I came from a good family, but somehow that didn’t seem to be enough

I grew up poor in a rural area of the U.S. My parents were moral, good-living people but did not attend church. My only sister and I did go with other relatives and I was even baptized when I was 9. I really didn’t know the full implication of what I had done, but for many years I relied on that act as my “ticket to heaven”; that and the fact I tried to be a good person.

I truly felt I was a good Christian until we moved to Canada in l966 and I started going to a Bible study. There I heard about a personal relationship with Jesus that was possible only after admitting you fell short of God’s standards because of your selfishness of wanting to run your own life, your own way. This was the “sin” I had to confess and ask forgiveness for.

My marriage was stressed

My husband, Ed, was not interested in spiritual things and since I am not a forceful person, I did not get involved in a church. I continued to go to a Bible study once a week and did read the Bible and pray daily. The rest of the time I followed the life Ed wanted to lead. It is hard to mature spiritually without Christian teaching and fellowship, so I stayed a spiritual baby for many years.

Our marriage had always had many stresses and strains. We really had nothing in common so we didn’t enjoy any of the same things. I often felt I was just waiting for Ed to say he was leaving to find something better.

Following the loss of our son, my husband came to know and trust Christ

After I had been a Christian for about l0 years, we went through a time of severe testing when our son was in the hospital undergoing many operations. To our sadness, after several months he lost his battle and died. However, to our joy, this brought Ed to know and trust the Lord and it also strengthened my faith. I learned that ALL things do work together for good for those who love the Lord.

After Ed put his trust in the Lord and became active in the church, then I too was free to become involved. Now we had a focus and a purpose for our lives. We both enjoyed Bible studies, going to church and having Christian fellowship. As the years passed, we also became involved in Christian ministry and traveled all over the world telling others how they, too, can have peace and hope in their lives. This has brought us great mutual satisfaction.

There definitely is power in being a praying wife

I want to encourage any of your women who have non-Christian spouses. Don’t give up praying. It may take even longer than l0 years –but God is faithful and desires none to be lost. This may all sound wonderful, but believe me, it takes time to mature as a Christian — some longer than others.

It struck me that I was responsible for my expectations of my husband

It took me a long time to learn some hard lessons. One was about expectations. We have expectations of friends, our children and especially for our husbands. When these people don’t meet our expectations, we get mad, sulk, withdraw or show our displeasure in our own special way.

Because of the instability early in our marriage, I had fallen into the habit of letting my resentments build up until finally I would have a good “pity party”, saying, “Lord, I deserve to be unhappy with my husband again today, because look what he did or didn’t do or what he said or didn’t say last week, last year, 10 years ago. But, OK Lord, I’ll obey and forgive him today. Just let me add this one to my list of resentments.” This happened again and again.

As wives we often expect such things as a compliment when we are dressed up, a card on a special occasion, special care when we have had a bad day, a special word of encouragement — things that contribute to our feelings of self-worth. Or we don’t expect words that put us down and make us feel inadequate. Sometimes our expectations cover such things as being able to spend money on what WE want, going on a vacation to where WE want to go instead of where he wants to, or even being able to watch the TV show that we want.

There are certain expectations we have a right to

This is not to say that we shouldn’t have ANY expectations. There are things God has given us the right to expect. The Bible says husbands are to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her – Christ did not come to be served but to serve. That gives us the God-given right to expect fidelity, physical security and protection among other things.

I learned to overcome hurtful situations:

So what did I do when someone did something, didn’t do something, said something or didn’t say something and my feelings were hurt?

1. I had to accept that being hurt was just a way of expressing anger, bitterness and resentment.
2. Making a wise choice in how I react
   Through Bible reading and some good teaching I accepted the fact that I was choosing this response and it wasn’t bothering the other person at all. These reactions were only causing me distress.
3. Biblical teaching on letting go
4. The hardest thing to accept was the biblical teaching on this issue. Ephesians 4:31 says, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger ….. along with every form of malice (NIV) and James 3:14 and 16 says “… don’t brag about being wise and good if you are bitter and jealous and selfish; that is the worst sort of lie… For wherever there is jealousy or selfish ambition, there will be disorder and every other kind of evil.”(TLB).
   God, I said, You mean that anger, bitterness and resentfulness aren’t justified but are a SIN? He directed me to l John l:9, which says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins” What good news, I’ll confess my feelings and He will forgive me! Then I read the rest of the verse and it said, “He will cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” This was more good news. He would cleanse me from the bitterness and resentment from the present and the deeper hurts of the past.

I now have right perspective in how I determine my self-worth

I have now turned all my rights and expectations over to the Lord. I no longer look to my husband, my children or my friends for self worth. I have put my faith in Jesus Christ so I am now a child of God and I look to Him for fulfillment and self -worth. I am loved by the King of Kings– what more can I ask for?

What about you? Are you trying to live the Christian life in your own strength, failing even your expectations of yourself?

God wants to be our leverage in living, empowering us to feel better about ourselves, more excited about our future, more grateful for those we love and more enthusiastic about our faith.

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite Him to fill you with His Spirit:

Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

We have been married for over 50 years. Ed and I met while going to university and were married at age 21 – that makes us over 75 years old. We now have two children and four grandchildren.

The early years of our marriage were not happy years, but were filled with stresses and strains. We really had nothing in common. Our likes and dislikes were totally different. Our ways of spending money were different. Our ideas of an enjoyable vacation were different. I even lived with the fear that he was going to leave me.

How it all changed

We moved to Canada from the United States 38 years ago and I started to attend a Bible study. I had always believed in God and knew the Bible was true, but I really didn’t know what it said. I believed I would go to heaven just because I was a morally good person and tried to be kind and helpful to my family and friends.

It was through studying the Bible that I learned I could have a personal relationship with God through His Son Jesus Christ. It was this personal relationship that gave me the peace and direction I needed to carry on with life and making the right decisions in raising my family.

I’m not talking about a specific church or religion, but a personal relationship with Jesus. I prayed and asked His forgiveness for the sin of wanting to control my own life, and I asked God to take charge of my life. That decision didn’t mean that my life was going to be trouble free; it meant He was always there to help me through the hard times that came, because I now had a new foundation based on the solid rock of God.

Ed was not interested in spiritual things, so I continued to go to my Bible study but the rest of the time I followed the life Ed wanted to lead; however, I continued to pray for Ed and asked the Lord to do anything that it would take to bring him to know God as I did – even if that meant taking my life – but God had a different plan.

Tragedy strikes

After I had been a Christian for about ten years, we went through a time of severe testing when our son was in the hospital undergoing many operations to correct the proper drainage of fluid in his brain. To our sadness, after several months, he lost his battle with what later turned out to be an inoperable brain tumor and died; however, to our joy, this brought Ed to know and trust the Lord and it also strengthened my faith.

I became totally aware of the sovereignty of God. Because of God’s grace, even as a loving mother I never became angry or blamed Him. I never asked, “Why did you allow this to happen to my son?” or “Why did this happen to me?”

I truly learned that, “ALL things work together for the good for those who love the Lord” – just as the Bible says. We knew God’s purpose would be worked out. We didn’t know what good would come from our sorrow, but God did.

Encouraging others

Perhaps the part of the good that came is being able to encourage each of you to have the Lord as head of your family. Our family was together for Ed and my 50th wedding celebration and our grandson, who was then 19, said that our 50 years together was a great example for him and he wanted to know our secret. I told him that it took three to make a good marriage: the husband, the wife and the Lord. It doesn’t mean you won’t have differences, but by each of you seeking guidance from the Bible and God through prayer, you will be able to work out your differences.

If you aren’t married I want to recommend that you and your betrothed establish that personal relationship with God before marriage. If you have children who aren’t married, do your best to persuade them that they need that relationship. To you who are already married, remember, it is never too late to have a much better marriage by having the Lord as head of your family.

Renewed purpose in life

Now Ed and I have a totally different focus and purpose for our lives. I lead Bible studies as well as attend them. I realize we should never stop learning from God’s word. Since we have the same goals, now our desire is to serve God and to serve each other. Since he is now a Godly person and desires to follow God’s commands, I no longer have the fear that he will leave me. As I get older, if I should become incapacitated in any way, I know he will always be there to encourage me and care for me. I also have the total assurance that we will be together for eternity.

So now, it’s a wonderful life.

If you, like Norma, have gone through deep sorrows or your marriage is shaky, you will do well to establish a personal relationship with God, through Jesus Christ. He will strengthen and help you. You can do that right now by praying and inviting Jesus Christ to be in control of your life. The following is a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know You personally. Thank You for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to You and ask you to come in as my Saviour and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank You for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person You want me to be.