I was mortified at the time, but later on it hit me. My Dad thinks I’m pretty good! I’m not sure how the other players felt, but in his own way, my dad was telling me that he believed in me. Times like that gave me the confidence that I needed to fulfill my dream of playing in the NHL.

All of us need cheerleaders in our corner. As a husband, one of my greatest responsibilities – and greatest privileges – is to support and encourage my wife to become the woman that God created her to be. A big part of that is helping her to feel good about herself, to give her the confidence and courage to step out, take risks, and grow.

There is a principle that says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29). How exactly do we do that? My Dad had his own way, but here are a few suggestions that might help your marriage.

1. Go back to school

You need to become a student of your mate. Watch their life, and get a sense of their potential, their goals and their dreams. Determine where they could use some encouragement or empowerment to overcome a fear.

I always believed that my wife Eleanor would make a fabulous public speaker. But for many years, she just couldn’t see it and was even terrified of trying. She didn’t have self-confidence. But that was okay – I had enough confidence for the both of us! I spent our early years encouraging her and helping her sharpen her speaking skills, and now we speak together regularly at FamilyLife marriage conferences across Canada. What once was a huge area of fear for her has become one of our greatest joys as a couple.

2. Affirm their strengths

As I said, we all need a cheerleader in our corner, and no one should be a bigger fan of your spouse than you. When you see an area of competence and excellence in their life, tell them! Be specific in giving them examples of where you have seen them be wise and discerning. Praise them for whatever they do well, whether it’s cooking, decorating your home, caring for the children, helping people, excelling at work, or being a person of character. Your enthusiasm will put a smile on their face and will give them a confidence that they can achieve their goals.

3. Critique carefully

If we are serious about helping our spouse become a better person, there will be times when some constructive criticism is necessary. This is dangerous territory – tread carefully!

There is a fine line between exhorting and destroying. Our job is to build one another up, not tear one another down. Communicate your intentions to help in the best possible light so your spouse does not become defensive or feel put down. Paint the picture of a diamond in the rough; it just has to be mined – polished, cleaned up, refined. Focus on the diamond not the rough – remember that it takes seven positive comments to outweigh one negative.

4. Public praise

One of the most damaging things we can do to our spouse is to criticize them in front of others. On the other hand, there is nothing as empowering and uplifting as public affirmation. A lot of people today seem to enjoy cutting down their spouse in the presence of others, whether friends, acquaintances or children. Instead, always speak well of your mate, whether or not your spouse is present.

I tell everyone I meet that my wife is the most wonderful woman I have ever laid eyes on. (And she is, too – you should see her!) You will never catch me complaining or even making negative jokes about her. She is God’s precious gift, and I want everybody to know it!

5. Work as a team

Although I may tell my wife how wonderful she is, if I never listen to her or value and acknowledge her suggestions, my words will ring hollow. Individualism creates a feeling of worthlessness in the other person. Seek your mate’s input in your decision-making. God brought you together because you complement one another. Work as a team, and you will not only make better decisions, you will communicate, “I value you.” You will also discover how often God will speak to you through your spouse.

6. Provide security

Dave Currie makes the excellent point that you should be a safe place for your mate to land. Create an environment where your mate knows that they can share anything openly and freely without the slightest hesitation.

Be sure to remind your spouse often how much you love and cherish them. I tell Eleanor all the time how much I admire her and want her. Assure your mate that you will always be there for them and you will never leave them. The security of knowing that there is someone who is always behind you, no matter what, creates an environment that encourages a person to take the necessary risks to chase their dreams.

Above all, point them to the other Person who is totally enamored with them. As people created in the image of God, each of us is exceptionally valuable in His eyes. He has plans for each of us that are far beyond our comprehension. Our great honour as a husband or a wife is to help our spouse fulfill God’s vision for their life. Nothing is more rewarding!

I was mortified at the time, but later on it hit me. My Dad thinks I’m pretty good! I’m not sure how the other players felt, but in his own way, my dad was telling me that he believed in me. Times like that gave me the confidence that I needed to fulfill my dream of playing in the NHL.

All of us need cheerleaders in our corner. As a husband, one of my greatest responsibilities – and greatest privileges – is to support and encourage my wife to become the woman that God created her to be. A big part of that is helping her to feel good about herself, to give her the confidence and courage to step out, take risks, and grow.

There is a principle that says “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen” (Eph. 4:29). How exactly do we do that? My Dad had his own way, but here are a few suggestions that might help your marriage.

1. Go back to school -You need to become a student of your mate. Watch their life, and get a sense of their potential, their goals and their dreams. Determine where they could use some encouragement or empowerment to overcome a fear.

I always believed that my wife Eleanor would make a fabulous public speaker. But for many years, she just couldn’t see it and was even terrified of trying. She didn’t have self-confidence. But that was okay – I had enough confidence for the both of us! I spent our early years encouraging her and helping her sharpen her speaking skills, and now we speak together regularly at FamilyLife marriage conferences across Canada. What once was a huge area of fear for her has become one of our greatest joys as a couple.

2. Affirm their strengths -As I said, we all need a cheerleader in our corner, and no one should be a bigger fan of your spouse than you. When you see an area of competence and excellence in their life, tell them! Be specific in giving them examples of where you have seen them be wise and discerning. Praise them for whatever they do well, whether it’s cooking, decorating your home, caring for the children, helping people, excelling at work, or being a person of character. Your enthusiasm will put a smile on their face and will give them a confidence that they can achieve their goals.

3. Critique carefully -If we are serious about helping our spouse become a better person, there will be times when some constructive criticism is necessary. This is dangerous territory – tread carefully!

There is a fine line between exhorting and destroying. Our job is to build one another up, not tear one another down. Communicate your intentions to help in the best possible light so your spouse does not become defensive or feel put down. Paint the picture of a diamond in the rough; it just has to be mined – polished, cleaned up, refined. Focus on the diamond not the rough – remember that it takes seven positive comments to outweigh one negative.

4. Public praise -One of the most damaging things we can do to our spouse is to criticize them in front of others. On the other hand, there is nothing as empowering and uplifting as public affirmation. A lot of people today seem to enjoy cutting down their spouse in the presence of others, whether friends, acquaintances or children. Instead, always speak well of your mate, whether or not your spouse is present.

I tell everyone I meet that my wife is the most wonderful woman I have ever laid eyes on. (And she is, too – you should see her!) You will never catch me complaining or even making negative jokes about her. She is God’s precious gift, and I want everybody to know it!

5. Work as a team -Although I may tell my wife how wonderful she is, if I never listen to her or value and acknowledge her suggestions, my words will ring hollow. Individualism creates a feeling of worthlessness in the other person. Seek your mate’s input in your decision-making. God brought you together because you complement one another. Work as a team, and you will not only make better decisions, you will communicate, “I value you.” You will also discover how often God will speak to you through your spouse.

6. Provide security -Dave Currie, a frequent speaker at marriage conferences, makes the excellent point that you should be a safe place for your mate to land. Create an environment where your mate knows that they can share anything openly and freely without the slightest hesitation.

Be sure to remind your spouse often how much you love and cherish them. I tell my wife Eleanor all the time how much I admire her and want her. Assure your mate that you will always be there for them and you will never leave them. The security of knowing that there is someone who is always behind you, no matter what, creates an environment that encourages a person to take the necessary risks to chase their dreams.

Above all, point them to the other Person who is totally enamored with them. As people created in the image of God, each of us is exceptionally valuable in His eyes. He has plans for each of us that are far beyond our comprehension. Our great honour as a husband or a wife is to help our spouse fulfill God’s vision for their life. Nothing is more rewarding!

How does God really feel about you? It says in the Bible that he has loved you “with an everlasting love”.

They call the winning goal I scored in the last game of the 1972 Canada/Russia hockey series ‘The Goal of the Century.’

Fear is one of the best motivators, and I was very afraid that I would be part of the team that lost to the Russians. Canada is not a big nation, but hockey is our game. Everyone on the team felt a responsibility to win. I had confidence that our team was better than the Russians, but it never entered my mind that it would be me that scored that last goal. It certainly gave me a stature that I would not have had without it. I wish I could have handled things a little better at that point, been more mature. If I had a spiritual dimension to my life at the time, I know I would have.

Becoming a star

Back then, I had fulfilled most of my boyhood dreams, and I knew I was a very fortunate and blessed individual. Yet there was a restlessness, a discontentment in the centre of my being that I could not ignore. I was angry, bitter and frustrated, and there were things about my life that I didn’t know how to handle. Things were not going well with the Maple Leafs, the team I was playing on, and I was having a lot of conflicts with the owner. Here I was playing in the NHL, doing something that I had always strived for, but I had become more bitter and angry than I had ever been in my life.

So I started drinking as a way to soothe the pain. I think if you are frustrated and angry, you look for a way out. You get with the boys and you try to ‘make merry,’ but you wake up the next morning and it’s there again.

Fortunately, a friend encouraged me to examine the claims of Jesus. He told me that I hadn’t taken care of my soul and had never really looked at what it was on the inside. That made sense to me, so I started to read the Bible and look into Jesus. Jesus claimed to be God, and He said He loved me and wanted to give me eternal life. After a two-year search, I became convinced He loved me and wanted me to get to know Him.

A big decision

However, it was a real struggle for me to become a Christian for a number of reasons. First, I had always prided myself in being a self-made man. I was used to being in control of my life. I was also afraid of what my friends would think. Third, I still looked at Christianity’s ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’ and thought that it was so narrow. How could I be a ‘man’s man’ and a Christian, I thought. I was worried that I would have to give up too much. Finally, I read in the Bible that if I really loved God I wouldn’t be afraid to tell others about Him. But if I became a Christian I didn’t want to tell anyone about it. That led to a lot of frustration, because I was not able to step over the line.

One day I just couldn’t fight it any longer. I threw all my fears aside and I said to God: ‘I am fearful, and I don’t want to tell anyone about this.’ And then I gave my life to the Lord.

Since that day, I have never been the same. God has had a positive impact in every area of my life. Most importantly, He has taken away my anger and bitterness. My life certainly hasn’t been trouble-free. One of the most challenging times in my life was when my wife was in the hospital and we thought we were going to lose her. I was mad at God, but I realized that night that life is a gift from God, and I decided right then to place everything in my life in His hands. He had proven Himself to me over the years with His faithfulness, and I knew that I had no choice but to surrender my life to Him. Now the inner quietness, contentment and peace I experience on a daily basis assures me that His promise to love and care for me is true and real. And best of all, I look forward to spending eternity with Him.

Is this the life for me?

Take a look at your life. How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times. There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget. In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new. What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope
If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.