret. You can’t blame yourself for trusting a man that the society around you said was a trustworthy man. As a child you did not have the maturity to assess the truth of what he was saying. Instead it is just another example of the evil that was in this man’s heart and the selfishness he had to fulfill his own pleasure.
The added cruelty is that his lies are still impacting you and influencing your perceptions. Because of his lies you have felt like you needed to hide this from the man who truly does love you and has committed himself to caring for you, protecting you and helping you to become all that God has made you to be. The lies that this man has told you has created a wall between you and the one human being that you should be able to be most vulnerable, open and honest with. None of this is your fault my dear, it is all on the head of the selfish predator who took advantage of his position and your innocence.
But there is hope for you! You do not have to be trapped by this man’s cruel lies any longer. And that is what you have already started to do here. The act of you typing out “I was sexually abused” was an important step of shining the light of truth and banishing the strangle hold those lies have had on your life. You will continue to shine that light a little brighter each day and shine it into new parts of your life as God enables you. You see He is the light of truth and in Him is no darkness at all. The more you allow God to shine His light in your life the less hold the lies will have on you.
Lord God, I pray for this dear lady who is beginning to see Your light of Truth in these experiences of so long ago. Father continue to build courage in her to let Your light shine even further in her life. Bring comfort to her as the light reveals some very painful memories and uncovers emotions she has not felt for a long time. Give her wisdom to know what steps to take in her journey of healing and be her support each step of the way. Lord I know this experience has impacted her marriage and there has been a level of intimacy that they have not yet enjoyed with each other because of the strangle hold these lies have had. Father unite their hearts anew with love and understanding. I pray all this in Your name, amen.
Unknown, I don’t know if you have seen the books written by Barbara Wilson–the author of this article–but I know you will find them a real help in your journey of healing. Go to her website http://www.barbarawilson.org to order her books and find other resources that she makes available there. I know you will be helped by what she has to say.
I will not allow Satan acts put me down. My connections with God is strong and no evil will let me loss faith.
I do feel ashamed and disgusted with myself. Just like the article says here. I really blame myself. I deeply regret not doing more.
I remember once I sat on the table hugging my legs against my chest and I cried. I told him to stay away. I yelled at him not touch me or I will tell someone. I told him what he is doing to me is wrong. He came up to me smiling, he told me not to be scared. He told me I’m so beautiful we are just playing a game. We are playing a big girls game and I’m a big girl now. Don’t you want to be a big princess? Look at your beautiful hair, Look at your face, your lips are so perfect, you make a perfect princess, Don’t you want me to be your prince? If you don’t want to, you don’t have to but that would make me sad. Do you want me to be sad? I wont hurt you. We are just playing. I’ll be very nice to you. And if your good I’ll give you a surprise. Don’t cry.
I let him do whatever he wanted. I should have kept crying. I should have yelled. I should have told someone. I spent my whole life avoiding being beautiful. I barely do my hair or put makeup. I don’t want to be beautiful. I don’t want to be a princess.
I never realized this till just know. My family and friends tell me I’m pretty and I should show that more. I’m mostly dressed in jeans and a shirt unless I have a work thing. I guess I have been avoiding being beautiful because he used to call me that.
I avoided a lot of things because of him. I can never speak my mind, I never get to close to anyone, even my husband. I’m very private especially about my love life. These are all good things as well. If I always spoke what I thought I don’t think I would have any respect from the people I know. Privacy is a big concern for me, I do take it to the extreme but it kept me shield from many problems that could have happened.
You are right, what happened did shape who I have become. Some good and some bad. I never realized that and I am not sure how to react to it. I kind of feel disgusted with myself for allowing it to “shape” me without noticing. But I am also happy with the type of person I have become.
I do love my husband so deeply and I would love for him to just hold me and tell me you are OK now, you are safe, this will not happen again, its over, I’ll protect you and the kids. I want him to know why I am extra paranoid about where our kids are and who they play with and why I don’t express my love to him in public. But I don’t want time to feel the pain I am feeling now. I don’t want him to see how hurt and damaged I am. I don’t want him to become a victim as well.
And another thing, This is going to sound crazy but I fear that if I tell my husband or anyone else then can hold it against me some way or another. I know I sound stupid but if someone found out they can hurt me even more. They can tell everyone I know, my kids might find out when they are older. I don’t want that.
They might even go and confront my abuser, what will happen to his family. I don’t care about him but his daughters are good people and they look up to him. This will devastate them.
Why do I feel sorry for them, he’s a monster. Who cares what will happen to his family. Is it normal to sympathize with them?
So Anon, what was your parent’s reaction about what your grandfather had done? Have you talked to them about your concerns about having your grandfather staying with you?
i have talked to my parents but ironically eight years later they are living at my house right now for five weeks. yyhankyou i have always questioned if i had been sexually abused and now i know
Unknown, thanks for that. It is good to know that my words resonated with you. I agree that God has been leading you to this site and that He has something in store for you as you go through this healing process.
So was the person who took advantage of you a teacher or school staff?
I am going to ask you some questions about talking to your husband but that is only because I want you to think through some of the emotions that you are feeling. I am not trying to force you to talk to him, alright? You said you don’t want your husband to look at you differently whether it is disgust, or sympathy; why do you think he would look down on you because of what this evil man did? Do you think your husband would think that you let this happen or that you encouraged the abuse? The experiences you had as a young girl and the choices you have made because of them are a part of the things that has shaped who you are today–and I must say, it sounds like you have made some good choices about who to marry and how to raise your children–don’t you think your husband would want to know about all the parts of your life that have contributed to the wonderful wife and mother you are today? Don’t you think it would help him know you, to care for you and love you better? From the descriptions you have shared about him I would bet that he would handle this information very well and would be a huge support for you and the healing process you are going through. I know that often there are feelings of shame that come with this kind of abuse, but when you look at those feelings from an objective perspective you can see that they really are a continuing part of the abuse and play a part in holding you in a victim role. While your husband may be shocked to hear your story and feel some anger towards the man that did this, he will quickly get to a place of deeper appreciation of who you are as a woman and the strength that you have shown through your life to rise above the cruel acts of an evil man.
Now let me talk about your relationship with God: I can totally understand your anger towards God for not stopping the abuse or never letting it happen in the first place. I have to admit that there are often times in my life that I have questioned God, “WHY?” Life would be so much better if God just got rid of all the evil in this world. But if I am honest with myself I also have to admit that if God got rid of all the evil in this world that would mean that I would no longer be here either. I am not perfect and there have been many occasions when I have done hurtful things to other people–even people I love. That doesn’t satisfy my questions but it does keep from getting to adamant on my demands of God. There have been some very godly people who have also cried out to God “Why?” The most notable is Job. I don’t know if you are familiar with the record in the Bible of Job’s wrestling with why God allows pain, but it is an amazing discourse. There are a few things that I have really taken to heart from Job’s experiences: first, God is not the author of the painful experiences. The story of Job actually starts in the divine court of Heaven and reveals to us an interaction between God and Satan. From this rare peek into the heavenly realm we see that God is extremely pleased with Job and is bragging about him but Satan accuses that Job’s good deed are just the result of God blessing him. Satan suggests that if all of Job’s blessing were taken away that he would curse God rather than praise Him. But God knows better and to prove it He allows Satan to inflict Job’s life with pain so that Job’s love for God can be seen for what it is–a love based on who God is and not on the gifts He gives. I think this gives us a unique insight into the cosmic battle that takes place in our world today–Satan’s desire to prove that God is not worthy of honour. Satan’s premise is that people only worship God because they like what He can give them or they are afraid of displeasing Him. But God is worthy of our love and adoration because of His character alone–because He is perfect in every way. So Satan tries to get us to reject God by taking away the good and inflicting us with pain. We are all then faced with a choice: are we going to love God for who He is or what we can get from Him?
Another thing I learn from Job is that while God is generous with His communication to us, He rarely fully answers the “Why?” But what we do get from Him when we continue to look to Him for answers is a deep, intimate connection that removes any questions we had. After a long discussion that Job has with some well-intentioned friends, God comes to him and talks to Him. God never answers Job’s why or even gives a hint at the interaction that He had with Satan. Instead God shares with Job insight into His perfection in planning, love and power. He helps Job understand that in all things, joyful and hurtful, that He is working them to the benefit of those whom He loves. He helps Job realize that the picture that He sees is far bigger than what Job could ever comprehend and in that grand scale He is accomplishing something beautiful. It’s like I had written to you before Unknown, I don’t know why God has allowed this to happen to you but I can guarantee that He is making something beautiful come out of it all.
The final thing that I learn from Job’s experience is that when God invites a person into that deeper intimacy of knowing Him, the “why”s no longer matter. Job’s response to God’s revelation–”Before my ears had heard of You, but now my eyes have seen You” and he got down on his knees and worshipped. He didn’t say, “Oh, now I get it!” or “That totally makes sense!” because God did not give him any insight into the pain. But Job came face to face with God, in all His perfect power and love, and that was enough. It totally took away the pain he felt because nothing can compare to or distract from the beauty of God. Unknown, I promise that if you persist in looking to God for help and healing, you will not be disappointed. If you persistently wait for His revelation in your life and don’t give up until He answers your cry, the power that this painful experience has on your life will melt away. You will no longer be haunted by the memories but you will have a deep peace and confidence that God is in control and know that His love will heal the deepest wound in your life. You will have seen God, and that will be enough.
Oh Lord, would that day come soon! Would this dear woman have the joy of being in Your presence and hear Your message of love and hope. Would she know Your healing touch and be swept away by Your amazing love. Guard her heart until that day. Don’t let her give up on You until she has met with You. Lead her journey of healing and give her the awareness of how You are carrying her through it all. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Unknown, I know that you have felt distant from God but let me encourage you to pour your heart out to Him. If you are a person who is helped by journaling write out your questions and hurts that you have for God. In anticipation, look for His messages of love for you in the Bible, in quiet times of prayer, in gathering with other followers of Jesus and in times when you serve other people. Those are the places you are best prepared to hear His voice. In every situation, ask Him for guidance of what you should do and trust that He will lead you well and clearly. I repeat Jesus’ invitation to you and all others who feel the heaviness of life, “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down; I will give you rest.” I can promise you that He will!
Hi Anon, what you have described is definitely sexual abuse and should never happen to a child. Have you ever talked to your parents about what happened that night at your grandparent’s house? I can imagine that you were very confused by what your grandfather did. How has that made you feel?
hello,
i dont know whether i have been sexually abused or not and its been on my mind a lot in these past few years. when i was about seven i visted my grandparents in england. we are really close with them and from a young age i remember my grandfather kissing me on the lips and osmetimes he would even use tounge. i didnt know any better because i was only young and he also used to put his haown my pants and slap my bum. one night when my brother who was and i was 7 he came into my room and he me me rub p and down his penis while he thught i was asleep. i am now 15 and i just want to know what to classify my situation s. is it sexual abuse?
Jamie,
I read your reply last night and it brought tears to my eyes. Your prayer touched my heart and your support gave me hope.
I know I need to go through the healing process and I have been avoiding it. I do feel I found this site for a reason. I am a very very private person so posting this online it a huge deal to me but It is time for me to address these issues rather then ignore them. I am very thankful that I am getting your input, I am getting so much off my chest that months of counseling didn’t do for me.
I can not tell my husband. I don’t want him to look at me differently. I don’t want him to look down on me or for him to be disgusted by me or even feel sorry for me. I know I shouldn’t be thinking like this. But right now I would rather die then tell him what happened to me.
I do not know how to explain my relationship with God. I keep my distance. Which I know is wrong but im so afraid. I am still hung on the thought of him allowing this to happen to me. I was so young and it lasted for so long. My parents are very reserved they kept to them selves and had great faith in God. They worked so hard and tried their best to make sure we got the best in everything. They both came from very poor families and they wanted to make sure we never missed out on what they didn’t have. On our way to school every morning my mother would recite a little prayer, she would ask God to protect us, to guard us against all evil in this world, to make sure no harm comes to us, and to keep our faith strong. She would ask us to repeat after her. I used to feel so safe when we said our prayers but it didn’t last long. I soon stopped repeating after her because I knew God wasn’t listening to me.
The abuse did stop but only because we moved. I tell myself that God was the one who opened the doors for my parents to be able to move. The move was the turning point, it was a reset button for me. That is when I finally began living. I was safe. I finished school, worked, get married, and had children. I never looked back until now. As for how my relationship with God was during my “normal” life, it was good, he is a big part of our lives but I never felt connected to him. There was always that little though in the back of my head telling me “don’t get to close”.
Well, unknown, I don’t think it is that uncommon for those kinds of memories to surface later in life. You may not know the trigger but it is clear that you still have some healing to do around these events in your life. While I know that it has been a very painful thing to go through it is good that you have the opportunity to work through some closure on things that have been impacting your life without even knowing it.
This is also an opportunity for your relationship with your husband to grow to a deeper level than you ever have before. I can see that you really cherish and love him and it sounds like he is just the kind of man who will be a huge asset for you as you seek healing from these memories. What is your concern about your husband knowing about the abuse that you experienced? How do you think he would react if you told him?
I would also like to suggest that this is an opportunity for your relationship with God to grow to a level you have never experienced before. I can tell that you have fought hard against these memories and you are getting tired out. Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down; I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) He does not want you to carry the weight of these memories all by yourself. He will bring healing and wholeness to this part of your life so that you can be at peace, rather than at war. In the Bible we are encouraged to “in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” (Philippians 4:6-7)
Jesus can guard your heart from distrusting people in your life because of what this cruel man did to you when you were a little girl. Jesus will help you discern who are the people that can be the most helpful to you and guide the way you search for healing from these memories. Can you tell me what your relationship with God is like? What influence does God have in your life and how do you interact with God’s Son Jesus?
Lord God I pray for Unknown. She needs peace in her heart Lord. She has been fighting these memories on her own too long and she needs Your help in finding rest. I pray that You would help her to know what paths to take and what relationships to pursue that will lead her to healing. I pray for the impact this has had on her marriage and ask Lord that You would use this to make their love and union together even more beautiful. Help her husband to be a positive support for her and may this help him to love and cherish her even more than he does already. Amen.
Unknown, I am so glad that you are able to type that declaration. I am so honoured to know that God led you here to this site as a part of your healing process. I feel so privileged that you have trusted us with your pain. I am certain that God is working all of this in your life to create something that will amaze us all. I am looking forward to seeing what He is going to do in your life. I am in this war with you and I am confident that we will overcome through the miraculous power of God!
I am not sure what caused these memories to attack me now. I am remembering specific details that I never knew happened. My nightmares are getting so intense that when I wake I can still feel his hands on me.
I have no idea why after all these years its all coming back. That is actually how I found your website. I wanted to know why after all these years. Seeing him was not what caused the memories it started a long time before I ran into him but it did make it worse because now I have a clearer vision of his face.
At times I try convincing myself that it never happened. I would brush it off and convince myself that its not real. I distract myself with work or the kids, I have to keep my mind busy with something but if I take a breath and stop thinking, it attacks.
All this started over a year ago and I have been pretty good at hiding it but im so exhausted now. I am running out of cooping strategies.
As for my husband, he has NO IDEA what im going through. He thought I was suffering from postpartum depression due to my stressful job. This had a very negative affect on our marriage, at first our sex life was distorted. everytime he tried touching me I would start crying and he would just cuddle me till I fell asleep. I never told him the truth and I never will.
Things are better between us now. I am able to have intercourse with him without having a panic attach. I talk to him more, I interact with him and the kids the same way as I always did. But I still feel distant from him. I don’t trust him as much as I used to just because my abuser was a GREAT “family man”. Now im finding it hard to trust or believe anyone.
I feel like im in a war with these memories, they are here to destroy my life and my family. I am fighting back but I don’t know how much longer I can handle.
It has taken me 20 years to type: I was sexually abused.
I don’t know how many more years it will take me actually say it.
So what do you think it is that has changed for you, Unknown? Was it seeing the man who abused you or has there been something else that brought back those memories? Have you talked to your husband about this? What has been his reaction to the changes that have happened to you? How has it impacted your marriage?
Jamie,
Thank you for sharing that uplifting story with me. Your grandfather is a very strong and bright man.
I’ve always thought that there must be some good out of what I went through and I always believed that my pain made me stronger for others. My heart always melted for people in need. I was always the person anyone went to when they needed a shoulder to cry on. I was the first to organize food pantries for the poor or pass out warm blankets in the winter. I was strong enough to survive many challenges I was faced with these past 20 years. I worked as an MET for a while until I witnessed the shooting and death of a very close friend. My life has not been an easy ride yet I kept my head held high and enjoyed whatever good I got out of it.
I have three wonderful, healthy, and loving young children. I have the kindest most patient husband anyone can wish for. I am tremendously thankful for the good god has sent me.
So you are correct beauty can be the outcome of evil or pain, I don’t think I would have been so soft hearted if I hadn’t felt pain and same goes for your grandfather, if he hadn’t experienced all that hurt he might not have been able to relate to all those people he helped.
Now my problem is my heart is getting harder and darker. After I gave birth to my daughter the memories started coming back so clearly. I did see a counselor for a few months but I just couldn’t get myself to open up and say anything. This is the first time I talk to anyone about what I went through. Since the memories started I cut myself out of many peoples lives, listening to people’s problems has become a burden. I don’t help people anymore because I can’t handle seeing anymore pain.
And the person who did this has not been confronted, to make things worse on me I ran into him a couple of months ago. He was picking up his grandson from the same Sunday school I sent my kids. I was petrified when I saw him, I hide my kids and ran, I no longer send my kids there.
Oh Unknown, I wish I could give you the reason that God allowed that abuse to happen to you. But I promise you that God has never ignored you. He does love you beyond anything that anybody can understand but there are times when He allows things to happen and it just doesn’t make sense.
But what I do know with all confidence is that God takes those hurtful things that happen to us and uses them to make something beautiful. My grandpa is a very personal example that I have seen. He was orphaned by the age of 7 and was caught in the middle of the Russian Revolution. He saw enough death, torture, rape and evil in his early years that he would have every reason to become an angry and bitter man. When he came as a refugee to Canada he was placed with a family that treated him like a slave, making him sleep alone in the barn. There were many occasions when the father of that family beat him to the point of unconsciousness.
But there were a few things that helped him through all that and planted a hope deep within his heart. The first happened when he sat beside his mother’s bed as she lay dying from small pox. As she was breathing her last she described to him the angels that she saw and the beauty of the light that was shining down on her. That gave grandpa a confidence that there was something more than just this life here. The other thing that my grandpa points to as something that gave him strength through difficult days was a young girl in Canada who heard him cry as he tried to recite a poem on Mother’s Day. Her heart was moved to compassion for this young 11 year old boy and she committed to pray for him. And she never stopped praying for him until she died some 73 years later.
The two of them together discovered the power of a loving God who is able to take terrible things in our lives and transform them into something beautiful. My grandpa married that young praying girl and together God led them into a life of pastoring churches across Western Canada. Through all those terrible experiences that my grandpa faced, God prepared him to have a tender gentle heart who understood people’s hurts. He had a tremendous ability to comfort people who were dying or mourning the loss of a loved one. That became a huge part of his work as a pastor and he was able to come alongside hurting people and share with them the comfort that he had received from God.
My grandpa was the one of the sweetest, most gentle men that I have ever known and yet everything about his childhood could have so easily been used as an excuse to be a nasty curmudgeon, cruel to everyone else around him. That didn’t happen because God took those hurtful things that Grandpa went through and made something beautiful.
God can make something beautiful of your pain as well. I know that probably doesn’t make the pain any less, and I don’t know if it ever will, but I know for my grandpa he was able to forgive and embrace the family of the man who was so cruel to him and it was all because of what God had done in his life, transforming the pain into beauty.
Lord God I pray that Your love would become real to Unknown and healing would begin. I pray that the promise of Jesus to give rest to those who are weary and weighed down would be the experience of Unknown. Amen.
Unknown, I know it is especially hard when the source of the hurt is a person who should be a source of love. I am sorry that this person was not real and authentic and took advantage of their position to hurt you. You can know that he/she will be held accountable for their actions. Have you been able to talk to anybody about what happened to you? Has the person who did this to you been faced with their cruelty and faced the consequences of that?
i prayed every night, every morning, every moment i could, i asked god to stop it. i asked him why. i did not get a reply.
Almost 20 years have passed which i spent ignoring what happened to me and ignoring god. In every religious setting i would act along but deep in my heart i would question everything, if god loved me so much why did he allow this to happen to me, if he cared he would have answered my prayers, can i trust what is being said when the person who hurt me was the person that used to preach it.
All the memories are coming back stronger then ever and i am so overwhelmed with how emotionally stressful they are. But mostly i am angry, I am angry at myself for thinking like this, I am angry about what happened and why i cant say anything.
Hi Unknown, what do you blame God for? Why do you think He is to blame?
What if you blame god?
Hi Tori, I am so glad that things are dealt with. But it sounds like you have had problems with people believing you. That can be so hard when you share something that has hurt you so deeply. Do you think that is changing where people do believe what you are saying?
Im 17. I was beat by my dad until I was 7. My cousin molested me wjen I was 5-6. My dad molested me when I was 9. My ex bf raped me when I was 15. & a different cousin who is a cop 40yr old started grooming me wjem I was 12. The police have filed all this. So its all dealt with. But my family doesn’t talk about it. My dad os out of my life. But still…idk. idc of you dont believe me. I know what happened. Im seeing a therapist this year. Finally
[...] for our mentoring team to answer. The following comment is from another article called “Healing from your Sexual Past” that over 500 people have read and are starting to comment [...]
Hi Eugene, I am so glad that you found this site and it has prompted you to try and get some help. I totally understand your feelings of uncertainty, both happy and scared. Healing means being set free but it also means having to face something that you really don’t want to have to think about. Let me encourage you to continue reading this article and its second part http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2011/08/10/sexual-healing-part-two. The author, Barbara Wilson, has spent a lot of time helping people deal with the impact of their sexual past and she has some good information. You can read the books she has written on the subject as well. She has a list of them on her website http://www.BarabaraWilson.org.
Let me also invite you to talk with one of our online mentors. They are safe people to share things with and they can help you figure out the path you need to take to find healing. It is all done through confidential email conversation and doesn’t cost anything. Our mentors are not counsellors but they are people who care who have some experience with issues like yours and can listen to your hurt and help you brainstorm ideas of where to find the help you need. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and one of our mentors will be in touch with you by email.
So have you talked with your wife about what happened when you were 4? Does anybody else know about what happened to you?
I was molested at 4 years old and it started to effect me when I turned around 20. Now I have intimacy issues with my wife, I start off great and then I loose it. Im straight and love her but I struggle. I dont know what I feel since i started reading this material. I have never really tried to get any help until I saw this site. Since I started reading it I feel good and bad. Happy, scared. I am feeling something happening to me, I think i am being set free. Somebody talk to me please I dont know where I am with my feelings.
Hi Christian,
I am very sorry to hear what happened to you. If you read back through the comments on this page, you’ll see that I ask everyone this, but I’m going to ask you too – have you ever had a chance to talk to a counsellor about what happened to you? I can hear the pain and anger in your comment. It makes perfect sense that you would be angry about what happened. It was an awful thing to go through. But carrying around anger like that is really hard on your heart. I would urge you to find a counsellor who can help you process your anger and begin to heal from this deep hurt that you’ve carried. It’s important to feel angry – it’s the second stage of grief – but it’s also very important to stay stuck in anger. What happened to you was wrong, and anger is an appropriate response but it’s the beginning of the journey, not the end. Now is the time to take the next step.
You asked about God and whether or not he sees you as a bad apple. God does NOT see you as a bad apple. God sees you as someone he dearly loves. You asked if I have anything good to tell you and I do. God loves you very much and you can know him in a personal way today. I do believe that Christ died for everyone. John 3:16, the best known verse in the Bible says that God love the world so much that he sent his son. It doesn’t say that he just loved some people, he loves the world so much that he sent his son to save us. The whole story of the Bible is a story of redemption and restoration.
When we think of salvation and forgiveness we tend to think of being forgiven for the things we have done. But salvation goes beyond that. When we accept what Jesus did in our place we are also cleansed from the things that other people have done to us. 1 John 1:9 says, ” If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” It’s the “cleanse us from all unrighteousness part” that refers to being cleaned from the things that other people have done to us.
You are not a bad person, you sound like you’re a person in a lot of pain. There is a lot of hope for you. You said that you don’t want to go to hell, if you ask Jesus to take control of your life, he will and you won’t have to worry about hell. You can read more about it here.
If you’d like to talk to someone privately, either about what happened to you, or what it would look like to believe in Christ, we have email mentors available who would love to talk to you. All you need to do is use this form to request a mentor and you’ll get an email back, usually within a couple of days. It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of pain and fear and hurt and anger around for a long time. Today can be the day you start to lay that down. Can I pray for you right now?
God, I’m here to pray for Christian. Thank you for bringing him to our site today. Thank you for giving him the courage to tell me his story and to ask the questions he’s been wondering about. My heart aches for him and the Bible says that you ache for him too. It says that you have counted everyone of his tears and you know his pain. I pray that you would be close to him today. He’s been courageous already, help him to be courageous again and seek out help to work through his past. Whether it starts with a mentor here or with a counsellor in his community I pray that now that he has started talking he would continue to talk and he would get the support it will take to get back to an emotionally healthy place. God, I pray that you would draw close to Christian and show him who you are, show him how much you love him. He is seeking you, help him to find you. I pray that you would help him to see that he is not a bad person, he is cherished. Be with him today I pray, Amen
Hi Christian, I totally understand your feelings of anger. A friend of mine was raped out on a country road years ago and I had similar feelings of revenge and anger towards the jerk that did that to her. I can only imagine how much more I would feel that if it had happened to me as a child.
But I have some good news for you my friend: Jesus’ was not just for a select few. John wrote that Jesus “is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.” (1John 2:2) So you do not have to be afraid of eternal separation from God in Hell because Jesus died to pay the penalty for your sins. John went on to write “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God so that you may know that you have eternal life.” (1John 5:13) So you can know for sure that you have received life from Jesus if you believe that He is your atoning sacrifice and trust in Him rather than in your own good deeds.
Now I can understand that your experience as a child has really impacted your perception of people in the church. So while it is wonderful to know that Jesus paid the penalty for our imperfections we also have to deal with the reality that He died for everybody else’s’ imperfections and we still can become the brunt of those imperfections just as others receive some of the impact of our imperfections. But rather than being negatively impacted by that, we have Jesus in our lives to help us deal with others and find healing from the hurts that we have. Jesus said, “Come to me all of you who are weary and weighed down; I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28) He also said, “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” (John 14:27) You don’t have to walk through life carrying the baggage of a victim. Jesus will set you free from that hurt and give you confidence in your relationship and security in Him.
Lord God I pray for Christian and the hurt he has carried for such a long time. Lord I pray that you would bring healing into his life and set him free from the way this impacts his view of people in the church. Set him free from the guilt and shame that he carries because of his attitude. Bring to him the newness of life that comes from Your forgiveness and help Him to live out the purposes and plans that You created him to accomplish. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Christian, let me encourage you to get in touch with one of our Online Mentors. They are a safe place to ask questions and they can help you discover the answers that God has for you in His Word. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and one of our mentors will get in touch with you by email.
I guess I should start by saying that I come from a large christian family, im th youngest of 7 , 5sisters, 1 brother,,my mother is very religeous, she would have these prayer meetings for th local neighborhood & church members ,, when I was 5yrs old , one of her regular prayer meeting attendies had slipped into my room unaware to anyone else, he told me he wanted to play a game with me then began to touch me and told me to touch him,,for yrs after I thought it was just some sick twisted dream that my mind made up, but I could never understand y I would dream of something so sick,much worse I seemed to have a problem with my mom and church gatherings, as if they were accults of some sort, th thought of ppl congregating together pretending to be so clean and holy made me sick to my stomach as if it was all a bunch of lies,,but I really didnt know y, and I hated myself for feeling that way because I love God and want to serve Him and I dont want to judge anyone much less christians,, when I was in my late 20s I one day told my mom about my “dream that never goes away” she gasp w horror and said it was no dream because this individuals brother had confessed to her that he suffered from homosexual tendacies so it is a very good chance his brother that touched me [faced that issue] as well! I became very angry, I was only 5yrs old! I didnt know any better and this person who was supposed to b a christian abused me, I want to put a bullet in his head for it! I know we r supposed to forgive but every time I try,to it isnt in me to, I feel like if he was in front of me I couldnt resist hitting him until I couldnt lift my arms anymore,,i havent talked to my mom again about this since then, sometimes I wonder if what happened to me released some demon to oppress me & my life, I want to serve Gods purpose, I want to know that God wants me so when I die I will go to heaven where I will never have to feel pain again, but w this resentment I have towards church ppl and th things of God im afraid that im just a bad apple, that God doesnt choose everyone and im just one of th black sheep God does not want :( ,, I hope to hear back from whoever reads this if u have anything good to tell me, I dont want to go to hell, I want to believe Christ died for everyone, even someone as bad as me, :(
Carolina, There’s also an excellent series called The Steps to Freedom that you might find helpful. Sometimes it’s offered as a course at churches but there is also a workbook version you can do. The workbook costs $5 and can be ordered here. On that page you’ll also find a link to people who can help as you work through the book. One of the guys I work with did the series last year and found it was really, really helpful.
Hi Carolina, You’ve asked an excellent question and I think perhaps also wrote out the answer. Why are you still angry? It could be because even after all these years the people closest to you refuse to acknowledge your pain. When we’re told to “just forget about it” or “just get over it” or “stop bringing it up” it’s an avoidance tactic on the part of the other person. They don’t want to deal with this uncomfortable, painful situation and so they seek a way to avoid it by trying to convince you that it’s not important. And when our pain and experience are disregarded like that, when we’re made to feel like we’re overreacting, that can lead to some pretty powerful feelings of anger, hurt, neglect, etc etc etc.
Imagine if you broke your arm and you went to a family member and said “I broke my arm!” and they said, “just stop thinking about it”. Would that make your arm feel any better? Would it do anything to get you the help you need to heal that broken arm? Of course not. What if the next day, while you’re still in pain someone said, “hey come help me carry these groceries out of the car” and you said, “I can’t my arm is broken” and they they tried to convince you that the broken arm really wasn’t a big deal. Would that make you angry? It would make me angry.
I don’t know you and I don’t know what happened to you but I’d imagine that you’re still angry because you’ve never had a chance to process your feelings. You’ve never had someone sit down and cry with you and agree that this horrible thing should not have happened to you and it wasn’t fair and see what they can do to help you heal. I wonder if you’ve even had a chance to figure out how you feel about it or if you’ve buried your own pain because you had no support to experience it?
Have you ever had a chance to see a counsellor and talk about what happened to you? I would really encourage you to do that. It’s not too late. The anger is still there because the pain is still there. If you can get some help working through the pain it should help with the anger as well. Also, if what happened happened at the hand of a family member or a family friend, do you still see this person? Are you forced to associate with them? If so, know that as an adult you’re allowed to set your own boundaries. Seeing a counsellor could give you some strategies that can help if you need to reset some of the boundaries in your life.
Sometimes some of the anger comes from other people’s interpretations of their memories. (For example, if you have to hear someone talk about how great the person who did this to you is) If they refuse to acknowledge that this person did this thing to you that can also add to anger and pain. If that’s true for you, definitely bring that up when you see your counsellor.
Why is it, that after 30+ years I still feel angry ..Though the rest of my family..Has always told me to just forget about it!!
Hello Asya, I am glad that this article helped clarify things for you. I agree that telling others will be a real challenge. It is my opinion that you will have to create the opportunity and the setting for that kind of a conversation. There is no way that this comes up in a natural flow of conversation. I don’t think it is wise to catch your mom completely unaware. Give her hints that what you want to say is serious and it is not easy for you to talk about. It may not work with your mom but I think there may be some situations where writing a letter first is a useful way of preparing your mother for the conversation–but don’t let the letter replace the conversation, you will still need to have a face to face. Make sure you communicate how the abuse impacted you in the immediate and the long-term. Ask your mom for her help in healing from the hurt that you have felt. I think you need to be prepared for resistance to accept your story; understand that it may be hard for others to believe for a lot of reasons but it is not because they don’t love you.
The Bible talks about the importance of speaking the truth in love and that certainly applies to this situation. Hiding the truth does not help anyone. God is a ‘truth-teller’ and He will help you. He is also a merciful God who extends grace to the mistakes of others. He can help you speak truth in a way that allows for repentance and forgiveness. That does not mean excusing but it does allow for others to make amends for the hurtful choices they have made. I encourage you to look to God for help as you walk down this road of disclosure and healing with your family.
Lord God I ask that You would strengthen Asya as she identifies the hurtful actions of her grandfather and looks for help and healing with her family. I pray that you would give her courage and grace as she communicates her experiences. I ask that You would prepare the hearts of her mother and other family members so that they can respond well to her as she heals from these experiences. Thank You for Your constant love and guidance in every aspect of our lives. Amen.
Asya, let me invite you to talk with one of our online mentors. They can be a safe sounding board to help you think through how to create the opportunity for conversation with your mom. Just fill out the Mentor Request Form at http://powertochange.com/discover/talk-to-a-mentor and on of our mentors will get in touch with you by email.
Hello ladies, I have read these helpful articles and I can truly say that the healing process takes time. But the process begans with you! I molested by my father as a teen, and the hardest part about being molested was he was also my Pastor. I struggled for years with God asking the question are you real? And I ask God if he was real to show me! And sure enough, he showed up. The forgiveness process is not easy but you have to be willing to give it all to him. Lay your burdens at the alter and allow him to work it out. Another hard part for me was when I told my mother, she was in denial and did not believe me. My family told me I was crazy and was going to put me away, because I would cause shame to the family. So me and God became best friends and I could never form a friendship with anyone because of the burden I was carrying and I thought others would find out about it. So my school years were a blurr for me, no good memories. All I felt was shame. I had let my family down by opening my big mouth. And the main purpose for taking a stand was to protect my younger two sisters. I had read earlier that in a family it sometimes happen to all the females. My older two sisters held the secret and did not speak up and I know now that it happen to them often. I pray for their deliverance. We have to admit to it and stop trying to cover it up. The pain carry over into my marriage and I had a hard time expressing my love for my husband sexually. I always had to be in the dark and did not feel comfortable with the lights on. I felt shame of my body and always wore clothes that were extra big. I did not want anyone to look at me in a sexual way. I prayed a lot and ask God to help take those feeling away from me and I trusted that he would. By going to church hearing and reading the word, deliverance is taking place. I am 39 and the healing is still taking place inside of me. God also reveal that not only sexual did it cause pain in my life, but also with parenting. When my mother push me away I did not trust her anymore. I did not have anyone to depend on. My older brother did believe me and he told me if it happen again be would take care of him. But I had already caused enough pain as I thought. But with my own children I had distant myself from their feelings and I’m working on our relationship now trying to be there for them as a caring mother. My feelings for anyone was numb and I could not feel anything. I always wondered will the pain die when my father die? But I was also numb during that experience in my life. I thank God for bring real and being with me all this time. He is a friend that will never leave you are forsake you. When your mother and your father forsake you, God will take you up.
I guess I never realized what happened to me was actually sexual abuse. At the time I was young, and I have no idea when it started, but when I think back, up until maybe a few months ago, I just thought it wasn’t actual sexual abuse. But reading this article made me cringe. Its hard when its someone like your grandfather, someone so close to you. I guess I have since been educated on what the meaning of sexual abuse really is. Now I think its finally time for me to talk to someone, and probably talk to my mom, although I have no idea how she would react to me telling her that my grandfather sexually abused me for years. Does anyone know how to aproach a family member about something like this? I have no idea how to tell my mother this.
Hi Ayesha, I totally get your uncertainty of how to bring this up with your mom. It is not an easy conversation at all. How do you think your mom will react to this news? Are your Mom & Dad still together? How long ago did this happen? When did it end? How do you think it has impacted you?
Sorry for the barrage of questions but I think it makes a difference on what next steps you take. Eventually there is only one way to talk about this with her and that is to just sit her down and say, “Mom, I need your help. I have to tell you something that is really hard and I need your help to know what to do about it.” This isn’t a topic that will come up naturally in conversation and there is no “good time” to bring it up. You are just going to have to jump in with both feet. But the questions I threw out at you are important to figure out if your mom is going to be supportive through this process. Do you think your mom will believe you?
I was abused as a child by my dad and I am having flashbacks, he never raped me but he used to try and persuade me to let him touch me and sometimes I did because I was only six. I would like advice on how to be strong and tell my mom and how to bring up the topic of conversation.
Thanks
Dear Lord God and Father to allmankind.
I want to say aprayer to all of you ladies out there that have been violated from rape of any kind. I pray first that the Lord our God will bless you beyond measure. I pray that he will take your guilt and shmae and cast it into the sea never to be seen again. He loves you very much and dose not want to see you this way. I know it is not easy to forget, but I pray that He will deliever you form this aweful experience that you have been through. In jesus MightyName amen
Dear Sharon;
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. Can I ask how long ago that was? Also, what kind of healing have you had from the attack and your own sexual choices? It sounds like you’re still struggling with some memories from your past, and I would encourage you to ask God to show you if there’s more you need healing from. Healing is usually a process that takes time. And with healing we will still have memories of past events, but the memory will no longer trigger pain or shame, or stir up negative associations with the event. The Bible says that our hearts can easily deceive us into believing we’re not suffering when we really are, or that we’ve had healing, when we are still in need of it. Only God knows you completely, even better than you know yourself, and He will show you if you ask Him what is still in need of healing. For 25 years I thought I was healed from my abortion and sexual past, but in reality it was still very much hurting every part of my life. When I finally let God have my past, He showed me just how much I was still hurting, and began a complete healing in me. Now although I still have memories, I’m no longer in bondage to them. The memory no longer stirs up shame, pain or negative associations. It’s a greater freedom than I could ever have imagined. I’m so glad I trusted that God knew me better than I knew myself. I’ll be praying for you.
Barb
i got attacked once by a i think a young teenager one eveniong when i was going to bible study at our church near by, i am healed from it and did some thigns too sexually i am healed from that too but its tough sometimes too to not think about it but i do pray about it and its gone
Tammy ~ Often people stay in abusive relationships because of abuse in their pasts, either as a child, or young adult. After working with countless women, I see this familiar pattern of women who’ve been sexually or physically abused as a child or teen, who go on to date and marry abusive men. Of course that is not always the case, and it may not be your experience. But if it is, I encourage you to get some healing for earlier abuse. Abuse as a child damages our view of ourselves and the value of who we are. When we don’t see ourselves as valuable, we don’t expect others to treat us with value either. But with healing, God can restore you and your value, enabling you to choose and build healthy relationships. I imagine that the age difference–especially him being younger, could add to your feelings of inadequacy and lowered value. You’re still young, and have so much life and love to offer. Don’t sell yourself short, or let others determine your value.
Hi Tammy, that sounds like a terrible predicament to be in. What makes you think that this guy is using you? You say you need to be with this guy to be happy but it doesn’t sound like you a very happy at all.
You don’t have to stay trapped. Finding your core happiness in other people is always going to lead to disappointment. Finding your happiness and joy in God is always going to give you a spirit of joy even in the midst of hurtful circumstances. If you want to find out more about how you can have a relationship with God have a look at this webpage http://powertochange.com/discover/faith/discoverpurpose . You can also read some other articles by Barbara Wilson at http://powertochange.com/blogposts/author/bwilson.
Cutting off the head is not the solution to the problem of headache.either willingly or not, firstly take heart and don’t relate the issue when it is at boiling stage to just anybody, look for confidant or straight to God for speedy healing.
I TOO AM EXPERCING THE SAME BY SEEING A GUY THATS 32, AND VERY GOOD LOOKING. i AM 49 AND i GUESS i FEEL LIKE THIS IS GREAT, AND THAT IM LUCKY ,BUT I ALSO KNOW HE IS USING ME AND I ASHAMED ABUSED AND SICK, I FEEL LIKE I WILL NOT BE HAPPY WITHOUT HIM, BUT I DISPISE TOO