June (aka “the wedding month”) is only a few months away.

John Shore’s blog post “Embrace Your Wrongness, and 9 Other Tips For Becoming a Better Husband” lists ten humorous yet insightful tips for becoming a better husband. Some of my favorites include:

- Embrace your wrongness. In the course of disagreeing with our wives, what many of we men fail to realize is that, invariably, we’re wrong. We just are. We’re trying to be right — but failing. We can’t help it. It’s the nature of things. Men are bigger, hairier, stronger, and wronger. It’s a fact we should just get used to. God knows our wives have.

- Actually have opinions. Women like men who are clear on what they think, and why they think it. Men, though, enjoy ever waffling. Well, waffles are for kids. Stop it. Commit to thoughts, ideas, and decisions. Sure, you’ll be wrong about whatever it is you decide to think. But you’ll be attractively wrong. Wrong, but studly. That’s the American way.

- Get okay with being late. Women have an internal guide that tells them which things it’s okay to be late for, and which things it’s not. Unfortunately, that guide is written in ancient Venusian. You don’t read ancient Venusian. You don’t read any Venusian. Invest in a hand-held DVD player.

See his entire list for the rest! If you have tips you’d like to contribute please share with us in the comments.

Free Ebook: If any brides-to-be are reading this, you might be interested in our free ebook, “Reflections for a Bride“! (Husbands-to-be, forward that link to your special lady!)

If you are getting married, but are feeling anxious or scared and need someone to talk with, contact an online mentor today to talk privately & confidentially via email. Both men and women mentors are available and you will be matched up with someone who is familiar with the kind of issues you’re going through.

A couple of weeks ago I was right in the middle of downtown Vancouver

On a usual day, people downtown don’t try to touch you, but on this day there were open smiles and invitations.  People wanted to connect, to celebrate together.  So I walked down the street slapping hands with people I will never meet again. It struck me how easy it is to connect when we’re willing.  How often we hold ourselves back from that.

Holding back

The desire to hold back is very common.  I think we do it to protect ourselves, to keep from getting hurt.  We’ve convinced ourselves that we shouldn’t want that connection.  But the idea of separateness is a very modern one.  Not so long ago living communally was vital for survival.

Just last month my brother was in India and had the pleasure of participating in a community lunch.  Dozens of people were up on the roof all preparing food together.  Men and women, young and old, they chopped vegetables and called out to their neighbors.  Dave was struck by the joy in they had in making dinner, a task we often see as a chore.

So much is possible when we work together, but so often our instinct is not to get involved.  I wondered if it’s simply a part of our North American thinking, but I read article recently that challenged that.

In his article “Stand By” Shaun Smith asks “What if I decide to make a difference and it doesn’t make any difference at all?”  I think this is the real reason that so often, we back away.  What if I make the effort and am rejected? What if I spend resources and nothing changes? The problem is, this question screams at us so loudly we miss the other question lingering in its shadow “what if I become familiar with doing nothing at all.”

Take a minute to read Shaun’s article, you won’t be disappointed.  Do you find it easy to reach out to others?

Powerlessness. Futility.

These are two words that devour my soul. What could I have done differently?  It makes me feel as though I am a bystander. I’m not in the moment, I’m watching someone else’s moment. I try to get involved, try to encourage the weak, try to make a difference. But moments still slip past, people still stumble and I feel like a bystander.

The call to be a difference-maker

A struggle I have with the concept of change stems from my early Christian experience.  One morning a well-meaning pastor preached “You could cure cancer, and it still wouldn’t be enough.” He was highlighting the difference that Jesus makes. Jesus turns me from darkness into light – a 180 degree turn in my final destiny. In one sense, I suppose that’s true. That’s a big difference.  But what about change now?

Where is the call to be a difference maker? Does making a difference in Haiti have an impact? Does engaging my neighbor, thanking my bus driver, owning up to the hurt I cause when I live selfishly make a difference? Jesus calls me, and us, to great things. In John 14:12, he says, “anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these.”

Does this mean that I am not living up to my Christian faith when I’m not healing people, saving people, and bringing people back from the dead? Is this a call to greater miracles, loftier aspirations, and more incredible physical healings? Is change just about trying to one-up Jesus?

Washing windows at a bus stop

At my public transit station, there is a man who cleans the windows every morning. People listen to their iPods, stare at the floor, and gather outside when the bus comes to take them away. No one is there to admire the view. Is this the kind of change I’m called to? I do the best I can in my sphere of influence, but in the end, it feels as though

I’m washing windows at a bus stop.

I sit and watch the window washer. While he washes windows, he talks to people – anyone – about everything. While people sit and wait and watch for their bus, here is this man who washes windows who talks to strangers. He reminds me of the whispering voice of God, calling me to change my world. I hear the whisper over the cheer of the bystander.

Greater things than these

There are times when I do get involved. It makes me uncomfortable, or it’s awkward, or it’s a disruption in my busy schedule. I think of all the things that could possibly go wrong. What if I helped that person holding four grocery bags and walking on an icy street? What if I donated a little more of time helping kids learn to read?

What if I decide to make a difference and it doesn’t make any difference at all?

The allure of the bystander is that it keeps me safe. I don’t risk anything, and I am rewarded for it. With my peace. With my dignity. With my selfishness.

And so today, I stand by the casket of the boy who laid down in front of a train. I talk to his brother and ask how he’s doing. I offer my condolences, my support, my house if he needs a place to sleep or vent or just heal. I am compelled by the whisper of God to make a difference.

Change. Impact.

These are two words that create life in me. And a call to greater things.

Losing in an Olympic event would be feel disappointing, to say the least.

That was exactly what Netherlands speed skater Sven Kramer faced at the 2010 Winter Olympics. As Kramer skated in the 10,000m competition, his coach, Gerard Kemkers, mistakenly waved him toward the inside track instead of the outside track where the skater had been heading. The coach’s error led to Kramer being disqualified from the race, even though based on his time he placed first and would’ve won the gold medal.

People wondered whether Kramer would be able to forgive his coach. Kramer himself probably wondered if he would be able to forgive. And even if he could, would the rest of his country be able to forgive this public blunder of epic proportions? The chief sports editor for the Dutch newspaper The Telegraph commented that “This is a historic mistake. I think in Holland, over 50 years, we will still remember this mistake.” (Source: NPR)

We have all made mistakes in our own lives. While ours were not likely scrutinized by the world as Kemkers’ was, many of them seem just as meaningful to us, especially moral choices. From lapses in judgment to ignoring our own ethical standards in the misguided pursuit of some goal, the effects of a seemingly simple moral choice can end up haunting us for years.

The result is that many people are saddled with guilt. The proper way to deal with guilt is not denial; but how can we continue to have self-confidence in ourselves despite our mistakes and moral failures? If you feel like you’ve really messed up, you may appreciate Peter’s situation. He claimed he would follow his mentor even to death if necessary, but eventually Peter abandoned his mentor (and best friend). Read about how Peter’s guilt and anxiety were assuaged.

If you are struggling with issues of guilt and anxiety, and need someone to talk with, please contact us to talk today. You will be matched up (confidentially) with someone familiar with your struggles who will reply privately to you via email.

If  you could wish for anything in the world, what do you most desire?

We all long for something more – and it’s not necessarily the things you can buy at the mall.  We crave intimacy, destiny and meaning.  We want to connect and we want our lives to mean something.

Are you ready to explore your cravings? Join us for a five part video series by author Erwin McManus.  For each video there is a Life Lesson to dig deeper into the topic.  Fill in the lesson and you’ll be matched with a coach who will respond to your answers.  Life Lessons are a great way to explore a new topic on your own schedule.  All Life Lessons happen online so you can set your own schedule and there is never a fee.

Get started today!

Watch the first Video – What do you Crave?

Take the Life Lesson: Soul Craving – Crave

Find your next Life Lesson

But was it the greatest goal? Paul Henderson’s winning goal in the 1972 Summit Series between Canada and the Soviet Union may still be the best.  That whole series was “us” vs “them”, capitalism vs communism. It was the first real challenge to the supremacy of Canadian hockey players.  Back in ’72 we were in the cold war. It was a cultural battle that many believed was between the right and wrong way to govern. We were free, the USSR was behind the Iron Curtain.  For many people, there was a lot more than hockey being contested on that ice.

Ironically, Paul Henderson didn’t get to see part of this Sunday’s game between Canada and the USA.  You might think the hockey legend would be glued to the screen, or possibly catching the game from the good seats at Canada Hockey Place.  But he wasn’t.  Henderson missed part of the game because he was speaking at a Weekend to Remember marriage conference for FamilyLife. On a day when every Canadian was a hockey fan, why would he of all people miss part of the game to teach about marriage?

To Paul, the greater goal,  is a healthy marriage.   At the conference he clearly articulated that at the centre of a healthy marriage is a relationship with Jesus Christ.  On a Sunday when many debated which was the greatest goal, Paul made a clear statement. Marriage with God at the centre is really the “Golden Goal.”  It wasn’t just this Sunday that Paul placed such a high value on his faith and family life.  You can read or watch a video about Paul’s life here.

For some of us, a single moment will set the course of our lives. For Henderson and Crosby, it was a moment of greatness, for others it is a moment of tragedy. Are people like Henderson and Crosby destined for greatness? Or are they simply in the right place at the right time? You can explore the concept with Erwin McManus in his videos on craving destiny.  Do you ever wonder if you are destined?

Has there been a single, defining moment in your life? Tell us about it in the comments.

Vision and discipline

There are at least four attributes that are needed in order to compete well: vision, discipline, adaptability and personal satisfaction. Vision can be defined as “a mental picture of the desired future”. The more specific the vision is, the greater the potential benefit of that vision toward success.

I had the desire to run a marathon.  It was a great vision, but not really helpful in terms accomplishing my desire.  It wasn’t until I set a date, picked a race, and set a time goal for pacing myself that the vision became a useful tool.  Only then did my vision begin to become a reality.

Once my vision was more defined, it moved me to action. I began to train in a focused way.  I talked about what I was going to do, which provided a sense of accountability to follow through on my vision.  The discipline that I imposed on myself in training for a marathon also began to impact other areas of my life.  It caused me to be more focused in setting goals and implementing them.  I’m convinced that a true vision will result in focused goals and self discipline needed to move towards those goals.

Adaptability and satisfaction

Adaptability and personal satisfaction come as by-products of the vision and its implementation.  It’s surprising how the will to accomplish something causes us to adapt accordingly.  The ultimate satisfaction of seeing the vision “in process” and becoming a reality can help with the challenging moments along the way.

Sometimes people become overwhelmed with the task of creating and implementing a vision because they feel the need to have an ultimate vision for their life.  It’s actually easier to start with baby steps. Pick an area of life and get a mental picture of a desired future in that area.  This could be in the physical, intellectual, financial, professional, spiritual or relational sphere.  Just choose a specific place to start.

Vision is created twice. First, the mental picture is created.  This shaping of  the vision  is like the general form of clay in a potter’s hand.  Second, the vision is created by defining it so that it can be lived out in a physical reality, taking specific, small steps toward the vision becoming reality.  Both steps are important.

In his book, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey calls this “Beginning with the End in Mind.”  What is your desired future?  Take the time to think and dream before rushing headlong into goal setting and implementation.  King Solomon said, “Without a vision, the people perish.” He must have understood some very fundamental about the human spirit. Each of us longs to for change and a better future. Solomon, a rich and powerful king during biblical times, realized that the future was realized beyond the physical. What is your vision for 2010? Does that desire go beyond the physical?

Share your vision for 2010 with us in the comments! If you’d like to talk to a mentor privately about your vision and have them walk alongside you to help it become a reality, contact an online mentor privately via email!

It wasn’t the first time the country was united behind a single game and it won’t be the last.  Ask any hockey historian and they will all tell you that the biggest game of them all happened in 1972 when a team of Canadian NHL all stars took on a team from what was back then, the USSR.

In the final moments of that final game Paul Henderson scored the goal that defined a moment, a nation and the rest of Paul’s life.  The game was played almost 40 years ago, and Paul has talked about that goal almost every day since.  I had the opportunity to meet Paul once and when someone asked him about it he said simply “that’s the one thing everyone always wants to talk about.”

Recently, during an interview with the CBC Paul revealed that his is currently battling cancer. He spoke about the role faith plays in his life and in his current situation.  In the interview with CBC he said, “I have no angst in my body, no fear whatsoever.” You can watch the interview here.  I hope Paul knows that once again, all of Canada is behind him.  Earlier Paul talked to us about the role faith has played in his life in good times and bad:

It’s pretty incredible that he can have that kind of hope in the face of illness. It can seem like an unusual response, but some would argue, it is a perfectly natural one.  In his book Soul Cravings, Erwin McManus writes, “aimlessness can sometimes lead to apathy and lack of purpose. But you were not made for these things; you were made for hope.”  It’s quite a bold statement, to say that we are made, designed, for hope.  So often when health fails or finances fall into ruin hope is not our first response.  But McManus claims that it can be.

Watch what he has to say about hope, destiny and the source of both:

(If you can’t see the video click here to watch it)

>> Watch part 2 of this video here

Do you have hope in your situation? If you were facing a health crisis tomorrow would you be able to say that you had no fear? If you are looking for hope and need someone to talk to, we have email mentors available 24/7.  You can use this form to contact a mentor, you don’t have to go it alone. Paul Henderson has a fight ahead of him, and as he said in the interview he intends to fight this cancer with everything he’s got.  I hope he knows that once again, the whole nation is behind him.

Upcoming online chats: Join us for daily online chats! One of our features will be “If death is not the end” on February 28 at 12:15 pm EST. Please join us to discuss the important topic of life & death!

Being an Olympian comes with a lot of pressure.  “If you know that people love you for who you are not what you do you can deal with the pressure,” Kelly said.  You watch the video to learn more about how she handles life at the top of her game:

Do you ever feel that the people around you only see what you do and not who you really are? If so, you’re not alone.   In his book, Soul Cravings, author Erwin McManus talks at length about our soul craving for intimacy. “All of us have this craving to belong, to connect.” In part one of his discussion of the craving for intimacy, Erwin McManus talks about love, the most dangerous human condition.  You can watch Erwin’s talk on intimacy.

Do you ever feel overlooked? If you’d like to talk to someone, we have email mentors available 24/7.  You can use this form to contact one today.

She says, “Putting everything into sport means you can’t do everything else.” Watch the video:

It may be on a different scale, but are all constantly choosing.  Some of our choices are active, others are passive.  As much as we might not like to admit it, not taking action, not choosing is a choice in itself.

If you’re looking for a new way to manage your time and choices, try our life lesson Manage Your Time Wisely.  You will be matched with an online mentor who will respond to your answers to the lesson and offer next steps and resources.

Do you find it easy to be disciplined? What has helped you reach your goals?