One of my fondest childhood memories

Every day we would open one of the cardboard doors and behind each one we’d find a tiny chocolate. Every one of the chocolates was uniquely molded in a Christmas related shape. It was a fun diversion for us as kids as we impatiently awaited the arrival of Christmas day. But it doesn’t tell us much about the actual season of Advent. What is Advent?

The season of Advent begins on the fourth Sunday before Christmas, somewhere between November 27 and December 3, depending on the year.  Advent is the period leading up to Christmas, which celebrates the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, also known as Jesus Christ. It is unknown when this tradition first began, but this period of waiting is often seen in the Christian tradition as a reminder that the world remains waiting for Jesus’ return.

The traditional color of Advent is purple, the color often associated with royalty, although today blue and red are also used. Modern day celebrations of Advent include  Advent calendars, Advent wreaths, lighting special Advent candles, and a series of themed Sunday messages leading up to Christmas day.

Take the next step:

Was Jesus born on December 25th?
Take a lesson: Discovering Advent
Home Alone for the Holidays – When the most joyous time of year … isn’t.

Do you or your family have Advent traditions? Share them with us in the comments!

Image credit: tollens, used with permission, Creative Commons 2.0 License.

Heartbreak and loss, loneliness and disappointment stand out in sharp contrast to the sparkly excitement of Christmas. An article I was reading earlier quoted Kate O’Dwyer Randall, a Chaplin, who said,

“Holidays in our culture are often about families, and families are not always happy institutions.  I think that particularly if you’re facing a death or a divorce, the ‘empty chair syndrome’ becomes very real at this time of year.”

The article went on to say that many churches now have “Longest Night” or “Blue Christmas” services.  These services offer a more subdued atmosphere to welcome those who want to acknowledge Christmas, but can’t face the ebullient joy of a well intentioned “Joy to the World!”

Christmas gets all glammed up, but at the heart of it all, it celebrates a very quiet moment.   Christmas began with a little baby in a stable.  It started with two parents who were tired from a long journey and caught off guard that the baby would choose this particular moment to be born.  It wasn’t glamorous, and it wasn’t shiny but it did mark the moment that hope came to the world.  (If you’re rusty on the details, you can read the Christmas story from the book of Luke.)

As I was reading about the Longest Night services, I found this poem by Ann Weems from her book Kneeling in Bethlehem.  Her poem sums it up perfectly:

The Christmas Spirit
Is that hope
Which tenaciously clings
To the hearts of the faithful
And announces
In the face
Of any Herod the world can produce
And all the inn doors slammed in our faces
And all the dark nights of our souls
That with God
All things are possible,
That even now
Unto us
A child is born!
~ Ann Weems

If you would like someone to talk to, we are here waiting to talk and listen. May you continue to cling tenaciously to the hope that we celebrate, even now.

Take the next step:

Read the Christmas story from the book of Luke
How to celebrate when you’re not together
Home alone for the holidays 

Through the curtains my husband handed me a towel.  As I wrapped the fresh white towel around my shivering shoulders, deep warmth wrapped itself all around my thawing frame.  My husband had warmed the towel in the dryer!  I cannot describe how magical it felt.

The warmth of the towel seeped into my skin as my husband’s thoughtfulness saturated my soul.  I felt loved.  What a gift! It was a simple act of kindness that warmed my body and heart.

Now… before you start thinking that this kind of romance naturally occurs within the Born household, can I set the record straight?  This wasn’t my hubby’s own idea.  Nope.  He didn’t come up with this on his own. He got it from a book.  But… who cares? As I enshrouded my body with that warm towel, I didn’t give a hoot where the idea came from.  I was relishing in his implementation of the idea. That was the gift.

Have you got a Christmas gift for your spouse yet?  According to the guy on the radio, if you don’t have your gifts by now… it’s too late.  But I don’t believe him.  Come on, they’ve been playing Christmas music for months already.  The pressure tactics of consumerism are little over the top.

For Christmas this year, my husband and I are giving each other the gift of attending a marriage conference together.  Now, marriage conferences aren’t cheap, so we’ll be saving up for it. But I’m thinking it’ll be more like an investment. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is the desire to learn new ways of saying “I love you” – whether the ideas come from a book, a marriage seminar or from your own creativity.  No matter what stage a marriage is at (and we’ve been through ebbs and flows of our own) there is always hope for a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

So with the warm towel in mind, think about giving a gift that will change your relationship.  Find out new ways to say I love you.  Pick up a marriage book.  Plan to attend a marriage seminar.  Go for coffee with a friend and share some ideas.  Choosing to learn new ways to love your spouse is a life-changing gift. Now that’s a real gift.

Take the next step:

Find a marriage conference near you: US schedule Canadian schedule
Do you have questions about marriage? Come talk to a mentor

Originally posted on dorisdoumaborn.wordpress.com . Used with permission.

Christmas is a time for dreaming, for wondering, for optimism.  I know that Christmas is not always perfect, but in this season it’s as if we’re allowed to wonder what it would be like if it was.

As I’ve thought about what I want, for Christmas and for the year ahead, I realized that it’s not something I think about as often as I should.  It can be quite a challenge to put what I want into words.  It takes courage to say it out loud.  What if I admit that I want something and I don’t get it? What happens then?  It is better to pretend I never wanted it in the first place?

I came across a quote recently that has become my Christmas wish, for myself and for those I love.  It speaks of the absolute necessity of hope.  As I read it, I realize that this is what I want for Christmas.  American novelist Barbarba Kingsolver writes:

The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.

I love the picture she has crated here.  This is hope received.  Hope is not something that happens to you, it comes from within you.  Whatever your year looks like, whatever Christmas looks like for you this year, hope is a choice.  You can have it.

It is my challenge to you, and to myself this Christmas. Do you know what you hope for? Are you living under it’s roof.  As we step into Christmas,  take time to truly receive, to wish, to dream and most of all, to hope.

If you are facing a hard Christmas this year, we have mentors who would love to talk with you.
What does your soul crave? Explore your inmost desires.

I have lived at least three days’ drive from my grandparents and most of my extended family my entire life

I have a great relationship with my parents, but I wasn’t always good at maintaining this bond.  My days in college were spent procrastinating about calling home and rolling my eyes when my father not-so-subtly mentioned that “they never hear from me”. But as my family has grown and changed, and I’ve made the transition from college student to married adult – with a whole new set of family to keep track of – I’ve come to value the connection with family much more.

I’ve had to come up with ways to stay connected across the miles. This is even more important  at Christmas. Splitting my time between my husband’s family and mine means we’re always spending the holidays without one group or the other.  I’ve found these 8 ways to stay connected, no matter how far apart we are:

1. Get everyone to use Skype. It’s taken time, but one by one my in-laws, parents and some siblings have gotten a free Skype account.   Skype lets you connect through instant messages and video chats for free online. I talk to my parents while I cook dinner and take my laptop around the apartment to show them my Christmas decorations.   When they are all together watching football on Sunday one of them sends me a message and that makes me feel included in their family time. On Christmas Day I plan to video chat with the whole family.  You could video chat while you open gifts.  I know other people who make a daily date for grandparents and grand-babies to “play” on the computer. It’s free, easy to learn and once everyone has the hang of it, it can bring your distant loved ones right into your home.
2. Start a blog. At first my blog was just a fun way to experiment with the little code knowledge I was picking up at work, but it developed into a way to share my life with my family. I write about what’s going on in my life, put up pictures and even connected my Twitter account to my blog so that my parents (who are not into Twitter… yet!) can even enjoy the small updates I do there.  It saves me time from having to write lengthy emails about the same event to different family members and is a great way to share photos without worrying about email size and attachments. Recently my dad even started his own travel blog and is now returning the favor, letting me stay updated on his trips.
3. Get phone cards. If you’re like my husband and I, you don’t have much need for a home phone line. We both have smart phones and spend more of our time texting than calling. But this has put a barrier up for us when it comes to calling grandma and grandpa and other family members who don’t have Skype, blogs, or even computers. We started buying phone cards and keeping them by the phone and in our wallets. For the occasional call to Grandma it’s much cheaper than getting a long distance plan.
4. Find inexpensive and simple ways to wish them well at holidays. I live in Canada and my parents, sister and brother all live in the States.  You wouldn’t believe how annoying shipping across the border can be (don’t get me started on gift cards). I’ve had to look for ways to wish them happy birthday and merry Christmas that work across borders and arrive on time.  Some websites, like Etsy.com, will accept Canadian PayPal payments and delivery to the US so I can have gifts shipped directly to my family. E cards are another great option.  If all else fails, start an arrangement with a family member (in my case, my shopaholic, sale-finding sister) who is willing to be your personal elf and save you the cost of shipping.
5. Put family in your calendar. I am not good at remembering important dates and have forgotten more than a couple family birthdays.  I am trying to schedule events in my email calendar in advance of the special occasion. This alerts me to the birthday, holiday or anniversary in enough time to mail a card or call my “family elf” (see Tip #4!) and arrange  to have something there on the special day. I have found if I don’t make these events as important as the work meetings I schedule, they get forgotten and I miss an opportunity to show my family I am thinking of them.
6. Sign up for seat sale alerts. Most airlines and discount ticket websites will allow you to specify what cities you’re keeping your eye of for cheap flights and will email alert you if the price falls. I recommend travelocity.com, orbitz.com, hotwire.com. Staying on top of the ups and downs of travel costs helps my husband and me maximize the times we can see our relatives each year.  Get your family involved in looking too.  My mother-in-law has emailed us more than once with WestJet deals and we’ve been able to visit her more affordable.
7. Do something together. How do you do something together when you don’t even live in the same country? I’ve found that there are ways to share a common bond or activity that don’t require two people are in the same room at the same time.  My sister and I are putting together our family photo calendar, a yearly tradition we took over last year. Our extended relatives email us the photos, we both upload to Snapfish.com and work on designing it as a team.  It’s like a sisters’ scrap-booking project without paper! Other options might be making a family fantasy sports pool or doing the same craft and uploading photos on Facebook of your progress for the other to see.
8. Keep the lines of communication open and the relationship a priority. Whatever your reasons for being away from loved ones, they can cause some to feel negative emotions from time to time about why you wouldn’t want to be closer to them. Perhaps most of your family lives close together and you are the one consistently absent from family functions because life has carried you elsewhere.  Whatever the situation, resist the temptation to let the lines of communication go quiet. Initiate connection even when it may be hard or when you feel out of the loop. Pulling back will only add to the miles between you and feed the fears that the relationship may be lost. Take opportunities, like Christmas, to show them with the efforts you make that they are a valuable part of your life and that your relationship can continue to grow – even if you live far apart.

How to be home alone for the holidays
Do you need to talk? We have trained mentors who would love to talk to you.

It’s not that I dislike shopping.  Quite the contrary, choosing gifts is one of my favorite things to do.  But stepping into a mall in the month of December sours my Christmas joy.  It’s as if someone has pulled the plug on Christmas and I stand there empty, grumpy, impatient, cranky and generally unpleasant.

By the time I head back to the car I can barely stand myself. A couple of years ago I decided I needed to take better care of myself and so adopted a strict No Malls in December policy.  For me, malls are  just not healthy that time of year.  Fortunately, I’ve found plenty of ways to avoid them.

The first step, always, is planning.  Think before you shop.  It’s especially important when you’re not going to the mall and need to plan your route.  Mall shopping tends to be more of an “I’ll just walk around until I find something” experience.  I like to be more intentional.

When I think of gift giving, I think it terms of luxury. Not luxury in the sense of a diamond encrusted watch, rather the luxury of an unusual treat.  What is something this person would never spend money on him- or herself for?  Is there equipment for a hobby that they wouldn’t splurge on? Can you upgrade something they already have?  Can you add to a set? Have you seen something that made you think of them? One you’ve got your ideas, you’re ready to shop.

Here are 4 ways to avoid Christmas shopping at the mall:

1.  Shop small, shop local. Take a look around your town and I can guarantee you have some beautiful stores and they are not in the mall.  Stepping in a specialty store in December is a delight.  You can actually see the decorations, it’s quiet enough that you can hear the music.  Some of my favorites stores even smell great this time of year.  The staff have time to smile, and the gift options are often more interesting.

2. Shop experiences. Often we think of gifts as something you hold in your hand, but they don’t have to be.  Experience gifts can be tickets to show, a pass to the zoo, a gift certificate for a manicure, tickets to a sporting event.  A friend of mine once received a gift certificate to Ticketmaster – good towards tickets to any show, concert or event.  Years later it remains one of her favorite gifts.  She spent hours deciding which concert to go to.

3. Shop online. Obviously this is not new but there are lots of ways to make online shopping really work for you.  If you have relatives who live far away, you can shop from an online store in THEIR neighborhood and really save on shipping costs.   Many online retailers have better shipping rates than sending something in the mail. (Trust me on this.)  Also, the “shop small” idea really works well here.  There probably isn’t a Star Wars boutique in your town, but that Boba Fett Christmas tree ornament you’re looking for is easy to find online.

4.  Shop custom and handmade. I know “shop online” was #3 but etsy.com deserves it’s own listing.  Etsy.com is an online market for all things handmade.  You might think that means grandma’s doilies and kitschy things involving cats, but you’d be wrong.  Etsy.com is home to thousands of artists who make everything from stunning jewelry, handbags and paintings to toys and even wall decals.  Almost anything on the site can be customized.  Sounds expensive, right?  It’s not, but it is certainly beautiful.

Once the Christmas crowds have passed, I’ll make my way back to the mall and do my part to support that branch of the economy.  But in the cozy days of December, I just can’t bear to squander my Christmas delight in a crush of cranky shoppers.  Here, you can have my parking spot.  Merry Christmas.

Hang on to your Christmas spirit:
Life Lesson: Stories behind the carols
Find some peace on Earth

A couple of the points SimpleMom gives include taking an inventory of what you have, hunting the sales well before the holidays and embracing a simple look. Last year after Christmas I bought several items at Superstore, Ikea and other locations that went straight into my two green tubs of holiday decorations. Not only did I get an incredible price but I also avoid getting sucked into whatever trends they roll out at full price this year. Getting out the brand new decorations is like unwrapping early Christmas presents.

I agree with SimpleMom, the stores design their displays to entice you to buy what you don’t need and make you believe that it will look at good in your own house. But it never does because you don’t have a room full of the other 150 matching items you would need to complete the look. Often, once you get home you regret your impulse buy and the random mix of decorations you’ve accumulated.

When it comes to decorating on a budget, I suggest the following.  Some of this is related to SimpleMom’s thoughts and some of my own:

1. Decide on a look or style and stick with it (yes, year after year unless you are independently wealthy). If you have a consistent color scheme you’ll be less likely to buy impulse junk you’ll throw away.  With one look throughout the home it also takes less money and effort to create a cohesive decor.

I love the woodsy/winter cabin look and very little green – mostly reds, browns, creams, tans and golds. So I resist the temptation to buy one-offs and instead go for items like pine cones, a felt tree skirt with trees on it and knit stripped stockings in red, brown and cream. Just because Ikea tried to say black and orange makes nice Christmas decoration in 2008 doesn’t mean all the people who bought them don’t seriously regret their decision now.  (Unless their decorations have always been those colors in which case they were actually following the rules).

2. If you like to create homemade decorations, don’t overwhelm yourself, choose one per year. Craft supplies are pricey and add up if you’re trying to create five things you saw on marthastewart.com.

Decide on a craft that’s doable (and of course matching the theme you’re building) and you won’t end up opening that box of decorations the next year and wondering why you spray painted the nativity gold or spent a fortune on supplies for handmade Disney princess ornaments.

In keeping with my woodsy theme, last year I made homemade bird ornaments out of cinnamon, craft glue and an assortment of glitter and beads in red, brown and metallic.  They will look beautiful for years and because theey fit my theme I am not limited to putting them on the tree.  I can tuck a bird into a little corner anywhere in the house and it looks right at home.

3. If you don’t have much money to spend and you want to keep things simple but put together, group items together in vignettes. I actually have very few Christmas decorations (only two Rubbermaid tubs full including towels, napkins and candles) but I avoid making it look sparse by not spreading them out around the house.

Over the years, yes, I hope to collect and make enough to make each room equally festive, but for now, I focus on two locations: the fireplace and the dining room table. I have towels in the kitchen and pine cones and candles in the guest bathroom but be choosy.  A lone decoration can easily look cheap, be wrong in scale or simply ineffective in creating atmosphere.

4. Consider incorporating a family tradition into your decorations. Infusing meaning into the decor not only allows your family to be involved  but it also gives purpose to your purchases.

My husband and I liked my parents’ tradition of purchasing an ornament each year to commemorate something unique about the year, like a vacation or a city we lived in or a child being born. Their tree is covered with ornaments from all over the world and has been a conversation piece my whole life.

We started this tradition in our first year of marriage and our unique collection includes an ornament received as a wedding present, one from Asia, one from Paris and one from the (Red) campaign. The collection is becoming a conversation piece and holds memories for us both. Along with the childhood ornaments we brought into the marriage, I know the biggest part of our Christmas decorating will be the most special.

What ideas do you have to making Christmas decorating more enjoyable, stress-free and budget-friendly?

*Image by Sarah Hau

More for the Holidays
12 Days of a romantic Christmas
Finding some peace on earth
Christmas cream cookies

Did you have Christmas traditions when you were a kid?

There’s something very comforting in the familiar sights and sounds of Christmas.  There’s that moment of recognition, of thinking, “I know how this goes, I know what comes next.”  It reminds me of the country dancing you see in those old Jane Austen movies.  Everyone knows the steps and so everyone in the room participates.  There is an inherent togetherness in tradition.

As I’ve grown up part of the process has been choosing my own traditions and deciding how I want to celebrate.  It started in university, the first year I participated in Operation Christmas Child.   Filling a gift box for a child on the other side of the planet is a wonderful way to start the season.  Each year as I keep filling boxes, I remember the student I was.  Even with little money to speak of it wasn’t so hard to find a little extra.  I try to remember that now as I bustle through the other expenses of the season.  Sometimes generosity hardly costs a thing.

One Christmas, my parents bought all three of us Nerf dart guns.  My oldest brother was almost out of the house and my Mom said she just wanted to see us all playing together like we did when we were kids.  There’s nothing refined about three almost-adults chasing each other through the halls with foam darts.   But the laughter that rang out through the house that day, and that lives still in my memory was very Christmassy indeed.

If you’re looking to start a tradition of your own this year, check out Lily Green’s wonderful article, “My Christmas Tradition”.  Often it’s not the fanciest or priciest traditions we hold dearest, but rather the ones that bring us together and remind us of the ones we love.  How will you celebrate this year?

It took until early December for National Bureau of Economic Research to officially call it a recession, but really, we’ve known for a while now. Things are different this year. You can see signs of the times everywhere.  It’s in the wording of of the ads on TV, not to mention the prices.   It’s on the cover of every magazine and this year, even Oprah’s famous Favorite Things list bears the scars.

Over the past six years Oprah and her staff have put together an extravagant list of Oprah’s Favorite Things.  In the past the list has included everything from organic pears to fancy cameras to high end robes and PJs.  This year the list was part of the November 26th broadcast,  “The Thriftiest Christmas Ever” and heralded as Oprah’s Favorite Things… with a twist!

In place of all the luxury items, this year Oprah brought together a list of gift ideas that barely cost a thing. Handmade and heart-felt gifts made the list this year – no $3000 fridges or $800 camcorders.   If things are sluggish enough that watching other people get extravagant gifts has lost its charm this may be a surer sign than anything the financial gurus can tell us.

In explaining the change to the list on her site, Oprah’s writers had this to say:

Oprah has received many gifts over the years, but she says the gift that means the most to her is one that cost the least. “A few years ago at my 50th Happy Birthday luncheon, my friends wrote me heartfelt notes that they then placed inside this silver box,” Oprah says. “The words from your heart mean more to people than anything you can buy.”  – Oprah.com

We’ve been told for years that it’s the thought that counts.  Maybe now that Oprah has said it we’ll finally start to believe it.