A lack of self worth

I had a lack of self worth. I saw myself as completely unlovable. I had a wonderful relationship with my family, but I still felt that love and acceptance had to be earned. I was whatever people wanted me to be. Many people sincerely cared for me, but it made no difference. I could not love myself.

One night, I had a feeling of hopelessness that was so great that I tried to cut my wrists. But I wasn’t able to take the physical pain. Dropping the knife and holding a towel so tightly, I muffled a scream of pure agony. Here, in this moment, I recall one of the first prayers I ever said. I begged God that, if He was there, to please stop my heart. Thankfully, He didn’t but I felt like I was a corpse inside.

A sense of sincerity

There was a Mercy Sister that worked in my school. She was the only person to whom I told some of the things that were going on. One day she asked me if I would take a drive. Later that night we pulled into the yard of a church. I was so disappointed. This was not for me. To me, God and religion were for good people.

Once inside, we listened to a man, named Eddie, who was speaking. There was a look about him, and a sound in his voice, that interested me. He had a sense of sincerity that made me think he really believed what he was saying.

He told a story of a little girl who had a lack of self worth and anger that crushed her heart. I started to cry. I felt that the speaker was talking about me. Then he began to speak about Jesus. He said that Christ knew about every good or bad thing in our lives. My heart filled with guilt. I thought to myself, ‘God must hate me.’

A changed life

When there was time for prayer, the sister who was with me led me to the front. I wanted to run. I thought I would die of fear. The speaker prayed for me and I lost my fear.   I returned to my seat unable to do anything but cry. Inside I prayed. I asked God to help me understand what was happening.

I took Communion afterwards and the most indescribable thing took place. I felt an incredible awareness of love like I have never experienced. I realized that God loved me. I had done nothing for Him. I realized that He had loved me regardless of whether I had loved Him.

Having faith in Jesus does not mean that life is rosy all the time. But I have a hope and a security. I know that when I fail and screw up, I can never be separated from the love of Jesus. My life has been changed and healed and I now experience true happiness. All I had to do was let God love me. I want to spend my life in His service. I owe my life to God’s love.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.