Though it seemed unlikely, my life’s dream was to be a model.

I was a more quiet and introspective person, and although I didn’t like to be the center of attention in my everyday life, I enjoyed being on stage and in front of the camera. It was just natural for me. I wasn’t considered popular or attractive, but I was drawn to modeling. A month later, at the age of 15, I was signed with a modeling agency in New York. That same day I was booked for a fashion spread in Seventeen magazine.

My new career took off!

It flew me all over the U.S. at just 16 years of age – and I loved it! I enjoyed the freedom and excitement of traveling, meeting new people, and being independent. I felt I had my life under control.

After high school, I began a very hectic schedule as a model. Eventually, my clientele brought me to Miami for work, where I met my husband. I was happy in my life, career, family and marriage, and never had any real troubles.

But then everything happened all at once.

My brother’s newborn baby died after several surgeries. My apartment pipes exploded when friends had accidentally left my oven on and the windows were glued shut. The same year on my birthday, I was stranded on an island with a modeling crew, and when I got back home I was all alone again. I became extremely sick and began to collapse. The doctors diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease, a disease of the intestine. I had been sick for a few years, and by the time I was tested, I was severely anemic.

I already knew how sick I was, which is why I didn’t go to the doctor for so long. I knew I was suffering from something awful and didn’t want to see the look in the doctors’ eyes. I was hard-headed and refused to do tests because of plans to go to Miami. Although the doctor said to me, “You don’t understand. You could easily die here,” I didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want to stop everything and I felt good about sticking with what I had planned. So I promised him I would do the tests in Miami, and flew down anyway. I was determined not to give in to being sick. Besides, he was just telling me what I already knew. And though I knew I was going to die, I wanted to keep going.

I thought to myself, “What just hit me?”

While in Miami I watched my life, my apartment, my work, my family, and even my own health spiral out of control. I felt so helpless. It was there, while my husband was away in Paris, that God began to get my attention. Until all of these things happened, I felt like I had it “together,” making decisions for my life and doing well on my own. But now, my circumstances were showing me that I didn’t have as much control as I thought I did. I was in bed, alone and sick! My niece died, I just got back from an awful trip, my apartment was a wreck and I was lonely.

Since I was ill in bed, I had a lot of time to think. It was then that I decided to buy a Bible – even though I was mortified by the thought of becoming “religious.” I had not talked to anyone about it and didn’t even think it would help me much, but I just kind of felt compelled to. So I got up and went to the bookstore down the street. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone there and finally found a Bible. I remember being embarrassed bringing it up to the register. When I got back to my place, I opened it up and had the hardest time reading it, because it was the Old King James version.

Soon I had become so physically ill that I actually let a friend of mine take me to a prayer meeting at a church. I thought it was silly but I was desperate and scared because my doctor suspected that my illness was incurable. At the prayer meeting people prayed aloud for me and kept telling me that God had a plan for my life. But I was angry inside and felt a little overwhelmed at the whole thing. That’s when an unexplainable tingling feeling blanketed me, and I wept.

Something had changed

The next day, I had extensive medical testing, and when it was finished I learned that my health was fully restored! God had healed me and I felt so well! I believe that I was healed from more than just Crohn’s disease. That night I was also healed spiritually – I came to know a God who personally loves me, and who can do anything – even restore my health.

I was raised going to church and considered myself to be a Christian although I didn’t really believe in the Bible and rarely prayed. My god was a god of convenience. But the night I was healed, Jesus Christ became real to me. I realized my need for Him, and the fact that He was in control of all things. It made me willing to give Him the reins of my life when all along I had lived only for myself.

I developed a true faith in Jesus and understood that He suffered and died on a cross so that we could be together forever. I began to see how God had His hand on me from day one and I decided to commit my life to Him.

My husband experienced the miracles of my health being restored and he was amazed! He also saw how I was broken free from a smoking addiction that had a hold of me for years. What had once been so enjoyable to me was something I didn’t want to be around anymore. Soon, my husband also committed his life to Christ and we began to see that all good things came from His hand. Joy replaced the sadness that had been so prevalent in our lives.

There is so much more to life

When my world fell apart, I realized that life is so much more than working and trying to maintain control of everything. Now I make decisions based on the God I’ve come to know, rather than on what I want to do. I have peace in knowing the Person who created the universe, who knitted me together in my mother’s womb and who knows every part of you and me, is the One who is in control of my life.

I’ve found that He is the only constant thing. People will let you down, and things will come and go, but God will always be there. He is always there to guide me through my day and the many decision I make, letting me know when I need to do something or just be still.

Today, I am still modeling and acting, but now my identity is found in who I am in Christ and not what other people think of me. I am able to have peace in giving my cares to Him, and letting Him make them right. God is my first priority and goes into every part of my life, including my husband and my work.

Being a model and a woman brings tremendous influence. Now I am excited when I see each job as my mission field. Sometimes my purpose is to help and encourage others or to even be encouraged myself. Often when God uses me to help others, I find that it really is a huge blessing to me.

Clothes, makeup and fame never really mattered much. It’s more about the people. The more I dwell on myself, the uglier I get. I know I am beautiful in God’s sight through Jesus. I take what He gives me and I give it away.

God gives each of us gifts. You have a choice to take them and use them for yourself, or you can use them for God’s glory. Use them and you will see beauty. Stop being consumed with yourself and fix your thoughts on Him. God called you and chose you, and there is a reason for that.

When you ask Jesus into your life, you are given the Holy Spirit as your counselor and guide. When you open the Bible and pray for wisdom, you will see things that you could not if the Spirit did not show you. Pray, listen and obey. He will show you what you need to do. He knows your needs. He made you and He knows you more than you know yourself, and He is right there waiting for you with open arms. You don’t need to clean yourself up to go to Him, He takes you just the way you are, and will come in and heal your deepest wounds to give you peace like you’ve never experienced. It no longer becomes conditional peace, but contentment in all circumstances. That is true love and true acceptance. You will not find it anywhere else.

Trusting Jesus was the first step to huge adventures in our lives. Life is not always easy, but I know Christ is always with me. These promises are available to you as well. Why not pray this simple prayer in faith today and release the reins of your life back into God’s hands.

Dear Father, I need You. I acknowledge that I have sinned against You by directing my own life. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Find out  more about Models for Christ here

**Photo taken by Heather Funk

Though it seemed unlikely, my life’s dream was to be a model.

I was a more quiet and introspective person, and although I didn’t like to be the center of attention in my everyday life, I enjoyed being on stage and in front of the camera. It was just natural for me. I wasn’t considered popular or attractive, but I was drawn to modeling. A month later, at the age of fifteen, I was signed with a modeling agency in New York. That same day I was booked for a fashion spread in Seventeen magazine.

My new career took off!

It flew me all over the U.S. at just sixteen years of age – and I loved it! I enjoyed the freedom and excitement of traveling, meeting new people, and being independent. I felt I had my life under control.

After high school, I began a very hectic schedule as a model. Eventually, my clientele brought me to Miami for work, where I met my husband. I was happy in my life, career, family and marriage, and never had any real troubles.

But then everything happened all at once.

My brother’s new born baby died after several surgeries. My apartment pipes exploded when friends had accidentally left my oven on and the windows were glued shut. The same year on my birthday, I was stranded on an island with a modeling crew, and when I got back home I was all alone again. I became extremely sick and began to collapse. The doctors diagnosed me with Crohn’s disease, a disease of the intestine. I had been sick for a few years, and by the time I was tested, I was severely anemic.

I already knew how sick I was, which is why I didn’t go to the doctor for so long. I knew I was suffering from something awful and didn’t want to see the look in the doctors’ eyes. I was hard-headed and refused to do tests because of plans to go to Miami. Although the doctor said to me, “You don’t understand. You could easily die here,” I didn’t want to stay. I didn’t want to stop everything and felt good about sticking with what I had planned. So I promised him I would do the tests in Miami, and flew down anyway. I was determined not to give in to being sick. Besides, he was just telling me what I already knew. And though I knew I was going to die, I wanted to keep going.

I thought to myself, “What just hit me?”

While in Miami I watched my life, my apartment, my work, my family, and even my own health spiral out of control. I felt so helpless. It was there, while my husband was away in Paris, that God began to get my attention. Until all of these things happened, I felt like I had it “together”, making decisions for my life and doing well on my own. But now, my circumstances were showing me that I didn’t have as much control as I thought I did. I was in bed, alone and sick! My niece died, I just got back from an awful trip, my apartment was a wreck and I was lonely.

Since I was ill in bed, I had a lot of time to think. It was then that I decided to buy a Bible – even though I was mortified by the thought of becoming “religious”. I had not talked to anyone about it and didn’t even think it would help me much, but I just kind of felt compelled to. So I got up and went to the bookstore down the street. I was too embarrassed to ask anyone there and finally found a Bible. I remember being embarrassed bringing it up to the register. When I got back to my place, I opened it up and had the hardest time reading it, because it was the Old King James version.

Soon I had become so physically ill that I actually let a friend of mine take me to a prayer meeting at a church. I thought it was silly but I was desperate and scared because my doctor suspected that my illness was incurable. At the prayer meeting people prayed aloud for me and kept telling me that God had a plan for my life. But I was angry inside and felt a little overwhelmed at the whole thing. That’s when an unexplainable tingling feeling blanketed me, and I wept.

Something had changed

The next day, I had extensive medical testing, and when it was finished I learned that my health was fully restored! God had healed me and I felt so well! I believe that I was healed from more than just Crohn’s disease. That night I was also healed spiritually – I came to know a God who personally loves me, and who can do anything – even restore my health.

I was raised going to church and considered myself to be a Christian although I didn’t really believe in the Bible and rarely prayed. My god was a god of convenience. But the night I was healed, Jesus Christ became real to me. I realized my need for Him, and that fact that He was in control of all things. It made me willing to give Him the reins of my life when all along I had lived only for myself.

I developed a true faith in Jesus and understood that he suffered and died on a cross so that we could be together forever. I began to see how God had His hand on me from day one and I decided to commit my life to Him.

My husband experienced the miracles of my health being restored and he was amazed! He also saw how I was broken free from a smoking addiction that had a hold of me for years. What had once been so enjoyable to me was something I didn’t want to be around anymore. Soon, my husband also committed his life to Christ and we began to see that all good things came from His hand. Joy replaced the sadness that had been so prevalent in our lives.

There is so much more to life

When my world fell apart, I realized that life is so much more than working and trying to maintain control of everything. Now I make decisions based on the God I’ve come to know, rather than on what I want to do. I have peace in knowing the Person who created the universe, who knitted me in my mother’s womb and who knows every part of you and me, is the One who is in control of my life.

I’ve found that He is the only constant thing. People will let you down, and things will come and go, but God will always be there. He is always there to guide me through my day and the many decision I make, letting me know when I need to do something or just be still.

Today, I am still modeling and acting, but now I see my identity is found in who I am in Christ and not what other people think of me. I am able to have peace in giving my cares to Him, and letting Him make them right. God is my first priority and goes into every part of my life, including my husband and my work.

Being a model and a woman brings tremendous influence with it. Now I am excited when I see each job as my mission field. Sometimes my purpose here is to help and encourage others or to even be encouraged myself. Often when God uses me to help others, I find that it really is a huge blessing to me.

Clothes, makeup and fame never really mattered much. It’s more about the people. The more I dwell on myself, the uglier I get. I know I am beautiful in God’s sight through Jesus. I take what He gives me and I give it away.

God gives each of us gifts. You have a choice to take them and use them for yourself, or you can use them for God’s glory. Use them and you will see beauty. Stop being consumed with yourself and fix your thoughts on Him. God called you and chose you, and there is a reason for that.

When you ask Jesus into your life, you are given the Holy Spirit as your counselor and guide. When you open the Bible and pray for wisdom, you will see things that you could not if the Spirit did not show you. Pray, listen and obey. He will show you what you need to do. He knows your needs. He made you and He knows you more than you know yourself, and He is right there waiting for you with open arms. You don’t need to clean yourself up to go to Him, He takes you just the way you are, and will come in and heal your deepest wounds to give you peace like you’ve never experienced. It no longer becomes conditional peace, but contentment in all circumstances. That is true love and true acceptance. You will not find it anywhere else.

Trusting Jesus was the first step to huge adventures in our lives. Life is not always easy, but I know Christ is always with me. These promises are available to you as well. Why not pray this simple prayer in faith today and release the reins of your life back into God’s hands.

Take a look at your life.  How would you describe it? Contented? Rushed? Exciting? Stressful? Moving forward? Holding back? For many of us it’s all of the above at times.  There are things we dream of doing one day, there are things we wish we could forget.  In the Bible, it says that Jesus came to make all things new.  What would your life look like if you could start over with a clean slate?

Living with hope

If you are looking for peace, there is a way to balance your life. No one can be perfect, or have a perfect life. But every one of us has the opportunity to experience perfect grace through a personal relationship with God through His Son, Jesus Christ.

You can receive Christ right now by faith through prayer. Praying is simply talking to God. God knows your heart and is not so concerned with your words as He is with the attitude of your heart. Here’s a suggested prayer:

Lord Jesus, I want to know you personally. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I open the door of my life to you and ask you to come in as my Savior and Lord. Take control of my life. Thank you for forgiving my sins and giving me eternal life. Make me the kind of person you want me to be.

Does this prayer express the desire of your heart? You can pray it right now, and Jesus Christ will come into your life, just as He promised.

Is this the life for you?

If you invited Christ into your life, thank God often that He is in your life, that He will never leave you and that you have eternal life. As you learn more about your relationship with God, and how much He loves you, you’ll experience life to the fullest.

Learn more about Models for Christ here: http://www.modelsforchrist.com/

*Photo taken by Heather Funk

Everybody wants to be loved for who they really are

Most of the images we have of love and romance come from movies, television and romance novels. They’re all about pursuit and capture, dominance and submission. Once the guy gets the girl, the movie ends. That leaves us with a considerably incomplete picture of love as it is in the real world. Love is much more than just an experience of beginnings.

Sherven and Sniechowski point out that our culture has a rather poor and adolescent understanding of what love is and what it takes to create real love. At the start of the relationship, we are swept away by emotions and fantasies and expect the other person to fulfill them. When those expectations aren’t met and we begin to see the imperfections and differences in our partner, we walk away. We search for the “perfect” partner, not knowing that he/she can never be enough because he/she will always be different from what we expect.

The beautiful thing about a romantic relationship is that love isn’t found – it is co-created. Yet there are countless people who search for love as if it belongs to someone else. We don’t find love. We find one another and allow love to grow between us.

“That don’t impress me much!”

Many of us go on a date with the intention of impressing the other person. A man might lease a car that he can’t afford in order to impress a woman while a woman might completely give herself a makeover. Instead of the goal of the date being, “I want us to get to know each other for real and see if we like each other,” it is more often, “I want to impress you.”

Sherven and Sniechowski point out that if we go out on a first date and put on a show, we are working against emotional intimacy because all that the other person is getting is a false front. Ultimately, that illusion will come apart because it can’t be kept up forever. What follows, is resentment and disappointment that is unnecessary if things are done simply and straightforwardly.

If two people are truly interested in one another and want to go out with each other, the authors recommend that they do things like going out for coffee or to other places that are not romantic. That way they can begin to get an idea of who the other person is instead of witnessing the show that both of them are putting on. If they do this a few times before anything more extravagant occurs, they can find out whether or not it’s worth going forward without expending emotional energy and finances on a process that eventually leads to nothing.

Ultimately we cannot control whether or not someone will be impressed by us because it is their choice. So it’s better to be real instead of setting out to impress someone. Our actions often reflect our self-esteem. Sherven gives us something to think about when she says, “If your focus is on impressing the other person, then you are voting for the belief that you are not good enough as you are. The rejection process has already started, and it has started from within.”

Expectations can be limiting

As the relationship progresses past the “honeymoon” stage, some of the masks we initially wore begin to come off. We soon discover that we carry several unrealistic expectations that can prevent us from getting to know the other person for who they really are. It is better to let our partner be him/herself and see what happens.

One of the major expectations that women often bring into the relationship is that the man is going to bring the substance that she’s searching for – the money, social connections, adventure and romance. But when the relationship finds more solid footing, she realizes he’s just another human being like she is. He can only provide who he is.

Unfortunately, many women who are not satisfied in their own personal lives look to the man to fix it, and he can’t. Even if the man actually sets out to fulfill those fantasies, it is an impossible task. Her expectations and his attempt to fulfill them doom the relationship right from the beginning. He cannot be authentic if he is acting according to stereotypes or another person’s ideas of who he should be. She will never be happy in the relationship until she accepts him for who is, not who she thinks he should be.

Differences are an opportunity to grow

The importance of partnership comes sharply into focus when there is a conflict. It is inevitable that two people living in the pressure cooker of a long-term relationship are going to crash into each other at some point. They are going to be disappointed in one another, irritated by one another, disillusioned or angered by one another. Many people believe that those conflicts are signs that the relationship is off track. But what drives a relationship off track is not conflict but the inability to handle conflict.

A classic example of this would be of a couple where one person is a spender and the other person is a saver. Although the difference is usually seen as a bad thing, the fact is that they’re both out of balance. They have taken their approach to money and finances to an extreme in one direction. What lies before them is the opportunity to learn from each other how to handle money in a much more balanced and respectful manner while working together as a team and relying on each other’s strengths. They can create a true partnership out of the differences.

A couple’s love is tested through conflict and when they emerge from that still wanting to be together, they have proved that differences can be a good thing. Although many of us have the notion that differences are a dreadful thing, they actually open the way to true intimacy. They give us the opportunity to value how different we are from the one we love and use those differences to grow and change.

“One of the most beneficial things you can do in a relationship is to recognize that your partner is not you! When you really understand that, you won’t try to change them into what you think he/she should be and you will get to know them intimately for who they were created to be. Remember, there are two people involved. It’s a relationship – not a dictatorship!” say Sherven and Sniechowski.

Curiosity is a powerful tool in a relationship because it means staying open and wanting to know more about the other person. Because of our self-involvement, we often end up missing out on all that an intimate relationship has to offer. When we look at it one way – our way – we miss it when it appears.

We need to love others for who they are if we desire to be loved in the same way. As two people look deeper and deeper into the relationship, they will find that the emotional intimacy between them expands so that there is more room for both of them. And remember that if you’re not being loved for who you really are, you’re not being loved at all.

When Paula Abbott was discovered at age 16 while working in a shoe store in Alabama, she didn’t consider herself to be popular or fashionable – what you might call “model material” – at the time. In fact, being a studious teenager, she was intent on winning a scholarship so she could go to college, and eventually on to law school, where she felt she would be able to gain the independence she so desired. Nevertheless, that same year after being invited to New York, she landed the cover of Cosmopolitan.

Even before it hit newsstands, Paula was thrust into the fast lane. “I was a traveling machine, on an airplane every few days to a different location, new crew, hotel and job. I worked all day, and studied on the plane at night. I was your basic traveling salesman, only I was selling myself,” she says.

Reality check

Not quite grasping everything that was happening at the time, Paula’s fast-paced life left her trying to find someone or something to hang on to for stability in the midst of it all. At 19, while working in Europe, a deep loneliness and sense of emptiness set in despite having everything she thought she could ever dream of. No one seemed to understand this inner sadness, and she even questioned herself. What is my problem? What am I here for? What do I do with the rest of my life?

With every great job came the desire for the next one. Her relationships, although decent, were never fulfilling and her friendships never seemed to be what she wanted them to be. Nothing lasted. Friends were transient, boyfriends too.

Nothing seemed secure, stable and unchanging, and she just couldn’t take it anymore.

Desiring God

In Europe, Paula would sit in the back row of huge Cathedrals, talking to God in desperation. “I never knew how to “make contact” with Him. I didn’t realize at the time that He was right there all the time listening to every prayer.” Having prayed to receive Christ as a little girl, Paula was acquainted with Christianity. But it never seemed real to her. Church mostly served as a large part of her social life as a youth.

Turning back to Christ seemed to be an on and off again process as she got older, and getting involved with a non-Christian man proved to be a long three-year distraction from getting to know God.

“We were the perfect couple by sight,” Paula reflects. “He was a dream guy, everything one could ever want in a mate. All he wanted to do was marry me and have a family and take care of me.” Although the young investment advisor respected her desire for God, he couldn’t understand why it was so important to her to be able to share that with the person she would choose to spend the rest of her life with.

The relationship continued as Paula kept telling herself that she would get out before it got too serious. “I wouldn’t marry a non-Christian. I would get “back on track” just … later.” Soon enough their lives were deeply intertwined and all of the signs pointed to marriage. It was almost too late by the time he proposed. Paula realized that this wasn’t a game any longer. “Reality hit me that either I was going to go after God’s plan for my life and stop messing around, or I was going to continue down this path I had allowed myself to wander down and never have God’s best for me, which was what I so deeply desired.”

Turning back

A week later before leaving for Paris, Paula gave the ring back to her devastated fiancé. Crying the whole way on the flight to France, she prayed that God would give her a church and some Christian friends. “I knew I wouldn’t last without that,” she said.

In His faithfulness, God led her to meet a model from Canada who invited her to join a French Bible study. The pastor’s wife translated everything into English simultaneously. Paula kept going and eventually learned French fluently enough over the next six months so that she could attend Bible school there at night while continuing to model during the day.

Once back in the US two years later, she continued studying the Scriptures at a seminary in Baltimore, Maryland while traveling back and forth to New York to do her bookings. Eventually the modeling agency got tired of dealing with her being away so much that they gave her an ultimatum: “Either you move to New York and work full-time or go to your little Bible college and stay there.” For Paula the choice was made; she knew in her heart that God called her to Bible school. So she left the industry for two years to finish seminary.

“It wasn’t easy; I can’t lie and say I was so full of faith,” she says honestly. “I was actually pretty devastated about the whole thing, but I knew I was doing the right thing and when I know that it’s God’s will, I know He is responsible for me and the consequences of following His direction. So I just followed His leading.”

All turned out for the best when soon enough Paula kept crossing paths with a missionary from Baltimore whom she had met years previously in France and whom she would eventually marry. It was a simple friendship that had grown over time out of respect for one another and a mutual love for God. Neither of them were particularly involved in dating relationships before then. “I always knew that if God was specific about the husband that He had for me, then I didn’t need to go around trying on guys to see if they fit like shoes. In God’s perfect timing He would bring this person out of the woodwork and into my path. He knew how to make our paths cross; I didn’t have to strive in it,” Paula testifies.

Divine purpose

When asked about how she finds purpose in life, Paula says, “I don’t know that I completely know my purpose in life, but one thing I do know is this: I am on this earth to get to know Jesus Christ and to be conformed to His image.”

She understands the need for a dependence on God. “We don’t want to need Him, but we do. We don’t want to live dependent upon Him for every thought, word, deed. But we are so dependent upon Him that we wouldn’t have the next breath to breathe if He didn’t give it to us.”

“Resting in Him, who He is, what He’s done is a choice. Doing right is a choice, putting yourself in a place to hear the Word of God and be with other believers is a choice. Choice is the one thing God gave us. I can give my choice back to Him and let Him choose what is best for me or I can go my own way. You can’t think that if you do nothing you’ll just end up in the right way. You’re going to be involved somewhere; choose your life, don’t be a victim of just floating around.”

Paula’s life is a testimony that exposes the myth that one cannot be a good Christian while being in this “worldly” industry. “Well, who is a good Christian anyway?” she questions while affirming it is definitely a calling. “You’d better know you are called by God to be a part of this business, that’s for sure.” She makes the choice to seek God for direction every morning before beginning her day. “It’s vital for my thought life that day, to set my thoughts in alignment with His Word. I used to think I could just run out and carry on my day without Him. The key is knowing that Jesus comes first.”

She is also prayerful at work, asking the Holy Spirit to lead her to speak at opportune moments. “I am always looking for an open door to share the gospel with people but have found it is not wise to try to kick it open myself. Love is patient and kind with people’s capacity.”

Making the choice

“If you don’t know Christ personally, please don’t wait; ask Him now” Paula advises. “You are precious to Him – more than you’ll ever know. Before you ever even thought of Him, you were in His mind and heart. He is for you and He’s made a way for you to know Him. There is no peace outside of knowing Jesus.”

If you are a believer in Jesus Christ, God has given you His Holy Spirit to help you live life according to His perfect plan. He wants to turn your pain into something that can help you focus on Him. God wants to give you power so you can “GO” to others and share about His goodness in your life.

Why not pray this simple prayer and by faith invite God to fill you with His Spirit:

Dear Father, I need you. I acknowledge that I have sinned against you by directing my own life. I thank you that You have forgiven my sins through Christ’s death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. Fill me with the Holy Spirit as You commanded me to be filled, and as You promised in Your Word that You would do if I asked in faith. I pray this in the name of Jesus. As an expression of my faith, I thank You for directing my life and for filling me with the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Of all the ways we celebrate Christmas, one of the most meaningful is to give to others, from the heart. My friend Shauna shared with me this unforgettable story about how she and some of her girlfriends did just that.

“I remember going out for coffee with three good friends and chatting about the holidays,” Shauna began her story. “There was so much to be done. Presents, cards, decorations. Then we started talking about family traditions.”

And as they talked that evening, the four friends found that they all had been involved at some point in sharing Christmas with those in need. They would do things like volunteer at soup kitchens and organize Christmas hampers for lower income families. Having moved away from their parents’ homes, they realized that they were at the point in their lives where they were beginning to establish their own Christmas traditions.

“So together we decided that that’s what we would do. We loved the idea of helping someone out in a special way and we wanted it to be anonymous,” Shauna said.

Why anonymous? “It has nothing to do with the people who do the good deed. If the anonymity is broken, everything is ruined. It becomes about this great thing we have done. The whole point of giving back to the community is that you think about someone else. If you make a big production of it, then it’s about you.”

It is more blessed to give than to receive

As Shauna and her friends considered whom they could bless, they decided to ask Pastor Bernard, the benevolence pastor at their church, for the name of someone in need. Pastor Bernard thought immediately of a single Mom, Dawn, and her son. Her divorce was fairly recent and it had been a hard year for them financially.

The girls decided to pool all the money they would have spent to buy each other presents, and instead used it to buy the trappings of Christmas for Dawn and her son. They bought cheese, coffee, chocolate dipped cookies, oranges, Christmas crackers, presents and more holiday treats that are hard to fit into a tight budget.

“We were going to package the gifts in basket, but that didn’t seem like such a good idea anymore,” Shauna said, smiling. “There was so much stuff that we had to pack it all into a two-foot square box. We couldn’t believe we were able to fill the box to overflowing with what little money we had!

“We dropped off the box at the church, where two men volunteered to deliver it to Dawn. They handed it to her saying, ‘Someone at the church left this for you. Merry Christmas!’

“We don’t know too much about what happened after that. But Pastor Bernard did tell us that she phoned him at the church for the next few days trying to find out who had done such a thing for her and her son. He said she was in tears and was extremely thankful. Her son even played the entire day with the electric race car track we bought.

“Since Pastor Bernard was sworn to secrecy and couldn’t tell her who we were, she sent a thank you card to us through him. It was addressed, ‘To My Four Christmas Angels.’ Inside the card, she thanked us and said she couldn’t believe that we would do this for her.”

A good reminder

Being able to help a family in need made that Christmas meaningful for Shauna and her friends. In fact, it’s now part of their annual Christmas tradition. What she and her friends had done was a good reminder to them of what they had received as Christians–the assurance of eternal and abundant life. “We don’t deserve it. We’ve received it only because of God’s grace towards us,” she explained.

Some of the best gifts given are those that go beyond the material things of this world to meet our deeper spiritual needs. Like Shauna’s gift, they spring from an unconditional love that we first meet in the Son of God, Jesus, who gave His life so that we may experience God’s wonderful plan for our lives.

In the Bible, it says that “God showed how much He loved us by sending His only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through Him. This is real love. It is not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins. Dear friends, since God loved us that much, we surely ought to love each other” (1 John 4:9-11).

All too often during Christmas, we get so wrapped up in the material things of this world and neglect the things of God that have eternal value. This Christmas as you plan on giving and receiving gifts, pray and ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit. Ask Him to show you how you can love someone with His pure love and impact his or her life positively. You can pray this prayer in faith, trusting that God will accomplish it in your life.

Dear Father, I thank You for sending Your Son Jesus that Christmas night so long ago. I realize that I have sinned against you by directing my own life and neglecting those things that matter most. I thank You that You have forgiven my sins through Jesus’ death on the cross for me. I now invite Christ to again take His place on the throne of my life. I want to be a blessing to someone else this year so that Your love may spread into the lives of others. Please fill me with Your Holy Spirit. In faith, I thank You for directing my life and for empowering me with Your Holy Spirit.

God’s Spirit has the power to touch people’s hearts no matter who they are. Think about the people in your sphere of influence and ask God to use you to bless them this season. He will!

March 8^th is International Women’s Day, a day appointed by the United Nations and recognized internationally for the purpose of taking time to remember and celebrate the many milestones marked by women’s achievements around the world, especially in the advancement of equality, justice and peace. In fact, the UN bases its work in this field on the principle that “no enduring solution to society’s most threatening social, economic and political problems can be found without the full participation, and the full empowerment, of the world’s women”.

For decades, ordinary women have been making history because of their desire and struggle to be recognized in their humanity as equals. They have represented you and me in the fight to achieve universal suffrage – the civil right to vote – for women. They have also defended our right to work, and see the end of discrimination on the job. They fought for decent working conditions and fair wages. Across Europe, women even united to hold peace rallies in the face of World War I.

So how can we remember this special day? Here are a few suggestions.

1. Express your gratitude. Thank God for these historical figures who fought for justice and peace, and thank Him that He hears and saves us. Appreciate the women in your life, and take the time to thank those who have invested in you with love.
2. Know who you are. Search the Scriptures to see what the Bible says about women. Jesus treated women with the utmost respect and love and it is in Him that we can find our identity and our wholeness. Thank God for who He created you to be and continue to depend on Him to make you the kind of woman He sees you as.
3. Respect yourself and others. Many times we tend to only find the faults in others and ourselves. But this perspective brings destruction. Instead of harboring a spirit of condemnation, let us in humility yield to the Spirit of holiness. Let us meditate on things that are good, pure and lovely. These good things will eventually come to fruition in ways we sometimes cannot perceive.
4. Learn from history. Take time out to read and learn about the struggles and achievements of women. It is the least we can do for those who have served us sacrificially in the past and made our world better today.
5. Remember your contemporaries around the globe. Though women have made major in-roads towards achieving equality, the struggle is not yet over. Sadly, many women around the world still suffer abuse at the hands of injustice and hatred. Pray for them. Let’s not turn a deaf ear to these evils; the responsibility lies in our hands as human beings. Ask how you can help.
6. Reach out to women in your community. Get to know the people around you and have the privilege of hearing their personal stories. Tell them about your own journey with Christ. Small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness go a long way and can impact someone in great and unexpected ways.
7. Celebrate diversity. Acknowledge women who are of different cultures and backgrounds from you. It is often easy to only be around those who are like us. Instead, embrace someone new and learn to appreciate their uniqueness and difference.

But don’t just stop there; think of what else you can do. Get together with your friends to brainstorm ideas to celebrate International Women’s Day. I know for a fact that women are creative! The possibilities are endless. Most of all, remain hopeful – in faith – about what needs to be done towards achieving justice and equality for women.

Many women fortunate enough to have curly hair don’t know how to work with their curls. If you’re one of them, here are some tips on what you can do to make your curls as beautiful as they were meant to be:

1. Wash your hair using a lightweight shampoo and conditioner like Redken 5th Avenue NYC All Soft shampoo and conditioner. Do not comb conditioner through, just use your fingers to gently massage.
2. Squeeze hair dry with a towel to remove the excess moisture. Do not rub dry or the curls will separate and become frizzy.
3. Place a generous amount of a lightweight, but firm control gel such as Ice Controller Firm-Hold Gel into the palm of your hand and rub both palms together to mix.
4. Flip your hair over and apply gel starting at the nape of your neck making sure to scrunch evenly throughout hair from roots to ends. Repeat.
5. Using a blow dryer with a diffuser, dry hair in one- to two-inch sections scrunching it with your hand as it dries. This way the blow dryer heats the curl while the scrunch sets it.
6. Make sure that all your hair is fairly dry, but not bone dry. A little bit of moisture defines the curl but completely dry hair tends to soften it out.
7. Use a flexible hairspray like Shaper Plus Hair Spray by Sebastian. Lift and spray at the roots of your hair to provide lots of body and control without the stickiness.

Et Voilà!! You now have beautifully defined curls! Remember that practice makes perfect so keep repeating this process to get the most out of your curls each time.

We’re all aware of the chaos that a lack of organization around mealtime can bring! Instead of dinner being a time when the family comes together, it can be a time of frustration.

For Kathy Cottrell, a homeschooling mother of two teenage sons who lives in Scottsdale, Arizona, part of the solution has been planning and preparing meals in advance. For the past 15 years, she has planned two month’s worth of menus, cooked the entrees and stocked her freezer with tasty dishes ready to re-heat and serve with ease.

What are the benefits of advance menu planning and cooking?

• The dinner hour is much more peaceful. No after-work scrambling to put food on the table.
• The family eats together more frequently.
• You save a great deal of money when you buy in bulk and avoid impulse purchases at the grocery store.
• You also save money that you would spend eating out “by default” because there’s nothing appetizing and convenient to eat at home.
• You save time by shopping and cooking all at once.
• You get to choose the best time to cook.
• The rest of a meal gets more attention. If you already have your entrée prepared, you can make a nice dessert.
• Having dinner parties becomes a lot less complicated.
• Stressful times from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day can be much calmer.

The key principle in bulk cooking is to think ahead in order to save even one or two steps. Kathy encourages women to look at their own lives and prepare for the activities they do over and over again, such as frequent church potlucks or taking cookies to their child’s school. You can gear the method of bulk cooking to whatever their particular needs are. “You’re already making a mess when you cook, so make it worth your while!” she says.

How to cook in bulk

• Begin by looking for recipes that can be frozen either fully or partially.
• Plan your menus.
• Make a complete grocery list.
• Check your pantry for your current inventory.
• Buy everything on your list.
• Add up the quantities of produce required and cut it all up at once.
• Use crock-pots to get your chilies, stews or stroganoff going.
• Cook and cut up all the chicken you need.
• Cook all your other meats.
• Cook the rice, stuffing and noodles.
• Begin assembling your dishes.
• Let cool and cover well with heavy-duty aluminum foil (or use Ziploc freezer bags).
• Put directions for cooking directly on the dish.
• Date it (the day you made it).
• Freeze it.
• Keep a list of the meals on your refrigerator and cross them off as you use them.
• Pull out the meal you want in the morning, thaw it and pop it in the oven at dinnertime.

While cooking for two months might seem like a humungous undertaking, it really serves to be a more efficient way of doing the several little time-consuming things we do everyday. But if this seems too intimidating, Kathy has some suggestions for easing into the program.

• Never again make only one meal at a time. Always at least double the recipe.
• Cook, cut up, and freeze large amounts of chicken.
• Look for recipes that utilize your prepared chicken.
• Cook and freeze meatballs. Use with sauces, gravies, and in spaghetti. Serve over rice, pasta, or with potatoes.

Food isn’t spiritual, but a lot of spiritual things happen around food

Time spent planning family mealtimes can indeed yield lifelong, and even eternal, dividends.

Sharing dinner together, according to a study by Dr. Catherine Snow of Harvard’s Graduate School of Education, is of more value to child development than playtime, school, and story time. (1)

Dinnertime still holds special significance when the kids get older. A recent study showed that teenagers who ate dinner with their families five or more times per week were least likely to be on drugs, to be depressed, or to be in trouble with the law. They were also more likely to do well in school and have healthy friendships. (2)

For Kathy, planning and cooking meals in advance has not only blessed her family, but allowed them to minister to many people– providing meals for sick people, kids’ camps and unexpected company.

The Cottrells have also opened up their home to many college students who came from troubled backgrounds and shared the love of Christ with them. She says, “We’ve found that simply having them in our home and providing the order of a family dinner taught them what family was. We’ve had other times where we’ve counseled people or we’ve had people over to our home for all kinds of spiritual gatherings. Food is a key part of that, even though it’s not spiritual in and of itself.”

Kathy began bulk cooking by rigidly following the instructions in a book called Once-A-Month Cooking by Mimi Wilson and Mary Beth Lagerborg, which contains a complete two-week and one-month plan. She recommends it for anyone considering bulk cooking and assures that “it’s a way to enjoy your family more. It’s a way to enjoy your company more and to be a more relaxed and ready hostess.”

Notes:

1 Quoted in Bringing up Boys, by Dr. James Dobson, Tyndale Publishers, Wheaton, IL: 2002.

2 ibid

Dave Currie, a marriage counselor and marriage conference speaker with 25 years experience as a pastor and college professor sat down with me to discuss some of the important aspects of conflict resolution. He has taught thousands of couples about at marriage conferences across the world. When practiced, these methods will help to resolve differences without allowing feelings of disappointment, bitterness and anger to build up.

Before Conflict Arises

How you behave in your relationship before conflicts hits has a huge impact on how conflict is handled. There are behaviors and attitudes you can put into practice now that will make disagreements a lot easier to handle, and a lot less damaging to your relationship when they do happen.

1. Have a pre-determined game plan. Agree on conflict resolution guidelines before getting into a tense/difficult discussion. Decide what is acceptable behavior and what you will both do to try and resolve the conflict. One example of a guideline would be agreeing to talk about one issue at a time (see below). This is especially important in the early years of a long term relationship (the first 10 to 15 years), when you are establishing behavior patterns in your relationship.
2. Maintain a bank account: make deposits as well as withdrawals. The best way to have a great relationship is to catch each other doing things you appreciate. Affirm your partner as you see him/her doing something that pleases you. Set the tone for the relationship by affirming – making “deposits”. If all you’re doing is making “withdrawals” by always complaining and pointing out blunders, it gives your spouse the incentive to give up and say, “I can never please this man/woman”. Train yourself to anticipate and be sensitive to the other person’s feelings.
3. Practice successive approximations. This is another element of encouragement. It works to reinforce movement in a desired direction. For example, instead of saying “I hate how this place is so dirty!” a better approach would be to say, “I can see that you’re busy. Can I help you pick up?” Remember that there are often better ways to get to the result you’re seeking.

When You Disagree

If you have a pre-determined game plan in place, you’re already a step ahead when a disagreement arises. When you find yourself in conflict, remember that the goal of a disagreement is to find a solution that benefits both parties, neither of you needs to “win”. Don’t set your partner up for an attack, you’re in this together.

1. Agree on a time to sit and talk with your partner about the issue. As a rough generalization, most men’s thoughts and concerns are compartmentalized. When he’s at work, he becomes preoccupied with what is before him. The same goes for when he’s at home. So if his female partner interrupts him with an issue when he’s busy with something else (for example, watching TV), it could “push his buttons” to create tension. Set a time to meet with him to seriously discuss the issue in a room with no distractions. It is a more effective way to get his full attention.
2. Deal with one issue at a time. Besides helping to maintain order, it is a more effective way to achieve the goal of working through the problems at hand to arrive at a resolution. So identify your concerns, making sure to deal with issue #1 before moving on to issue #2.
3. Use “I” statements instead of “you” statements. This helps to keep both sides from getting on the defensive. Realize that words are important. They can be delivered in such a way as to either bring healing or destruction. When the word “you” is used frequently when speaking to your partner, he/she will automatically feel accused. This in turn can provoke unnecessary reactions that will only serve to keep you both from resolving the issues in the most simple and straightforward manner.
4. Think through problems to avoid misunderstandings. “I didn’t mean that”. “I thought that’s what you said”. How often have you heard these words, or spoken them to your spouse? It is so easy to make assumptions. Be careful to actively listen to the other person and strive to clarify misunderstandings.
5. Share your perspective without getting emotional. Women, let’s be honest. More often than not, when we get frustrated, we clam up. But as difficult as it may be, share your perspective while holding your ground. Don’t get too emotional too early. Men often interpret that as manipulation.

Getting Rid of the Root of Bitterness

How is your relationship? Do you find it easy or difficult to communicate with your partner? If you have feelings of resentment and anger that have been accumulating over time, it’s vital that you take action to rid yourself of those toxic feelings.

Choices that are made without knowledge of potential consequences cannot be considered choices at all. In order to choose, one must know and understand the options. Despite attempts to provide extensive education to teens about sexuality, many adolescents are still woefully ignorant about the reality of STDs in the world today. Accordingly, it is important to consider approaches to dealing with the problem of teen sex.

Peer pressure and influence

The lifestyles and attitudes of friends have a profound impact on teens. An article in a psychology journal notes, “One of the strongest predictors of adolescent behavior is the perceived or actual behavior of friends.”[1] Adolescents who have close friends that are sexually involved are much more likely to become sexually involved as well. Teens frequently believe that they will gain respect from their peers and be more accepted if they are following perceived social norms, in this case if they are sexually experienced.

Teen males may perceive that they will be viewed as “more of a man” if they talk about or become involved in sexual activity. The fear of being labeled within their peer group if they do, or do not, engage in certain activities can influence decisions and choices. Perceptions about the behavior of older teens also may have a significant impact as younger teenagers often “desire to seem older and begin adopting slightly older adolescents’ behavior to seem mature.” [2]

Because of limited life experience, teens are particularly vulnerable to being absorbed by cliques and being heavily influenced by trends and fads. Recognizing this potent force, an article in Postgraduate Medicine makes the blunt recommendation that, as part of a strategy for promoting healthy decision-making in the area of sexual involvement, physicians encourage parents to monitor their children’s friends and to discourage close friendships with peers who exhibit problem behaviors.

Media messages

Not surprisingly, it has been found that adolescents who are exposed to a lot of sexual content on television are more likely to believe that intercourse outside of a marriage relationship or with multiple partners without protection against pregnancy or disease, is harmless and perhaps even desirable. These findings plainly throw into question the view that teenagers are able to fully separate the media depictions of prolific no-consequence sexual activity and their own sexual practices.

Teens are relentlessly bombarded with sexual messages and imagery in media, entertainment, advertising, and in some types of music. Parents need to be aware of the focus on sex in popular culture and must prepare their teens to deal with the onslaught of sexual imagery. They must find out what is being communicated to their offspring and must become part of the educational process. A vast amount of sometimes contradictory information is being presented to teens. It is vital that parents help their teens to develop critical thinking skills, which will allow teenagers to analyze the information they hear and will hopefully protect them from health endangering choices.

Parental guidance

While family intervention is not generally specified as a definitive approach for reducing STDs, the apparent influence that parents can have on adolescent sexual behaviors suggests that the most efficient way to decrease risky activities may be to encourage parents to become fully involved in the sexuality education of their offspring. While many may feel like bystanders in their teenagers’ lives, parents must take responsibility for playing a role in the promotion of healthy lifestyles. They need to promote ongoing dialogue with their teens about relationships and sexuality. Through both teaching and active monitoring of social and other activities, they need to protect their offspring from counterproductive influences and potential abuse. And, in addition, parents need to give overt guidance regarding appropriate and safe dating relationships.

Adolescents who have a close relationship with their parents tend to be responsive to their parents’ attitudes and advice about important issues including sexuality. Despite the many reasons which may cause a parent to feel uncomfortable with this topic, it is absolutely crucial that communication begins in the pre-teen years with general discussions of appropriate relationships and life goals, and that these conversations later progress to all aspects of sexuality, including STDs.

Open communication will also facilitate a parent’s ability to monitor the information that their teen is hearing in the media or in educational and social settings. Remember that any discomfort experienced by parents or teens is short term. The knowledge and benefits accrued are long term.

Some factors that protect against early sexual activity:

• discussion of issues related to sexuality between parents and children
• parental monitoring of dating
• balance of committed love and moderately strict discipline in the home
• good relationship between the parents
• both parents actively and emotionally involved with teen
• good performance and motivation at school
• post-secondary educational plans
• regular religious participation
• high self-esteem
• parental monitoring of media
• close friends who avoid high-risk behaviors and who are not sexually involved
• consistent message from educators to postpone sexual activity

By talking openly to teenagers about different aspects of relationships, by discussing the potential long-term implication of early sexual involvement, and by teaching adolescents to think critically about what they see and hear, parents can empower their teens to deal with challenges and adverse influences

The decisions made by teens regarding sexual behavior will have a significant impact on the rest of their lives. Parents need to encourage adolescents to consider questions such as the following:

• Will the choices I am making today allow me to live a healthy life in the future?
• Will these choices allow me to become the person I want to be?
• Will my current lifestyle deter me from reaching my goals and dreams?

Adapted from Teen Sex: Reality Check by Dr. Stephen Genuis, M.D. and Shelagh K Genuis BScOT.

~ Dr. Stephen Genuis has worked as a full time Obstetician for many years and has had the honor of delivering more than six thousand babies. He has numerous publications in medical literature on various topics but most importantly he is Shelagh’s husband and his kids’ “Pa.” You can order Dr. Genuis’ books at Winfield House.

1 Dolcini MM, Adler NE. Perceived competencies, peer group affiliation, and risk behavior among early adolescents. Health Psychol 1994; 13:496-506.

2 Kinsman SB, Romer D, et al. Early sexual initiation: the role of peer norms. Pediatrics 1998; 102:1185-1192.