A Record of Rights
Are you struggling in your marriage? Talk to a mentor
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-5)
The story is told of a couple that grew to find little to appreciate in one another. The daily tally of things one did that annoyed and aggravated the other was a growing list. More and more they did less and less together. In desperation the woman visited a counselor and took along her journal of all the attitudes and actions she was resentful of in her husband. The counselor gave her one assignment: start a new journal and write down only the things her husband did right … and she must write daily in her new journal. At first it seemed impossible, yet as the days passed the task seemed to get easier. One month later she reported to the counselor that something remarkable was happening to her husband – he was changing. Without him even knowing about her book, he started coming home earlier than usual seeming to be more relaxed to be there. He was noticing the change in her and without even knowing what was causing it, he was responding.
That wonderful quote on love from 1 Corinthians 13 holds the treasured nugget that “love keeps no record of wrongs”.
Every couple will find irritations in one another, for we are imperfect people. Yet how we decide, ahead of time, to respond to those irritations will make a world of difference in our relationships.
We can resent the irritations and eventually the person; we can count them and point them out and nag about them. Or we can choose to polish up the good things we see and hear and put our focus there. We can pray about the irritations, and for growth in patience and gentleness in both our partner and in ourselves.
When an issue truly needs to be addressed do it carefully and prayerfully without a spontaneous outburst.
Attitude is everything. Thankfulness is heart-changing. The way YOU perceive a situation is the way you will respond to it. Perception, whether or not it is factual, becomes truth to the individual. Choose early to have a love that “keeps no record of wrongs” but finds the good and stores up a “record of rights” in your heart toward one another.
A wise friend of mine decided to begin a “record of rights” for her fiancée because she found the written word powerful and sometimes easier to express. She started the book without telling him about it and one day, when he was packing for a trip, she slipped it into his suitcase. He found it when he settled into his hotel room and read the whole thing. They both love this record of rights because it now serves to help them remember those first words and first feelings of her love and thankfulness for him and it helps them choose where to focus.
God’s wisdom, to keep no record of wrongs, is a powerful reminder to choose where you focus in the daily rubbing of shoulders and the nitty-gritty of life.
He also promises to grant you the patience and gentleness, the kindness and thankfulness that you need day to day. Simply ask Him, every day, to help you look with eyes that see the good and respond with love that polishes up the good you find in one another. When something needs to be addressed, ask Him to help you in the timing and attitude in which you approach it.
Choose today that the “record of rights” will be your norm long before any irritations have a chance to build a wall in your heart.
Choosing your focus will help keep the wonder of your love a true treasure in your heart daily.
Question: Do you need to change your focus?
Tags: 1 Corinthians 13:4-5, a record of rights, couple, Devotional, gail rodgers, good things, love, marriage, relationships, Women
12 Responses to “A Record of Rights”
Leave a Reply
Start a Conversation
Media
What Do You Fear?
What do you fear, and why? Is it holding you back from realizing your full potential?
>Watch
- Contact
- |
- Advertising
- |
- Terms of Use
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Link to Us
- |
- Media Releases
- |
- What we believe
Awesome truth! Thank you for this devotional. Though I am not married and want to be one day, I would begin a record of rights with my future husband. This has truly blessed me. God bless! :)
to Brenda and Gail…thank you SO very much for your prayers….they moved me to tears and i could feel the annointed words go deep into my being as Truth. Thank you for all that you do for others and may the LORD return to you a hundred fold in your relationships. You have taught me that manipulation doesn’t have to be used to “get” a man. God wants someone to love me for who i am in HIM not what i can DO for the man. i felt i needed to “convince” a man what a great wife i would be for him instead of just being me and letting them desire the woman God created me to be. Bless you all.
i, too, am so moved by the openness of each one’s heart in response to Gail’s devo. So many women are so vulnerable and desperate to be loved not realizing it is the Father’s love we need to crave. i was lost in a sea of alcohol, dance parties and drunken sexual encounters because i was “looking for love in all the WRONG places”. It was Psalm 40 that pierced my heart enough to get this truth inside it…”i waited patiently and expectantly for the LORD and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up out of a horrible pit(a pit of tumult and destruction) out of the miry clay(froth and slime)and set my feet upon a rock, steadying my steps and establishing my goings.” (Amplified)
Lizie, I can so easily relate to what you are speaking of, and I think it is wonderful how the Lord spoke to you of how to use His Word to walk into the Light of His love. Thank you for sharing your heart so honestly. May you continue to be richly blessed as you commune with Him and seek Him in your daily walk, growing ever-deeper in your ability to hear His voice and soar with Him. And may the Lord bless you in your relationships as you walk in His amazing love for you. I pray this in Jesus’ holy name. Amen.
I have been deeply touched in reading the thoughts and prayers that each one of you have posted here, and I want to thank you for blessing me with your honesty of heart.
Trisha, please know that I will be in prayer for you, and I ask now that the Lord open the door for you to find the person who will love and accept you for who you are that you may grow together in love and unity in Christ Jesus, sharing faith, hope, joy, and oneness in Him each day as you walk hand-in-hand together with each other and with Jesus. I pray this in Christ’s holy name. Amen.
Hi Gail, wow a life changing devotional ! I think I’ve been in the same boat as Trisha where I always get stuck on what the other person did to me…and just a week ago I read I Corinthians and that very verse “love keeps no record of wrongs” stood out for me and my were swollen with tears…and I cried to God to change my heart, but still I didin’t realize that it was a change of attitude and a change in focus that I really needed. However, this morning during my quiet time with God a phrase in my spirit that went like “no one is out there to get you” and I said this phrase out, repeatedly and as I did it dawned on me that no one is out there to get me even those who had caused me pain, it’s just that they had a flawed judgment and maybe they were trying to protect themselves from whatever harm they may have perceived I may cause or just out of the same fear that I have they opted to act first, trying to protect themselves from the “perceived looming danger”, this brought a smile on my face as I called out their names, especially those who had shown intense hate and hostility toward me. Hope this make sense. I’ve been asking God to give practical ways to live the word and I believe this is one example that he gave.
Lord God, I am so thankful today for the way you connect us and give us opportunities to encourage one another. Though we don’t know each others faces we can share our hearts here.
Today I ask that You would bless Brenda as she writes her journal for her husband. Give her divine insight to see the things that would encourage him in the very core of his being. Thank you for her testimony of the difference You make in a relationship as we choose our focus.
Bless Kathie today too, dear Lord, and use her to bless those around her in a special way. Shower her with fresh love in her relationships today and grant her new joy.
Thank you for Trisha, Lord and for her heart that is so open to Your teaching. Help her today to stand firmly in the love, protection and security that You alone can provide for her. From that place of safety grant her wisdom as she polishes up the good in others. Heal her heart, form new attitudes in her and Lord, please lead her to the desire of her heart.
And for Maddie Lord, we thank you for Your transforming power that she has seen in her life. Please continue Your work in her heart and life and lead her in the steps that will bring her fully into Your purposes for her. Open the doors You desire for her and close those that are not of Your plan. Give her divine discernment in the process and may her heart be filled with joy and confidence as You lead her.
For the un-named woman reading these words today and longing for a loving and safe relationship I ask that You would draw her close to Your heart. May the hurt, the cynicism, the defensiveness, the disappointment and even the hopelessness she may feel today be pushed aside as she glimpses the depth of Your love for her. May her vision of You not be clouded by those who have misused her, for Your heart has been grieved too by the choices of
those who have hurt her. Refresh, restore and begin to redeem her life today by Your love and power!
With thanksgiving in our hearts, we ask these things together in the powerful name of Jesus, amen.
This is a great devotional. I too have made a lot of mistakes in my relationships by nagging, and focusing on what I perceive to be wrong. It’s really true that one’s perception is one’s truth. As my relationship with God has grown stronger, I have become a much calmer and tolerant person, and I give all thanks and glory to God because it is Him and only Him that could transform me this way. Please pray that God continues to work in me and through me to fulfill His purpose for my life. That He turns my heart and mind away from all that is not His will for my life. That He opens up the right doors of opportunity for me and closes the doors that lead to destruction. That He blesses me with discernment and wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. And that He brings the right people into my life and closes the door on any relationships that are not of Him. And that He leads me to the love that He has in store for me. Please pray this in Jesus’ name.
To Brenda, i would ask you to please pray the LORD would choose the “right spouse” for me. I’ve been divorced twice and in “wrong” relationships the past 11 years all over again. When you say you have the “perfect heart match” for you, my eyes swelled with tears. i have prayed and desired this my whole life. i know one very outstanding isse has been MY attitude towards these men. So will you pray for me? Thanks so much.
What a life changing devo this is today…do i need to change my focus? OH LORD do i ever!! All my life i have always seen what i didn’t like about someone or something and would voice it without reservation. When you pointed out the resentment of the irritation becomes the resentment of the “person”…this is SO True. i was never able to separate the two. If you did something i don’t like or approve of…i therefore do not like YOU! i have a pile of journals and they are ALL filled with every complaint about someone or something. i would vent each day about everything a person did or didn’t do to or for me. It’s like the wrong always superceded the right. The bad was always more glaring then the good. i don’t want to be this way anymore! i think it was a form of defense for me to see your bad side because if i continued to only see the “good” i would be taken advantage of. i needed something “on you” to be aware of so i could protect myself. Does this make sense? Anyway, Gail, i always get a new growth spurt when reading your devos. Thank you so much. Bless you.
I was always taught, when you want to change someone. we need to change ourselves.
our reactions to this person. this was an excellent article.
thank you so much for sharing it.
“Perception, whether or not it is factual, becomes truth to the individual. Choose early to have a love that ‘keeps no record of wrongs’ but finds the good and stores up a “record of rights” in your heart toward one another.” Gail, I love this devotional, and I have already begun my book of “Why I Love You” for my husband, writing in it each day a Scripture verse and then something about him that I really love. That may be something he does or something about his character, or both, but I am so excited for the day when it is complete and I can present it to Him as a personal love gift straight from my heart.
You are so right when you speak of how our perceptions create our truth. I used to be so angry, and I would pick and pick at my husband. Then I read one of the devotionals on this sight about keeping a journal of what is good about the other person, and I decided to change my focus. WOW! It was not my husband at all, but my negativity that had been creating the difficulties in our marriage. Today I know I am truly blessed, and I daily thank God for granting me the best husband in the world ~ the one He knew would be the perfect heart match for me, just as I am for him. With my change in attitude, I am living a second honeymoon, and I would joyfully marry my husband all over again without a second thought!
We can trust God to know what He is doing when we allow Him to choose our spouse! I truly believe mine is a wonderful model of Christ Jesus for me every day of our lives together, and I pray I am the same for him .
God bless you, Gail, for this wonderful blessing in my mailbox today!