“I knew I had to do something to get my son up off the streets.” Karen came to this decision after she spent years working the streets. She had turned to prostitution and drugs after growing up without the love of her parents. But she took big steps to break that cycle. How can you make positive changes in your life?

Take the next step:

Are you struggling with hurt from your past? Talk to a mentor today.
Has your low self-esteem driven you to make decisions you regret?
Are you feeling unloved? Start the conversation about God and love.

Courageous is a movie about five police men living with exciting careers and challenges at home.  One of them is moved to improve as a father.  His co-workers are inspired to do the same, and they resolve to be better dads.  But it doesn’t end there.  Life happens, and they have to make decisions – will they be the men of integrity as they promised when it’s hard, really hard?

This movie is exciting, funny, and action filled.  The police scenes will leave you at the edge of your seat.  You’ll roar with laughter and be moved to tears.  The movie portrays all sorts of fathers – fathers who favor one child over another, fathers of teenage daughters with boyfriends, divorced fathers and fathers who want to be better.

The press release for Courageous describes why a movie like this is so important:

Today, fatherlessness in Canada is widespread and its effects are far reaching. Studies show that fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy and criminality. Even in homes where the father is present, he may be struggling with career, life’s purpose or marital issues. Dads are often busy and disconnected. The movie Courageous invites men to make a profound change for the sake of their families, collectively altering the future of our nation as men put into practice what fatherhood should be.

This movie is a must-see for families. In a culture that is becoming more and more desensitized to violence, Courageous adds some sensitivity back.  Take your spouse, buddy, co-worker, brother-in-law, and vow to make a difference in the lives of children around you.  Dare to be courageous – it’s not too late.

Courageous opens in select theatres September 30^th.

Resources available

Resources have been created for small group studies and individual resolutions for men as well as women.  Churches are encouraged to hold small groups and continue the process of fathers building stronger families.  You can find these resources and more at http://courageouscanada.ca/resources

Are you a Dad wanting to make a difference in your child’s life? Get more tips:

Creative Parenting
When Parents Break Your Heart
Could you forgive your daughter?
Courageous

Whether our sexuality was stolen from us or we gave it away, we experience a loss. But unfortunately many of us don’t allow ourselves to grieve those losses. Psychologists tell us that there are five stages of grieving; denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Writing out our life map begins to move us beyond denial to truth. That can make us angry. And it should. When we’ve been used and abused, or have fallen victim to wrong choices in our life, we experience anger. But often we direct our anger inward, causing anxiety and depression, or outward to the wrong people. Broken people intentionally and unintentionally hurt other people. Processing our anger in a healthy way is asking God to show us who shares responsibility for all that’s happened to us and the choices we’ve made.

The goal of this exercise isn’t to make us angrier, but instead to allow God to show us that we alone are not to blame. And then to surrender our hurts and anger to Him. One way we do this is to write anger letters to everyone God reveals who shares blame for what’s happened in our past, including our own choices. We didn’t have sex alone. We didn’t perform our own abortion. Although God wants us to acknowledge our part in wrong choices, there are others who need to bear some of the responsibility.

The goal of this exercise is to surrender our anger to God. To honestly express how other’s choices have hurt us. I encourage people to use ‘I’ statements when they write their letters. For example: “I was hurt, angry, sad, etc., when you ___________. Rather than make it a list of behaviors, it’s important to acknowledge how others’ choices hurt us and how that makes us feel.

But one word of caution. These letters are between us and God and not meant to be given out. The goal is not revenge or retribution, but healing and restoration. In some cases if God leads, we may give our letter to the intended person. But only after prayerful consideration.

Following anger, people often experience sadness or grief. This is normal. Anger is a huge emotion, and can be draining. When God removes our anger, the emptiness can leave us sad, resigned, empty. Don’t worry, this is normal. This is part of God breaking our hearts so that He can heal us. One caution for those who’ve struggled with depression, or are currently on medication for depression—please get medical advice if you feel that you’re slipping back under that deep, dark cloud. Or if the depression lasts longer than a few weeks. I know, I’ve been there. If so, you may need to get on medication, or increase an existing dose.

God uses the next step—forgiveness, to lift us out of our grief or sadness and move us towards acceptance. In addition to acknowledging where we need to ask for forgiveness from God for our part, we need to forgive others for theirs. I find it interesting that in the Lord’s Prayer, asking God to forgive us and forgiving others are related…as if one is contingent on the other…”and forgive us our debts as we also have forgiven our debtors.” (Matt. 6:12). Miraculously, God uses this step of forgiving others to set us free from their hold on us. Forgiveness is the gateway to healing, and to the final step of grieving–acceptance.

Are you ready for the next step? Return to the main article for more information, the next exercise and four books that can help you on your way.

When you’re ready to talk, we’re here to help:

Free, private mentoring by email
Request prayer

That’s essential if we want complete healing, and have the kind of emotional and physical intimacy God desires for us to have in marriage. Also, because of the bonds we’ve created with other partners, we need to trust God to sever those bonds so that we can have our bonding hormone restored, allowing us to bond fully in a present or future marriage. Healing restores all our relationships, because we’ll finally be able to reconcile ourselves to us. Being at peace with ourselves, frees us to be at peace with others.

Let the healing begin

For the past several years I’ve had the privilege of watching God heal hundreds of people from their sexual pasts. God led me to write a bible study for sexual healing, and through twelve chapters we lead people through a grieving process for their sexual pasts. I want to encourage you if God is bringing to mind things you’ve yet to heal from, that you’ll have the courage to join me and countless others in the following steps to healing:

1. Healing the wounds we’ve accumulated from our past.

2. Grieving the losses we’ve experienced.

3. Exposing the lies we’ve ingrained because of our past.

4. Breaking ungodly sexual bonds.

Healing the wounds we’ve accumulated from our past. Some wounds we’re aware of, but many we’re not, until we let God show us how our past is still hurting us today. When we let God show us how our past has hurt us, He’s able to heal our brokenness. But the first step and often the hardest is acknowledging what’s happened to us. And with abuse or trauma, often we can’t remember clearly what’s happened. But God knows our whole story, every detail. And when we give Him permission, He’ll show us our story. Here’s an exercise that can help you see your own story.

Grieving the losses we’ve experienced. Whether our sexuality was stolen from us or we gave it away, we experience a loss. But unfortunately many of us don’t allow ourselves to grieve those losses. John Townsend and Henry Cloud in their book, How People Grow, say that “Grief is the one pain that heals all others. It is the most important pain there is.”[1]

Because many of us feel responsible for the loss, we often don’t feel we deserve to grieve. But the truth is, we do deserve to grieve, even more, we need to grieve. In fact God grieves right along with us. He feels our pain, bears our burdens. He even collects our tears, King David tells us in Psalm 56:8, “Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll—are they not in your record?” And as we grieve, God is able to comfort and heal us. Here’s an exercise to help you walk through the grief process.

Exposing the lies we’ve ingrained because of our past. For many years I believed that God was the one who was heaping shame on me. I was certain He was disappointed with me, and no matter how many times I asked for forgiveness, I still had shame. But as I allowed God to heal me, I discovered that He did not see me the way I saw myself, the way the enemy tried to make me feel.

He did not see me as sinful, dirty and unrighteous. Instead because of what Jesus did on the cross, and my acceptance of His forgiveness, God saw who I was in Christ–holy, righteous, blameless, forgiven. Yet I’d been living out of the lie of the enemy. Once I saw the truth, the enemy could no longer deceive me with this lie.  Here’s an exercise to help you see how God views sex.

Breaking ungodly sexual bonds. The bonding of sex is not only physical, but also spiritual, emotional and mental which includes the chemical and hormonal bonding that happens. Although we’d like to believe that breaking up and moving on severs that bond, in truth, only God can sever the ‘one flesh’ bond He’s created through sex.

The bible says that this bonding is a mystery. In other words, it’s unexplainable, supernatural, something only God can do. So it makes sense that only God can completely sever this bond. In this step we ask God to show us everyone we’ve created a sexual bond with, and write out a sexual history list. Then we pray through each name (or memory if we don’t have a name) asking God to sever the bond we’ve created—at every level, spiritually, emotionally, physically and mentally.  Here is the prayer to pray.

Really Good News…           

Oxytocin is God’s super-human glue that is released in a man and woman during sexual arousal and release. When we’ve created bonds with others through sex, we can damage our bonding hormone, causing us to release less and less with each subsequent partner. But I have amazing news! Preliminary research is showing that as we heal, our brain heals, allowing us to release oxytocin again. Isn’t God so kind? Regardless of how our bonding hormone was damaged or depleted, when we let God heal us, He even restores our ability to bond. That’s what God told us in Joel 2:25, ‘I will repay for the years the locusts have eaten…” God promises to pay us back all that the enemy has robbed from us—even oxytocin.  Here’s an excerise to walk through the process of breaking sexual bonds.

I want to leave you with one final word of encouragement. Its true…healing isn’t easy, and it doesn’t happen overnight. In fact it can be quite painful, and take longer than expected. But this I can promise: it’s worth the journey. I would never want to go back to where I was, broken, clothed in shame, stuck spiritually, emotionally and physically.

For 25 years shame was my constant companion. But when God restored me 8 years ago, that’s when I really began to live…that’s when I became free. What a feeling! I wouldn’t trade it for anything. And it’s not just me. Everyone who’s had the courage to trust God with their pasts, regardless of how hard the journey, not one has ever said they wished they could go back to the way things were.

I’m praying that this is the day you’ll say yes to God, and begin your journey to a life of freedom. You’ll never regret it…I promise.

When you’re ready to talk, we’re here to help:

Free, private mentoring by email
Request prayer

The story is told of a couple that grew to find little to appreciate in one another.

At first it seemed impossible, yet as the days passed the task seemed to get easier.  One month later she reported to the counselor that something remarkable was happening to her husband – he was changing. Without him even knowing about her book, he started coming home earlier than usual seeming to be more relaxed to be there.  He was noticing the change in her and without even knowing what was causing it, he was responding.

Choose your focus

That wonderful quote on love from 1 Corinthians 13, so often heard at weddings,  holds the treasured nugget that “love keeps no record of wrongs”.

Every couple will find irritations in one another, for we are imperfect people. Yet how we decide, ahead of time, to respond to those irritations will make a world of difference in our relationships.

We can resent the irritations and eventually the person; we can count them and point them out and nag about them. Or we can choose to polish up the good things we see and hear and put our focus there. We can pray about the irritations, and for growth in patience and gentleness in both our partner and in ourselves. When an issue truly needs to be addressed do it carefully and prayerfully without a spontaneous outburst.

Attitude is everything  

Thankfulness is heart-changing. The way YOU perceive a situation is the way you will respond to it.  Perception, whether or not it is factual, becomes truth to the individual. Choose early to have a love that “keeps no record of wrongs” but finds the good and stores up a “record of rights” in your heart toward one another.

A wise friend of mine decided to begin a “record of rights” for her fiancée because she found the written word powerful and sometimes easier to express.  She started the book without telling him about it and one day, when he was packing for a trip, she slipped it into his suitcase.  He found it when he settled into his hotel room and read the whole thing.  They both love this record of rights because it now serves to help them remember those first words and first feelings of her love and thankfulness for him and it helps them choose where to focus.

God’s wisdom, to keep no record of wrongs, is a powerful reminder to choose where you focus in the daily rubbing of shoulders and the nitty-gritty of life.

He also promises to grant you the patience and gentleness, the kindness and thankfulness that you need day to day. Simply ask Him, every day, to help you look with eyes that see the good and respond with love that polishes up the good you find in one another. When something needs to be addressed, ask Him to help you in the timing and attitude in which you approach it.

Choose today that the “record of rights” will be your norm long before any irritations have a chance to build a wall in your heart.

Choosing your focus will help keep the wonder of your love a true treasure in your heart daily.

Do you need help changing your focus? We can help, take a Life Lesson

Do religions have too many rules?

Have you ever taken a look at the rulebook for a professional sports league? The Official NHL Rulebook lists hundreds of specific rules and regulations. Everything from penalties, to the flow of the game (“The time allowed for a game shall be three (3) twenty-minute periods of actual play with a rest intermission between periods.”), to the size and shape of the rink (“The official size of the rink shall be two hundred feet (200′) long and eighty-five feet (85′) wide. The corners shall be rounded in the arc of a circle with a radius of twenty-eight feet (28′)”).

If the rules and regulations were all a person knew about the game of hockey, they would likely conclude that it is not only probably quite boring, but also that it must be the most restrictive and oppressive activity in the world! Thankfully hockey is much more than merely its rulebook. Still, rules are necessary. Imagine trying to play a game without any rules! In the comic strip Calvin & Hobbes, the young boy Calvin created just such a game: Calvinball. The comics centered around the chaos that would result whenever they would try to play the game without any rules.

Similarly, popular speaker Nicky Gumbel describes his experiences trying to referee a childrens’ soccer game. The normal referee was late, and so he was temporarily pressed into taking the role:

There was a number of difficulties with this: I had no whistle, there were no markings for the boundaries … and I did not know the rules nearly as well as some of the boys. The game soon descended into complete chaos. Some shouted that the ball was in. Others said it was out. I wasn’t at all sure, so I let things run. Then the fouls started. Some cried, “Foul!” Others said, “No foul!” I didn’t know who was right. So I let them play on. Then people began to get hurt. By the time Andy [the official referee] arrived, there were three boys laying injured on the ground … but the moment Andy arrived, he blew his whistle, arranged the teams, told them where the boundaries were and had them under control. Then the boys had the game of their lives! (from “Alpha: Questions of Life,” 88-89)

Gumbel asks the question: Were the boys more free without the rules or were they in fact less free? This is the paradox of anarchy. Think of most of the freedoms that you cherish: Things like being treated fairly, having the right to speak and vote, owning possessions without constant fear of having them taken, and living a life of liberty “in pursuit of happiness.” All of these are guaranteed and facilitated by having rules which restrict certain “freedoms” (like being free to steal other peoples’ property or to silence others from speaking) in favor of others (like the right to own property or have free speech).

But what about religious rules? Aren’t they just an impediment to our freedom?

In the same ways as a lack of sports rules will lead to less real freedom, lack of rules for life will eventually also lead to less real freedom. Dr Victor Shepherd describes the difference this way: “When the Bible speaks of freedom, however, it means something entirely different; it means the absence of any impediment to acting in accord with our true nature … The free person is simply the person for whom there is no impediment (inner or outer), no obstacle to her living as the child of God that she is by faith.” (from “Do you love me? And other questions Jesus asks,” 35-36)

The distinction between Christianity and all other faiths is that while Christianity has rules, it’s not about rules. C. S. Lewis, the late Oxford and Cambridge university professor who was also author of the popular Narnia series of books, was once asked what belief was unique to the Christian faith. “Oh, that’s easy,” he replied, “it’s grace.” Every other religion makes rules the basis of a person’s right standing with God. But in the Christian faith the rules first point out how a person has fallen short of God’s standard. That realization leads a person to God’s grace. Then those same rules serve as direction to live out lives of gratefulness. This is done not to earn anything, but in gratitude for what has been freely given.

Yes, many people (and churches) use rules like weapons to wound others through guilt and intimidation. Or they may be used as oppressive weights to burden people and drag them down. Perhaps you have experienced that yourself. But if you have, it may be time to consider that using rules this way is part of a broken system. And the true system is much more beautiful and burden-free. Watch the video Religion: Why it Isn’t Working to explore this idea further and let us know what you think!

Related reading:
Why is it so hard to forgive? – Licensed counselor Lynette Hoy explores this important topic
Discover purpose – What’s so amazing about grace?

It’s predictable: Every year around Easter time, we read about Easter controversy.

They could be the earliest Christian writing in existence, surviving almost 2,000 years in a Jordanian cave. They could, just possibly, change our understanding of how Jesus was crucified and resurrected, and how Christianity was born. A group of 70 or so “books”, each with between five and 15 lead leaves bound by lead rings, was apparently discovered in a remote arid valley in northern Jordan somewhere between 2005 and 2007. (BBC)

Astounding, if true, but as often is the case, the enthusiasm of the initial reports is dulled by more level-headed, careful research, which indicates that the discovered “ancient” books are actually modern forgeries.

Although many know that Easter is a “religious celebration”, a 2010 Barna survey found that “a minority of adults [42%] directly linked Easter to the Christian faith’s belief in the resurrection of Christ.” This Easter, consider spending time learning the meaning behind Easter: Explore the oldest existing historical documents describing the events that occurred nearly 2000 years ago: The New Testament. Surviving hundreds of years of scrutiny, these documents are not just the best attested historical documents from antiquity, they have changed radically transformed millions of lives for good!

Our new series of online interactive studies “The Journey Toward the Cross and Beyond” explore the event of Jesus’ resurrection and its significance to us today. Try one today and receive a personalized reply by email from an online mentor:

Here is a list of the new Easter studies:
1) A Week of Contrasts
2) Conversations Among Friends
3) Conversations with God
4) A Garden, a Courtyard and a Hill
5) Alive Forevermore: Beyond the Cross

Related reading:
The Easter Story – A summary of the timeless, powerful, and powerfully true Easter story
Evidence for the Resurrection – William Lane Craig (PhD, ThD) explores the academic case for the resurrection
Ask any question you want about Easter, Jesus, or Christianity

Many families suffer “hole-in-a-pocket” syndrome

they earn seems to slip away leaving no trace. As a result, plans we have for our family, home, church or charity giving and future are set aside.  We say “we can’t afford it” even when the family income suggests that the plans are – or should be – affordable.

This happens because we are not aware of our spending habits and how they may be in conflict with our goals in life. Instead of changing our goals, we need to change our spending habits.  Changing a habit can be difficult, but it becomes easier when we commit to following sound and trusted financial principles.

Knowledge is power – and money in your pocket

Knowing where your money goes is the first step in spending it wisely. As we will see, it is also the first step in doing more with money we already have, and that’s like finding cash we didn’t know we had. When this happens there’s no longer a hole through which our money vanishes – now there’s a piggy bank where that money adds up.  With a little effort we can stop referring to “spending habits” and start calling them “savings habits.”

Now, wouldn’t that be nice?

More money is not the answer

We have enough riches and wonders on this earth both to meet our needs and help others with difficulty. So why do so many of us live from one pay cheque to the next? Because we do not set goals.

Goals enable us to ignore today’s temptations in favour of tomorrow’s treasure. No matter how we define those future riches – higher education for our children, financial security for ourselves, support for our church, assistance for those in need – the pride we feel when achieving them outweighs by a thousand-fold the pleasure from purchasing something we do not need and perhaps cannot afford.

Needs, wants and whims

Many of our problems with budgeting are caused by misidentifying our reasons for spending money. Each spending decision we make can be classified according to three categories:

Needs – These are vital to the physical and spiritual well-being our ourselves and our families. They may also be required to fulfil commitments to governments (taxes), creditors (mortgage lenders, credit card companies) our church (tithing) and our community (charitable donations).

Wants – Many expenditures are made on goods and services that enhance our lives. We may consider books and attendance at cultural events important in this regard; others may choose to spend money on their hobbies or travel. True “wants” are those that enrich our lives and justify their cost.

Whims – Whims are purchases that others decide we should make, rather than ourselves. This usually happens through the power of advertising. If last year’s television set is working fine, do we really need this year’s model with its fancy gizmos? Which should we obey first: an advertising pitch or our own needs?

With those definitions in mind, pause and think of the items or services you purchased in the past month and decide which were Needs, Wants and Whims. You may be surprised.

Start with a spending diary

Here’s a “Need” purchase worth making if you truly want to track your spending. Purchase a small pocket notebook, complete with an attached pen, and carry it with your wallet. (See our “Expense Tracker” under “Track your Spending”).

For one complete month, write down every purchase you make, to the penny, in your diary. Note the date, the amount and a description of the purchase. Be sure to include all purchases made by credit cards, cash, cheque and on the Internet. Don’t forget the coins you slip into parking meters and vending machines. At the end of the month assign each purchase a category – Food, Transportation, Clothes, Miscellaneous, etc. – and add the totals.

Chances are you will be shocked by the many unnecessary ways money slips through your hands from payday to payday, month to month, and year to year. If so, take the next step to managing your finances.  Once you can see where you money is going you can start to redirect it to where you want it to go.

Go to TRACK YOUR SPENDING and start your journey.

For help in getting your financial needs in balance so you can live a more generous life, contact FaithLIfe Financial.

Call 1-800-563-6237, or email moreinfo@faithlifefinancial.ca.

Visit our website www.faithlifefinancial.ca

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“Always walk through life as if you have something new to learn and you will.”

It can be hard to find time to learn amid the busyness of work and family but if you have a few minutes here and there, that’s enough.  Pick up a good book, try a new cuisine or dig in to one of our Life Lessons.

Life Lessons are short, topical studies that let you dig a little deeper into a topic that interests you.  There are lessons on marriage, communication, fear, spirituality, secrets, beauty, stress and contentment.

Most lessons take about half an hour to complete. Simply read the material and answer the questions.  When you hit “Submit” your answers will be sent to a Study Coach who will respond with additional insights. If you wish to discuss things further with your coach, they’re always just an email away.

You can see a complete list of topics on our site.
Browse our selection of nearly 100 online interactive life lessons

Which one will you try first?

Words are powerful.

A Google search for “quotes” returns 465 million results.  That’s a lot of words.  What is it about quotes that we like so much? I think for many of us it’s the chance to say exactly what we wish we could have said.   Quotes give us a chance to try and see behind the curtain, to see if we can discover the secret of a great businessman, a world leader, a poet or sports hero.  It’s as if by borrowing their words we can assume a little of them we can be more like them by sounding like them.

Words can heal and words can hurt – something I learned the hard way.

One of the most popular pages on this site is our collection of quotes on success With quotes on goals, character, achievement and leadership there’s a quote for everyone.  My favorite is, “I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure – which is: try to please everybody.” – Herbert Bayard Swope  What’s your favorite quote?