There is a refund but it doesn’t come with a guarantee

The first thing I did after the disaster was to take the family from our damaged house and look for a safe and dry shelter. Later I would have to fix the house so we could return there, or look for another place to live with the family. The problem is that while working on this, my son always follows me around, crying anytime I leave the house and bothering me every time I try to do anything. I find myself shouting at my son, “Leave me in peace! Don’t bother me anymore! That is enough of this silliness!” Furthermore, he doesn’t want to go to bed at night. He wants to sleep in my bed. I try to persuade him with praises, with threats, with punishment, but it seems that nothing works to get him to lie down and stay asleep. It leaves me totally exhausted when I finally get to bed myself. But what will work? He wakes up afraid in the middle of the night. I drag myself out of bed to see what the problem is. He tells me some story about the monsters that I can’t understand. I tell him that there are no monsters in our house. It is ridiculous to be afraid. He goes to bed again.

My words don’t help. He wakes up again and again. I can’t sleep much. The next day I am even more tired and bothered, and my son is acting worse than ever. He returns to his old habits like wetting the bed and sucking his thumb. I decide that if the tsunami affected him so much I won’t talk anymore about tsunamis. Will this help? In no way! The nightmares and the attachment to me continue. This boy is driving me crazy! What does he want from me? I shout at him some more, “Why can’t you calm yourself down? Are you trying on purpose to make my life difficult? You are not a baby anymore. Enough moaning and foolishness!” I wish I could return the boy to the factory! Maybe that would prevent me from going crazy. And it would be safer for him. Sadly, it doesn’t come with a guarantee.

I need you!

The truth is, I recognize that my son isn’t trying to make my life unbearable on purpose. He is only reacting like a child to all that has happened to us. The tsunami changed or destroyed everything that was known and interrupted normal life. It is enough to make any child feel very insecure. Now, although I don’t want it to be me, I have become the primary source of security. His bothersome behavior is nothing more than his childlike way of telling me “I’m afraid. I miss my toys and playing with my friends in the street. I’m afraid that another tsunami will come. I need you. I need to know that you are in control of the situation. I need to feel safe and to know that you love me. I need to know that you will take care of me. I need to know that you will not leave me.”

Who is going to help me?

My son needs my help. The problem is that I have too much to do and I’m busy with many important things like: the finances, the house, and my job. I don’t have much time to dedicate to him. My frustration and my lack of patience complicate the problem. Threatening him only makes his fear worse. When I shout or tell him that he is spoiled or tell him to stop bothering me, or to change his bad behavior, he thinks that I am rejecting him. He feels rejected for the only source of security that remains, so his insecurity grows and he returns to worse behavior. I feel more irritated. It is a vicious cycle. Maybe he should stay with someone more trustworthy for awhile.

What can the father of a family do?

To be sincere, I have to confess that the real problem is not my son. It is me. If I was a loving and caring father like I should be, instead of so egocentric, the problem wouldn’t become this great and maybe my son would be able to overcome his fears and insecurities. I know that I should give my son a hug when he needs it, tell him that I love him (even when he is acting badly), spend more time with him, praise him for what he does well instead of scolding him for what he has done wrong. I should take the time to understand what is making him feel afraid so I will be able to console him. But I don’t do this. I’m frustrated, I’m impatient, I shout at him, I punish him because I am angry. I am too busy with my own agenda to take the time to attend to his emotional needs. I want more rest; I need peace and tranquility and a time to be alone when I come home. But to be honest, I have to confess that my actions show that I am more worried about myself that him. This is how I am and what can I do?

I wont’ fail

I have met someone that has helped me very much. His name is Jesus Christ. He has really made a big change in my home. I have discovered that Jesus gives me that patience, even after a busy day at work. He gives me strength even when I haven’t been able to get enough sleep. He gives me peace, even when it seems that the world around me is finished. Jesus has helped me have patience when it seems that my son is trying to drive me crazy! And Jesus has given me internal peace. He has assured me that he will take care of me and my family, whatever may come. Although my boss and my work and the government fail me, Jesus promised us that he will always work for our good. And he has the resources to keep his promises! He has been helping people for a very, very long time. Jesus Christ really makes a difference. Now that I have understood that Jesus takes care of me, I find it much easier to take time to listen and comfort and give security to my son. Since I met Jesus, he has been a father – also like a husband and friend, much more loving and patient and compassionate.

Peace at last!

Jesus has given me something else that, at the final account, will be even more important. It has given me peace with God. Look, I know that I have failed many times – with my wife, with my kids, at work, and in other areas of my life. I have done so many things that would be serious problems with God. But Jesus has forgiven me from all of these things. He died to pay for my sins so that I wouldn’t have to suffer the consequences of not paying attention to God and rejecting Him. This reality has taken away a great deal of worry. What is more, Jesus offers me a marvelous retirement. He tells me that when the time comes for me to leave this world, he has a special reserved place for me in his house. He says that we will be together forever.

He is at the door

How did I meet Jesus Christ for the first time? Well, a friend of mine told me that Jesus really loves me. He also told me that Jesus wants to know me. In fact, he explained to me that Jesus is at the door of my life and is knocking. So I prayed and asked Jesus to come in to my life. And He did. Since that moment, we have been becoming great friends. He has done a lot to help me fix my life. Jesus is the best thing that I have ever found. And do you know something? Jesus also loves you, and wants to know you. In fact he is at the door of your life right now at this moment. I recommend that you open the door and meet Him. He can change your life the way he has changed mine.

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?
If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

• What might be the most important thing you can do is give the individual the opportunity to openly tell their story without interruptions or unnecessary questions. The person might find the need to repeat themselves while reliving the trauma. Be patient with them, show care while being to them a compassionate listener.

• Express respect, empathy, and compassion. Keep them calm. Try not to show your personal feelings, especially if you are amazed or frightened. Be conscious of how you are responding to the information you are receiving. Keep your time under control and if necessary take breaks during your session.

• Give them the most possible control to make decisions. The more the person is in control the better it is for them. This will help them decrease their sense of helplessness. Explore the alternatives and develop a plan of action. If they are not capable of making decisions, it might be necessary that you take control at first, but keeping in mind the goal is to help them become more independent. Be cautious of them developing an unhealthy relationship of dependency towards you.

• Explore with the person what their mechanism is on dealing with the situation. How do they tend to respond when dealing with stress? What helps them deal with the actual situation?

• Explore with the individual their current support system (for example: family, friends, church, etc.). How is this support system helping? What other resources are available (for example: The Red Cross, faith based organizations or others)?

• Be aware the current trauma can possibly bring to surface past traumas (for example: related to war, abuse, loss of loved ones or others).

• You might want to ask what they feel might help them in their recovery process (possibly having a memorial service, or a meeting with others for mutual consolation).

• Keep in mind this person is a survivor and not a victim.

• In a timely matter, try and have a session with someone of trust, who can help you evaluate the interaction you have had with the person in crisis. Talk about everything you saw, heard, felt, and experienced

Characteristics of a trauma

Dr. D. J. Schwartz describes how a person feels when facing a crisis:

1. Sense of perplexity (dilemma): “Never before have I felt this way.”
2. Sense of danger: “I feel fearful, something bad is going to happen.”
3. Sense of confusion: “I can’t think with clarity, as though my mind no longer functions.”
4. Sense of deadlock: “I feel I’m at a dead end, I have no alternatives.”
5. Sense of desperation: “I know I have to do something, but I don’t know what to do.”
6. Sense of apathy: “Nothing can help me, why bother?”
7. Sense of helplessness: “I can’t try it on my own, please help!”
8. Sense of urgency: “I need the help now!”
9. Sense of discomfort: “I feel so unhappy and wretched.”

If you want to talk to someone, talk to a mentor

Used by permission. Dr. Jimmy Hassan Campus Crusade for Christ Nicaragua.

• What might be the most important thing you can do is give the individual the opportunity to openly tell their story without interruptions or unnecessary questions. The person might find the need to repeat themselves while reliving the trauma. Be patient with them, show care while being to them a compassionate listener.

• Express respect, empathy, and compassion. Keep them calm. Try not to show your personal feelings, especially if you are amazed or frightened. Be conscious of how you are responding to the information you are receiving. Keep your time under control and if necessary take breaks during your session.

• The more the person is in control the better it is for them. This will help them decrease their sense of helplessness. Explore the alternatives and develop a plan of action. If they are not capable of making decisions, it might be necessary that you take control at first, but keeping in mind the goal is to help them become more independent. Be cautious of them developing an unhealthy relationship of dependency towards you.

• Explore with the person what their mechanism is on dealing with the situation. How do they tend to respond when dealing with stress? What helps them deal with the actual situation?

• Explore with the individual their current support system (for example: family, friends, partners in the Crusade or church, etc.). How is this support system helping? What other resources are available (for example: The Red Cross, faith based organizations or others)?

• Be aware the current trauma can possibly bring to surface past traumas (for example: related to war, abuse, loss of loved ones or others).

• You might want to ask what they feel might help them in their recovery process (possibly having a memorial service, or a meeting with others for mutual consolation).

• Keep in mind this person is a survivor and not a victim.

• In a timely matter, try and have a session with someone of trust, who can help you evaluate the interaction you have had with the person in crisis. Talk about everything you saw, heard, felt, and experienced.

Characteristics of a trauma

Dr. D. J. Schwartz describes how a person feels when facing a crisis:

• Sense of perplexity (dilemma): “Never before have I felt this way.”
• Sense of danger: “I feel fearful, something bad is going to happen.”
• Sense of confusion: “I can’t think with clarity, as though my mind no longer functions.”
• Sense of deadlock: “I feel I’m at a dead end, I have no alternatives.”
• Sense of desperation: “I know I have to do something, but I don’t know what to do.”
• Sense of apathy: “Nothing can help me, why bother?”
• Sense of helplessness: “I can’t try it on my own, please help!”
• Sense of urgency: “I need the help now!”
• Sense of discomfort: “I feel so unhappy and wretched.”