Sibling Woes
Have you been hurt in the church? Here are five steps to start the healing process.
“So Joseph said to his brothers, ‘Come near to me, please.’ And they came near. And he said, ‘I am your brother, Joseph, whom you sold into Egypt. And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life.’” (Genesis 45:4-5, ESV)
Someone once said you can pick your friends but not your family. How true. It always surprises me how different siblings can be and how their personalities can rub against each other. Hurts can put a wedge into families for years, and yet these are the very people you are supposed to turn to for support and love, and they to you.
When one sibling is at odds with another, it hurts the whole family. It can be likened to when you hurt your leg. In order to relieve the pain you choose not to use it very much. However, you put too much weight on the other side until that aches. The same is true with family, and the spiritual family called the Body of Christ. If someone in the church rubs you the wrong way, or if one person becomes envious of another’s talents, it can affect the whole congregation.
If you are in the midst of sibling rivalry, or if a brother or sister (familial or spiritual) has deeply hurt your feelings, what can you do to reconcile the relationship? God in His wisdom sets forth the example with Joseph. How does Joseph confront his brothers who so mistreated him because of their jealousy?
First of all, Joseph initiates the conversation. He asks them, “Come near to me, please.” Next, Joseph acknowledges what they did. He does not sweep it under the rug, but simply states the facts. However, he flips it around. Instead of saying “I am angry with you because you did that,” he tells them they need not be angry with themselves. He sees their side of the rift. He states it was all in God’s plan and God has turned it into good. You see Joseph had been healed of the rejection and hurt. God had been working on that with him for years. It was time for the reconciliation to begin.
Jesus said if you have a problem with your brother, go to him first and reconcile, then come to the altar. (Matthew 5:23-24) It is hard to worship when there is a deep hurt in our heart, or an unresolved anger. It affects everything in our thoughts and actions whether we realize it or not. But sometimes we need God’s help in that action. That is all He asks us to do – to give Him the hurt and anger. That is when He can work His miracles.
God had helped Joseph heal so that even though he was the one who had been wronged, he could initiate the restoration of his relationship with his siblings. Joseph did not do any finger pointing, or dwell on his feelings, or beat them into the ground for what they had done. He told them instead how God had used the circumstances to work in his life. By doing that, he told them he was over it. That took the emotion out of the situation, like removing the thorn from the paw of a lion.
The passages ends with these words – “Then Joseph’s brothers talked with him.” At last, healing in that family began.
Dear God, When I have been hurt it’s easy to want to wait for the other person to start the work of reconciliation. It’s so easy to hold on to my anger, to clutch the pain tightly in my hands. I know that the only solution is to let go of that hurt and hand it over to You. Help me to be quick to release my pain and anger and willing to take the first step towards reconciling. Amen
Questions: Is there someone you are at odds with right now? Will you pray for God to help heal you so you can see His glory in it and the path towards healing the relationship?
8 Responses to “Sibling Woes”
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God works in marvelous ways! I am thrilled that you, Trisha, will be wishing your sister a “Happy Birthday”. Yes, Hedy, time is so short; we dare not wast even more of it. I drifted for 30 years, not realizing how far I was falling. Then God turned me around and actually “restored to me some of the years that were wasted”. I too have a brother with whom I do not see eye-to-eye, and need to pray that God to move in both our hearts. He said that we may talk about anything except religion. (Jesus, too, was misunderstood & persecuted.) Now in my 70s, I’m increasingly aware of the need to ask God for guidance in every thought and step, as it is too easy to make costly mistakes. BC, I’m praying with you that God will work in their hearts as He’s done in yours. May the joy of the Lord fill all our hearts so that we can be an inspiration to someone.
Hi Julie, this devotional brings a lot of insight to me, although I’m not really sure how to go about reconciling, I guess I’m scared of the next time something happens. I know the lord says we sould forgive infinity and that it’s a choice to make but I’m struggling with making it. Like I said I don’t want to get burned yet again by a family member.
Dear Julie,
I must have said this several times now, but I feel that I must still say it: The devotional spoke to me, and was a very practical help.
I wasted so many years hating family members,some for what they did & some for what they didn`t do to protect me. I held that anger for over 50 yrs.Now I`m a senior & with Gods help I now see how He changed it for good. There is a lady at my church who I thought I could trust & learn from,big mistake!I was so hurt & confused but then I got this peaceful message (had to have come from the Holy Spirit)…so now I`m a little more careful on what I say & to who! I know there are more years behind me then in front, I don`t want to waste anymore time on things of the past…if Jesus can forgive me & then turn around & help me love those I had/have trouble with …well…doing it His way isn`t always the easy way but it`s the best way!
Trisha,go for it …say happy birthday to your sister,then watch what God does!…do`nt do it for your sister…do it for YOU!…then watch what God dose!….God Bless you!
patty-I too had problems with family & inlaws & yes,it`s easy for us moms to try & fix it,..in my case the more I tried the worse it got,if I could do it over I would have just explained to my children that`s that just who they are & we`ll just be thankful for the times we do share with then(a whole lot less stressful all round.
& Patty, let God help you make the first step-contact your sister-send her an e-mail,send her a silly card! etc. with no expectation of getting a reply.
Ladies, I met Jesus late in life so I don`t know a lot but I do believe He has a plan for each one of us….so lets see what His plan is with out worrying what the next day or next 15 mins. will bring! I said a pray for each of you,God Bless!
Julie, Thanks for this insightful devotional. Over the past few weeks I have had a bit of strife with two relationships…one with my sister and one with a sister in christ. I have reached out to both of them in love hoping to mend whatever differances there are. Praying that God will move in thier hearts as He has done in mine…we as Christ followers have enough fighting with the real enemy of this world…we do not need to add fuel to his nasty works that seek to kill, steal and destroy! Thanks again Julie
i should have known it was you who wrote about this issue Julie…i hadn’t looked at the author before i started reading this devo. It’s SO many times the ones you share are the ones that affect me the most and i HAVE to comment on them. This advice COULD be the confirmation i need to do what i believe the Holy Spirit has whispered to me on June 1st. At the beginning of every month i always look at the calendar to make sure i see who’s birthday it is. Well, this month on the 22nd is my older sister’s whom i haven’t had any contact with since 1990. Before that, i had tried to reconcile with her after 7 yrS of no contact (MY CHOICE) Because of her testimoney in court, my son went without his biological father. Because of her self centered, selfish interests, she came on the side for the defense instead of me, her only blood sister! i hated her for many, many years after that and the reconcilliation didn’t go so well as she never saw her reason to say she was sorry for what she did. This kept anger inside of me and i moved away. On June 1st, when i thought about her birthday, i softly heard,”say Happy Birthday to her on her FaceBook page.” Right away i was horrified at such a thought! i want nothing to do with her. After reading your devo, i can see where, i, like Joseph, was very wronged yet God worked the forgivness within him. i have given it all over to the LORD through the years to release myself from the hatred. So…will i say Happy Birthday to her on the 22nd? Is it the Holy Spirit who is beckoning me to do so? Is your devo the confirmation i needed? How will i know?
this so great I have this problem with my inlaws. one minute they are in my childrens lives and then the next they don’t talk to us for months. they will spend so much time with my sister in law and her children. its very hard. for my children to understand. I have prayed and tried to reconcile but. they think there. is. nothing. wrong. I hope that. as I continue to pray it will be good..
I have been yearning for a relationship with my older sister since I was born. We are in our sixties now. Will God answer my prayers?