Love can be dangerous

Written by Darren Hewer

Do you crave intimacy? Has love betrayed you? Often, our lives begin with a need for love, and our life stories consist of searching for it.

Love can be dangerous. One reason is that it’s volatile. A passionless relationship may not have much excitement, but neither does it have much capacity for failure. When you aim low, for mere companionship, you don’t have far to fall. But searching for love is trickier: When you aim high, and love lets you down, you have much farther to fall.

In this video (part 1 of 2), author Erwin McManus explores some of the ideas found in his book, Soul Cravings. Here he focuses on why it is that our quest for intimacy so often painful, and why it’s so important to continue searching and not give up. We encourage you to watch, and explore our Soul Cravings website if you’re interested in learning more.

>> Click here to watch part 2 of the video

Do you identify with longing for intimacy? Have you experienced disappointment in love, and now wonder if finding real intimacy is even possible? Feel free to contact us by email or comment below if you’d like to share your thoughts.

Go deeper: Explore what this video means to you through our “Soul Cravings” interactive online study series.

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16 Responses to “Love can be dangerous”

  • J-me says:

    sorry for the type -o what I meant was that the Bible for me when asked one time in Sunday school in church I retorted with a question I asked. “Do you love reading romance novels or books with of course love being put into play?” She said “Oh, they are one of my favourites. I am reading twilight, Edward is really gorgeous. So I said “W(ell their you go for me the BIBLE is greatest romance/love story of all time.”…

  • J-me says:

    Andrew, I fear that some women use this reason as to say break a promise made in front of the Lord. When God said the woman should submit or honour her husband that is all in all from sin to grace. Because God set examples for it. Then when the divorce or separation counsellors say that marriage was not meant to be like that. Then they will give examples of married couples in the Bible that reinforce that idea. That if the person is not for you and the evidence is that your marriage defies the way it was meant to be then what about the example of God when he said to Hosea to go back to his wife who was I think a prostitute giving the description of the love of God the Father for his people of Israel. Then giving a command to husbands to love our wives like Christ loves the church. What greater love is there. So when you look at it at a life span point of view when a husband shows love for the wife like Christ’s love for the church that when a husband commits an error it is compared to that of the way he is supposed to be. This is what I heard rom separation and divorce counselling. My wife uses these as weapons so that there will be reason as to what she is doing. She is with a man and living with him in our marriage house. I felt that she got so elated when a younger guy came in and she never thought that someone who was petite as her with darker skin would make her unpopular. So to please her friends that are christians as well entertain this thought. They say that even Pastors divorce and now she says that she is blessed beyond the curse. and that her relationship with God is personal. SO told her that if that is what your friends say. With that retort from her and her friends it means that the punishment of sins for them is different because they have an individualized and personalized relationship with the Father. I hope that our church would not promote the, not because I am going through this and by Faith I know God’s will will be done because God loves restoration. That has been His business since the first sin. That is why I was thinking that the Bible is the greets love story of all time and the centre is John 3:16. So why would God say I HATE divorce. Saying also “it was not like that from the beginning.” and saying God allowed that it was Moses who thought or where that law came from that my Father permitted (with the clause of course).” The he said ok you may divorce your spouse only on the grounds of sexual adultery. But never said ok you may divorce and re-marry. Saying because the person who desires to be with the married person because in the eyes of God you are still married He said what I have put together let no man separate. Even in saying or circumstances and that you can only remarry if the other is dead, continuing about the person who desires to be with the separated or divorced spouse commits covetousness. then there is this piece of wisdom which Christ said that let those who understand this must obey it. or must do so. regarding about when you a are divorced do remarry because God never did that to the people of Israel. HE may have parted from it by making His presence scarce but it was actually leading Israel to Glory. God was also never described by David as have you married another are we not your chosen people anymore. Not once did that thought skim David’s or Solomon’s thoughts, nor did Satan refute God’s love for His people Israel. Just saying that, yes God is merciful but do not test the Lord on this or provoke God or say but others did fine afterwards. Ask them again, and maybe meditate on it about the truth. I guess people and child social services would be out of the job instead of promoting child centred well-being. Maybe if they put their effort sand energy on building the couple back together and putting God in the middle since our country is said to expect its people to do its duty to God and country. If this would be the case then adultery may come in different forms. Not just sexual. But of course Jesus and the Father were defining sexual adultery (physical), not thought—though not really specified or transcribed properly maybe as to the Margins or boundaries of Adultery, because God never adulated against His people or Christ to the Church, nor again was mentioned by David or Solomon or Satan. SO why force the issue of this is not marriage was supposed to be while in the beginning of creation. God’s only desire was to restore their (God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy spirit) to their most beloved creation. His marriage with Israel was not also a bed of roses, just think when Israel clamoured for a king and God was already saying what do you need a king for. Then they said we want someone who is at our level.–lol…apologies not mocking to those who would think of going for something lesser. While the love you had for the man you desired and married will never be outmatched. Always will come as second class even for the kids. You can try but won’t. I know this open up a can of questions and in advance. What I believe is that how bad a person can be is how more God fanatic and God love crazy this person can be, just wait. But of course you would say about how about battered or mentally ill. In prison, as christians what dose do. If in prison we visit them, because Jesus will ask that “When I was in prison did you visit me?”…for the battered separate themselves until all is good or separation will be indefinite, but for christians the battering will never last. Conviction and cleansing by the blood of Christ surpasses al bad mentalities and habits—Anyways I am answering this way because if we just had that crazy kind of love God has the world will be heaven already. I am coming long winded because I am disappointed at the churches and Pastor who promote or let divorce happen because it is a “right to do so.” Good thing God was never like that as in He never said “because it is right for me to do so.” Imagine if He gave up on mending the relationship with Man. Because He does not want to sacrifice His own son. I thought marriage was about sacrifices also.

  • Thank You says:

    Great Ideas Jamie. I usually post up scripture on my wall but I don’t have much surface to work with. I also live in a house with an unbelieving parent so posting scripture on the fridge might not help. =( However, I really like your idea of a chime. I can remember a particular sound just by hearing it once- most of the time. Or maybe an alarm clock that plays a Christian/gospel song.

    I believe God is moving in my life again as I have fallen off track some. I was pointed to this site that confirmed exactly what I had in the back of my this whole time. We may come to love People or things that God has not willed for us to have and they in time become distractions. This is happening to me again and this time I have all intention to rely on what I know about scripture. How can I glorify God when I am so caught up in loving someone that does not know Christ? So I decided to cast down those feelings and focus on Christ. My feelings may still be there but I do not have to act on it and eventually God will remove them. That’s the hope I cling to. That God will never leave me stranded and that he will never cause me to sin. Whatever God has planned for me, I freely accept. All wisdom comes from God.

    True Love is not dangerous. Everything outside of God is lust. Lust is selfish. Lust doesn’t always have to be sexual either.

    God Bless.

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    I have found that I need some physical reminders so that I don’t get distracted. I have used a hourly chime on my watch as a reminder that the Spirit of God is leading me. I have also used notes pasted in strategic places that help remind me of God’s promises and instructions. If all else fails, a string tied on my finger can be a great way to focus my mind on God’s kingdom every moment of every day.

  • Thank You says:

    Exactly Jamie! I posted that scripture on my wall and It makes perfect sense to me. God will never leave us confused or alone he has everything planned out for us and all we need to do is seek him. Once we turn or deviate from his guidance, things go array. I am so prone to distractions but I’m tired of living this way and putting my foot down and firmly into the roots of his word seems like the perfect option compared to chasing frivolous romance. God will provide!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    It is a great promise isn’t it Thank You. Let me point out that Jesus is not just talking about heaven here; the Kingdom of God is present here on Earth as well. As we focus our attention on God’s plans for us right now, looking for His leading in every moment of life we can be sure that He will lead us into the best places and to respond in the best way to all circumstances. “We are God’s masterpiece, created in Christ Jesus to do good things which God has prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10)

  • Thank You says:

    Thank you Jamie for posting that scripture. I am going through a difficult time in every way and I find that whenever I try to just make friends- love interests come along. I need to stay focus on my main goal heaven. Nothing else matters. If I focus on God he will give me what I need. We humans are selfish and when we take our eyes off the creator, everything goes wrong.

    Thank You!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    That is an interesting twist on the words of Jesus D-One. I think Jesus said, “Make the kingdom of God your first priority in life and all these things shall be added unto you.” (Matthew 6:33) What does that mean to first love thyself and then all else shall be added on to you?

  • D-One says:

    First, Love thy Self!
    Then all else shall be added on to you!

    Barking up the wrong tree if you try to find love out there. No wonder searching for love is perilous and full of downfalls. Our society has it ALL WRONG… not just the sex part!

    Peace, Blessings and Grace
    All Ways and Always!

  • Jamie Jamie says:

    It sounds like you have some experience with love ACElite. Have you given up on love? What do you think about what Erwin says about life without intimacy? Would you agree with him?

    Have you had a chance to watch part 2 of this? You can find it at http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2010/01/05/do-you-crave-intimacy-part-2. I think if we just leave things with what Erwin says in this video about the danger of love we miss out on the full truth about love. Yes, human love is imperfect and dangerous because humans are imperfect beings. But love from God is perfect because He is perfect. When we find our primary love in God through Jesus Christ it transforms the way that we love other people and how we receive love from others. I encourage you to watch part 2!

  • ACElite says:

    Love should be keenly approached. Do not rash to it, it is very perilous if love lets you down. Love can make even the smartest and the most brilliant person you ever know act stupid and idiot. It can be your worst enemy you will ever face. When love do not go your way and you think that you love someone more than they love you, this can result into serious stress, depression and even lunacy. Approach love cautiosly, do not fall into it easily because once you fall, it is almost impossible to get up

  • Alfred Alfred says:

    I agree with your coments, Brian & Andrew. However, there is something I’d like to add: In his book “The 5 Love Languages” Gary Chapman says that people often do not know their spouces (or girl friend’s) love language. These are: quality time, words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, and physical touch. Find out what pleases her and learn that language; then you will both know that you are loved! Secondly, there is a beautiful true story of Courtship by Christ’s leading in which 2 people are active in the church’s Young People’s Group. They get to know each other Spiritually, socially and intellectually. They even go on an inner-city crusade together. He says to her, “You should be spending this much time with the person you will someday marry, not with me.” To both their surprise, she answers, “Yes, I think you should talk to my dad about that.” He mentioned it to her dad, the Pastor, who said, “If your relationship were not pure, the Lord would have told me.” Soon after that they got to know each other emotionally, that is, they fell in love! After the wedding they got to know each other physically! What a beautiful sequence of events, as the Lord prepared them for each other!
    Now I say: “How sad, that in todays world people often have this sequence of events in reverse order!”
    Also, sometimes a girl will give sex, hoping to find love. Yes, let’s first ask for God’s leading, and then be at ease, knowing that HE’s working on it!
    x

  • Andrew says:

    One of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships is thinking that if I do a+b+c = d and then like a magic the relationship is back on track. Ultimately if we first pray fully consider does God want us to be together and if so what is it that we can do to honor the relationship so it is God centered and not I centered. We as human being often mistakenly thing think that this he person for us when in fact it may not be the person. If God wishes the relationship to occur then we also need to have the option of the relationship not moving forward and replace the ” I want” with Christs will then God will bless us in other areas.

  • Brian Brand says:

    Women have a different idea about emotional support than men. If you want to get your ex girlfriend back, you need to figure out what she’s looking for in terms of emotional support. She needs more than simply verbal affirmations, so buy her something nice to show her that you care about her. This is a great way to get the ball rolling when you want to get your ex girlfriend back.

  • Hi Gertrude,

    We’ll be posting more Soul Cravings videos, a new one will be added on a weekly basis. I just posted the follow up (part 2 of 2) to this video here:

    http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2010/01/05/do-you-crave-intimacy-part-2/

    Please let us know what you think and check out the Soul Cravings site to explore more of this sort of content.

  • Gertrude says:

    Where can I see Parts 2 & 3 of this video on this website?

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