I have lived at least three days’ drive from my grandparents and most of my extended family my entire life

I have a great relationship with my parents, but I wasn’t always good at maintaining this bond.  My days in college were spent procrastinating about calling home and rolling my eyes when my father not-so-subtly mentioned that “they never hear from me”. But as my family has grown and changed, and I’ve made the transition from college student to married adult – with a whole new set of family to keep track of – I’ve come to value the connection with family much more.

Read: Home Alone for the Holidays

I’ve had to come up with ways to stay connected across the miles. This is even more important  at Christmas. Splitting my time between my husband’s family and mine means we’re always spending the holidays without one group or the other.  I’ve found these 8 ways to stay connected, no matter how far apart we are:

1. Get everyone to use Skype. It’s taken time, but one by one my in-laws, parents and some siblings have gotten a free Skype account.   Skype lets you connect through instant messages and video chats for free online. I talk to my parents while I cook dinner and take my laptop around the apartment to show them my Christmas decorations.   When they are all together watching football on Sunday one of them sends me a message and that makes me feel included in their family time. On Christmas Day I plan to video chat with the whole family.  You could video chat while you open gifts.  I know other people who make a daily date for grandparents and grand-babies to “play” on the computer. It’s free, easy to learn and once everyone has the hang of it, it can bring your distant loved ones right into your home.
2. Start a blog. At first my blog was just a fun way to experiment with the little code knowledge I was picking up at work, but it developed into a way to share my life with my family. I write about what’s going on in my life, put up pictures and even connected my Twitter account to my blog so that my parents (who are not into Twitter… yet!) can even enjoy the small updates I do there.  It saves me time from having to write lengthy emails about the same event to different family members and is a great way to share photos without worrying about email size and attachments. Recently my dad even started his own travel blog and is now returning the favor, letting me stay updated on his trips.
3. Get phone cards. If you’re like my husband and I, you don’t have much need for a home phone line. We both have smart phones and spend more of our time texting than calling. But this has put a barrier up for us when it comes to calling grandma and grandpa and other family members who don’t have Skype, blogs, or even computers. We started buying phone cards and keeping them by the phone and in our wallets. For the occasional call to Grandma it’s much cheaper than getting a long distance plan.
4. Find inexpensive and simple ways to wish them well at holidays. I live in Canada and my parents, sister and brother all live in the States.  You wouldn’t believe how annoying shipping across the border can be (don’t get me started on gift cards). I’ve had to look for ways to wish them happy birthday and merry Christmas that work across borders and arrive on time.  Some websites, like Etsy.com, will accept Canadian PayPal payments and delivery to the US so I can have gifts shipped directly to my family. Ecards are another great option.  If all else fails, start an arrangement with a family member (in my case, my shopoholic, sale-finding sister) who is willing to be your personal elf and save you the cost of shipping.
5. Put family in your calendar. I am not good at remembering important dates and have forgotten more than a couple family birthdays.  I am trying to schedule events in my email calendar in advance of the special occasion. This alerts me to the birthday, holiday or anniversary in enough time to mail a card or call my “family elf” (see Tip #4!) and arrange  to have something there on the special day. I have found if I don’t make these events as important as the work meetings I schedule, they get forgotten and I miss an opportunity to show my family I am thinking of them.
6. Sign up for seat sale alerts. Most airlines and discount ticket websites will allow you to specify what cities you’re keeping your eye of for cheap flights and will email alert you if the price falls. I recommend travelocity.com, orbitz.com, hotwire.com. Staying on top of the ups and downs of travel costs helps my husband and me maximize the times we can see our relatives each year.  Get your family involved in looking too.  My mother-in-law has emailed us more than once with WestJet deals and we’ve been able to visit her more affordably.
7. Do something together. How do you do something together when you don’t even live in the same country? I’ve found that there are ways to share a common bond or activity that don’t require two people are in the same room at the same time.  My sister and I are putting together our family photo calendar, a yearly tradition we took over last year. Our extended relatives email us the photos, we both upload to Snapfish.com and work on designing it as a team.  It’s like a sisters’ scrapbooking project without paper! Other options might be making a family fantasy sports pool or doing the same craft and uploading photos on Facebook of your progress for the other to see.
8. Keep the lines of communication open and the relationship a priority. Whatever your reasons for being away from loved ones, they can cause some to feel negative emotions from time to time about why you wouldn’t want to be closer to them. Perhaps most of your family lives close together and you are the one consistently absent from family functions because life has carried you elsewhere.  Whatever the situation, resist the temptation to let the lines of communication go quiet. Initiate connection even when it may be hard or when you feel out of the loop. Pulling back will only add to the miles between you and feed the fears that the relationship may be lost. Take opportunities, like Christmas, to show them with the efforts you make that they are a valuable part of your life and that your relationship can continue to grow – even if you live far apart.

What other ways have you found work well in connecting and maintaining relationships with your relatives? How have you handled the strain caused by long distance family relationships?

Survive the stress-filled holidays:

If you’re hoping for the gift of more time with your family during the holidays — take heart.

Consulting this list, and checking it twice is sure to help you be wary of your budget, keep your holiday stress to a minimum and help you have time to enjoy the season with your children and family… > Read more

________________________________________________________________________

Also read: Find your personal look in Drama Queen: Fashion in Fall and Winter 2009

You said it: This week Nita commented, “Your reply is just what my daughter needed today. She just lost the man she was engaged to…” > Join the conversation

Blog: Make A Christmas Plan
Avoid holiday overindulgence. > Read more

Today’s Devotional for Women: Prepare Your Heart
Find your way out of the desert.  > Read more
Subscribe to email devotionals

Opportunity: Soul Cravings The Experience
It is possible to start a faith conversation that’s natural. Find out how. Read more

Coming up next week: The Gifts of Christmas: Joy. Join us in the chat room
December 9, 2009 @ 9:00pm EST for this chat or see also our full chat calendar.

A couple of the points SimpleMom gives include taking an inventory of what you have, hunting the sales well before the holidays and embracing a simple look. Last year after Christmas I bought several items at Superstore, Ikea and other locations that went straight into my two green tubs of holiday decorations. Not only did I get an incredible price but I also avoid getting sucked into whatever trends they roll out at full price this year. Getting out the brand new decorations is like unwrapping early Christmas presents.

I agree with SimpleMom, the stores design their displays to entice you to buy what you don’t need and make you believe that it will look at good in your own house. But it never does because you don’t have a room full of the other 150 matching items you would need to complete the look. Often, once you get home you regret your impulse buy and the random mix of decorations you’ve accumulated.

When it comes to decorating on a budget, I suggest the following.  Some of this is related to SimpleMom’s thoughts and some of my own:

1. Decide on a look or style and stick with it (yes, year after year unless you are independently wealthy). If you have a consistent color scheme you’ll be less likely to buy impulse junk you’ll throw away.  With one look throughout the home it also takes less money and effort to create a cohesive decor.

I love the woodsy/winter cabin look and very little green – mostly reds, browns, creams, tans and golds. So I resist the temptation to buy one-offs and instead go for items like pine cones, a felt tree skirt with trees on it and knit stripped stockings in red, brown and cream. Just because Ikea tried to say black and orange makes nice Christmas decoration in 2008 doesn’t mean all the people who bought them don’t seriously regret their decision now.  (Unless their decorations have always been those colors in which case they were actually following the rules).

2. If you like to create homemade decorations, don’t overwhelm yourself, choose one per year. Craft supplies are pricey and add up if you’re trying to create five things you saw on marthastewart.com.

Decide on a craft that’s doable (and of course matching the theme you’re building) and you won’t end up opening that box of decorations the next year and wondering why you spray painted the nativity gold or spent a fortune on supplies for handmade Disney princess ornaments.

In keeping with my woodsy theme, last year I made homemade bird ornaments out of cinnamon, craft glue and an assortment of glitter and beads in red, brown and metallic.  They will look beautiful for years and because theey fit my theme I am not limited to putting them on the tree.  I can tuck a bird into a little corner anywhere in the house and it looks right at home.

3. If you don’t have much money to spend and you want to keep things simple but put together, group items together in vignettes. I actually have very few Christmas decorations (only two Rubbermaid tubs full including towels, napkins and candles) but I avoid making it look sparse by not spreading them out around the house.

Over the years, yes, I hope to collect and make enough to make each room equally festive, but for now, I focus on two locations: the fireplace and the dining room table. I have towels in the kitchen and pine cones and candles in the guest bathroom but be choosy.  A lone decoration can easily look cheap, be wrong in scale or simply ineffective in creating atmosphere.

4. Consider incorporating a family tradition into your decorations. Infusing meaning into the decor not only allows your family to be involved  but it also gives purpose to your purchases.

My husband and I liked my parents’ tradition of purchasing an ornament each year to commemorate something unique about the year, like a vacation or a city we lived in or a child being born. Their tree is covered with ornaments from all over the world and has been a conversation piece my whole life.

We started this tradition in our first year of marriage and our unique collection includes an ornament received as a wedding present, one from Asia, one from Paris and one from the (Red) campaign. The collection is becoming a conversation piece and holds memories for us both. Along with the childhood ornaments we brought into the marriage, I know the biggest part of our Christmas decorating will be the most special.

What ideas do you have to making Christmas decorating more enjoyable, stress-free and budget-friendly?

*Image by Sarah Hau

More for the Holidays
12 Days of a romantic Christmas
Finding some peace on earth
Christmas cream cookies

We ate salmon skewers (frozen salmon), grilled baby bok choy, and a cream cheese and cherry pie filling puffed pastry (two out of the three ingredients for this have been with us for awhile).

All this to say, my sister-in-law told me that I was not the first to feel the need to clean out the pantry. Apparently the financial crisis has sparked an interest in what is being called Eating Down The Fridge.

So I decided this was worth looking into and was, at the same time, sure to satisfy my need to clear clutter, cook creatively and pursue a more balanced lifestyle. Googling the topic brought up many blogs and forums that were taking groups through this exercise and allowing them to share recipes, menus and experiences. A Mighty Appetite, a blog on washingtonpost.com, was where I started and found my way to eG Forums where I got some great ideas to eat down my own fridge. And freezer. And cupboards.

Fat Guy from eG Forums says,

If you spend $100 a week on groceries, this experiment will put $100 back in your pocket quicker than you can say stimulus. If you’re home 50 weeks of the year and you perform this experiment once per quarter, you’ll reduce your grocery bill by 8%.

That sounded good to me so I started by taking inventory of a random selection of what our kitchen held:

• unsweetened coconut flakes
• canned bamboo shoots
• dried chickpeas
• 3 packages of vanilla pudding
• toasted carob powder
• 1 can of chunky light tuna
• 1 bag of frozen peas
• dijon mustard
• 1 package of star anise
• 1 bag large marshmallows

This is about 1/10th of what was filling our kitchen. Kind of sad. So I tried the experiment for a week, building in some rules of my own to be sure we didn’t end up with scurvy.

The Rules

1. We could buy meat and veggies as long as the majority of the meal is made of current kitchen items.
2. We could buy ingredients for recipes as long as no more than 2 new ones are needs to complete the recipe.
3. We could buy staple perishables that we regularly use up including: coffee cream, soy milk, bran cereal and coffee beans.

Over the next seven days, with the help of the internet, I created recipes for the first time, ate food I had been avoiding, and learned that we never have “nothing in the house to eat”. I spent a total of $12.43 CAD on groceries and estimate that I saved $40-$50. I was amazed to see how much variety I still had in my diet, far beyond what most of the world can afford. Saving money was a perk (probably more enjoyed by my thrifty husband) but learning to think outside the box and gain an appreciation for what I already have was truly satisfying.

I feel challenged to think about how I can up the impact next time we try this. Maybe we’ll trying growing some of our own food to cut down on purchasing them permanently, or donate the money we save to the Food Bank. Has anyone else made lifestyle changes to save money or positively affect society?

Related reading: From Making Money to Giving it Away – Bobby received news that his adopted daughter had been killed in a car accident. Bobby finally broke. “I was a wreck,” he says.

CNN.com recently reported that studies found going through a divorce does permanent damage to your health. Though those who remarried showed some improvement, they still exhibited more long-lasting mental and physical deficits than men and women who are married once and remain married.

Linda Waite, a sociologist at the University of Chicago said in the article,

“Losing a marriage or becoming widowed or divorced is extremely stressful,” Waite said. “It’s financially, sometimes, ruinous. It’s socially extremely difficult. What’s interesting is if people have done this and remarried, we still see, in their health, the scars or marks — the damage that was done by this event.

Divorced people “have more chronic conditions, more mobility limitations, rate their health as poorer than people like them in age, race, gender, education who’ve been married once and are still married,” Waite said. (read the rest of the article)

We have all seen the toll divorce takes on the lives of the couple and their children, relatives and friends. Though the study deals with the physical results, it does not even begin to measure the emotional, mental, or spiritual effects.

If you or someone you know has gone through a divorce and is struggling to put the pieces back together, where are you going for help? Where have you found support? Do you think it’s possible to heal the effects of a broken marriage?

Ready for More?
Life after divorce: Now what?
Healing kids cope with divorce
Not ready to give up? Attend a one-day marriage seminar or weekend conference

Many women feel pressure to justify why they haven’t gone back to work, conceding that they are “just a mother” and are left wondering if they are making a big enough contribution. Even as Christians we tend to look at real jobs as being only those performed outside the home.

Sue Bohlin, an associate speaker with Probe Ministries, once answered a question she received regarding her author bio, where she mentions that being a wife and mother is her most important role.

The curious reader wrote:

Sue,

Does it not bother you that your various and vast achievements in both academic and spiritual realms are completely overshadowed by your domestication and motherhood…

Sue responded:

…I have been blessed to be able to live a rich and varied life, but all of my “achievements” pale markedly compared to the sweetness of my most important relationships with my husband and sons. For example, my work as a speaker and writer and webservant for Probe Ministries, as wonderful as that is, can’t begin to hold a candle to the joy of loving and influencing the men God has given me to love and influence. I believe that God means for women to be most deeply fulfilled by our relationships, because He made us so relational. My “mark” on the world, I assure you, is far greater in my various relationships compared to the lectures I’ve given or the website I built. You might not ever be able to see the difference I make as Ray’s wife or Curt and Kevin’s mom, but believe me, as they all make their marks on the world, I can see it…

This is just a portion of what Sue wrote in response to the question. Read the rest on Probe.org as well as her article 5 Lies the Church Tells Women.

What do you think of Sue’s response? Do you agree or disagree?

Many Christian parents find themselves now faced with the question “how do I support my child’s dream, perhaps even her real ability, while instilling in her the tools she’ll need to live out her Christian faith on and off the court?”

There’s no perfect formula for raising a child to embrace their own personal relationship with Jesus. There is no promise that your efforts to honor God as you raise them will result in an adult who will share their faith boldly. But there are some tools you can use early on to expose them to good influences, role models, education and the opportunities to practice living out their faith through their love of basketball.

We can offer some practical resources as a jumping off point for your job of raising a basketball star who will view the court as his mission field.

Role Models

• Sue Stewart: “I thought basketball would take care of my insecurities”
• Pete Maravich: “I decided once I got the ring, I’d have time for God”
• NC State Wolfpack coach Kay Yow, 1942-2009
• Amare Stoudemire
• Coach John Wooden
• … more role models on Beyond The Ultimate

Camps, Internships & Opportunities

• Athletes In Action Canada’s basketball camps near you
• Athletes In Action USA basketball camps for all ages all over the country
• Friday Night Basketball: A place for kids to learn the fundamentals and build character
• AIA Internships for the college or university athlete
• Encourage your older child that, with practice, they could be part of an international team tour with AIA US
• Endless opportunities with AIA to grow is skill as a play while growing in character as a Christian

For Parents: It Starts With You

• Article: The art of asking great questions
• Get involved with your child: Consider volunteering
• If the coach is a Christian, encourage him to attend the annual Final Four event
• Daily Devotional: Passing on our faith to our kids
• Involvement in sports creates a busy schedule. Make quality time with your kids

Prayer

• Breakthrough Prayer Ministry
• Connect with an email prayer mentor who can come alongside you in praying for your kids
• Let your 16-21 year old know how they can talk to a  Teen & Young Adult Mentor

One former player who spent almost 20 years involved in competitive sports gave this advice to parents,

“Get to know your kid’s coach. Especially at a young age this person will have a huge influence on you child. You need to be confident that the coach has standards and a vested interest in the discipline of his team, on and off the court. Getting involved with the teams your kids play with, as a manager or team parent, might also be a good way to be-in-the-know about the influences, experiences and pressures your kids are exposed to.”

It is important for every Christian parent to remember that your child will look to you as their first example of what living a life of faith looks like. Before their friends, teammates and coaches become their bigger influences, take hold of the opportunities to live out your faith in front of your kids. God gave us His wisdom through Solomon who said, “Point your kids in the right direction— when they’re old they won’t be lost.” (Psalm 22:6 as paraphrased in The Message)

Let them see your example and they will have a firm foundation to take into the competitive world of sports.

Fires in Australia have erased entire towns.

As fires smoldered and sometimes raged across sections of the scarred landscape Tuesday, rescue officials in Victoria attempted to offer solace to hundreds burned out of their homes and frustrated at being unable to return…

… Weekend bushfires “completely wiped out” the towns of Marysville and Kinglake, officials said. More than 20 fires were burning Tuesday, according to the Country Fire Authority.

Frustration also brewed as residents desperately wanted to return to their homes, or what was left of them, but were prevented by authorities because of safety concerns. (CNN.com)

How do you think the world can help those affected by this disaster?

Video, photos and eye-witness accounts of the firestorm.
Starting over after loss
Can you find peace in troubled times?

What does it take to be an official, certified superhero? According to the World Superhero Registry, a real-life superhero must meet a few basic criteria:

Costume. The purpose of a costume is not simply to protect the identity of the Real-Life Superhero from criminals that might seek revenge, but to make a statement both to the evil-doers that you fight against and to the world at large: you are not simply someone who happened upon crime or injustice and made an impulsive decision to intervene. You have vowed to actively fight for the betterment of humankind and to serve as an example for others.

Heroic Deeds. The purpose behind becoming a Real-Life Superhero must be for the benefit of mankind, and the Heroic Deeds must be of sufficient degree as to exceed normal everyday behavior.

Personal Motivation. A Real-Life Superhero cannot be a paid representative of an organization, not even a benevolent one. The motivation to become a Real-Life Superhero must come from the individual…

Plenty of people have registered themselves on the site, crime-fighters like Queen of Hearts, whose “goal is to quell Domestic Violence by teaching our youth and others how to recognize and prevent it”,  or Red Arrow, who says he is “a real-life superhero in Hong Kong. I try to bring happiness to people and become the salt and light of the world.”

Black Arrow, a Real Life Superhero (RLSH) from the United Kingdom says,

“I am a female RLSH, I was born to be a RLSH. My mission is to save the world. I aid those in need, I serve justice to those who deserve it. I give advice and guidance. But I am not just here for the people, I am here for the animals and the environment, for they are part of this world. Everyone has the power to stand up for themselves, to stand up for other people, but it’s the few that decide to embrace that power and be heard, and these people are RLSH, and rightly so. We stand for our beliefs, the rights of others. We stand for those who cannot. We stand because we can. It’s not that uniform you wear or the training you have done that matters, it’s how big your heart is and how far you are willing to go for your fellow man.”

Do think committing to a life of crime fighting and good deeds will make a difference in the communities of these superheros? If you registered on the Word Superhero Registry, what idenity would you assume? Why expend so much energy for other people?