This post originally appeared in Jonathan McKee’s blog on www.TheSource4Parents.com  

“If no one watches, they don’t have a game!” –Gale

It’s a little ironic that some parents are objecting to the violent premise of The Hunger Games. “It’s kids killing other kids!” In actuality, The Hunger Games compels the audience to value life, mourn death, and literally gasp at violence.

It’s sad that The Hunger Games is being compared to Twilight and other teenage fodder, because truly…there’s no comparison. The Hunger Games has proven to be so much more. The film, based on Suzanne Collins’ best selling book, was powerful and thought provoking, an amazing social commentary about our society’s growing callousness toward violence.

If you caught my blog a few days ago, I shared four important questions I encouraged parents to ask about films to help them teach their kids discernment:

1. Is this story glorifying violence or inappropriate sexual situations?
2. Is this story making “bad” look “good” or enticing?
3. Does this story irresponsibly display imitatable attitudes and behaviors that our kids will absorb and eventually emulate?
4. Does this story needlessly sell out to showing “eye candy” like nudity or gratuitous violence?

Now that I have seen The Hunger Games, I not only vehemently express my approval for the film, I can also attest that it didn’t include any of those four inappropriate or irresponsible elements.

The film was superior on so many levels, but I think one element that resonated with me the most was the glaring contrast between the impoverished districts struggling day to day for a meager existence, fighting for mere scraps of food, while the haughty Capital City lived pampered, overindulgent lives. The Capital City’s condescending attitude was disheartening, but their callous disregard for human life is what took the cake. A gladiatoresque reality show featuring kids killing kids was pure entertainment to these monsters.

At this point I almost expect someone to scroll down to my comment section and suggest, “Aren’t we similar monsters if we watch the movie?”

Before you do, allow me a moment to propose two responses to this accusation:

First, are we never to tell any tales of such monsters?
Is it improper to tell a story about good and evil? Should we steer our kids clear of any of these cold realities about human nature?

The Bible is full of horrific stories of rampant sin and its consequence: Cain and Able (kids killing kids), Sodom and Gomorrah, Lot and his daughters (Eeew!). Fairy tales have long told anecdotes about evil villains luring kids into ovens, deceiving young girls to eat poison apples, and even wolves disguised as Grandma enticing cute little granddaughters close enough to eat. C.S. Lewis told marvelous stories about kids traveling to an imaginary land where they fought bloody battles against an entire army and an evil witch. Several of these films have made it to the big screen.

Someone call Westboro Baptist. We should protest all of these stories!

Perhaps we should stop over-reacting, and instead, begin interacting with our kids about good vs. evil, even using some of these amazing pieces of literature as a discussion springboard.

Second, The Hunger Games film responsibly made good look good, and evil look evil.
Sadly, today’s media often makes bad look good. Not the case with The Hunger Games. This 2-hour-and-22 minute film will not only keep you on the edge of your seat, it paints a stark contrast between good and evil. It won’t take audiences long to recognize the many appearances of evil: hypocrisy, injustice, exploitation, complete disregard for human life…and plain ol’ murder.

Then there’s Katniss.

I’m not really giving away much of a spoiler when I tell you that Katniss, our heroine, begins the film by selflessly sacrificing herself, instead of a loved one, to take part in the heinous fight to the death known as the Hunger Games. Katniss demonstrates honor, mercy and self sacrifice throughout the film. Some might be bothered that she isn’t a pacifist—she does defend herself and others. But Katniss is a true hero, something we don’t always see or read about in stories today.

Social Commentary… without Selling Out
Let’s be real. The filmmakers had a tough job. How do you provide social commentary about a society entertained by “gladiators” … without becoming the very society you depict? I was impressed, if not amazed with director Gary Ross’ finished product. Ross artistically transformed the novel’s first person perspective so that audiences connected with Katniss, quickly empathizing with her, carrying her burdens…feeling her pain.

There’s a moment in the film where two lives are taken in one moment…and something happened in my theatre that I haven’t heard in years. The theatre literally gasped. Sadly, today’s movies are so chock-full of senseless violence, I’ve often heard laughter or cheers when someone is killed onscreen.

Not in The Hunger Games.

Ross created a mood that recognized the horror of killing. In The Hunger Games death is mourned. Noble heroes wept in this film. Many in the audience cried as well. I cried twice…but I cry easy.

In a way it reminds me of what Clint Eastwood did with his powerful film, Unforgiven. How often do films portray the mental anguish that one experiences after killing someone? In Unforgiven, we repeatedly see people experience the guilt and complete change of heart that occurs when they take someone else’s life. This is contrasted to a few characters who are numb to the effects of pulling the trigger.

Hunger Games paints a similar distinction. Killing isn’t to be taken lightly. Ethical lines are drawn in the sand.

Too intense for most kids under 13

And for the icing on the cake, Ross magically refrains from showing gratuitous violence. Don’t get me wrong. This film is probably too intense for most kids under 13. At times we see glimpses of the horror taking place, but Ross shows incredible discernment, making sure that his film doesn’t become a spectacle like the games themselves.

In short, The Hunger Games was heart wrenching, powerful and thought-provoking. I’ll be seeing it with my girls (14 and 16) this week with no hesitation. Will it make it to my Blu Ray shelf? The odds are highly in favor.

Jonathan McKee, president of The Source for Youth Ministry, is the author of numerous books including the new Candid Confessions of an Imperfect Parent, and youth ministry books like Ministry By Teenagers, Connect: Real Relationships in a World of Isolation, and the award winning book Do They Run When They See You Coming? Jonathan speaks and trains at conferences, churches and events across North America, all while providing free resources for youth workers and parents on his websites, TheSource4YM.com and TheSource4Parents.com. You can follow Jonathan on his blog, getting a regular dose of youth culture and parenting help. Jonathan and his wife Lori, and their three teenagers Alec, Alyssa and Ashley live in California.

Through the curtains my husband handed me a towel.  As I wrapped the fresh white towel around my shivering shoulders, deep warmth wrapped itself all around my thawing frame.  My husband had warmed the towel in the dryer!  I cannot describe how magical it felt.

The warmth of the towel seeped into my skin as my husband’s thoughtfulness saturated my soul.  I felt loved.  What a gift! It was a simple act of kindness that warmed my body and heart.

Now… before you start thinking that this kind of romance naturally occurs within the Born household, can I set the record straight?  This wasn’t my hubby’s own idea.  Nope.  He didn’t come up with this on his own. He got it from a book.  But… who cares? As I enshrouded my body with that warm towel, I didn’t give a hoot where the idea came from.  I was relishing in his implementation of the idea. That was the gift.

Have you got a Christmas gift for your spouse yet?  According to the guy on the radio, if you don’t have your gifts by now… it’s too late.  But I don’t believe him.  Come on, they’ve been playing Christmas music for months already.  The pressure tactics of consumerism are little over the top.

For Christmas this year, my husband and I are giving each other the gift of attending a marriage conference together.  Now, marriage conferences aren’t cheap, so we’ll be saving up for it. But I’m thinking it’ll be more like an investment. One of the greatest gifts you can give your spouse is the desire to learn new ways of saying “I love you” – whether the ideas come from a book, a marriage seminar or from your own creativity.  No matter what stage a marriage is at (and we’ve been through ebbs and flows of our own) there is always hope for a deeper and more meaningful relationship.

So with the warm towel in mind, think about giving a gift that will change your relationship.  Find out new ways to say I love you.  Pick up a marriage book.  Plan to attend a marriage seminar.  Go for coffee with a friend and share some ideas.  Choosing to learn new ways to love your spouse is a life-changing gift. Now that’s a real gift.

Take the next step:

Find a marriage conference near you: US schedule Canadian schedule
Do you have questions about marriage? Come talk to a mentor

Originally posted on dorisdoumaborn.wordpress.com . Used with permission.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

The In Flanders Fields poem was written by Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae on May 3 1915. He wrote it after witnessing the death of his friend on the battlefield the day before. It is a solemn reminder of the atrocities of war and an admonishment to steadfastly remain vigilant even when faced with terrifying adversity.

On this day we honor those who bravely fought for freedom and justice, and many of whom bravely gave their lives for the noble cause. It goes by different names in different places, including Remembrance Day, Veteran’s Day, Poppy Day, and Armistice Day, but the sentiment is the same: Not to glorify the tragedy of war, but to commemorate the valor of those who fought to defend their country.

Brigadier General (ret.) Robinson Risner, a veteran pilot who fought in World War 2, the Korean War and the Vietnam War, is one of those brave military soldiers who we should remember today. Despite being shot down twice over enemy territory, and being captured and tortured, each time it happened he wasted no time taking to the skies again, ready to serve his country. Read his story: Enduring Torture in a POW Camp

Please feel free to share your own stories of remembrance or commemoration in the comments below. If you feel the need to speak with someone in private, our online mentors are always available to listen.

Are you in the middle of a moving your family

Until he was 6, we had never celebrated my son’s birthday in the same place twice.  From France we moved to Orlando, then British Columbia, and finally to northwest Washington where we live currently. Did I just say “currently”? It’s exhausting just reading through that list.

While there is something exciting about moving, it is always a lot of work.  Moving has forced me to forgo a lot of sentimentality as I purge, and I’ve found that it gets harder as I get older.  Our kids, their schooling and their activities helped us to integrate more easily into our small town.  Now our son has left for college and our daughter is more and more independent. After a certain age, most people have an extended family and an established circle of long-time friends. It is hard to break in.

Feeling rootless

We never imagined our life this way, but it somehow just happened.  I certainly didn’t grow up like this.  My parents married and after a short time away from home, they eventually settled in the southeastern town where they had grown up. They were born and died in that area, as were their parents before them.  My husband’s parents still live in the flat in Chicago where he spent most of his growing up years.

We have always been gypsies, far from any immediate or extended family, and sometimes we feel rootless. At the same time, I would say our lives are in many ways richer for all the people we have encountered, and all the experiences we have accumulated along the way. But there are definitely times when I think how nice it would be to have family close by.

While I always managed to bumble my way through many of these moves, just like in any new venture, good advice can go long way toward making this phase less traumatic.  Gina Roberts-Grey offers some great tips from her experience in helping families make that difficult transition go from trauma to adventure.

• Kids need information too. As much as you can show them where they will go to school, where they will play soccer. Help them to imagine what it will be like.
• Host a party.  Invite the neighborhood kids over to your place to make it easier for kids to meet everyone.
• Explore together.  When you get to your new home, go on an adventure to discover your new favorite places together.

You can read the rest of her article, “The Secrets to Successful Relocating” for more great moving tips.

Moving is always a hassle, but if you’re able to see the possibilities it can be an adventure too.   If you are in the midst of a move and need someone to talk to, our mentors are always available.

Take the next step:

How to have a kid-friendly move
Get to know the neighborhood by volunteering
Has the move stressed you out? Can we pray for you today? 

Courageous is a movie about five police men living with exciting careers and challenges at home.  One of them is moved to improve as a father.  His co-workers are inspired to do the same, and they resolve to be better dads.  But it doesn’t end there.  Life happens, and they have to make decisions – will they be the men of integrity as they promised when it’s hard, really hard?

This movie is exciting, funny, and action filled.  The police scenes will leave you at the edge of your seat.  You’ll roar with laughter and be moved to tears.  The movie portrays all sorts of fathers – fathers who favor one child over another, fathers of teenage daughters with boyfriends, divorced fathers and fathers who want to be better.

The press release for Courageous describes why a movie like this is so important:

Today, fatherlessness in Canada is widespread and its effects are far reaching. Studies show that fatherless children are at a dramatically greater risk of drug and alcohol abuse, mental illness, suicide, poor educational performance, teen pregnancy and criminality. Even in homes where the father is present, he may be struggling with career, life’s purpose or marital issues. Dads are often busy and disconnected. The movie Courageous invites men to make a profound change for the sake of their families, collectively altering the future of our nation as men put into practice what fatherhood should be.

This movie is a must-see for families. In a culture that is becoming more and more desensitized to violence, Courageous adds some sensitivity back.  Take your spouse, buddy, co-worker, brother-in-law, and vow to make a difference in the lives of children around you.  Dare to be courageous – it’s not too late.

Courageous opens in select theatres September 30^th.

Resources available

Resources have been created for small group studies and individual resolutions for men as well as women.  Churches are encouraged to hold small groups and continue the process of fathers building stronger families.  You can find these resources and more at http://courageouscanada.ca/resources

Are you a Dad wanting to make a difference in your child’s life? Get more tips:

Creative Parenting
When Parents Break Your Heart
Could you forgive your daughter?
Courageous

Ever have those kind of fantasies? We all do. The problem comes when they don’t stop when you make your marriage vows begin.

I know many married women who would never dream of cheating on their husbands, but at the same time they have a “crush” on some big star–either a sports figure or a celebrity. They have pictures of that man all over their FB page. They have mugs of him. They make constant references to him.

Recently I received this email from a woman exasperated with her friends. She writes:

Can you please tell married women to stop falling all over themselves praising other men? I’m sick of seeing married women talk about how “hunky” some hockey star is, or how “hot” some star is, especially when their husbands are sitting right there.

We’ve told men that we women don’t like it when they talk about how hot other women are, but we turn around and do the same thing! It has to stop.

I completely agree. I think something has happened to our society in the name of “sexual liberation”. In the 1970s, when feminism really got revved up, one of the things that the movement tried to do was to end the idea that women and men were somehow different. And so they started praising women for acting all sex-crazed, just like men. And it became a sign of women’s empowerment to say that a guy was “hot”, or to openly talk to other women about how cute someone was. While men weren’t allowed to do it, women were encouraged to do so.

Women now internalized that, so that we think it’s fun and harmless to idolize hockey players or football players or actors. But it isn’t! Even if your husband says it doesn’t bother him, it’s still wrong. The only one you should have eyes for is your husband.

We women often hear messages against romance novels, because these will wreck your marriage. In addition, I ask married women to, please stop posting about famous men on Facebook.   And to stop buying jerseys of a particular player? And don’t tell your children that you like him, either! Instead, tell your children how much you love and adore their father.

You should be your husband’s biggest fan, not the fan of someone else. It isn’t harmless, even if you’re never going to meet the person in real life. It makes your mind go in the wrong direction, and it tells your husband and your kids that you’re not truly committed to loving only him.

Quite often making small changes in the long run make a BIG difference.

Let us know what you think.

This blog was originally posted on tolovehonorandvacuum.blogspot.com . Used with permission.

Want more romance in your life? 

Romance for Dummies
Want Relationship Intimacy?

Are you one of the 7 million? I was.

As families break up, teens suffer rejection and loneliness. Rejection causes us to replay negative experiences in our minds. Each time we hit rewind and replay the situation our depression deepens. It’s a vicious cycle and a spiritual battle. You and I need God to break any mindset that keeps us trapped in a negative place. But how?

During the time when I was healing from my parents divorce, a minister came up to me and said, “God tells me you are replaying the pain. Stop rehearsing it. Instead fill your heart and mind with what God’s Word says about you.” I knew he was right, so I did as he said. And that was the beginning of a greater liberty in my life. From that day forward, I made a conscious effort to let go of my bitterness.

Finding your place

There is a place of belonging for you beginning today and that place is close to the heart of God. You can experience healing. You can leave the pain of your past behind. You can move into the future, whole and complete in Christ. God did it for me, and He will do it for you.

Maybe your parents divorced, your dad or mom left, one of your parents passed away, or a brother or sister betrayed you. Maybe you have a parent who is serving in the military and you miss them. Perhaps your family is struggling with unemployment; your parent is laid off and out of work. Your parents’ home may have been foreclosed and you wonder when the fighting over money will end. Whatever the root of your rejection has been, you must hold onto hope. You can throw off bitterness and experience healing in your soul.

Habakkuk 3:16-19 shows us that God works in the bad times in our lives. The hard experiences we endure really do make us stronger. Romans 8:28 goes on to say that “in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (NIV)

Restoration is a process. Psalm 30:5 declares, “Weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” No matter how cutting the pain of darkness is, the light of day always breaks through it.

God goes before you and He is greater than your circumstances. He sees your past, present, and future. He gets you. He stands with arms open. His love can heal your deepest sorrow. He can lift the bitterness you feel and bring liberty that will cause your heart to sing again.

I understand people you love have hurt you. Just remember, you are not rejected and you are not alone. You have a place of shelter, a Heavenly Father, a Christian family, and an eternal home.

Six Rejection Breaking Keys that Show How You B-E-L-O-N-G

B – Begin Starting anything new can be hard. In fact, there’s not much good we can do in our own ability without the Lord. That’s why God wants to be your strength as you begin embracing Him (Psalm 46:1 and II Corinthians 12:9-10).

E – Embracing Here’s where you act upon your faith. To embrace is to accept and welcome God in your life (Acts 16:31 and Romans 5:1). You might ask, “But, how do I embrace God?” Well, you talk to Him just like you talk to your best friend. (At the end of this post, there’s an opportunity for you to experience God’s love through the power of prayer.)

L – Love’s I John 4:16 tells us that “God is love”. Is it possible for people like you and me to know Love’s open arms? You bet it is. Never forget, you are God’s favorite one.

O – Open arms Jesus died on the cross, but He also rose from the grave. We aren’t embracing a dead or made-up deity. Our God is alive. The Holy Spirit enables us to feel His presence and sense His open arms. When we call on the Lord Jesus, He hears us every time (Isaiah 58:9).

N – Never-ending

Isaiah 9:6-7 reassures us that God is forever. He isn’t going to walk out on us. Isaiah says, “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, and Prince of Peace. Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end” (NIV, emphasis added). Did you get that last part? The kingdom of God is never-ending (Psalm 16:8).

G – Grace Favor surrounds you when the God of love is with you. John 1:17 reminds us, “the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ” (NIV). God will transform your life with His grace. He is the lifter of your head. No more rejection, only acceptance in Him.

A Prayer

God can heal your broken heart. Are you ready to pray?

Lord, who is more powerful than you? Who is more able to restore than you? Not anyone! I empty my heart of the rejection I have experienced and I ask you for peace. Will you revive me again? Will you take away the pain?

I believe you will! I will not hang my head low in defeat; I choose in this holy moment to hold onto hope. I lift my head high, knowing that you have created me to be an individual, as unique as the snowflakes outside. Help me to forgive my family. I release my resentment. Bring purity to my life, restore the trust. Heal the brokenness and cause my heart to sing with new joy! Thank you for being my Heavenly Father and for welcoming me into your family and home. I am neither rejected, nor alone because I BELONG to you. I ask all these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.

God hears and answers, so expect His breakthrough in your life. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (NIV). God is going to do something mighty for you.

Has divorce touched your family? Read our resources to find hope:

Helping children cope with separation and divorce
Entering marriage as a child of divorce
Stopping the cycle of divorce

April 12th, 2009 forced a change in my life.

Change comes suddenly and without warning, often in ways we are not prepared for. A loss of a relationship, job loss, bad news, unwanted circumstances are all outside of our control. The change forces new challenges and opportunities to navigate the road ahead and forge on to allow God to lead us to new destinations.

If you are facing change in your life there are a few keys in making change your friend rather than foe:

1. Allow yourself time to heal emotionally, physically and spiritually from the shock of the unexpected. Making decisions to soon or for the wrong reasons can complicate your situation. The Holy Spirit can heal the brokenness and emptiness and bring wisdom in making decisions about your future.
2. Surround yourself with wise friends who will guide you and provide Godly wisdom. Be open and honest even transparent in the feelings you are experiencing.
3. Accept the fact change is a part of life and understand your setbacks can be followed by comebacks.
4. Know your steps are ordered by God and He has a plan and purpose for your future.
5. Understand that disappointments have meaning. If you separate the word dis from appointment it means cut off or separated from your appointment. Stalling in the land of disappointment will keep you from reaching the great and exciting destination God still has for your life.
6. Postpone major decisions but when you are ready aggressively take action to move ahead. Don’t allow  doubt or fear  to camp in your thinking.
7. Believe that nothing happens that God is not fully aware of and has provision to bring you into a new level of faith and wisdom.

Got change? Whatever change you are facing today God is still in control. The clouds will roll back and the sun will shine again. Change when accepted constructively will become deposits and investments that will become more valuable over time.

Take the Next Step
Coping with Change
Finding Peace in Troubled Times

I remember the day it happened, wondering if the world would ever be the same again.  Ten years later we know that no, it won’t be.  We all remember where we were that morning.  Sujo John was in the north tower, his wife was due at work in the south tower.  Ten years later the memories of that day are still just as clear.  This is his story.

Take the next step:

10 Years later, I’m still waiting for “normal”
Life lessons from 9/11
I lived, now what? Lorraine learns to live with her miracle
Where is God when the world falls apart? Take a lesson.
Are you struggling with loss? We are here to talk to you today.