“People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy.” Proverbs 28:13 (NLT)

How often do you play the “if only” game?

• If only I had it to do over.
• If only I had listened sooner.
• If only I could erase the past.
• If only I could forgive myself.

Because no one is perfect, we all have regrets. We’ve all made bad choices, said foolish things, wasted time, and hurt ourselves and others.

How do you release those regrets?

Here are some strategies that don’t work:

1. We bury them. Burying the past doesn’t work. Like creatures from a horror movie, unresolved regrets come back to haunt us over and over. Minimizing (“It wasn’t a big deal”), rationalizing (“Everyone does it”), and compromising (lowering your standards) are ways we try to bury our regrets.

2. We blame others. This tactic is as old as Adam and Eve. When Adam sinned, he took it like a man – he blamed his wife! We use blame to balance out our guilt.

3. We beat ourselves. We try to pay for our guilt unconsciously through illness, depression, setting ourselves up for failure, and other forms of self-punishment. The problem with beating up on yourself is this: your conscience never knows when to stop! Many spend their entire lives in self-condemnation.

What does God want me to do with my regrets?

• Admit my guilt. Own up to it. Don’t make excuses. The Bible says, “People who cover over their sins will not prosper. But if they confess and forsake them, they will receive mercy” (Proverbs 28:13 NLT).
• Accept Christ’s forgiveness. He’s waiting to clean your slate. Ask him to clear your conscience, and then remember “there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus” (Romans 8:1 NLT).
• Forgive yourself and focus on the future. “Do not remember the past events, pay no attention to things of old. Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert” (Isaiah 43:18-19 HCSB).

Question: Are there things from your past that you need to let go of? That you need to hand over to God? Try the steps given above.

About the Author: Rick Warren

“And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” (Philippians 1:6, NLT)

It takes years for us to grow to adulthood, and it takes a full season for fruit to mature and ripen. The same is true for the fruit of the Spirit. The development of Christlike character cannot be rushed. Spiritual growth, like physical growth, takes time.

When you try to ripen fruit quickly, it loses its flavor. In America, tomatoes are usually picked unripened so they won’t bruise during shipping to the stores. Then, before they are sold, these green tomatoes are sprayed with CO2 gas to turn them red instantly. Gassed tomatoes are edible, but they are no match to the flavor of a vine-ripened tomato that is allowed to mature slowly.

While we worry about how fast we grow, God is concerned about how strong we grow. God views our lives from and for eternity, so he is never in a hurry.

Billy Graham associate Lane Adams once compared the process of spiritual growth to the strategy the Allies used in World War II to liberate islands in the South Pacific. First they would “soften up” an island, weakening the resistance by shelling the enemy strongholds with bombs from offshore ships.

Next, a small group of Marines would invade the island and establish a “beachhead”—a tiny fragment of the island that they could control. Once the beachhead was secured, they would begin the long process of liberating the rest of the island, one bit of territory at a time.

Eventually the entire island would be brought under control, but not without some costly battles.

Adams drew this parallel: Before Christ invades our lives at conversion, he sometimes has to “soften us up” by allowing problems we can’t handle. While some open their lives to Christ the first time he knocks on the door, most of us are resistant and defensive. Our pre-conversion experience is Jesus saying, “Behold I stand at the door and bomb!”

The moment you open yourself to Christ, God gets a “beachhead” in your life. You may think you have surrendered all your life to him, but the truth is, there is a lot to your life that you aren’t even aware of. You can only give God as much of you as you understand at that moment. That’s okay.

Once Christ is given a beachhead, he begins the campaign to take over more and more territory until all of your life is completely his. There will be struggles and battles, but the outcome will never be in doubt. God has promised that “he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion.” (Philippians 1:6)

Question: How would you define “Christian maturity”?

About this Author: Rick Warren

“A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.” Proverbs 14:30 (LB)

Did you know that people who laugh live longer? It’s true. Proverbs 14:30 says, “A relaxed attitude lengthens a man’s life.” (LB)

Humor is an amazing thing. It’s a tension dissolver. It’s an antidote to anxiety. It’s just like a tranquilizer, but without any troublesome side-effects. And it’s free! You don’t even need a prescription.

Laughter is life’s shock absorber. If you want to have less stress in your life, learn to laugh at your circumstances.

Someone once asked U.S. President Abraham Lincoln how he handled all the stresses of the Civil War. He said, “If it hadn’t been for laughter, I could not have made it.”

Many famous comedians grew up in poor neighborhoods with lots of problems. They coped with their troubles by learning to laugh and making others laugh.

So learn to laugh. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it. And besides, if you learn to laugh at your troubles, you’ll never run out of anything to laugh at! Life is full of funny situations. The cowboy comedian Will Rogers once said, “I don’t know any jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.”

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is Psalm 2:4, “The One enthroned in heaven laughs.” (NIV) Isn’t that a great verse? God has a sense of humor. God laughs!

Have you ever seen the face of an orangutan? God thought that one up! That proves he has a sense of humor. Do you want to be more like God? Learn to laugh.

Question: When is humor appropriate, and when is it inappropriate, and why?

About this Author: Rick Warren

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18

When asked what he considered the most valuable skill in employees, the financier John D. Rockefeller replied, “The ability to get along with people!”

One of the most important skills we can develop as we walk with Christ is knowing how to love troublemakers. If you learn how to interact with difficult people, then you’ll be able to pour your energy into areas of ministry rather than constantly putting out fires of conflict.

Here are four methods Jesus modeled when he encounter difficult people:

1. Realize you can’t please everybody. Even God can’t do that! Refuse to play games (Matthew 22:18).

2. Learn to say no to unrealistic expectations. Confront them by “telling the truth in love.”

3. NEVER retaliate (Matthew 5:38-39). It only lowers you to their level.

4. Pray for them (Matthew 5:44). It will help both of you. Let God speak to them.

Question: Which of the four points above do you find most difficult, and why?

About this Author: Rick Warren

Since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be.” (Romans 12:4, Msg)

God deserves your best. He shaped you for a purpose, and he expects you to make the most of what you have been given.

Don’t let another day go by. Start finding out and clarifying what God intends for you to be and do.

Begin by assessing your gifts and abilities. The best way to discover your gifts and abilities is to experiment with different areas of service.

I could have taken a hundred gifts and ability tests as a young man and would have never discovered that I was gifted at teaching because I had never done it! It was only after I began accepting opportunities to speak that I saw the results, received confirmation from others, and realized, “God has gifted me to do this!”

Consider your heart and your personality. This is simple. Paul advised, “Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that.” (Galatians 6:4, Msg)

Examine your experiences and extract the lessons you have learned. Review your life and think about how it has shaped you.

Moses told the Israelites, “Remember today what you have learned about the Lord through your experiences with him.” (Deuteronomy 11:2, TEV)

Forgotten experiences are worthless; that’s a good reason to keep a spiritual journal.

In heaven we are going to serve God forever. Right now, we can prepare for that eternal service by practicing on earth.

Like athletes preparing for the Olympic, we keep training for that big day: “They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You’re after one that’s gold eternally.” (1 Corinthians 9:25, Msg)

We’re getting ready for eternal responsibilities and rewards.

Point to ponder: The time we’ve been given here on earth is best used to serve God.

Verse: “Since we find ourselves fashioned into all these excellently formed and marvelously functioning parts in Christ’s body, let’s just go ahead and be what we were made to be.” (Romans 12:4, Msg)

What will you do about it: Try serving in a new way. Get involved in a ministry you’ve never been involved with before and see if you’re gifted to serve there.

Prayer: Ask God to show you where to serve, when to serve and how best to serve. Ask him to open up the right doors and give you clear direction about your unique area of ministry.

Question: How are you using what God has given you in service, in your church or elsewhere?

About the Author: Rick Warren

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1

Why does God want your body? Why doesn’t he say, “Offer your spirit”?

It’s because without your body you can’t do anything on this planet. In eternity, you’re going to get a new, improved, upgraded body but while you’re here on earth God says, “Give me what you’ve got!” He’s just being practical about worship.

You’ve heard people say, “I can’t make it to the meeting tonight but I’ll be with you in spirit.” Do you know what that means? Nothing. It’s worthless! As long as you’re on Earth your spirit can only be where your body is! If your body isn’t there, neither are you!

In worship we are to “offer our bodies as living sacrifices.” Now, we usually associate the concept of sacrifice with something dead, but God wants you to be a living sacrifice. He wants you to live for him!

However, the problem with a living sacrifice is that it can crawl off the altar, and we often do that. We sing “Onward Christian Soldiers” on Sunday, then go AWOL on Monday.

In the Old Testament, God took pleasure in the many sacrifices of worship because they foretold of Jesus’ sacrifice for us on the cross. Now, God is pleased with different sacrifices of worship: thanksgiving, praise, humility, repentance, offerings of money, prayer, serving others, and sharing with those in need.

Real worship costs. David knew this and said, “I will not offer to the Lord my God sacrifices that have cost me nothing” (2 Samuel 24:24, TEV). One thing worship costs us is our self-centeredness. You cannot exalt God and yourself at the same time. You don’t worship to be seen by others. You deliberately shift the focus off yourself.

When Jesus said, “Love God with all your strength” (Luke 10:27), he was pointing out that worship takes effort and energy. It is not always convenient or comfortable, and sometimes worship is a sheer act of the will – a willing sacrifice.

Question: What is the cost of true worship?

About this Author: Rick Warren

“The Lord looks at a person’s thoughts and intentions.” 1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT)

When Jesus said, “Love God with all your heart and soul” (Luke 10:27) he meant that worship must be genuine and heartfelt. It is not just a matter of saying the right words; you must mean what you say. Heartless praise is not praise at all! It is an insult to God.

When we worship, God looks past our words to our hearts. The Bible says, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t make decisions the way you do! People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at a person’s thoughts and intentions.” (1 Samuel 16:7, NLT)

Since worship involves delighting in God, it engages your emotions. God gave you emotions so you could worship him with deep feeling, but those emotions must be genuine, not faked.

God hates hypocrisy. He doesn’t want showmanship or pretense or phoniness in worship. He wants your honest, real love. We can worship God imperfectly, but we cannot worship him insincerely.

Of course, sincerity alone is not enough; you can be sincerely wrong. That’s why both spirit and truth are required. Worship must be both accurate and authentic. God-pleasing worship is deeply emotional and deeply doctrinal. We use both our hearts and our heads.

Today many equate being emotionally moved by music as being moved by the Spirit, but these are not the same. Real worship happens when your spirit responds to God, not to some musical tone. In fact, some sentimental, introspective songs hinder worship because they take the spotlight off God and focus on our feelings. Your biggest distraction in worship is yourself – your interests and your worries over what others think about you.

Christians often differ on the most appropriate or authentic way to express praise to God, but these arguments are usually just personality and background differences. Many forms of praise are mentioned in the Bible, among them confessing, singing, shouting, standing in honor, kneeling, dancing, making a joyful noise, testifying, playing musical instruments, and raising hands.

The best style of worship is the one that most authentically represents your love for God, based on the background and personality God gave you.

Question: Although we can worship in many different ways, what makes all worship special, unique, and powerful?

About this Author: Rick Warren

“We should worship God in a way that pleases him with respect and fear.” Hebrews 12:28b, NCV

One of the ways we please God is when our worship is accurate. It’s easy to worship in an inaccurate way; for instance, some people say, “I like to think of God as …” and then they share their idea of the kind of God they’d like to worship.

But we can’t just create our own comfortable or politically correct image of God and then worship it – that is called idolatry. Worship must not be based on our opinions about God but on the truth of Scripture.

To worship accurately means we worship God as he is truly revealed in the Bible. Jesus told the woman at the well, “True worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” (John 4:23)

In speaking to this Samaritan woman, Jesus revealed several aspects of accurate worship:

God can be worshiped anywhere, anytime – Jesus told the Samaritan woman, “The time is coming when neither in Jerusalem nor on this mountain will you actually worship the Father.” (John 4:21 NCV)

God can be found in worship – The Samaritan woman did not yet know God, but Jesus told her it is possible to know the God we worship. (John 4:22)

God will find us in worship – Jesus says, “True worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks.” (John 4:23)

God connects with us through the Holy Spirit – Jesus says, “God is spirit, and those who worship him must worship in spirit and truth.” (John 4:24, NCV)

Question: What are the different aspects of worship Jesus revealed to the Samaritan woman?

About this Author: Rick Warren

Jesus’ command to “love God with all your mind” is repeated four times in the New Testament. God is not pleased with the thoughtless singing of hymns, perfunctory praying of clichés, or careless exclamations of “Praise the Lord” uttered because we can’t think of anything else to say at that moment.

If worship is mindless, is it meaningless. You must engage your mind.

Even biblical terms can become tired clichés from overuse and as we stop thinking about their meanings. It’s so much easier to offer platitudes in worship instead of making the effort to honor God with fresh words and ways.

- Try reading Scripture in different translations and paraphrases. It will expand your expressions of worship.

- Try praising God without using the words praise, hallelujah, thanks, or amen. Instead of saying, “We just want to praise you,” make a list of synonyms and use fresh words like admire, respect, value, revere, honor, and appreciate.

- Be specific. If someone approached you and repeated, “I praise you!” ten times, you’d probably think, “For what?” Wouldn’t you rather receive two specific compliments than twenty vague generalities? Is it possible God would, too?

Question: Have you ever tried the three methods listed above? How do you think using them could help your worship to become more meaningful?

About this Author: Rick Warren

“I hope you will be patient with me …” (2 Corinthians 11:1a, NLT)

In order to manage change, you must remember four things:

Love each other

The first mistake most people make during change is to focus on what they’ve lost, instead of what has been gained – and that creates fear. The antidote to fear is love: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear …” (1 John 4:18, NKJV)

It’s impossible for love and fear to exist in the same environment – If we’ll focus on loving each other, then we’ll break out of the self-centeredness that often emerges during change. The love that conquers fear involves thinking about others instead of focusing on your own needs – and the more you love, the less you fear.

Listen to each other

During transition, we must be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry …” (James 1:19) If we get the first two right (quick listening, slow speaking), then the third (slow anger) will become automatic. It reflects the concept of “seeking to understand” before trying “to be understood.”

“Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear.” (James 1:19, MSG)

Level with each other

We must speak the truth in love to each other if we’re going to walk together through change. It is human nature to avoid confronting someone directly, but then we fall into problems – even gossip – by talking to other people about the person we need to confront.

We can’t get close to each other until we deal honestly with our fundamental differences. “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” (Ephesians 4:15)

Liberate each other

Finally, we need to show each other grace – “cut each other some slack” – during transition. Liberating each other means letting go and treating someone else the same way Jesus treats you.

In other words, we shouldn’t lean into legalism or lording mistakes over others. People will make mistakes, and our response should be to recognize that these things will happen. The goal is not to make those who make mistakes feel bad, but rather to let them get over it and move on.

Question: Who do you know that you could encourage through changes in their lives, and who could in return encourage you?

About this Author: Rick Warren