Wednesday July 18, 2012
All people come into a relationship with baggage, both physical and emotional. The physical is represented by the wedding gifts and other possessions used to put your new home together.
The other kind of baggage, emotional baggage, is less visible and often has to do with our family of origin. This baggage needs to be unpacked and sorted also. In the book The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make, Bill and Pam Farrel suggest a couple should ask two deliberate questions:
“What did our parents do that we want to continue doing and pass to future generations?”
“What are the things we do not want to repeat in our lives?”
This discussion could reveal some very good things you’ve experienced or could touch some very difficult and painful hurts. The dialogue could help you identify and address issues in a very significant foundational way. This discussion should be an ongoing one throughout your relationship; it is never too late to start. It will be like peeling an onion, one layer at a time.
Step One: Pick a private place and ask the questions. You might want to write down your answers. The answers might fall in three categories: Good, Bad and Ugly. Celebrate the Good. Identify the Bad. Capture the Ugly.
Step Two: Share your answers. Record your new family values. You may realize how fortunate you are. You may also uncover some deeply hurtful issues/events that may need processing and perspective from a close friend or with professional help.
SUGGESTED RESOURCE: The 10 Best Decisions a Couple Can Make by Bill and Pam Farrel