When Friends Go Through Hard Times
It’s not easy to know what to do when someone you care about is struggling. What do you say to your colleague who’s just lost a parent? How do you respond to your friend whose spouse has just been diagnosed with a terminal illness, or to your classmate who’s shared a painful story from the past? Being faced with pain, loss, and confusion can make us feel overwhelmed and helpless. Sometimes, we avoid the person because we just don’t know what to do or say.
Crisis is an incredible opportunity to share the love of Christ with someone who’s not a believer. Instead of running away, ask God to make it clear how you can show His love in the situation. One of the best ways to love someone in crisis is just to be there – to show up, tell your friend you’re sorry for what they’re going through, and offer to listen. When you do that, you may notice your friend is asking new questions about life, meaning, and God. This could be a great opportunity to offer to pray for your friend, or to share how Jesus helps you through crisis. Even if you don’t have the opportunity for a spiritual conversation, you can show Jesus’ love by taking action: showing up with take-out, offering to drive them to the hospital, or helping them get yard work done. Make no mistake: your love-in-action will make an impact in your friend’s life. If and when spiritual issues do come up, your friend will be intrigued to know what motivates your love and support.
Action Steps:
- When Bad Things Happen to Good People is a powerful video featuring Dawson McAllister, who shares his own pain following the car accident that left his son in a coma. Consider sharing this video with a friend who’s going through a difficult time. You may also want to use some of Dawson McAllister’s insights on suffering as you engage people in spiritual conversations.
- Think about the people in your life who are going through a difficult time. Are any of them non-Christians? Ask God to guide you in showing them His love. Choose at least one thing you’re your friend would find helpful or encouraging, and do it this week.
Serving together,
Leonard Buhler
Hi Elinor,
Thanks for posting a comment. I’m not sure if you read the whole article or just latched on to a couple of lines out of context but the article was about sharing the love of Christ when someone is going through a crisis. Leonard made it quite clear that there will be times where there is not an opportunity to share about spiritual things. The point of the article was to keep Christians from running when they don’t have answers to tough questions, but to be available and listen, like Jesus would want us to.
As for the objection you have to proselytizing when someone is going through a crisis, I can understand how you may see it as wrong if you are seeing it as only trying to convert someone.
I don’t see it that way. I believe that a relationship with Jesus is the solution to many of life’s struggles, and can help me deal with the rest of them. Why wouldn’t I want to share that message with someone who is struggling? I may not be able to fix their crisis, but if I can offer them something that will allow them to have peace during the crisis, wouldn’t it be truly selfish to keep it to myself? As for “shoving religion in their face”, I don’t see the article as suggesting that.
Anyways, thanks for stopping by our website, feel free to respond back.
Listen up, you people:
If you truly want to help your friend, don’t shove your religion in his/her face. Everyone is entitled to his/her own religion, and other people’s religions also give them comfort, not just yours. Doing all these nice things for your friend is a great way to be kind, as your religion does tell you to be, but using this as an opportunity to proselytize is puerile and disrespectful. Having an honest discussion about religion should be done when a person is not vulnerable, and helping people solely because you want to convert them to your religion makes you a poor excuse for a human being, even if your preacher/pastor/whatever tells you it’s being a ‘good christian’. So for the love of God, Allah, Yahweh, Vishnu, life itself, goodness, whatever – be kind without ulterior motives. Otherwise, you’re not really being kind. You’re being selfish. And that, my friend, is being a terrible christian, isn’t it?
I agree Kahu that we need caution in the way that we approach someone who is going through hard times, as long as it is not to the point that we are afraid to do anything. Paul reminds us (Galatians 6:2) that we are to bear one another’s burdens because that is how we fulfill the law of Christ to love one another as He has loved us. It gives me great confidence to know that Jesus prayed for us to be unified in love (John 17:20-21) and that He is empowering me for the task (Philippians 4:13). So I look to His Spirit to direct me in the way that I help bear the burdens.
We go through circumstances for reason. It sometimes feels like the load is to much to carry. Sometimes, we just have to listen, sometimes we just need to be that shoulder to cry on. However, when given advise or suggestions to someone who is going through something should be done with caution and consideration. We can only reflect on those moments that we ourselves were going through an unfortunate situation.