Listening To Each Other

Wednesday July 11, 2012

Listening is foundational to good communication. All marriage specialists agree on that point. Stephen Covey states this principle in his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People; “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” The Bible also has wisdom on this: “Be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger,” James 1:19.

Here are some tips:

Check your understanding. You might want to say, “Can I repeat what I think you just said to be sure I understand correctly?”

Men     Do not seek to fix things unless you have permission.
You could ask, “Do you want me to simply listen or are you looking for a solution?”

Women Feeling and emotions are good. Realize it might be hard for your guy to understand the main point if you are emotional, so clarify the main point for him.
You might want to say, “I know I’m really emotional but this ____ is important to me.”

Men     She may not believe you understand unless you identify with her emotions.
Say something like, “I hear your frustration… anger… hurt….”

Suggested Resource The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey